Interview #18 - Elusive BiFem

[JustAskJulie]

About the interviews

Swingers Board interviews are a way for us to get to know each other better. It is a way to acknowledge just how wonderfully varied a community we are.
Every Thursday, a new interview will start and the old interview will be locked.

Every SwingersBoard member is allowed to ask the amount of questions specified by the interviewee in the answers to the default questions. If they discover that they chose too high or low a limit, they may change their choice.

Try to keep this thread about the person being interviewed. If you want to comment about things you discover you have in common or just elaborate on a response, pm them and make a new friend or start a new thread about it. This is intended to be a friendly thread, so please don’t ask anything in a purposeful attempt to get a heated debate. Of course, nobody is required to answer a question that they do not want to.

The current person being interviewed will choose the next person. They need to first pm him or her and ask if he or she is interested, then pm me to let me know. It is preferred that you pick someone that you do not know very well as the purpose of this thread is to get to know new people. If for some reason, the next interviewee has not been chosen in time for the new interview, I will pick the next person. If you would like to be added to my list of back-up interviewees, please pm me.

Also, please keep in mind that any answers you post are viewable to complete strangers. There is some risk in that. Again, all questions are optional.

The following are general questions asked at the start of each new interview.

Question limit:
Gender (if not a couple):
If a couple, which one primarily posts:
Age(s):
Birthday(s):
Location:
Relationship status:
Swinging for how long?:
Prefer to swing with:
Favorite food(s):
Biggest Pet Peeve:
Brief Intro:
Picture:
Website (your own or one of your favorites):

[Elusive BiFem]

Well, I hope what I just did doesn't indicate how the rest of this is going to go. I answered all these questions, but accidentally hit something that took my answers completely away. So, once again...

Question limit: One. OK. That's it! OK...no limit, but I may lag behind due to schedule. Have patience with me.
Gender (if not a couple) If someone can't figure this out from the name, they don't need to be here.
If a couple, which one primarily posts: N/A
Age(s): I refuse to answer on the grounds of old age. I forgot. But...I will qualify for the discount at IHOP in just a few days if that tells you anything. And yes, all you people under 45, one day you will wake up old - even though it's hard to believe.
Birthday(s): September 25 - A Libra baby. Balance. All things have to have balance for the Libras.
Location: The Great State of Texas!
Relationship status: Single
Swinging for how long?: Hmmm...I never really know how to answer this. Should I count the "accidental" experience many years ago before I even knew it had a name? If yes, then longer than some of you are old.
Prefer to swing with: Couples
Favorite food(s): Most anything in the 4 major food groups with the exception of green leafy things and as long as someone else cooks it for me. In a restaurant? Tex-Mex followed by steak. Left to my own devices...chips with butter, popcorn, crackers and cheese. And milk. I love milk.
Biggest Pet Peeve: It changes on a daily basis - sometimes hourly.
Brief Intro: This is an unfair question. I don't know how to be brief. If I have to be brief, I'm not answering! Anyway, with over 3,000 posts to my credit, I think most people here kind of have an idea of who I am...the good, the bad, and the indifferent.
Picture: Nope, never, won't do. Ya'll know my stance on discretion and pictures. Anyway...nothing special to look at.
Website (your own or one of your favorites): This is about the only website I visit with any regularity other than some professional/work related sites.

That's it. I did figure out what I did in the beginning. I reinstalled my wireless keyboard and mouse yesterday. On the side of the mouse is this button that you can click with your thumb that takes you back a page. I keep accidentallly hitting that button. - EBF

[JustAskJulie]

You told us you were 25 a few weeks ago..... was that not correct? :P

Tell us about that first experience way back when before you knew there was a name for the mischief you were up to.

[Vespertine]

I love to read your posts. You have great insight and give wonderful advice!

Have you ever been married?

If yes- Did you swing as a married couple?

Do you ever want to marry again?

How long have you been swinging as a single?

How long have you been exploring your "Bi" side?

Do all your Ex's live in Texas?
(I'm sorry- I couldn't resist! )

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

You told us you were 25 a few weeks ago..... was that not correct? :P

Well, 25 is correct although I usually tell people I'm almost 55 just so WR doesn't feel so old. I mean, you know...what are good friends for, anyway?

Tell us about that first experience way back when before you knew there was a name for the mischief you were up to.

My gosh! That was so long ago it's hard to remember...1982 I think (making me what? about 3?) Anyway...really super-duper good friends. Hung out together all the time. And I might add, this was back in my wild partying days, too. Back when I drank 2-3 beers at a time. WOW! We had gone to this restaurant that we called the Mafia restaurant for Italian food. We thought it was run by the Mafia, tho' I don't know why we thought that. Made for a good story, tho'. Drank a bottle of wine with dinner, home to watch Saturday Night Live...We were all 3 sitting on the couch due to the placement of the TV. They started messing around as they sometimes would, but this time it went...shall we say a bit futher than normal? It was definitely difficult to concentrate and pretend interest in SNL with THAT going on next to me. One thing led to the other and with the combo of the wine (and as I recall, we smoked a little grass, too!), the next thing I knew we were all on the floor doing nasty, evil things to each other.

Now it's important to keep in mind that I was really naive back in those days and talk about being shocked at myself! Man alive...it took me years to get over thinking I was one major weirdo. I honest to goodness thought we were the only 3 people on earth that had ever done such things. - EBF

[Elusive BiFem]

[quote=Vespertine]I love to read your posts. You have great insight and give wonderful advice![quote]
Thank you!

Have you ever been married?

Yes, I was married for a very short time. My husband died at a very early age from a heart attack.

If yes- Did you swing as a married couple?

No, the thought never entered my mind. I didn't even know such things existed.

Do you ever want to marry again?

For many years, I would have said no to this. I was entirely involved in my career and my own life. In the last few years, tho', I have somewhat changed my mind and think it would be nice to have a loving relationship. But truthfully,I doubt that I ever will remarry.

How long have you been swinging as a single?

Well, as noted in Julie's question, my first "accidental" experience was in 1982, although I didn't know it was swinging. Then, after that, I thought about it until....ummmm....about 2000. Can't accuse me of rash decisions!

How long have you been exploring your "Bi" side?

That would have to be since 2000 I guess. However, I enjoyed the 1982 thing, much to my dismay at the time, so in a way, I guess you could say I was "bi-curious" for a really long time?

Do all your Ex's live in Texas?
(I'm sorry- I couldn't resist! )

Well, I guess I don't have any real ex's unless you want to consider a couple of fellows I've really been in love with. One resides in Texas and the other in another state.

- EBF

[JustAskJulie]

Why do you think that single females are so rare in this lifestyle?

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Why do you think that single females are so rare in this lifestyle?

Several reasons...first and foremost because we have been taught from an early age that you "save yourself" for marriage, and failing that, at least "true love." As a result, friendly sex for the sake of friendly sex can cause us to have bad feelings about ourselves even tho' most of us are out there doing it anyway. Also, I think that is the reason so many females "fall in love" so easily. Subconsciously justifying the sex act. Or something like that. I think it's easier for the "younger" generation" than for those of us "over a certain age...."

Then the other main thing is that most females do want to get married. Swinging relationships aren't the way to find a spouse.

Followed by...like me, I would be there are bunches of females out there that have no idea this type of lifestyle even exist and their initial reactions would be those of shock. Much like I was the first time - thinking I had to be the weirdest person on earth.

And finally, many of us absolutely refuse to be treated as objects and unfortunately, that is the way many couples perceive singles, although males more than females. Nothing more than an object for their pleasure. They fail to understand that they (meaning couples) have each other to go home to and with, whereas the single goes home alone. While they have each other to reassure that all is well and "man! wasn't that fun?" the single is left with doubts about how she might be thought of, etc.

OK...another thing...not finally...back to the marriage thing. The single...if she later decides to marry, how does she explain to her husband to be that she used to participate in the lifesyle? For a man, it wouldn't really make that much difference. Unfortunately, most "vanilla" men would take a dim view of such activities.

And then we have the always present safety factor.

Man! This is fun! I get to expound on all kinds of things. - EBF

[biblonde]

You seem to have a little attitude (like me so it is a good thing) ...but does it ever get you into trouble? truthfully i dont see it at attitude i see it as confidence but ya know...

[Buck]

[quote=Elusive BiFem]Several reasons...first and foremost because we have been taught from an early age that you "save yourself" for marriage, and failing that, at least "true love." As a result, friendly sex for the sake of friendly sex can cause us to have bad feelings about ourselves even tho' most of us are out there doing it anyway. Also, I think that is the reason so many females "fall in love" so easily. Subconsciously justifying the sex act. Or something like that. I think it's easier for the "younger" generation" than for those of us "over a certain age...."]


First, I've been waiting for you to be interviewed, friend, because it seems most persons on this board highly value your insights and opinions. The passage I quoted above is an example of that insight so I have a question for you: How do you encourage a partner to try "friendly sex" when you're relatively sure she is near the crossing over point? (notice the word encourage, not push)

Secondly, I wonder if Julie has considered having you as the "Dear Abby" type-columnist for this board? Have you discussed it with her? Probably not, but you should. Your advice is usually "right on."

Thirdly, tell us about the two furry loves of your life. I know you like to talk about those pups.

[good times]

I can hardly believe you once considered yourself naive.

OK, so much for the lame puns, on to the serious questions.

Briefly (just kidding), What was your most embarassing experiance?

What has been your best experiance swinging?

How do you most often meet couples?

what is your favorite brand of chips?

In your opinion, is milk better plain or with chocolate?

Even though some of my questions are lame, I have been looking forward to your turn in the spotlight, as I have allways enjoyed your posts.

[biblonde]

If you meet a genie and she could grant you 3 wishes what would they be?? and why??

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by biblonde

You seem to have a little attitude (like me so it is a good thing) ...but does it ever get you into trouble? truthfully i dont see it at attitude i see it as confidence but ya know...

I'm afraid most that know me well would probably say that I can have a "lot of attitude" in certain situations. As for getting me in trouble? Yeah. It does, sometimes. In day to day dealings, I'm generally the type to say what's on my mind and if it's important to me, I'll argue my point to the living end - generally armed with my "research." At times, it has served me well. One of the things I've had to learn and have to try to remember is to "choose my battles wisely." But also, those that know me well will also tell you that if something isn't important to me, I can walk away with an "oh, well - whatever" type of attitude.

The flip side of the coin, tho', is that I just simply love to debate an issue. That's part of the reason WR and I are such good friends. We debate anything and everything just for the heck of it - sometimes taking the opposite sides just for fun. - EBF

PS: I'd like to know what you see as "attitude" - it would be interesting to know. You know, we never have a "mirror image" of ourselves.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by Buck

First, I've been waiting for you to be interviewed, friend, because it seems most persons on this board highly value your insights and opinions. The passage I quoted above is an example of that insight so I have a question for you: How do you encourage a partner to try "friendly sex" when you're relatively sure she is near the crossing over point? (notice the word encourage, not push)

Secondly, I wonder if Julie has considered having you as the "Dear Abby" type-columnist for this board? Have you discussed it with her? Probably not, but you should. Your advice is usually "right on."

Thirdly, tell us about the two furry loves of your life. I know you like to talk about those pups.

Hello Buck! Amazingly, I was really thinking about you today. I have a favor to ask you, but I'll do that in PM. On to the question...and I think I know you well enough to know you would never push. Friendly sex for a woman can be difficult, I know. And it still is for me at times. Not being half of a couple, it's kind of difficult for me to relate, but I'd venture to say that one of the things you would need to do would be to introduce her to people in the lifestyle so that she comes to understand they are just normal people - the kind that you work and socialize with. That's one of the great things about the Meet Ups...people get to know each other as real people. The other thing...emotions. Men have difficulty (in general) conveying the type of emotional feelings that most women can so easily convey. But that, IMO, would be so important - to let her know that the touching and feeling part of the sex act feels good and is exciting and stimulating - much like riding a roller coaster. The excitement and stimulation is great, but you don't want to ride a roller coaster as your main form of transportation. You want to get off and plant your feet on level ground. Make any sense at all?

Dear Abby? Nope. I don't think Julie would go for that.

And my little heathens...yes, I do love those two dogs. Anyone that knows me knows you can do or say just about anything, but don't mess with my dogs. You'll really feel my wrath then! But in all honesty, they are just two lazy and good for nothin' mutts. Getting old like me...slowing down. They just turned 10 last month. They love all people, and hate all other animals - including butterflies. Their highlight of the day is to go out and get in a fight with other dogs. But, when the chips are down - as they were with the coyotes, they are behind my skirts in a flash. Big yellow chickens. - EBF

[biblonde]

PS: I'd like to know what you see as "attitude" - it would be interesting to know. You know, we never have a "mirror image" of ourselves.

lol well I really dont see it as attitude..I'm just told I have one. I see it as being sure of yourself and like you I love a good debate, argument or whatever ya wanna call it. And I do tend to speak my mind (even when I should just shut up) Hubby always says I will get his butt kicked one of these days. So I think attitude is walking into a room and taking control over it but not in the way of "I am the queen!!" but because you dont back down and arent afraid to say what you feel.