Shunning of male bisexuality

[jcbicouple]

We just answered a thread that referred to swing clubs and how male bisexuality is shunned. Curious now, as to what the real reason for this is. Why is it acceptable for females to be bisexual but not males?
We already know that society doesn't accept it, but they don't accept "swinging" either, so that's not the answer we're looking for. If it was just society, then no one would be swinging at all. We know some people don't like the f/f stuff either, so why are people more adamate about the m/m, and accepting of the f/f even though, from reading this board, there are a lot of people that don't want to watch the females do their thing either.
*Putting neck on blade here* Gut feeling is that it's the fear of people at work or "buddies" finding out (suppose this is the same thing as "society"). We do understand that because we have careers that would not allow for this behavior (swinging)...but why is bisexuality scarier than getting caught swinging? At work, last week actually, one of the guys said something about a couple that "swings" and it got real ugly for a few minutes. The men in the room were very appauled.....so why is it different? Swinging, in general, is certainly not socially safer.

[couple2002]

I don't have any great advice for you unfortunately. Why 2 women is generally considered sexy and not 2 men together I don't understand. In my opinion if hubby was willing to be with another man I know I would absolutely enjoy watching him and be incredibly turned on. He knows how I feel about this, but he firmly reminds me that he won't swing that way; and I won't push the envelope on the issue. Oh well to each his own, but I do believe there's a very big double standard in the bi arena.

[Alura]

Wow! I have no experience in this so certainly can't offer y'all much wisdom. My guess would be that bi men aren't as welcome simply because there is much less interest in male bisexuality among swingers. Why this is, I haven't a clue, but one seldom sees an ad seeking bi men while it is quite common to see one searching for bi women.

It has been said on this board that many women get into swinging for the opportunity to play with other women. I think few men get into it for the opportunity to play with other men.

Consider soft-swinging in which the only intermarital sex is performed by the women. It's quite common. I've never heard of a couple interested in soft-swing in which only the men play outside the couples.

Mr. Alura

[b_and_sc]

I dont' get it either....in our relationship, she's a little curious, but he is bi...very difficult to find a bi male....

[RnLinohio]

In our relationship I am bi and he is straight, but at a local club we attend they say that no men are to be together there. I was confused by this and asked if men were not allowed to be together did that mean women were not allowed to be together. The owner told me no, women could be together but men having sex with each other was not swinging it was just gay. I never had the chance to ask her what she meant by that, and to this day it still confuses me.

[mrbandsatl]

Last time we checked, sex between two women was just as homosexual an activity as sex between two men. The double standards that exist in the world never cease to amaze us.

We are led to believe that those in this lifestyle set the bar for open-mindedness -- after 10 years, we say, "not so much."

B+S

[darling]

The local clubs we attend say that male on male sex is not allowed for several reasons. One is they think while watching two women is a turn on, many would find watching two men a turn off and they wouldn't want to attend a club that allows it. Then they state that they would be afraid the club would become a gay hangout and they would take over the club.

This is just what I've heard when the question is asked.

I personally think it's because of homophobia. Two women aren't thought to be homophobic.

[yawanna]

but men having sex with each other was not swinging it was just gay.

This is the thinking exactly. Women with women isn't lesbian though. Far be it for ME to create or perpetuate a 'double standard' yet I believe this is one applied to the men in these activities.

As has been mentioned in other posts and threads, male on male activity is far more prevalent than is spoken of... kindof an underground component to swinging.

It has to be underground for the protection of people's reputations.... we have seen a couple who stated once that bi males were acceptable to them, and then watched as swinger couples made comments such as the husband was only with her til he found his male soulmate. And this was on a bi positive (male and female) swinger site.

Swinging crosses a funny line in that sex is personal, intimate and private and what goes on behind closed doors stays there...yet.... we talk about it on sites such as this to better understand it.

And some sexuality (bi men) most don't seem to accept.

[Chicup]

I'm straight.

She is bi.

She thinks 2 men together is disgusting.

I think its pretty nasty too. This isn't being judgmental, I don't care what you do but I really don't want to see it. Its not homophobia, I am not afraid of gays or my sexuality, I just find male-male sex very unappealing. Sort of like watching the surgery channel before sex. Its not a good thing.

All of our swing partners to date have felt the same way (and no we didn't screen for it ahead of time).

I think you just have to accept that most people don't find two men together as an attractive thing, and they really don't want to see it. Now I know there are a lot of people who don't feel that way but it is apparently not enough of a % to sustain most swingers clubs.

You might feel this isn't fair, and its not, but its also not fair that I'm getting older, balding, and not nearly as attractive as I was 7 years ago. This is just something you have to accept and work around it.

Sex isn’t about fairness, but attraction. Its not fair that some men can walk into a bar and have women falling over them and others (like myself hehe) have to work for it. Its not fair that some women have a hard time keeping excess weight off, while others seem to do it effortlessly. Its also not fair that so many people don’t find two men involved in sex attractive, but that’s the way it is. If we went to a club where there was a lot of guy-guy sex going on, we would not feel comfortable and would not return. We wouldn’t ask the club to change, but would realize the club was not something we were interested in.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by jcbicouple
We just answered a thread that referred to swing clubs and how male bisexuality is shunned. Curious now, as to what the real reason for this is. Why is it acceptable for females to be bisexual but not males?
We already know that society doesn't accept it, but they don't accept "swinging" either, so that's not the answer we're looking for. If it was just society, then no one would be swinging at all. We know some people don't like the f/f stuff either, so why are people more adamate about the m/m, and accepting of the f/f even though, from reading this board, there are a lot of people that don't want to watch the females do their thing either.
*Putting neck on blade here* Gut feeling is that it's the fear of people at work or "buddies" finding out (suppose this is the same thing as "society"). We do understand that because we have careers that would not allow for this behavior (swinging)...but why is bisexuality scarier than getting caught swinging? At work, last week actually, one of the guys said something about a couple that "swings" and it got real ugly for a few minutes. The men in the room were very appauled.....so why is it different? Swinging, in general, is certainly not socially safer.

Your original question was why it is acceptable for females to be bisexual in clubs, but not males. I can't address that specifically as I have never been to a club. I suspect, tho', that it is exactly as you stated...society does not accept male bisexual behavior and therefore, since clubs are "society," they don't, either.

My theory is that female bisexuality is more readily accepted because of the differences in the way boys and girls are conditioned from the moment they can walk and talk. Little girls are actually encouraged to hug, kiss, cry...as we grow a bit older, we spend the night with each other, sleep in the same beds, share clothes...and throughout our lives, we continue to hug hello and hug good-bye. Think about it...most think nothing of it when they might see two women strolling through the mall with their arms linked...talking with each other. they might be mother-daughter, sister-sister, friend-friend. Few of us give it a moments thought other than to smile and think, "They look like they are enjoying each others company!" We share emotional things with each other that we don't, and sometimes can't, share with men. We cry because our friend is sad, we cry because our friend is happy. We cry at movies - happy or sad. Makes no difference. We discuss bra sizes...and fanny sizes. We shop for lingerie together. So many things...in other words, for all of our years, we form close physical and emotional bonds with other females. Later, some of us can participate in certain bisexual behaviors quite easily since it is really a short distance to travel.

Males, on the other hand, are not encouraged as little girls are. Big boys don't cry. Big boys don't hug, and they certainly don't kiss on the cheek! Little boys, when they spend the night, sleep in bunk beds, twin beds, or in sleeping bags on the floor. And they certainly don't walk arm and arm through the mall or shop for underwear together. Heaven forbid! Most men don't talk and discuss on anything more than a superficial basis, and they certainly don't sit around discussing feelings! That is all tied into their macho images...the images they have of themselves and others that began at birth...when Dad came home with the football crib toys. Strong, macho, tough, invinsible. An image that most feel compelled to live up to. And for men, it is a really long stretch to go from that type of image to one of shared sexuality, and in doing so, at best, they are often perceived by others, and themselves, too, as being weak. That is an image that most men want to avoid, and as a result, I believe many deny their own feelings.

Now back to clubs...if a "strong and macho" man goes into a club and witnesses two men involved in sexual behavior, it is an assault to his sense of himself as a man...or at least the sense of himself that he has formulated with great assistance from society. Unable to handle this assault, he walks out. Club owners are in the business to make money, and cater to the desires of the majority. Leading us back to the fact that so many men talk about what a great turn-on it is to watch two women - these same women that don't have to stretch far to display bi behavior. Women are the draw...and the dollars.

Actually, I have a few more thoughts on this, but it is late and I am really, really tired and not too good at thinking just now. But those are tonights thoughts. Make any sense at all?

- EBF

[EternallySingle]

I have several gay and lesbian friends and relatives who like to "shock" me by taking me to gay bars and tea houses. Usually I'm the only straight man at the tea houses, but I often see couples at gay bars looking for men who are bi to join them at home. Once I was approached and when I said I was straight they said it didn't matter because she really wanted two guys. Still didn't go, but thats another story.

[yawanna]

From a straight female point of view... I've often had a very difficult time fending off the gropey women. The few times that I've gotten up the chutzpah to say to the woman groping me "I'm not bi"... she's responded with "neither am I'



Most other times.... the women are very much into playing with another woman....when their male partners are there. Is this a form of foreplay? And if I enjoy watching men together, how come I don't get that option, too?

It has been assumed that as I am in a swinger club or event, I must be bi. I'm not. I don't MIND women or their sensuality...I just don't want to play with them near as much as I want the men Do the women 'pretend' for the foreplay benefit to their male partners? And are there some men that 'pretend' for the benefit of their female partners?

I would really like to know what this 'bi woman' draw is to swinging.

Real or manufactured or staged or...... ?

[yawanna]

I have several gay and lesbian friends and relatives who like to "shock" me by taking me to gay bars and tea houses.

I lived in our gay ghetto for a year or so.. what better place for a single hetero female to be? Cheaper rents...always a busy main street...I had a gaggle of gay friends to party with.... life was good

I took my husband there last summer.. he's never seen that lifestyle... we ended up (after the tour) at the larger, harder cruise bar. A few men followed me from the washroom and were chatting me up...as I got back to my husband,...they quickly forgot about me and were shoving me out of the way to say 'HI!!!!' to him. He was kind and friendly.. as is his way...and had NO idea what was really going on I clued him in after we left...alone.

It's a bar notorious for the straight married guys hanging around til their commuter train

[Kentucky]

I believe the media has greatly contributed to the standard that female bisexuality is acceptable but male bisexuality is not. Women have been bombarded over the years by TV ads and such that tell them what is considered sexy, and most of the time it has been the image of a woman. Considering that they have seen this since childhood, it is understandable why many more women than men go both ways. However, I think that this is beginning to change and that a generation from now, male bisexuality will be much more widely accepted. For the record, I'm a straight male.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
...Make any sense at all?

- EBF

Quite a bit, in fact. I think you've given the best answer I can remember.

It is sad to me that men are not 'allowed' to form emotional bonds with other men. I've always been jealous of the depth of friendship women have for each other and I think that's why I have mostly women friends, including the one I married.

-B