Male went down on me. Wife liked it, I'm turned off.

[comm]

Newbie here. Recently, my wife and I met a couple. We had been with them once before and hooked up again. Nice people, good times. seemed perfect for us. Anyway, we got together and things quickly got naked. Me and his were 69, with her on top. My wife was knealt on the floor sucking both me and him. After a while, his wife got off of me and I looked down and saw that he was sucking my dick. Don't know how long he had been doing it, but my wife was holding my dick and he was going at it. It was startling. I'm not gay and have no interest in men. Luckily, as I sat up, he quit and started kissing her. From there on out, nothing else like that happened, I just couldn't get the image of him sucking me out of my head, and it was kind of a turn off for the rest of the evening.

Problem. Afterwards, my wife told me over and over how hot it made her to watch another man sucking my cock. I would do anything to please her, but that is just not for me. She has a gay friend and he flirts with me on occasion, but I don't reciprocate so I'm sure he knows it's going nowhere. I'm polite to him, but have made it clear I like women. Anyway, she has said she would like to have her gay friend join us. I enjoy watching her with other men and women, but I don't think I could even fake interest in another man to please her. I told her I am not turned on by men. She asked if it felt good when the other man was sucking my dick. I said yes, but I thought it was her. She also says that her friend would be happy just to suck my dick if that's all I wanted to do. Well, if that's the case, what the heck else is he going to do the rest of the evening? I don't want to suck or fuck him and don't want him to fuck me and it just doesn't excite me to see a man sucking my dick. She says its no different from when she first went down on a woman. Well, I'm sorry. It is. I know from the way she talked before that she had always fantasized about it. But to me, a man with a man just doesn't doesn't flip my pickle. She says she is not going to pressure me, but thinks I would enjoy myself and she also wants to get back together with our new couple again. I love fucking her and watching him fuck my wife, but this guy/guy thing is not cutting it.

[ohash01]

Tricky, tricky, sneaky, sneaky. It's odd...isn't it? You liked it when you had no idea...but then when you found out what was really going on it's like *take a step back* "WOAH!!..." Wifey PROBABLY should have asked you first if that would be something you'd be interested in doing. But hindsight is 20/20...so with that said...

Ok - so you KNOW you do want to "do/be done" by another man. And you KNOW you don't want to reciprocate. But in my humble opinion - if it feels good - run with it. Ok - so it's new and different. The first time a guy went down on me (and I'm a WOMAN!) I flipped out and cried a little. Then I realized "ok...this kinda feels nice...it's new and scary and a little nauseating...but wow it feels nice...". That was YEARS ago. I have since become accustomed to feeling good sexually and it no longer scares the crap out of me.

If this is something that you just could absolutely NOT enjoy for its own sake...then you definately shouldn't do it to make your wife happier. Just tell her it's no good for you. She can have the rest of her life to imagine what it looked like...she's seen it once.

[good times]

Ah, you are a much calmer guy than I am, of course, my wife would have never let him go there. Had I been in your position though, the guy would have needed an ambulance after I got through with him, and I am not normally a violent person.

To answer your question though, if you aren't into it then don't do it. I have never seen it turn out good when one partner is doing something to please the other that they would never do on their own. That is why so many truly bi women have so few good FF encounters in the lifestyle, a lot of women (in my experience most women) are just doing it because it turns their husband on, not because they like it. We have a couple of Bi-female friends that constantly complain about this. So my guess is, if you go ahead and do it to please your wife, it won't be any fun for you or the guy you do it with. Hell, in the end, it probably won't even be any good for your wife.

[Tybee Swing]

I understand your wife's fantasy....however, she's being very pushy with you. Actions speak louder than words...she can say she's not pressuring you, but she is! It sounds like she's trying to talk you into it, including wanting you to get with her gay friend. Your telling her that you're not interested once should satisfy her, she should not keep trying to talk you into it.

I'm very surprised that the bi man you were with just sprung it on you that way. I wonder, would he have done it to you like that unless he was encouraged to do so by your wife? Maybe she stopped sucking you when you couldn't see what was happening (a woman on your face), and encouraged that guy to take you in his mouth? Offered it to him non-verbally? After all, she was holding it while he was sucking it. If your wife did encourage this, the other man would have thought this must be okay with you, too. If this is the case, I don't blame the man. The best case scenario would have been if you were respected and talked to about this, first! Nobody should be manipulated into having some sort of sex he or she clearly does not want. I think your wife is pushy and manipulative.

Originally Posted by comm

She says its no different from when she first went down on a woman. Well, I'm sorry. It is. I know from the way she talked before that she had always fantasized about it.

I agree with you. HUGE difference...she fantasized about being with a woman before she did it, knew she wanted it, and she was a willing participant when it happened!

Originally Posted by comm

She says she is not going to pressure me, but thinks I would enjoy myself and she also wants to get back together with our new couple again. I love fucking her and watching him fuck my wife, but this guy/guy thing is not cutting it.

She can call it what she likes, but pressure is still pressure. She needs to back off. (Why not have her read this thread?)

About that couple: you enjoyed them a lot and they seemed perfect for you, before this happened. What if you just tell them clearly that the bi-guy stuff will NOT be happening again, and see if they are respectful enough to honor your wishes and go on from here?

Meanwhile, see if your wife is respectful enough to stop forcing things on you that she knows you do not want.

Please let us know how it goes....best wishes to you!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by good times

That is why so many truly bi women have so few good FF encounters in the lifestyle, a lot of women (in my experience most women) are just doing it because it turns their husband on, not because they like it. We have a couple of Bi-female friends that constantly complain about this.

There is nothing more boring and unsavory than having sex with somebody who is not into it (for themselves).

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

I'm very surprised that the bi man you were with just sprung it on you that way. I wonder, would he have done it to you like that unless he was encouraged to do so by your wife? Maybe she stopped sucking you when you couldn't see what was happening (a woman on your face), and encouraged that guy to take you in his mouth? Offered it to him non-verbally? After all, she was holding it while he was sucking it. If your wife did encourage this, the other man would have thought this must be okay with you, too. If this is the case, I don't blame the man. The best case scenario would have been if you were respected and talked to about this, first! Nobody should be manipulated into having some sort of sex he or she clearly does not want. I think your wife is pushy and manipulative.

Dito

My thoughts exactly when I read the OP.

Your wife's 'joking' around about you having sex with her gay friend and him flirting with you also makes me feel she is going to far.

LM

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by comm

Newbie here. Recently, my wife and I met a couple. We had been with them once before and hooked up again. Nice people, good times. seemed perfect for us. Anyway, we got together and things quickly got naked. Me and his were 69, with her on top. My wife was knealt on the floor sucking both me and him. After a while, his wife got off of me and I looked down and saw that he was sucking my dick. Don't know how long he had been doing it, but my wife was holding my dick and he was going at it. It was startling. I'm not gay and have no interest in men. Luckily, as I sat up, he quit and started kissing her. From there on out, nothing else like that happened, I just couldn't get the image of him sucking me out of my head, and it was kind of a turn off for the rest of the evening.

Problem. Afterwards, my wife told me over and over how hot it made her to watch another man sucking my cock. I would do anything to please her, but that is just not for me. She has a gay friend and he flirts with me on occasion, but I don't reciprocate so I'm sure he knows it's going nowhere. I'm polite to him, but have made it clear I like women. Anyway, she has said she would like to have her gay friend join us. I enjoy watching her with other men and women, but I don't think I could even fake interest in another man to please her. I told her I am not turned on by men. She asked if it felt good when the other man was sucking my dick. I said yes, but I thought it was her. She also says that her friend would be happy just to suck my dick if that's all I wanted to do. Well, if that's the case, what the heck else is he going to do the rest of the evening? I don't want to suck or fuck him and don't want him to fuck me and it just doesn't excite me to see a man sucking my dick. She says its no different from when she first went down on a woman. Well, I'm sorry. It is. I know from the way she talked before that she had always fantasized about it. But to me, a man with a man just doesn't doesn't flip my pickle. She says she is not going to pressure me, but thinks I would enjoy myself and she also wants to get back together with our new couple again. I love fucking her and watching him fuck my wife, but this guy/guy thing is not cutting it.

Where to start first. You have made it very clear to us by the statements in bold you are not into MM play. I am assuming you have made it clear to her. The fact that she had this guy sucking on you anyway shows, to me at least, a lack of respect. Had I done this to my hubby (which I would never do) needless to say after all was said and done, our swinging days would be over. For us it would have been a blatant and clear showing of disrespect. Again this is assuming you have made it as clear to her as you have to us.

This is obviously something you need to work out. Make sure the boundaries are clear from now on, if they were not before. Explain it to her just like you did us, or better yet have her come here and read it. But in my opinion what she did was a big fat NO NO.

[intuition897]

I concur. This was definitely a big screw-up on her part. If she knew before-hand that you had no interest in men whatsoever, and yet took advantage of your inability to see what was in fact happening, then I don't see this as being any different than a man who plies his girlfriend/wife with alcohol to "loosen up her inhibitions", coaxing her to do things she otherwise disagrees with. Like you said, now you've got this image in your head and you can't shake it. "Thanks for the memories, honey."

This doesn't necessarily have to be the end of swinging or anything. This is one of those inevitible screw-ups that we all make when we are learning about "schoolyard politics." You'll make a mistake just as enormous, most likely, simply because you won't have realized just how hurtful it was. So it makes sense to be understanding towards your wife; she may not realize just how damaging a thing it was that she has done to you and the level of trust you have in her. "Having a backbone" is one thing, but without flexibility, you're just going to get hurt.

Do NOT allow yourself to be pressured into sex that you don't want to have, no matter how much it turns her on. Let her know that you do want to please her, but she cannot ask you to compromise yourself in this way; it is simply unfair. She might've been turned on by male homosexuality, but you absolutely are not. She's bi? That's great! Good for her! She just needs to understand that you don't "learn" to be bisexual. You either like it, or you don't. You don't like it. End of story.

EDIT>> Just a thought: would you be comfortable having a foursome with two other bisexual guys? Maybe your wife's friend and a friend of his? This way, she can watch the other two get it on without you needing to be involved. This may not work, though. If she still doesn't understand that it is not okay to coax/plead/beg you to try it...just this once...just for her...you won't like it. Or maybe even having bisexual activity happening around you might be enough to make Mr. Happy go into a coma, I don't know. Again, if that's the case, then forget I said anything. That's just one idea, though. Perhaps you can come up with a creative solution where your wife's interests are satisfied while yours are protected. Best of luck!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by intuition897

This doesn't necessarily have to be the end of swinging or anything. This is one of those inevitible screw-ups that we all make when we are learning about "schoolyard politics." You'll make a mistake just as enormous, most likely, simply because you won't have realized just how hurtful it was. So it makes sense to be understanding towards your wife; she may not realize just how damaging a thing it was that she has done to you and the level of trust you have in her. "Having a backbone" is one thing, but without flexibility, you're just going to get hurt.

intuition897 makes a good point and I'd like to add something more to this thread.

I think it is also important that someone - and I'll be the one - say that other women do enjoy seeing two men have sex. I happen to be one of those women. It's still just a swing fantasy that I hope to experience one day.

I've talked with Mr LM about this, and he hopes I can witness this, but we both know he won't be part of my fantasy. He has absolutely no interest in male bisexual play, and I've never envisioned him playing with men. Him being with a man wouldn't do it for me.

And I wouldn't even want him in the playroom while two men were going at it because I know he wouldn't want to see two guys playing, and if he'd be uncomfortable I'd be uncomfortable and I wouldn't enjoy the moment.

LM

[ViSexual]

Hey Comm,

I can sure understand your confusion. But, as you might know, there are a bunch of wives, just like husbands, who would love to watch their spouse with a same-sex partner.

You've made it clear that you're not interested in any reciprocation. Well, make it even more clear.

But, you admit that a blow job is a blow job and it felt OK so why not give your wife the turn-on of seeing you being sucked again?

And, if this gay friend agrees then don't worry about 'what's in it for him'. Hey, he might have a thing about giving head to a straight guy or something. Just consider yourself the one who has two people to please you!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by ViSexual

But, you admit that a blow job is a blow job and it felt OK so why not give your wife the turn-on of seeing you being sucked again?

It only felt okay because he thought his wife was giving him the blow job.

You've got to consider the whole picture of sex.

If I'm getting great oral and look down to find it was a guy that I didn't like who crept into the playroom and worked his way in to the play - without my knowledge - my pleasure would be gone in a flash.

You cannot separate the who and the what when it comes to sex. At least I can't. And I'd never allow someone to have sex with me just because they've got a good technique. That eewwws me out!

LM

[getnit2gethr]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

You cannot separate the who and the what when it comes to sex. At least I can't. And I'd never allow someone to have sex with me just because they've got a good technique. That eewwws me out!

I got in an argument with a friend about that years ago. It still bothers me. I argued that sex was 90% psychological. He maintained that sex was purely physical. I might have been willing to concede a few percentage points but I definitely would have been out of commision for the rest of the night had I been in your shoes.

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by ViSexual

But, you admit that a blow job is a blow job and it felt OK so why not give your wife the turn-on of seeing you being sucked again?

And, if this gay friend agrees then don't worry about 'what's in it for him'. Hey, he might have a thing about giving head to a straight guy or something. Just consider yourself the one who has two people to please you!

I agree with LM. Alot of sex has to do with the psychological end. He has made it clear that he is not into MM play, and to encourage him to do it anyway IMHO makes those who do no better than the wife that tricked him.

This thread got me to thinking though. On many other threads men have come here asking how to push, manipulate, demand, coerce, and get the woman drunk enough to do what HE wants. Most all of us here have hanged and flamed these men, and flat out told em what we thought of men with that way of thinking. I see no difference between a man being devious and a woman being devious. Swinging is about honesty, flat out across the board. There is not a set of rules for the little boys, and a different set of rules for the little girls. So ViSexual, I strongly disagree. This wife had no business doing what she did, nor should we encourage him to "take one for the team". Especially when so many of us would not do so.

[friskymonkey]

Comm, it sounds like you're being a pretty good sport about this. Certainly a better sport than I would be if a similar situation happened to me.

When swinging, I am trusting everyone involved -- especially my husband -- to keep me feeling safe and not take advantage of me or exploit me when I'm making myself vulnerable and open. If my husband pulled a stunt like the one you described I would be hurt and angry beyond words. I'm not sure how I would regain my trust of him enough to put myself in that situation again.

Did your wife definitely know that you didn't want any MM interaction? Afterward did you tell her you didn't like it and don't want to do it again? Is she willing to listen to what you want in addition to telling you what makes her hot?

There is certainly room for mistakes and missteps in this lifestyle. But if your wife knew you were opposed to this and did it anyway without your knowledge or consent ... then if after you told her it upset you she continues to pressure instead of capitulating and being sorry and supportive of your choice ... well, in my book, that is just very very bad. I would have been appalled.