Which male initiates a MFM?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by dezaray

OMG I love you! Honey once my feet are wet in this world, I will have absolutly NO problem letting my Dom side out! and ordering both men around to feed EVERY LAST ONE OF MY pleasures!!! From my research, I believe I'm a switcher, and can't determine wich is stronger...

anywhooooo......

I've never done this before.... and I'm alllllll about doing shit right or not doing it at all. I AM keeping an open mind, so that it's not too scripted, but for the 1st time on any full swap MFM, FMF, or MFMF, I NEEEED to know whats up in advance! My 1st experience had some surprises that I viewed as straight up disrespect. Boandaries were laid and not followed by the other male.

anywho... great advice for a little later down the road besides I think I need a wardrobe for that kinda kinky stuff, or at least I'd like one! *verrrry wicked grin*

Dez

Dez, we have a lot more in common than you know! I'll elaborate for you and share how I'm going about it.

You're saying you're preparing for your first time, but you also said "My 1st experience had some surprises that I viewed as straight up disrespect. Boandaries were laid and not followed by the other male." So, there was this other first experience, but icky, so you're kind of writing it off and wanting a good "1st" experience? That's where I'm at, too! LOL

My first time with MFM was not planned, it just sort of happened pretty quickly, at an on-premise club. It didn't go at all like I would have liked, but it was a first (first MFM, first time in an on-premises club, too) and I just went with it. Ick.

Now, we've been talking to some local, quality guys. When we pick the right one (I've already got him pretty much pegged), it will likely work out to be a nice friendship. This time, I think it's going to go great!

I do plan to be the one in charge of the tone, direction, speed, and action of what happens the first time we all get together. I reserve the right to change the pace, tone, speed, act, position or whatever in mid-stream, according to the way I feel about it in that very moment. I'm going with the flow, MY flow, because I want to feel comfortable and fully on-board with what's going on. If it's more 2-against-1 with two men making choices for me, I may end up being more submissive than I would like to be and maybe it won't go really the way I wanted.

You know how we women are - we ebb and flow with the passion of the moment. We have the right to change our minds, in spite of a well-laid plan and pre-determined fantasy scene - right?

I'm not into the Dominatrix whips-and-chains, slave-boy thing. In my mind, we will be three equals in the room, but I will be confident. In MFM, I just want to the Woman Who Knows What She Wants - and as the woman, I fully reserve the right to be the director of this particular show!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by dezaray

I've never done this before.... and I'm alllllll about doing shit right or not doing it at all. I AM keeping an open mind, so that it's not too scripted, but for the 1st time on any full swap MFM, FMF, or MFMF, I NEEEED to know whats up in advance!

I thought I'd add something else that's in the works for me about this scenario right now, too. Might be something you'd like, also!

Most of my fantasies are random fleeting thoughts, images of positions, things like that. I'm going to organize my thoughts and fantasies and ponder them more - in writing. I'm starting to collect my MFM fantasies, write them all down, and before we get together, I'll share my written collection with my wonderful hubby and our new friend. This should not only fan the flames for everybody concerned, raising the anticipation meter (isn't anticipation great?), but also it will help to clearly communicate what's really on my mind for this scenario.

[Thrax]

Hi Dez,
Here are my thoughts from the perspective of a single male having participated in several MFMs.

Originally Posted by dezaray

We have thrown around a few scenarios however, can you realllly plan all the details and expect it to go that way? Isn't that less fun? Plan as you go, aside from boundaries being set upfront?

Agree with your man on boundaries upfront (condoms for intercourse, no anal, no rough stuff, etc.) and communicate these to the single male. Please make sure you respect his boundaries also. If you two are really keen on "watersports", for example, but he isn't, then do not play that way. There might be issues that come up later on during play, but if everybody is respecting the boundaries of every other party, then it's not too difficult to say, "No, not that, thanks," without stopping the fun.

Don't try to script your MFM. You might agree with your guy on how play should be initiated, or that you want to do this or that particular thing at some point during play, but if you try to schedule too much (first we kiss, then he fondles my breasts, then I do this, then we do that...) then it'll probably take the fun out of it for you (just know that many single males wouldn't mind a scripted MFM...just get us involved! ). I've been told by some women that part of the fun of an MFM is that the single male is NOT their significant other, and what excites them to a great degree is that he does things differently, including what he might do next...

With that said, it's never a faux pas to say, "Okay, let's do THIS now..." And if you're having fun, he might have some suggestions of things to try, too.

Well, okay, you might want to script a role-playing MFM, but you probably don't want to tackle that your first time out.

Were very new to this, so we've not even done a MFM together yet, but I look forward to it! although at the same time I think I'll be nervous when the actual time comes....

It's called "first-date nerves." I get them. Just like sex the first time with someone in the vanilla world, there can be trepidation. Unless it gets to the point of making you physically ill, I'd say it's a pretty common reaction that will enhance the experience. And don't be surprised if the single male, and your SO, are both a little nervous, too.

I think I may want my man to start the whole thing off.... although I'm not sure about this.

There are many ways to start the activity. I try to make the couple know I'm interested -- and if I go to their house or we meet at a hotel that obviously indicates interest on my part -- but I let them set the pace. I'm a little wary of making the first overt move with a new couple. It's rare that I start the play with new playmates. Here are some things that have happened to me to get the action going in some initial MFMs:

• I get to the couple's house. We all go to their very small kitchen so he can get drinks. While we're talking she's making a lot of flirty gestures, touches my arm during conversation, and then finally is leaning back against me. So, I placed my hands on her hips, etc...

• At a small house party I'm in the hot tub talking with two couples, and one of the women starts caressing my leg. That's a pretty good sign...

• I arrive at a couple's house. They told me they'd find me out back at the pool. He's in shorts sitting in a chair, she's naked, sitting on a floatie in the water. We engage in a little nervous (at least on my part) small talk, and then she said, "C'mon, get in the pool. No swimsuits in the pool, though." I jump in the pool WITH my swimsuit on, and challenge her to enforce the rules. She does.

• Husband meets me at the hotel door. He's in shorts, she's in the background in panties. They invite me in, take my drink order, take off their clothes, I take off mine (I don't want to feel conspicuous ), and we chat for 10 or 15 minutes about nudist resorts and swing clubs we've been to. While we chat he throws a big bedspread (that they brought with them) over the king-size bed. He holds up a bottle of massage oil and says, "Thrax, why don't we give Jane a massage..."

***Now, after typing those, I must take a short break***

I'm back. Well, you get the idea. There can be many ways to start the party. To me, a smart single male would let one of you two initiate activity, especially if it is your first MFM. Make it obvious to him that you're ready to start play.

The scenarios I described were with couples that I met in person at other swing events (but did not play with at that point) or hooked up with from us all being members in some online groups. We talked and/or emailed and IM'd extensively -- to get to know each other, set boundaries, etc. -- before hooking up. So there was at least some level of trust established before we met for play. (And believe me, as a single male I want to reassure myself that these people can be trusted before I get nekkid with them.)

I have also had some MFMs at on-premise clubs. Some were with couples I already knew. Some were "spontaneous" in that I only talked with them, danced with her, etc., for an hour or so before we went to a room. Another was with a couple that I had a short conversation with (maybe 5 minutes), I saw them later in the group room, and they invited me over. Those couples weren't first time MFMers, and that's probably not your style either. But that's just a guess.

A final note: If the single male is not acting respectfully, consistently violates your rules, or does anything that causes you to fear for your safety, don't be afraid to usher him out the door. On the other hand, if you just find the guy isn't compatible, don't be afraid to courteously shorten play time. These are things you should discuss with your SO beforehand.

That's it for now. Let me know if you have questions. Good luck, and let us know how the first one goes!

Thrax (My how he does go on...)

[dezaray]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Dez, we have a lot more in common than you know! I'll elaborate for you and share how I'm going about it.

You're saying you're preparing for your first time, but you also said "My 1st experience had some surprises that I viewed as straight up disrespect. Boandaries were laid and not followed by the other male." So, there was this other first experience, but icky, so you're kind of writing it off and wanting a good "1st" experience?

Sorry for the confusion Tybee, We've only had 2 soft swap experiences, and even they werern't fully 4 way, because in both cases I wasn't much into the guy. 1st one I was into the girl, 2nd I was also into the girl, but I don't think either her or her hubby was into me. She was TOO into my man, (and letting his interest in her go to her big fake blonde head-sorry to any fake blondes out there) and as a result disprespected one of my boundaries several times throughout the evening. The second couple has quite a bit of experience, and are far ahead of us in this. They knew in advance our boundaries, and agreed to respect them, she did not. Soooo in BOTH experiences, I was disrespected by a member of the other couple.

It's been a little difficult explaining my feelings to my sweetie, however he's been very patient (most of the time and wants our boundaries respected as well. IN the end we just agreed not to see them again. Interestingly enough the wife of the 1st couple has just called it quits on the whole swinging deal, and the joker is left standing alone.

ok im rambling sorry

"I just went with it. Ick. "

YEA! Been there two times, not doing it again! I realize to a degree that play partners don't have to be an exact match to what we ultimately prefer, however there's GOT TO BE SOMETHING there! for each other right?otherwise WTF is the point!? This IS about pleasure right....? although I feel like that just adds more difficulty in finding good play partners... Just my thoughts.... maybe this is an entirely different topic

EXCELLENT IDEA! I've thought of that too! but I think I would entrust my sweetie with this list, and maybe let him choose.... that is ONCE I'm beyond the 1st time.

I'm starting to collect my MFM fantasies, write them all down, and before we get together, I'll share my written collection with my wonderful hubby and our new friend. This should not only fan the flames for everybody concerned, raising the anticipation meter (isn't anticipation great?), but also it will help to clearly communicate what's really on my mind for this scenario.

my mind is in a million different places sometimes head bang

thanks for your replies to my posts, I think I found a new friend

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by dezaray

thanks for your replies to my posts, I think I found a new friend

You are welcome! I've found a new friend, too. Now, you have to be sure to update us on how your MFM goes, and I'll do the same!

[dezaray]

I've never felt SO welcome before on any board.
Thank you Thrax & Tybee



Thrax, it's great to have an experienced single guy's advice on this! I'm sure my SO will surely appreciate it. We REALLLY want this to work! go smoothly, and just have a HOT ass time. I think reading here will certainly help us grow into this in a smart way, and enjoy it like it's supposed to be enjoyed.

I love the one that started with a massage at a hotel! HOT DAMN! I'm up for that!

Have a great night guys! Maybe tomorrow night my sweetie and I will be on together. It'll be an early bedtime tonight for us

Peace,
Dez

[Chandler]

My experience being the second male, it's always been the female that decides who starts first, and where it's going in. There really isn't any rule out there that says either way, but the suggestion has typically come from either myself (because I think it's a typical thing to do in a MFM) or the other male. It just seems awfully boring having a MFM just taking turns with the wife, and not doing the double penetration.

[Thrax]

Dezaray,
You are quite welcome. While I was thinking about this stuff and typing that post I realized how lucky I have been with most of the MFMs I've been involved in.

I love the one that started with a massage at a hotel! HOT DAMN! I'm up for that!

Yeah, we liked it, too. We had one encore...so far. I'm thinkin' that maybe next time he pulls out the massage oil, I'll have prompted him to say, "Jane, it's about time you give Thrax a massage first..." Well, I can hope, anyway.

Hope things work out with your first MFM. Just take your time and pick out the guy you REALLY want to have it with. It may not be perfect, but just like in the vanilla world, that "first date" may be a lotta fun.

And, of course, after all this advice, you must commit to telling us how it goes. Right?

Enjoy! And good luck!

Thrax

[menher1559]

MFM is our preferred area of fun. And in most cases we allow my beautiful bride to set the pace. The fun is for everyone involved of course, however we believe she should set the pace. We have experience in the MFM arena and it typically begins with her touching us both and kinda pointing us guys in the direction she wants us to go.....

"All's fair in love and war.....and kinky sex"

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Chandler

It just seems awfully boring having a MFM just taking turns with the wife, and not doing the double penetration.

Is DP the main event for you? Many women aren't in the MFM for the DP, or even the anal. There are so many other things a woman can do with two men at once that don't have to include anal. I don't do anal in the Lifestyle, and I'm not interested in DP - but it hasn't stopped me from doing more than "just taking turns".

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by dezaray

Women, for your 1st MFM did your man start off? Did the other male start off? What did you find worked best in this situation?

thank you all in advance
Dez

Our first MFM was very weird-- all three of us were newbies.

The three of us discussed it, defined our rules, limits and turn-on's... We were all excited... planned the night, well in advance... when it came down to it we had a hard time actually initiating anything. Nobody wanted to make the first move. We three were chickenshit.

I had to get the ball rolling with the guys. I had to walk them through the first several minutes (and do all the work) until they were comfortable around eachother. Then- nature took over.

[CuriousInOregon]

I guess TECHNICALLY it wasnt a MFM as there were 2 MF couples BUT as I stated in my post that She stood down while I had my MFM and I stood Down while she had her MFM it was EXTREMEMLY HOT AND EROTIC to see my husband with her

[dezaray]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Is DP the main event for you?

Hell YEA! I LOVE seeing DP scenes in porn! and I can't wait to experience it for the 1st time!

However I will only allow my man in my ass, for obvious reasons.
We do have lots of cantidates, one in particular that seems VERRY interested, mmm he's a HOT ASS young thang! We've not met for a meet/greet yet, which is something I want to do before playing with anyone, and he's fine with it.

My SO and I have also discussed doing the FMF 1st for personal reasons dealing with some bad history with an x on his part. I won't get into details but to make a long story short, he swang years ago with an x (the love of his life) and she hurt him BAD. Lets just say, as far as it ever went was MFM's, he never once got his FMF, and I think waaaay back in the depths of his mind, he's worried it could possibly be a repeat deal with me because I want to take this whole swinging thing so slow. I assure him ALL the time of my love and respect for him, and that I'd NEVER do that to him. The past haunts us all in one way or another I suppose. I've also suggested that we try to find the right woman for our 1st FMF and do that 1st... I KNOW it will take longer to find, just the nature of the beast-unequal sexes online, and I also KNOW that if we do the MFM 1st, and it takes a long time to find the FMF, he will be upset, more impatient, and his fears will kick in over drive. So to roadblock any potential problems, I'm in no hurry to do this, however am greatly excited to do both.

Of course I WILL share the experience with you guys! I know how freaks LOVE juicy details! We're the same way!

TGIF!!!!!
Dez

[MrsHidalgo]

It all depends on the mood, the place, and many other factors. Usually, I start with my DH and then motion for the other guy to "cum" on in....

[MoAnamCara]

We have had experience with MFM and MMMF and find that the most fun has always occurred when we let the lady tell us how she wants to start. Most often this is not a verbal explanation of who does what to whom but is a physical request thru hands and eyes. We do our talking long before we ever get together for sex. Having everyone understand the boundaries and then I (male) make sure those boundaries are not crossed. Don't get me wrong,it's not all silent sex by any means. We keep it simple and let all involved contribute their "I wants".