MOTW #14 - Hilltop

[BodyScape02]

OK... tough questions....

What would it take to turn you into a cheater ? ( trick question)

Do you think married and cheating is /or/should be part of the swing community?

What wouldn’t you do? ( ie… within the lifestyle, what are the areas/ practices you will not participate in)?

How do you define “the lifestyle”?

How would you describe this lifestyle to someone "outside" of it?

What do you think is the general public’s biggest assumption about us? Is it a valid assumption?

What words of warning do you have for those contemplating this lifestyle ( if any)?

What words of encouragement would you have ( if any)?

How do you as a single man... weed out... the list of potential playmates (i.e. do you have "test" questions to determine if someone is married and cheating... honest about std's.. what constitutes “chemistry” for you….etc)?

Would someone having Herpes be a deal breaker (and NO before all of you assume... I do not have herpes)?

How ( if at all) would you like to see things change ( in your life, within the lifestyle..)?

Enlighten those of us who are couples…

How should we approach a single man?

What could we be doing better ?

How can we help the single men we play with …be comfortable enough with us to avoid, "embarrassed member syndrome", and play hard all night?

Is having a 4 hr. viagra hard on really a liability in this lifestyle? ( trick question again) Well from your point of view would it be a liability or an asset?

Is there a nicer way to say- No thank you- than... *Thank you for your interst ...but .. No thank you ...we do not feel we are compatable/ a good match ?*

Why do you think so many single males find the above *....*offensive or a point of/for argument and pleading?

With respect

~Cat of Bodyscape02

[hilltop]

Bodyscape -

OK... tough questions....
The best kind. . . Sorry guys, this will be a long one

1. What would it take to turn you into a cheater? ( trick question)

Your trust is the most intimate gift you can give to another person.
To betray that would tear my soul apart. I could never do it.

2. Do you think married and cheating is /or/should be part of the swing community?

It's part of the swinging community because there are people who do it.
In a perfect world cheaters and predators should be the last people in the swinging community.

3. What wouldn’t you do? ( ie… within the lifestyle, what are the areas/ practices you will not participate in)?

I'm open to trying most things if the chemistry/comfort level is there.
I shy away from the usual eee-yews . . . pain, watersports, scat etc.

My most powerful inhibition is being a submissive. I have a terrifying phobia of being restrained. I trace it back directly to when I was a kid.
I was the youngest and smallest of my brothers and cousins. They bound me up with ropes and then held me over one of those really big ant nests and threatened to drop me in it. Needless to say . . . I came unglued!!!
Ever since . . . restraints? (insert creeped out shivers here). Funny, I like ants tho. Gotta lot a respect for the job they do.

4. How do you define “the lifestyle”?
I mis-use that term on a regular basis because I substitute it for "swinging community".

To me lifestyle (of any sort) is just that. It's an out front set of fundamental values that patterns your day-to-day walk through life. There are some who approach swinging that way and its prominence in their lives brings a larger awareness of that lifestyle to those who don't participate in it.

I think of myself as a member of the swinging community but not really the lifestyle.

5. How would you describe this lifestyle to someone "outside" of it?

My approach to that has been honesty about my take on accepted sexual morals. I try and describe to them a scenario where you can have trust and
commitment in a relationship and still be able to share yourself and your partner in a physical capacity with others.

Sex is the most restricted and suppressed segment of our society. That suppression is fundamental to maintaining control over a mass of individuals. The taboos regarding it are some of the most difficult to break free from. It's one of the most damaging things we've done to ourselves as a species.

6. What do you think is the general public’s biggest assumption about us? Is it a valid assumption?

In the negative: We're deviants. Not part of the norm and therefore completely without morals regarding the accepted definition of what makes a healthy relationship. If we participate in something like swinging then we're flawed in some way.

In the positive: They're titillated and interested or just simply don't care.

Is it valid? Who knows. Like any other community based on a narrow spectrum of behavior there will be members of it who confirm the lowest expectations of those don't understand/condemn it and others who will surprise them with how "normal" they are.

As with all things it comes down to how willing people are to being open to anything other than their own ideas.

7. What words of warning do you have for those contemplating this lifestyle (if any)?

COMMUNICATE . . .COMMUNICATE . . . COMMUNICATE!!
Act responsibly. To yourself and to others. Don't let just the sexual part lead the way. You are entering a world where you CAN do harm if you're not careful. Be honest with yourself if this type of activity isn't for you.

8. What words of encouragement would you have (if any)?

It’s wonderful to let go of society's conventions and you're poised to meet some wonderful people. Enjoy it and give yourself the freedom to explore!

9. How do you as a single man... weed out... the list of potential playmates (i.e. do you have "test" questions to determine if someone is married and cheating... honest about std's. what constitutes “chemistry” for you…. etc)?

Mostly I just go from instinct. As a single male you're lucky if you get one response of any sort from a hundred inquiries and when you do they often disappear in mid conversation. So I take everything I read in an email or hear over the phone with a grain of salt. It comes down to the meeting and how we fit.

No test questions regarding fidelity. I won't be involved with anyone where I haven't met with both of them and get a read on how they feel about it.

STD's. We're all in that boat together. It doesn't matter if they have that clean bill of health waving in their hand. It only takes one minute for it to be invalidated. It comes down to that ol' trust and taking the best precautions you can.

Chemistry . . . it's one of the best parts of this whole thing for me, as good as any sex. You know it when it's there. Everything just fits and everyone feels that connection personally and physically. Sometimes it takes a while to build and that's another difficult part about being a single male. You usually won't get more than one chance to connect and if it doesn't hit on the first try it's over.

10. Would someone having Herpes be a deal breaker (and NO before all of you assume... I do not have herpes)?

No it wouldn't. I was in a LTR with a woman who had herpes. She was VERY up-front about it and we took all of the precautions we could. She was worth every bit of that effort! I have myself tested on a regular basis when I'm sexually active and we were successful in not transmitting the virus to me.

11.How (if at all) would you like to see things change (in your life, within the lifestyle.)?

I've got the life so many people dream about. Everything I have I own outright and I have no debt. I'm in a beautiful part of the country where I was raised, surrounded by family and true friends and growing in a craft and profession I adore. Like anyone else I'd like to find that person who shares my values and would want to share their life with me but if you pursue that too hard you end up chasing rainbows. So it will just have to "happen". I'm OK with that.

Within the "lifestyle": That EVERYONE would get on the bandwagon. Let go of some of the inhibitions and be willing to communicate on that physical level. I think that the world would be a little mellower if we could all relax about getting our "bell rung"

12. Enlighten those of us who are couples… How should be approach a single man… what could we be doing better… How can we make the single me we play with … comfortable enough to go all night…Is there a nicer way to say- No thank you-

It's pretty simple really. Just treat them with the same respect you'd want for yourself. I know that there is SO MUCH bad behavior out there on the part of single males but if you do come in contact with individuals who seem sincere take the time to let them know you noticed. Don't initiate a connection and then just disappear. Let them know that something has changed and you need to move on. I think what happens is that a lot of good singles just give up because they can never break through. That leaves you with the "horndogs" and brutes that think that if they say the same crude thing over and over that they'll eventually get lucky.

I would like to take my moment in the spotlight and mention the only harsh thing I have to say in this interview:

If you're a male (single or married) who has spent more than 2 minutes in the lifestyle and still think swinging is about some guy giving you a chance to "bang the shit outta the ol' lady". GET A CLUE and find a place to buy yourself some maturity because you certainly aren't earning it on your own!

How to approach them? Be sure of what it is you're looking for and communicate it honestly. It's all you can do. I know that you'll be inundated with those who "don't get it". That's the burden couples have to bear to find a good one. Quality single men have to bear the burden of being rejected/ignored 99.9 % of the time. It's not easy for any of us.

Unfortunately it's SO difficult to be more than just another "pecker pole" in the forest of "dick pics" out there that sometimes when a reasonable single male does get a connection and it doesn't work out they will desperately try to hang on and convince you to think otherwise. It's too bad because it just reinforces a couple’s reluctance to seek out a single guy.

I can only speak for myself when it comes to what can be done to keep me going all night. At my age I can only go for so long without a break. Let the evening stretch into all night with a rhythm. Make the in-between times just as fun as the play. The single guy has to bear his share of the responsibility for that as well. He has to relax and let things happen as they will and participate in the pace the couple has set.

Saying no thank you: Just that. Try and do it gently. If need be it's the one time where a "white lie" may be in order to spare someone's feelings.

[hilltop]

Hey all. . . .

This thread will close soon and I wanted to take this opportunity to say THANK YOU for all of the wonderful questions and the chance to answer them.

Thanks also for enduring my longwinded answers to even the simple questions It's just my nature!

Take care and may you be blessed in all you choose to do!!!

[jennandjamesinm]

Originally Posted by jennandjamesinm

Come on y'all - its Hilltop's last day in the spotlight!!!! As him what burning questions that you have on your mind before its too late!!!


and a couple of more from me

What advice would you give newbies?
Who's posts do you find yourself looking for when you look at the board?
3 members that you would like to see in the spotlight?

It's been great getting to know you better this week!!!

Jenn

Aren't you going to answer mine LOL.......It was buried under Bodyscape's GREAT posts!!!

Jenn

[hilltop]

jennand james -

You guys have done a great job managing these interviews!
THANKS SO MUCH!!

What advice would you give newbies?
Check out my post above regarding what I'd say to people thinking about swinging.

Who's posts do you find yourself looking for when you look at the board?
No particular order:

Likeminds
VegasLee
Bodyscape02
JnCC
Spoomonkey (Mr and Mrs)
nrthindycple
I could go on because there are so many great perspectives here!


3 members that you would like to see in the spotlight?

I don't know that there are 3 specific ones. Perhaps someone who isn't a frequent poster so we can get them to expand on who they are (kinda like you did to me ).

[BradAndJanet]

I have only one question:

Is being so smooth with the ladies something you were born with, or did you have to learn it?

-B

[hilltop]

Brad,



I have to say that's the first time I've been called that!

What I've said in the interview REALLY is just me. But if that has struck a good chord with the women on the board, I have to credit my mom.

She was a remarkable woman, She raised me inside of your typical dysfunctional 50's blue collar family. You know, factory worker dad who had a problem with the sauce . . . absent in place (but REALLY redeemed himself in the later years). She pretty much raised my brothers and I by herself. She wasn't perfect by any measure but she done good!

Her influence on me has been profound! She was so consistent
with her standards towards having respect for other people and completely intolerant of rude behavior. If we gave sass to an adult back then . . .
GRAB YOUR ASS AND RUN!!!

Mostly though she taught me to take interest in everything I possibly could.
Not to let a day go by that isn't seen with some level of child like wonder
and NEVER take anything for granted.

I'm still trying to live up to her teachings. Some days I get it. Other's . . .
well, there's always tomorrow

[starlinn]

And to top it all off....he loves his mother!!!
Thank you for such a great interview hilltop!!
~starlinn
(Going to take a cold shower)

[hilltop]

Thanks Starlinn!

It was a pleasure being in the "hotseat"!

Hey - Grab your hubby and take a HOT shower