Be honest - if you have a bi male, you aren't a straight couple! - Page 2

omneesx · 02-10-2004, 10:54 PM

In a perfect world, we would all feel free to be ourselves all the time with everybody without threat of reprisal. We really do believe in being true to ourselves in whatever we are doing. The problem is that we don't live in a perfect world, and reality sometimes forces us to make some adjustments in how we present ourselves. People can be very mean-spirited at times, and swingers are no exception. When we first entered this lifestyle, we naively expected to encounter others who were mostly open-minded and more enlightened than your average citizen.

Unfortunately, this was not the case, and the stigma against male bisexuality (or homosexuality for that matter) is a good illustration of this. It has always bothered us that supposedly "open" people can be so put off by the mere idea of two guys together. If it's not what you're into, that's fine, and we do think that the questions should be asked and answered before an actual meeting if it's something that is really important to you. But we feel that it's totally understandable that someone may not feel comfortable mentioning that detail right up front in a profile for everyone to see. It's only natural for people to open up only after they've begun to feel comfortable with someone. We've just come to accept that there will be some very pertinent details that aren't included in people's profiles.

So, in a way, it's pretty much a moot point whether someone "should" tell you about their bisexuality up front. The state of things right now virtually ensures that a lot of people aren't going to, so you're likely to run into this again more than once in the future. So it would be to your benefit to come up with a way to react to it that doesn't completely stress you out every time it comes up. We all have to basically accept the fact that this is the way it is. Good luck!

A&L

yawanna · 02-11-2004, 12:56 AM

Quote:

This thread has reminded me why we don't run ads for playmates.

Absolutely Alura. My goodness.. a couple placed an ad expressing an openness to male bi activity and wham... someone gets their girdle in a knot over it.

Quote:

It is not a crime to be bisexual ....so why hide the fact ,

it also seems that by virtue of their placing such an ad, with identifying photos..they weren't 'hiding' their interest in exploring a new avenue.

...just one person's opinion.

heandshecpl · 02-11-2004, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by yawanna
a couple placed an ad expressing an openness to male bi activity

No Yawanna if you read the post correctly, its about this couple lieing to couples saying they are straight, yet post ads looking for bi-men, but continue to tell their small community that the male 1/2 is str8, duh

SKPLD · 02-11-2004, 01:20 AM

Hello I am very new to posting but I have read the board for over a year. This topic is great and brings up alot of great points. However it seems to me you all need to read more carefully. DesireCpl did not say they were bashing these people for an ad they posted, they were disgusted with the lack of honesty that this particular couple seems to have. These people should not be in the lifestyle if they are lying about sexuality. Our lifestyle is about freedom and openess to express yourself in any non-judgemental way. The couple in question sound ashamed of the male's bisexuality and that is a problem. Someone mentioned oh it's a discretion issue not when their are other lives involved. Sex partners are intimate and you want to know all about them. The good point was made it's the same as marital status which is very true. Some people will play with cheating spouses and others will not. Just like some couple's don't care if the male is bi and others do. I am a bifemale and straight couples have approached me , mainly so the female can watch me with her partner but I am totally honest with them and say I am bisexual and I would rather be with you both , that is honest and is what swinging is all about. Some of you on the board just do not get this post at all , no one was flaming bimales or insulting bi curious males. The post seems to me about honesty , truth and openess. Being bi is a normal practice in this lifestyle , dishonesty should never be. Why do people have to label everything in life ? Instead just enjoy it. To answer the main thread , I total agree with you and I say that couple should not be in the lifestyle and lying to others or at least not being honest about their sexuality is not right in my books.

yawanna · 02-11-2004, 01:24 AM

As many here have stated.......people post ads stating their interests, desires, options, etc. Swinging is about variety and exploration.

I would think that a couple posting an ad stating that bi males are welcome to respond doesn't necessarily constitute homosexuality or bi sexualness on his part. Perhaps, as others have mentioned, he is fulfilling a fantasy of hers.

It's up to the people involved and what transpires amongst them.

It isn't a 'deal breaker' from what I've read of the 'complaint' of this particular ad.

I personally take more excpetion of someone claiming to be a couple when they aren't.

As wrnakedru mentioned..... we all want to meet on level ground.

SKPLD · 02-11-2004, 01:28 AM

How can someone be a couple if they really aren't yawanna , you mean a single male posing as a couple? Please clarify that comment.

yawanna · 02-11-2004, 01:31 AM

Quote:

it also seems that by virtue of their placing such an ad, with identifying photos..they weren't 'hiding' their interest in exploring a new avenue.

Were this couple 'discovered' to be deceiving people? Or was an ad placed, with photos and an email address etc. all upfront, the impetous for someone else's ire. It doesn't read to me like they were running around swinger world faking a bi man.

It sounds all above board to me.

They swing..in all areas.. potentially. It's variety.

Unless they did something horrific like out someone or be the cause of a marital break up... so what?? what's the harm. None. They were upfront with photos of themselves and the level of acceptable sexual activity.

THAT is swinging

heandshecpl · 02-11-2004, 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by yawanna
..... we all want to meet on level ground.

Yes and level ground is being upfront and honest

, and I think that in this case or our case, if your bi sexual be upfront about it, don't spring it on a couple, as an after thought, thinking they will have no problem with it or continue to tell others within the local community that they are both str8, when thats not being honest.

yawanna · 02-11-2004, 01:33 AM

Quote:

How can someone be a couple if they really aren't yawanna , you mean a single male posing as a couple? Please clarify that comment.

This can take various forms... on again/off again romantic entanglements... and men or women who bring a 'date' yet say they are a couple.

If meeting with 'real' couples is important.. look for wedding or engagement rings and ask questions about their homelife.

yawanna · 02-11-2004, 01:38 AM

Quote:

don't spring it on a couple, as an after thought

We didnt' get that from the original post.. the original post was about an ad.

Definitely if the male sprang 'hi I'm bi!!' to an otherwise uniformed couple..most definitely that's a concern.

I also read that this male in the ad stated is not bi..but bi-friendly and that was the reason an ad was posted. To explore that.

Quite different from a blatant lie as in saying you are a couple when you are not.

SKPLD · 02-11-2004, 01:39 AM

Ok yawanna but that is contradicting what the members of this posting board are saying , they are saying that it is in fact a case of discretion , so how could you ask about homelife if they won't even say that the hubby is bi ????

yawanna · 02-11-2004, 01:49 AM

This thread started by someone saying an ad was placed.. WITH identifying photos, stating they were open to bi sexuality among the men.

Acccording to the initial poster, this couple also presents themselves as str8.

It's an issue of intent and of participation. No where did we read that they were in this purely for men. BDSM, which is also NOT widely accepted... have to search their own areas, whilst being swingers in a bi female str8 male world.

The fact is.. I have been swinging for almost 6 years now and have been with many bi men. Who didn't present themselves as such. And I had no problem with that. Anyone who has attended a house party or an on premise club knows that in the heat of the moment..anything can and maybe will happen.

I didn't get from the original post that anything was being hidden by te ad in question. What I got was somone having a personal issue with an ad.. and bringing it to this board...which I believe is totally inappropriate.

It reads like a personal vendetta and that needs to be deal with offline.

heandshecpl · 02-11-2004, 01:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by yawanna

It reads like a personal vendetta

Sorry but never read that way to us, more like expressing themselves and concerns, from this less than upfront couple

PlayCplCanada · 02-11-2004, 02:04 AM

Hello all ,
In reading the board we thought we would share our personal story with you all. We are a bisexual couple and are always upfront with all people. We do not feel that we have to hide anything with our sexual preferences. To the couples that feel they have to hide it well it must feel aweful and to the couples that are honest and open all the power to you.
Happy Swinging !

yawanna · 02-11-2004, 02:08 AM

Thank you PlayCplCanada: I think this is a case in point that it's NOT safe to state your sexual proclivity in ads.. as anyone can take exception to it and post on message boards about their disdain with such.

Oy!

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02-11-2004, 01:49 AM	#27 (permalink)
yawanna Has Left the Building Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1,176 Location: Canada Status: married female	This thread started by someone saying an ad was placed.. WITH identifying photos, stating they were open to bi sexuality among the men. Acccording to the initial poster, this couple also presents themselves as str8. It's an issue of intent and of participation. No where did we read that they were in this purely for men. BDSM, which is also NOT widely accepted... have to search their own areas, whilst being swingers in a bi female str8 male world. The fact is.. I have been swinging for almost 6 years now and have been with many bi men. Who didn't present themselves as such. And I had no problem with that. Anyone who has attended a house party or an on premise club knows that in the heat of the moment..anything can and maybe will happen. I didn't get from the original post that anything was being hidden by te ad in question. What I got was somone having a personal issue with an ad.. and bringing it to this board...which I believe is totally inappropriate. It reads like a personal vendetta and that needs to be deal with offline.
	Last edited by yawanna; 02-11-2004 at 01:53 AM.

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02-10-2004, 10:54 PM	#16 (permalink)
omneesx Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 35 Location: Tampa, Fl Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:omneesx	In a perfect world, we would all feel free to be ourselves all the time with everybody without threat of reprisal. We really do believe in being true to ourselves in whatever we are doing. The problem is that we don't live in a perfect world, and reality sometimes forces us to make some adjustments in how we present ourselves. People can be very mean-spirited at times, and swingers are no exception. When we first entered this lifestyle, we naively expected to encounter others who were mostly open-minded and more enlightened than your average citizen. Unfortunately, this was not the case, and the stigma against male bisexuality (or homosexuality for that matter) is a good illustration of this. It has always bothered us that supposedly "open" people can be so put off by the mere idea of two guys together. If it's not what you're into, that's fine, and we do think that the questions should be asked and answered before an actual meeting if it's something that is really important to you. But we feel that it's totally understandable that someone may not feel comfortable mentioning that detail right up front in a profile for everyone to see. It's only natural for people to open up only after they've begun to feel comfortable with someone. We've just come to accept that there will be some very pertinent details that aren't included in people's profiles. So, in a way, it's pretty much a moot point whether someone "should" tell you about their bisexuality up front. The state of things right now virtually ensures that a lot of people aren't going to, so you're likely to run into this again more than once in the future. So it would be to your benefit to come up with a way to react to it that doesn't completely stress you out every time it comes up. We all have to basically accept the fact that this is the way it is. Good luck! A&L

02-11-2004, 01:20 AM	#19 (permalink)
SKPLD Has Left the Building Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 9 Location: Ca Status: Female	Hello I am very new to posting but I have read the board for over a year. This topic is great and brings up alot of great points. However it seems to me you all need to read more carefully. DesireCpl did not say they were bashing these people for an ad they posted, they were disgusted with the lack of honesty that this particular couple seems to have. These people should not be in the lifestyle if they are lying about sexuality. Our lifestyle is about freedom and openess to express yourself in any non-judgemental way. The couple in question sound ashamed of the male's bisexuality and that is a problem. Someone mentioned oh it's a discretion issue not when their are other lives involved. Sex partners are intimate and you want to know all about them. The good point was made it's the same as marital status which is very true. Some people will play with cheating spouses and others will not. Just like some couple's don't care if the male is bi and others do. I am a bifemale and straight couples have approached me , mainly so the female can watch me with her partner but I am totally honest with them and say I am bisexual and I would rather be with you both , that is honest and is what swinging is all about. Some of you on the board just do not get this post at all , no one was flaming bimales or insulting bi curious males. The post seems to me about honesty , truth and openess. Being bi is a normal practice in this lifestyle , dishonesty should never be. Why do people have to label everything in life ? Instead just enjoy it. To answer the main thread , I total agree with you and I say that couple should not be in the lifestyle and lying to others or at least not being honest about their sexuality is not right in my books.

02-11-2004, 01:24 AM	#20 (permalink)
yawanna Has Left the Building Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1,176 Location: Canada Status: married female	As many here have stated.......people post ads stating their interests, desires, options, etc. Swinging is about variety and exploration. I would think that a couple posting an ad stating that bi males are welcome to respond doesn't necessarily constitute homosexuality or bi sexualness on his part. Perhaps, as others have mentioned, he is fulfilling a fantasy of hers. It's up to the people involved and what transpires amongst them. It isn't a 'deal breaker' from what I've read of the 'complaint' of this particular ad. I personally take more excpetion of someone claiming to be a couple when they aren't. As wrnakedru mentioned..... we all want to meet on level ground.

02-11-2004, 01:28 AM	#21 (permalink)
SKPLD Has Left the Building Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 9 Location: Ca Status: Female	How can someone be a couple if they really aren't yawanna , you mean a single male posing as a couple? Please clarify that comment.

02-11-2004, 01:39 AM	#26 (permalink)
SKPLD Has Left the Building Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 9 Location: Ca Status: Female	Ok yawanna but that is contradicting what the members of this posting board are saying , they are saying that it is in fact a case of discretion , so how could you ask about homelife if they won't even say that the hubby is bi ????

02-11-2004, 02:04 AM	#29 (permalink)
PlayCplCanada Has Left the Building Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 15 Location: Windsor Status: Married Couple	Hello all , In reading the board we thought we would share our personal story with you all. We are a bisexual couple and are always upfront with all people. We do not feel that we have to hide anything with our sexual preferences. To the couples that feel they have to hide it well it must feel aweful and to the couples that are honest and open all the power to you. Happy Swinging !

02-11-2004, 02:08 AM	#30 (permalink)
yawanna Has Left the Building Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1,176 Location: Canada Status: married female	Thank you PlayCplCanada: I think this is a case in point that it's NOT safe to state your sexual proclivity in ads.. as anyone can take exception to it and post on message boards about their disdain with such. Oy!