Am I bi?

We have always been a very sexual couple and very recently we decided to persue some long awaited fanatasies. We met a nice cpl IMing on MSN and after about 3months of flirting, camming, emailing and dirty chatting decided to meet. We let the kids sleep over the Mom-in-Laws house and my wife went out and got a new and very sexy outfit. We met for drinks with this cpl and my normally very sober wife got fairly drunk. About 10:30 pm the 64k dollar question cam up "Would you like to come back to our place and watch some videos?" I looked at the wifey and she with no hestiation said, "Well that is why we are here". I had an erection I am sure half the bar noticed.

Well we went back to their place and wifey wobbled on into their living room. We had a few drinks and popped in a porno. Well the other cpl was not shy and other hubby had his thing out and other wifey was on it like white in rice. Wife and I nervously laughed and proceded to do some heavy petting and kissing. I rubbed my wife's kitty to an orgasm all the while looking at the other cpl. Well wife and I had 90 seconds in the missionary and she was out. Passed out. Well me sitting there feeling pretty stupid. I sat back and cpl2 asked me if I would like to join in. Well 20 minutes later we were on the floor. I was on my back and wife2 was riding me, her long blonde hair swaying and boobs bouncing like water ballons. This is where it got interesting hubby2 decided to try a different position and got on his knees over my face. He proceeded to tap my face with his cock. He asked me to open and in the spur of the moment did. He inserted his cock in my mouth and proceeded to gently move it in and out. I loved it!! I was so turned on. So turned I rolled on my belly and unmounted Mrs2 and gave him an old fashioned BJ. Gosh it was erotic, His wife was sucking my nipples and I was just engulfing him. I felt his cock harden and I moaned and his spurts began to fill my mouth. I gobbled like no tommorrow. I was so turned on I jacked my cock to a creamy orgasm all over their expensive berber carpet. We laughed and settled back onto the couch. I packed up the wifey about 3am and we wnet home. My problem is know I am fixated on not swinging per se but having a steamy afternoon with Mr. 2 again. Am I bi or just bi-curious. I did not tell wife about the BJ i gave just the straight sex.

[JustAskJulie]

First off, you need to tell your wife the real story of what happened. Not doing so is lying to her. Not a good idea for any relationship and definately not a good way to start into swinging.


As for are you bi or bi-curious it really doesn't matter. You enjoyed it so why not try it again. But talk to your wife first and get her blessing, otherwise you are cheating on her.

I realize there's probably a huge question in your head regarding how your wife might feel about these new feelings you are having and that is most likely why you aren't telling her (you are afraid of how she will react), but you still need to do so. Better to get it out in the open now and discuss it before you go any further than to continue lying and cheat and have it ruin your marriage.

[windsor4fun2]

I agree with what Julie has said. One incident doesn't make you anything, you are curious if anything. You enjoyed it at the time and upon reflection you still enjoyed it. Like any m\new thing a person can become a little obsesive until the novelty wears off.

As far as not telling your wife. A major no-no. You need to tell her. Lying to her will only cause problems later especially if you get together with this couple again. Honesty is definitely the best policy.

Jesse

[CBYLW]

First I think you should tell your wife what happened and about your new found desire.

I love women but I am BI. Bi means different things to different people.

I like the fact that being Bi opens up so many more possible exciting scenarios. Most of my fantasies include bissexual activities too. I am a senior, single male and I am involved with a bi couple. We have a great relationship. Any of my bi activities must include a lady or I don't play.
If I had a relaionship with a lady that did not like the idea of me being bi I would cease my bi activities.
That's my definition of bi, as it relates to me.

[EternallySingle]

You had one experience in the heat of the moment. So what? It happened once.

More importantly, you need to tell your wife what happened after she passed out and how you felt about it. THAT is way more important than if you are bisexual or not. I assume your wife is? Would be pretty...strange to think she would think any less of your interest in exploring your new feelings further.

But, you do need to talk to her about them.

[Brit_Pair]

Firstly, don't seek to label yourself. There are plenty of people out there who will jump at the chance to do that for you.

Secondly (and as has already been pointed out), it was a first time incident, and that doesn't necessarily make you anything (although your fixation on having a steamy afternoon with Mr. 2 could lead people to the conclusion that you are bi-curious at least).

Thirdly, does it really matter? If it was pleasurable for all concerned, then that's great. Obviously, the only problem with that statement is the fact that your wife is not aware of what happened. Put her in the picture as to what happened and how you feel, and take things from there.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by Brit_Pair

Thirdly, does it really matter? If it was pleasurable for all concerned, then that's great. Obviously, the only problem with that statement is the fact that your wife is not aware of what happened. Put her in the picture as to what happened and how you feel, and take things from there.

That sums up my thoughts, as well. Secrets are so hard to live with. -EBF

[Dionysis]

I am so glad this thread was created.

I'm having these thoughts myself and I am single already.

I don't know why either. I think I just like sex for sex. The idea of fucking a woman and sucking cock intrigues me.

I think I'll do just what feels good to me and the others that will be involved.

Oh and to stay on topic, finster, definitely should recap the event and tell the wifey. She might like the idea and invite more provacative couples next time.

[bear_n_bunny]

Finster ol' dude, I'm probably going to get flamed for going against the grain here, but as we all know, that's never stopped me before...

I would think long and hard before telling your wife about your bisexual episode, whether you ever try it again or not.

Along about now, the usual suspects will jump up and start screaming about how you would be "cheating", "lying", etc, ad nauseam. Bullshit. There is a much bigger issue at stake here.

The question you have to ask yourself is, knowing your wife as you do, is she going to handle this bit of news well? Or is she more apt to go apeshit over it, with the result that your marriage crashs and burns on the spot?

The thought processes of the average woman's mind are mysterious and not to be understood by mortal men, particularly in the area of territoriality, not to mention sexuality, especially as it applies to bisexuality.

(Women have a very strong territorial imperative; in some ways even stronger than men. And sexuality is so wrapped up in emotion and easily bruised egos, particularly with women, as well as a frequent inability to understand sexual yearnings not their own that, between the two, you are looking at one fuck of a powerful and touchy time bomb. This is NOT something you want to diddle with lightly.)

The landscape is littered with the broken carcasses of marriages where the man was bi or bi-curious and just had to come clean with the little woman, who promptly went ballistic and left his ass, or at the very least made his life a living hell of suspicion, innuendo and accusation.

To see how skewed society's views are on this subject, you need look no further than the swing lifestyle. Where women are concerned, it is perfectly OK for the women to be bi or ci-curious. Indeed, it's become a cliche of sorts. But in most cases, if the male is bi or bi-curious as well, they will run into all sorts of problems, often to the point of being ostracized by some people and groups. Happens all the time, even in a supposedly "open-minded" community such as swingers are purported to be.

And it's not just the guys who get froggy over the issue; quite often the women do as well, even if they themselves are bi. Hypocritical? Yes. Double standard? Bet yer ass. Unfair? Yeppers, but sorry, life is not fair. Deal with it.

I'm going to assume you and your wife are the typical family, with 2.3 kids, 3/2/2 house with mortgage, SUV in the garage, etc. What you have to ask yourself is whether imparting this information to your wife is going to put all this at risk, and if so, is it worth it?

If you are at least reasonably sure she can take this news with equanimity, then fine. Tell her and go in peace. But if you think she is more likely to come unglued over this, then my advice is to keep your own counsel and drop it. Just chalk it up as an interesting experience and move on. It is not worth risking your marriage and family over.

-- Bear

[Elusive BiFem]

...in wonderment and disbelief....

Somehow and in some strange way, Bear manages to make sense of and bring to the forefront some things that I would have never thought of, much less bet on.

I believe I put him in my thing on people I would like to meet. If not, he's definitely one of them - right on the top of the list.

-EBF

[bear_n_bunny]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
...in wonderment and disbelief....

Somehow and in some strange way, Bear manages to make sense of and bring to the forefront some things that I would have never thought of, much less bet on.

I believe I put him in my thing on people I would like to meet. If not, he's definitely one of them - right on the top of the list.

-EBF

Why, thank you EBF... As it happens, I told Bunny Saturday that the next time we get up to the DFW area we need to look you up and say hi. Contrariwise, next time you make it down to the wilds of Space City, you have a standing invite to Casa del Bear n Bunny for some beverage of your choice and general rag chewing...

-- Bear

[Elusive BiFem]

Thanks, Bear!! I have no doubt it would be a most interesting and memorable meeting.

I can just see me chewing the rag with you until I'm blue before realizing I'm on the same side of the fence! That's the way your posts strike me at times.......fingers poised over the keyboard...ready to fire back....on your mark...get set....Wait...what did he say? Oh.....hmmmmm.....well, that makes sense.........

Don't hold your breath til I head down South...but I rarely leave this part of the country. Always here. -EBF

[Quin]

While the one poster makes some very good points for not telling the wife, I have to go with the majority on this one, tell her. First and foremost being...no matter what hurt or pain this may bring to her (if any at all), what's going to hurt a whole hellva lot more is to find this out from someone else. For instance, you don't say anything, you and wife have another get together with this couple, your wife stays sober and the other hubby begins tappin his cock on your lips again and you eagerly indulge, the wife wonders about this and the other wife says, "oh, don't worry, they did this the last time." HELLO!! That's gonna hurt, deeply. And if your wife talks to this couple, there's no telling when or where it could innocently come up in conversation by the other couple. This call is yours tho, you know your wife best. Altho I think I'd set a new rule between you and wife...when swinging is definitely gonna happen, no gettin tipsy. It really is more enjoyable to have all your senses not hindered by alcohol and sex is far more enjoyable when one is awake as opposed to passed out/sleeping.

Quin
()()

[bear_n_bunny]

Originally posted by Quin
While the one poster makes some very good points for not telling the wife, I have to go with the majority on this one, tell her. First and foremost being...no matter what hurt or pain this may bring to her (if any at all), what's going to hurt a whole hellva lot more is to find this out from someone else. For instance, you don't say anything, you and wife have another get together with this couple, your wife stays sober and the other hubby begins tappin his cock on your lips again and you eagerly indulge, the wife wonders about this and the other wife says, "oh, don't worry, they did this the last time." HELLO!! That's gonna hurt, deeply. And if your wife talks to this couple, there's no telling when or where it could innocently come up in conversation by the other couple. This call is yours tho, you know your wife best. Altho I think I'd set a new rule between you and wife...when swinging is definitely gonna happen, no gettin tipsy. It really is more enjoyable to have all your senses not hindered by alcohol and sex is far more enjoyable when one is awake as opposed to passed out/sleeping.

Quin
()()

You are right about a couple of things at least; the call is indeed his, as he should know his wife and the general situation best. And second, no getting falling-down drunk when playing. I think most of us would agree that sex with a drunk is about as much fun as a tax audit.

As for avoiding the "hurt" of her finding out from the couple they played with, that one is simple. Assuming that his wife is not inclined to deal with this well, all he need do is approach the couple quietly and tell them that what happened before was a fluke, that he'd had a few drinks himself and now he's not inclined to repeat the episode, and it would be best to just not bring the subject up with his wife, as it would be embarassing, etc, and then just let it drop. Most likely (unless they are just total assholes) the couple will abide by his wishes.

The main thing is to avoid having something approximating the following happening to finster...



-- Bear

[Elusive BiFem]

When I first read and posted on this thread, I agreed...tell all, honesty is the best policy, etc.

After I read Bear's earlier post and thought about it, I tend to agree with him in most respects. While not advocating dishonesty - ever - I also believe there are occasions when it is best not to share certain things that may be potentially painful to others. If this was a fluke - one time happening or something that happened as the result of too much alcohol - why risk a marriage for something that isn't going to happen again. Or if it is a fantasy that he will keep and probably not act on - again, no need to tell, assuming her reaction might be negative.

In hfinster01's original post, tho', he said,

My problem is know I am fixated on not swinging per se but having a steamy afternoon with Mr. 2 again. Am I bi or just bi-curious. I did not tell wife about the BJ i gave just the straight sex.

That sort of changes things. Should he decide this is an activity he would like to pursue, he probably does need to share his "thoughts" with his wife. No...not, "Hey honey. I'm bi and be damned with your feelings on the subject and I plan to get with Mr. So and So as soon as I can." But more along the lines of feeling her out about her take on the subject. What does she think about the idea? What is her reaction to the suggestion of being bi? If negative, and this is something he wants to pursue, then there are other issues that need to be addressed. If she is lukewarm, they can explore their fantasies together and see where it leads them. If she is enthusiastic about the idea - great!

Finsters original question was "am I bi or just bi-curious?" Does a single experience make you either-or? The thrill of the moment, the excitement, the uniqueness of the experience...I can see where one might think they are bi. This is something he needs to give a lot of thought to and only he can answer - ultimately. But until he makes that final decision, why risk harm to what he has built with his wife? The only thing I would advise, in the end, is do not act on your impulses again until you have given serious consideration to all aspects. If you seek "steamy afternoons" with this other man, that will throw you into the "cheaters" category and few of us like cheaters. Just my opinions -EBF