Ideas for conversation starters at clubs

[cplnuswing]

Hi,

New couple here planning first visit to on-premise club. Late 30s, married 15+ years, been together for a long time. Great information on this board, we haven't read it all, but have read a lot of it. We both are VERY excited about our adventure. The rules we discussed for this initial dipping of a toe into the Lifestyle start at just watching and learning and go up to soft swing if things feel right. Full swap has also been discussed as a possibility in the future (if we both agree there is a future after some trial runs). However, she can go from very reserved to a wildcat when her juices get flowing, so hard telling what will happen if things go well. He isn't as impulsive and doesn't throw caution to the wind quite as easy, but he is a little kinkier and open-minded when it comes to sex. In terms of social events, we aren't wallflowers, but probably not the life of the party either. He is a miserable dancer!

So, here is the question for those with more experience. We understand the Golden Rule and try to live it in all things, what age ranges to expect, how to dress, etc, etc. What we aren't sure about is how to get things started. We certainly don't expect to sit in a dark corner and people to beat a path to our door, but then again can't really think of how to approach people either and what to talk about to just break the ice. Not necessarily to hook up, just to chat and start to feel comfortable. I guess what we are worried about is being nervous in a new environment, but being able to overcome that enough to have a good time no matter how far we decide to go.

How did other couples overcome this challenge? Any ideas for conversation starters / ways to get comfortable? The on-premise club is the way we want to go for several reasons, so that is the scenario what we need help with. Thanks for any advice.

[BiloxiCouple]

Conversation starter:

Hi, I'm Billy and this is my wife Elaine. Mind if we sit and talk for a couple of minutes?

This gives you an introduction. You just learned the names of a couple of more people. It also gives you a way out. Talk for a couple of minutes. In case the conversation/personalities/time don't mesh. Or you may talk all night if it works. The actual conversation will take care of itself with the right couple. Just get up and talk!!!

[SouthBond]

This is easy. Your goal is to find a compatible couple. Dress like you are there to have fun. Look your best. Smile, Be happy. Be friendly. Be honest. Mix and mingle. Introduce yourself. Talk about this being your first visit to a club and you are there learn. Tell your story. Get down to what you want to talk about. You will not get, if you don't ask. Don't be hurt if you are rejected. The more experienced couples will know what to do because they have been there. The new people will be nervous, just like you.

[gandm]

I think that everyone has to approach their first on-premise club visits differently. Your approach should be driven by your comfort level (how worried are you about what you're going to see in the club?), interests (do you want to look for couples, singles, groups, or just want to experience the sexual environment), and urgency (dipping your toes, peeking behind the door, or ready to jump in the deep end).

When we first visited a club, I (male) had done a fair amount of research and knew that my wife needed some time to adjust to the environment. I knew she was worried that she'd have to do something, would find a lot of unappealing people, or that I would be out of control. I actually think her biggest fear was that I would finally find the highly sexual world I was looking for a just run off like a kid at Disney World, never to be seen again.

As a couple, our comfort level was low, we were most comfortable with finding a single male for MFM, and there was no hurry. We agreed to go, look around, and leave if either of us felt uncomfortable. Unfortunately for us, we chose a club that was quite bold (50% of the people were totally naked in the first room we walked into) and there was not much of a mix of compatible people for us. It was pretty shocking. But we went in, sat back and watched. Some people that enter a club and sit back and watch will describe the club as clique-ish because they were not approached. We actually wanted the privacy and wanted to slowly get comfortable before meeting people. That worked pretty well. We very casually spoke with others who were sitting back and were eventually advised to try out other clubs. Which happened to be exactly what we needed.

One other side effect of sitting back and watching -- single guys tend to be more comfortable approaching a couple by themselves than a group. So if you sit alone, be prepared for a higher than average single guy presence. After we became comfortable in clubs, we tended to hang out at a table with several couples. But we were most interested in single guys for MFM. It took us a while to figure out why they stopped approaching us.

Good Luck.

[TOC]

What works for us when going to a new club is we sit back and check out everything for a bit, if we see a couple that we would like to get to know we both ask them to dance. Everyone can slow dance, this always seem to work. We love meeting newbe's and when we see a couple sitting back, not dancing, we go over and ask them to dance, alot of times when the song is over we thank them and go back to our table, and when the next good song starts to play they are asking us to dance. Just our way of making new friends.

[cplnuswing]

Thanks for all the advice so far. I think our position right now is very similiar what gandm described. I (the he) have done much of the research, and she was somewhat shocked but excited that such places (on-premise clubs) existed and were an option where you could easilyt transition from the regular nightclub scene to something else if desired.

To answer the questions

1) I am not worried about what we will see other than if it is too much at once for her. If some guy caught in a 1970s time warp with a white leisure suit, gold chain medallion, and hairy chest prominantly displayed comes barrelling towards us soon as we step through the door, she'll run me over to get back out the door. If she sees at least some people who we might have something in common with, we'll sit down, have a drink, and start having fun.

2) interested in sexual environment and maybe soft swing with couples. She is the more jealous of the two of us, but also the one who brought up eventual potential for full swap. I don't know for sure what she will want to do, which is part of the fun of it.

3) urgency level probably up to peeking behind the door. With work, family, etc. we don't get a lot of opportunities to do stuff like this, so not like we can just go back the next weekend on a whim to try again. Although may have been the harder one to get in the door, she'll be the hardest one to get out the door if she likes it. She said that shopping for a new outfit turned her on like crazy since she bought something much more revealing than her normal style. The key thing is she feels good in it and can't wait to wear it to the club. Not a day has passed since we first decided to do it that she hasn't mentioned the trip either.

Thanks for the advice on single males and couples sitting alone, that's the kind of tip I was searching for. I would not have thought of that and hadn't read it anywhere, makes sense though. MFM isn't what we are after personally, at least not now, so that is very good information. That might get frustrating after a while, the only contact being made the contact you aren't particularly interested in, especially if they persisted in hanging about. We considered a couples-only club, but have read good reviews of the club we are going to try, even though single males are allowed. It does have a couples-only area though.

Great on the slow dancing, that is exactly what we had in mind. One consistent complaint we've read about the club is the music is way too loud. Usually, the faster the music, the louder it is played. From that I just kind of jumped to conclusion that slow songs weren't on the playlist much, but on reflection that obviously doesn't make much sense. I can sway around and snuggle up to someone just as good as anybody else, so think I can manage that without looking too much like a fool with absolutely no rhythm (while upright anyway!)

I want this to work out for us both, especially her. The progression over the years has been from ordering sex toys to visiting in person a toy store together to her going with some girls to a male strip club while the guys went to a female club and waited on the girls to get done since we knew there would be a night to remember immediately to follow. All of those things worked out great for us since we did our research and felt just uncomfortable enough to make it even more sexy. Starting to reach the pinnacle of that progression though, so need to be even more careful we don't get ahead of ourselves and get into a situation we aren't ready for and don't enjoy.

[sexcupid]

The first time we went to a club it was a very slow night (Texans and ice storms, even reminants of one, don't seem to mix well...lol )...but it was a great opportunity to just hang around the bar with some of the regulars and get to know people a bit.

But since you can't always rely on an ice storm (especially this time of year):

Most of the time when we go, if we haven't already arranged to meet another couple there, we usually have sex with each other. Either in one of the big play rooms where other couples are having sex as well or in one of the more private rooms. So I guess on some level that makes us soft swap too?

But, it helped us to get more comfortable there and when everyone is sitting around taking a break in the big playroom, it's good to strike up a conversation here and there.

Unless we have made prior arrangements for a meet up, we go in with the expectation that we will at least get some public play time for the two of us...if we do find another couple to play for the evening, great! If we don't, that's great too.

Have fun!

Maria

[RidesLikeNew]

Just imagine you're at one of those Chamber of Commerce networking breakfasts, only the women are looser.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by cplnuswing

What we aren't sure about is how to get things started. We certainly don't expect to sit in a dark corner and people to beat a path to our door, but then again can't really think of how to approach people either and what to talk about to just break the ice. Not necessarily to hook up, just to chat and start to feel comfortable. .... How did other couples overcome this challenge? Any ideas for conversation starters / ways to get comfortable?

Hi! We have found that it's very easy to be social in the most socially oriented areas of the club. You'll spot them when you get there. Where is everybody congregating? It will usually be at the bar, and at tables nearest the dance floor. Try to get there early so you can get your spot and won't be forced into parking yourself in a more remote area, especially if it's a very busy club. Also, it's much easier to introduce yourself, talk to people and start to fit in when you get there early. Ask questions - regulars are usually glad to help and offer advice. They might even take you under their wing and introduce you around, including you in the group.

Good luck. I hope you let us know how it goes!

[twoforone100]

Just be yourself. Say hello. We are and your are? Ask questions. Have you been here before? Nice outfit where did you get it? The same questions you would ask anyone. If it clicks it clicks if not then oh well you move on. Patrick pattie