Interview #18 - Elusive BiFem

[wrnakedru]

Sidebar, if you please:

QUOTE: "Well, WR says I'm STILL naive, but she tells me lies about myself!"

My dear friend EBF insists [still] that she is tall and the fact is, she is not only not tall she is rather short. She is a convenient height in that it allows me to rest my elbow on top of her head when we are both standing and talking to another person. Nevertheless, that is not tall. She tries to sell it and state that she is 5'2" which most would admit is short. The fact is, she is not really even 5'2" but enough less that it would be fair to say she is 5'1" and a smidge. I am a smidge less than 5'8"[or a smidge over 5'7" depending on how big your smidge might be!]
I do find it naive for her to think we are the same height, especially when my elbow is on her head.

QUOTE: "Well, the odds of me walking in the woods are rather slim considering I'm afraid of bugs and the idea of one getting on me is about more than I can handle. But, if for some strange reason I decided to walk in the woods, it would be a vividly bright sun- shiny day without a cloud in the sky. (In hopes that I could see all bugs and take appropriate offensive actions. Shoot. I spent an hour in here yesterday trying to murder a fly.)"

She'd take a walk in the woods only if I were carrying her on my shoulders the whole way and then she'd be complaining that the tree branches were hitting her in the face. And then she'd be yelling at me that she was getting too close to the ground, seemingly not noticing I'd be on my knees from carrying her. And she'd be explaining that the bugs could crawl UP me to her if I didn't stand back up. Surrender

That fly she 'murdered' yesterday mysteriously came back to life today and she went on safari for him while on the phone with me. If she ever moves out of her home, it will cost her to have all the howitzer holes repaired where she was hunting bugs.

AND she doesn't understand why she and the dogs are sick occasionally - it's the durned bug spray in that place. Good golly, we have walked through the door after being somewhere and I swear, she can spot a gnat on a wall at a thousand paces - and the hunt is on!

Just thought I ought to clarify a few of the "finer points" of the total truth of matters.

WR

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by DandS

You spent time in Ohio....Cool!!

Trust me...it was cool and especially for someone that doesn't like "cool." I never got warm!

So glad you are being interviewed, I always enjoy your posts and now I'm going to have to put my thinking cap on to come up with some good questions for you

Thank you! But please...be gentle.

What is your favorite color?

I like the jewel tones in everything. The burgundys, greens, blues...deep colors. I really don't like pastels at all.

If you could buy any kind of car what would you get?

Red, sporty, fast, and a 5-speed. WOW! Just think what I could do in that kind of car...considering I got a ticket in my red, sporty, slow and 5-speed - 93 in a 55 zone.

If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world where would you go and why?

Easy. I went to Greece a few years ago and came back with a very fine appreciation for the USA. There are any number of places I would love to visit right here. I figured then...any future vacations would be spent on sights right here. New York tops my list of places to visit, and many others after that. The lights, stage plays, the people, museums...

What is your fondest childhood memory?

By far, my best memories involve my grandfather. He was an alcoholic, but one of the better sorts. He taught me to drive when I was in the 3rd grade and I used to drive him all over the country. He'd sit up in the front seat with his gin and tonic, and I'd drive - assisted by several pillows. He was one of the best!

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

Hmmm...you know, you change one thing in a system and all parts of that system are affected. But...if I absolutely had to change something I suppose it would be my occasional stubborness. That's not to say I'm stubborn on a day-to-day basis, but there are occasions where I become hell-bent. One of my favorite sayings - used only a few times in my life, but when I get to the point of saying it, I definitely mean it..."I'll stand in front of a speeding locomotive before I (fill in the blank). But fortunately, I've never had to stand in front of the locomotive.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10?

Realistically speaking? About where I am now. I'll probably be living in a different place. I feel reasonably certain I won't still be posting on this board ( ), but I'll find a home for seniors and drive them bonkers. I would love to retire in 10 years down in Mexico, but doubt I'll be able to afford that. In fact, I'll probably work until I drop over but that's not too bad since I enjoy working.

Do you have children?

Just the two mentioned previously. They just turned 10. As for the other kind...nope. I missed out on the maternal gene. Never did experience that biological clock thing. I like kids and get along with them just great. In fact, my friend of many years with kids used to say I got along with them because I am one. Whatever.

Describe the perfect date.

Swing or vanilla? Actually, the same answer applies to both. A person or people that I like, enjoy being around, enjoy being around me, things in common to talk about and share, laughter, (eating a steak - had to slip that in), conversation, compatability, physical attraction. All those sorts of things.

Ginger or Mary Ann?

True confession time. I had no clue...Ring, ring, ring...WR, what does this mean. Oh, yeah...Gilligan's Island. Which would I be? The Professor. OK. That's what I'll put down. Why? Because he was always researching things. Oh, OK. Bye.

M&Ms Plain or Peanut?

Some days I feel like a nut, and some days I don't.

What is your favorite adult beverage?

I really drink very rarely - 2-3 times a year maybe. Absolutely no alcohol tolerance. But when I do, just an ice cold beer or cheap red wine.

Favorite TV Show?

I watch very little TV (no, I don't even have cable!). On Sunday nights, I enjoy the British Comedy Series on the public television channel. Also, in the winter with short days, I'll watch some of the news shows like 20/20 or 60 minutes. Most nights I go to sleep with the TV on, but for the most part, it is my sleeping pill.

- EBF

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by stoutgatte

Hey EBF, as almost everyone here I also find your posts always well thought out and right on the money.

My question, since your replies are always that good, how long do you spend on a reply? Do you write responses off the cuff or do you research them before giving an answer... And do you just write it out and post, or read through it a couple of times?

Oh yeah, by the way you were going on I thought you were 80... 55 isn't old by most people's standards... I've been flirting with a 59 year old lady for some time now, sadly, she don't have a partner to share, and we only play with couples at the moment...

Looking forward to many more of your brilliant posts... And Julie, maybe that ask EBF section isn't such a bad idea...

Thank you, stoutgatte. You and I seem to agree on a lot of things. Have you noticed? But we'll probably do battle one day on some fine point.

My responses depend. Research them? No, not at all unless it is something very factual - ususally dealing with medical type questions, and then I want to be very certain I am right in what I am posting. There was an occasion several months back where I "researched" something...it involved calls to the Department of Defense, several military installations, every website known to the military, my Senator... By the time I was through, I think I knew as much about troop placement in the Gulf as the Pentagon! But I never posted that. Overkill. Most of my posts are off the cuff types of things. Sometimes WR and I discuss things before either of us post, but we frequently have varying opinions about things so what you see from each of us is what you get. The vast majority of my responses are typed out and posted. Simple as that. No, I don't spend a great deal of time on most responses. Just whatever pops into my head. I probably should read through after I post - I'd find many more typos. As it is, I usually spot them as it is posting.
Now, as far as research goes...I do a huge amount of work related research and that is fun. I enjoy it and wish I had more to do.

Old age is in the eye of the person facing it. Sometimes I'm totally shocked when I realize how old I am, but most days I don't think about it. One day about 4 years ago, I was driving down the highway and flipped down the visor mirror. Just as I did, I caught a glimpse of somebody's neck in the mirror. Honest to goodness - no exaggeration - scared the crap out of me! I swung around to see who in the hell was in my backseat - truly, truly expecting to see someone. One of those "weak in the knees" moments. You can imagine my dismay when I realized it was MY neck. Somebody had put wrinkles there when I wasn't looking!

- EBF

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

Sidebar, if you please:

QUOTE: "Well, WR says I'm STILL naive, but she tells me lies about myself!"

My dear friend EBF insists [still] that she is tall and the fact is, she is not only not tall she is rather short. WR

All of that stuff WR said about me is true except this part about being not tall. She just doesn't recognize tall when she sees it. Everyone that meets me thinks I'm tall because I think I am. I feel tall.

- EBF

[stoutgatte]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

Thank you, stoutgatte. You and I seem to agree on a lot of things. Have you noticed? But we'll probably do battle one day on some fine point.

She agrees with my opinions!!! I am flattered, thank you... And yeah, we'll find that fine point... There are no tigers in africa!!!

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

One day about 4 years ago, I was driving down the highway and flipped down the visor mirror. Just as I did, I caught a glimpse of somebody's neck in the mirror. Honest to goodness - no exaggeration - scared the crap out of me! I swung around to see who in the hell was in my backseat - truly, truly expecting to see someone. One of those "weak in the knees" moments. You can imagine my dismay when I realized it was MY neck. Somebody had put wrinkles there when I wasn't looking!

I can just imagine you doing that!!!! I have not been around here long, but this fits in with the picture I carry around in my mind SO well...

Btw, 5'2" IS short...

[good times]

Hi EBF,

I won't say 5'2" is really really short but you could sure have a great conversation with my belly button.

Ok this is for questions, not short jokes, so here is my question.

I just noticed that when you answered my first batch of questions, you seem to have omitted answering the one that asked you to recall your most embarrassing moment. Did you make this omission on purpose or was it just an oversight?

If you wish to avoid the original question, please feel free.

[TNT]

EBF...I just love you to death...I always thought I was naive but with some of the questions you have asked, you make me feel like the most worldly person in the world

BTW....5'2" is NOT SHORT...you are TALL ...I just wish I could have reached 5'2" .

Ok...questions...

Just how did you and WR meet?

What part of Florida did you live in ?

What's your favorite type of flower?

Silk, satin or cotton sheets?

Since you work at home, what is your normal work attire?

What do you wear when you go out on the town? And I don't mean your "butch" outfit , do you wear slacks or dresses?

Teresa


Side note: Ted said to stop working so much and start living more and that he dug vertically challenged women.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by TNT

EBF...I just love you to death...I always thought I was naive but with some of the questions you have asked, you make me feel like the most worldly person in the world

Yeah...I can ask some doozies. And as a result, I thought I'd take this opportunity to explain why I ask so many questions - not why I'm sometimes naive, tho'. A long, but very unfortunately, true story.

As many know, I'm a RN. Well, many years ago, believe it or not, I was as shy as a newborn kitten. Scared of my own shadow. Seriously... tho' few believe it now. Anyway, I started nursing school and in Nursing 101, the instructor started talking about a Foley. Now I didn't know what a Foley was, but instead of just asking right then, I thought I'd wait and look it up later. (I was too shy to ask.) Later, at home, I got out my brand new Tabers Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary. Foley wasn't in there. Went to my text books. Couldn't find Foley. Searched high and low. Could never find Foley. Time goes by. I still don't know what Foley means and it seems everyday in class, they would talk about Foley. Everyone seemed to know but me. After a while had passed, I was just flat too embarrassed to ask. However, with me, if I don't "get" part A, there is no moving on to part B. Therefore, I literally lost a bunch of information that was provided because I was so panic stricken because I didn't know what Foley was. How could I ever be a nurse without knowing what this thing was that they kept talking about! Honestly, I almost dropped out of nursing school because of that. Weeks and weeks go by...finally after I had searched everything I knew to search - spending hours in the library trying to find out what a Foley was, I raised my hand and with a really scarlet face, asked. The Professor looked at me with the most incredulous look on her face, the class busted out laughing. I was humiliated. I literally had tears in my eyes. I was trying to explain I had looked everywhere I knew to look but couldn't find the definition of Foley. And remember, I was shy back then. Painfully shy. Finally, the Prof gathered her wits and explained to me that Foley was a brand name (Like Heinz) but everyone just referred to a Foley when speaking of a urinary catheter. Well hell! I KNEW what a urinary catheter was. And to think I had spent hours upon hours upon hours focused on trying to find out what Foley meant - panic stricken because I didn't know.

With that experience, I learned. If I don't know something, I simply ask upfront. After that, there were a few professors who, I'm certain, wished I had never learned that lesson...including my physiology professor when I refused to turn in my final exam because I didn't understand the way a question was worded, and since I knew damned good and well that I knew all the answers to all the questions he could possibly ask, we were just going to sit there all night until he asked the question in words I could understand. We stayed until after 7 PM when he finally said UNCLE!
- EBF

[wrnakedru]

"Short" sidebar Regarding the following:

Quote:
"If you could buy any kind of car what would you get?"

"Red, sporty, fast, and a 5-speed. WOW! Just think what I could do in that kind of car...considering I got a ticket in my red, sporty, slow and 5-speed - 93 in a 55 zone."

Another small example of just how naive EBF can be .... she actually went to court in an attempt to fight this ticket, feeling that there were mitigating circumstances and surely a judge would want to know them.

She wore her best professional-appearing business suit, carried a briefcase, whipped out a manilla folder containing her version of the mitigating circumstances and proceeded to entertain [NOT her intent] the courtroom with her story. The judge's head was very much tilting to one side in disbelief as EBF completed her her tale of the event.

There was a stunned silence in the courtroom, and then the judge banged his gavel and said he was ready to rule. He told EBF he was going to give her an adjudicated sentence, shaking his head from side to side as he spoke. [I don't think he was really too sure of what he had just heard, but sure didn't want to get her started again!]

EBF bowed her head for a moment, then lifted it and said "With all due respect, your honor, I would really prefer to take defensive driving."

The judge just looked at her. And then again stated his decision for an adjudicated sentence. Pronouncing each word carefully and distinctly, never taking his eyes off of her.

EBF cleared her throat, and asked "Does that mean you won't let me take defensive driving, sir?"

The judge then appealed to the bailiff, requesting the bailiff take our little EBF out in the hall and "explain things" to her. Surrender

I really don't think she needs a faster car, do you?

WR

[TNT]

I would say more but the tears are running down my face and I just can't see to type

Teresa

[wrnakedru]

Originally Posted by TNT

What do you wear when you go out on the town? And I don't mean your "butch" outfit , do you wear slacks or dresses? Teresa

WHAT? She goes out on the town?? Who told you that ??

WR

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by TNT

Just how did you and WR meet?


Teresa


Side note: Ted said to stop working so much and start living more and that he dug vertically challenged women.

Now for the rest of this....

Gosh! I thought everyone knew how we met. Last summer at the Meet Up here in Dallas with Mr. and Mrs. Fun Pair, imsnoman and his wife...and I think that's all that attended. We became fast friends. She wasn't working, I was bogged to the max, she offered her administrative skills to me, came over (wearing that blasted Swingers Board t-shirt in the middle of the day - I nearly stroked)...and worked her fanny off helping me. Day by day we became closer friends. We get on each others nerves at times, but we are such good friends we just simply say so and pick up where we left off the next day. I got in trouble today for yelling at her, tho'. I wasn't yelling AT her as much as I was yelling ABOUT her. But I was still in trouble.

What part of Florida did you live in ?

I was little-bitty, but we lived at Eglin AFB. However, later as a teen, I spent many, many hours on the beaches of PC and Pensacola. Some of the most beautiful beaches in the world.

What's your favorite type of flower?

I like all sorts of flowers, but if I have a bouquet, my very favorite is a mixture of different types in very bright colors.

Silk, satin or cotton sheets?

Cotton. I used to have some satin sheets, but they were dangerous. When I wore a silky nightie, I'd slide right out of that bed. Silk? I'll probably never know since I'll probably never be able to afford any.

Since you work at home, what is your normal work attire?

Some of the tackiest, scrungiest, ugliest things you can possibly imagine. As in...when it comes time to walk the dogs in the evening, I have to either wait until after dark or change clothes. Really tacky.

What do you wear when you go out on the town? And I don't mean your "butch" outfit , do you wear slacks or dresses?

Unfortunately, I don't get to go out on the town too often anymore, but when I used to do that with some frequency, I much preferred dresses. In fact, I wear dresses most often for work-type things. I look "butchy" enough on a daily basis.

Side note: Ted said to stop working so much and start living more and that he dug vertically challenged women.

I wish I could! I keep trying to get Ross Perot to divorce that really nice woman he's married to and marry me, but he doesn't seem to be getting my phone messages.

And yes...I knew I was tall! Now we just have to convince WR!
- EBF

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru
The judge then appealed to the bailiff, requesting the bailiff take our little EBF out in the hall and [U

"explain things"[/u] to her. Surrender

I really don't think she needs a faster car, do you?

WR

Well, I didn't know what those words meant - that adjudicated stuff. How was I to know? But it was good. And...in my manila folder, just FYI, I had evidence. My photographs of the mitigating circumstances. The truth was...the 70 MPH speed limit signs had been covered up due to road construction and there were temporary signs on sawhorses sitting way far off on the side of the road with signs that said 55 MPH. But, it was about 4 AM - dark. And I couldn't see those signs way over there. So, when the Judge asked me how I was pleading, I told the judge I was pleading guilty from 70 to 93, but not guilty from the 55 to 70 part because those signs were covered up and I didn't think it was fair. Made sense to me. That judge insisted I had to say either guilty or not guilty. I refused to say I was guilty because I was not guilty of the entire thing - just part. He finally gave up and that's when he started throwing around those big words. And asked me to leave. Whatever. - EBF

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by good times

Hi EBF,

I won't say 5'2" is really really short but you could sure have a great conversation with my belly button.

Ok this is for questions, not short jokes, so here is my question.

I just noticed that when you answered my first batch of questions, you seem to have omitted answering the one that asked you to recall your most embarrassing moment. Did you make this omission on purpose or was it just an oversight?

If you wish to avoid the original question, please feel free.

Oversight! Oversight!

Are we talking most embarrassing swinging experience? If so, I honestly can't recall anything particularly embarrassing. Now, WR reminded me of the time I was with my "friends" on a little excursion to the deep, dark forest...as I was getting into the back of the vehicle, I sensed something on my leg. With my aversion to bugs, I swung before looking, crashing my hand into the window roller-upper thing - managing to dislocate my index finger - requiring a trip to the ER and the wearing of a splint for quite some time. When all was done and said, it was just a little grand daddy longleg. Poor guy. But really, I wasn't too embarrassed because I didn't want to go to the woods in the first place. They never asked me to go again, either.

As far as general life embarrassing experiences...I have several almost every day. I can stand in one spot and embarrass myself. I'm clumsy...I can fall over most anything. I get myself stuck in trees and the fire department has to come get me out. I get my fingers stuck in the handles of coffee cups in restaurants. I somehow managed to caulk my feet to the floor and couldn't move and had to scream out the window for someone to come rescue me. Let's see....the time the neighbor wouldn't water his yard and it looked awful...so my neighbor friend and I would wait until he went to work everyday and go turn on his sprinklers and water all day long. He bragged the entire month about how good his yard looked "without watering. HO-HO-HO. Until he got his huge bill and called the water company. They checked his meter - it was fine. We got caught. But our neighborhood looked nice. For a while. The night years ago...when I called the cops because there was a roach in my apartment. Oh, yeah...I'm sure I was the talk of the Atlanta police department for a long time.

I'm nothing more than a catastrophe waiting to happen most of the time. - EBF

[stoutgatte]

Ok, what is the one attribute you find most attractive in a partner?

How did your phobia of bugs start? Do you have a similar fear of other small animals (rodents, snakes, etc)?