Changes in body due to hystorectomy - how to explain to sex partners

Hi

I am wondering what to do about something here, I have recently had a hysterectomy, and find that I have to use lubrication during sex, Its not that I don't get wet, its just that I can't stay that way for any real length of time. I have also noticed that my vagina is somewhat shorter in length than before the surgery. So..... I am wondering how you would go about explaining all of this to potentional playmates and how you personally would react to a situation such as this? Now for the big question.......

How do you guys feel about playing with ladies who have had this surgery done? Is it a turn off for you? Does it take away from the experience etc???

Thanks for your input.

[Elusive BiFem]

Hello Unregistered Guest. Now first of all, why don't you go ahead and register so that a) we know who we are talking to, b) so that you will be able to post responses, and c) so that you will be able (or more inclined) to join us on a frequent basis. When responding to an "Unregistered Guest" you sorta get the feeling you might be talking to yourself. But I do that sometimes....

I had to smile when I read your questions. I had a hysterectomy almost exactly two years ago and had the same identical questions. I'm happy to tell you that none of my concerns were warranted over the long haul.

Shortening of the vaginal canal: With this concern, I'm going to assume your cervix was removed, too. And yes, at first it was uncomfortable but I learned to alter my position to avoid any discomfort. However, after time, I didn't even notice it any longer. I don't know if I've acclimated or if it has lengthened, but it is no longer a concern of mine.

Lubrication: This was another area of concern and was a problem initially. That is the reason they make lubricants such as Astro Glide, but again, after my hormones became balanced with supplements, that became more of a non-issue. Are you on hormones? I was before surgery, but found that after surgery, I had some significant problems getting things "balanced." Until that happens for you, don't hesitate to use a lubricant. I also want to add here...different hormones work differently for different women. If your prescribed hormones aren't doing their job, talk to your doctor about a change. Tell him/her your symptoms. Don't just accept things as par for the course.

As for telling playmates...I'd just simply tell them I had had surgery, have to be a bit careful so as to not cause myself discomfort, and find that the use of a lubricant enhances my experience. Simple as that. As time goes by, you will probably find that your concerns become non-issues and at that point, I wouldn't even mention it. Actually, I rarely even think of it now.
I'll let the men answer your question about turn on or turn off, but I'll say that I've never had reason to think a man was turned off by the fact that I had surgery.

Now for two things you didn't ask, but experience speaking....

1. Exercise: get into an exercise program and stick with it. I don't know why, because I had a laproscopic procedure (no incision) but still, I lost tone in my abdominal muscles. I think if I had focused on exercise earlier, it wouldn't be such an effort now.
2. Weight gain: doctors will tell you that there is no reason for weight gain post-hysterectomy. Millions of women will tell you otherwise. Again, exercise will help, but watch your diet, too. Those extra pounds can creep up on you.
3. Hormone replacement: there are pros and cons. Pro: eliminates symptoms (hot flashes, mood swings), some health benefits (maybe). Con: certain health risks, fluid retention, weight gain (from fluid), constant swelling (fluid). New studies indicate Zoloft in small doses can eliminate many of the symptoms without the negative side effects. In fact, I'm going to my doctor this week specifically to talk to her about starting Zoloft and decreasing or eliminating the estrogen hormone. Unsolicited information, but something you might want to discuss with your physician.

Now...go register, head for the introductions forum, and join us!

- EBF

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by Unregistered
...How do you guys feel about playing with ladies who have had this surgery done? Is it a turn off for you? Does it take away from the experience etc???
...

Dito to all of what EBF said, first of all.

I have played with a woman who has had the surgery, and no, it didn't detract form the experience at all. Most definitely talk about it beforehand with your partners and let them know what you need. I think you'll feel better if you do and will be able to relax and enjoy it all the more.

-B

[Chemistry_0518]

I have been with a couple of ladies who have undergone that surgery and my opinion is that the event was quite pleasureable. In one instance, the woman "prepared" me by liberally massaging ASTROGLIDE all over before insertion. Can you imagine how much of a turn on that was for me to feel those lovely hands slip-sliding all over my tool? I assure you that it was FANTASTIC! ANother woman would conveniently slip into the bathroom and insert some lubricant using a turkey baster. I did notice that her canal was a little shortened, but I would never have known about er lack of lubrication if she had not told me during one extended session. Then she actually allowed ME to perform the operation and it became more of our own special form of foreplay.

[Mr. Sparks]

Mrs. Sparks had a total hysterectomy a few years ago and had some of your same problems. I'm happy to report that she healed completely and I honestly can't tell any difference now from the pre-surgery days. The only permanant effects: she's a little more sensitive to friction in some places and it's uncomfortable for her when we "bottom out."

The best thing for you to do is just give yourself time to heal. Perhaps you should wait a few more months so you will feel more confident and less fearful -- there's already enough inherent nervousness with a first experience. By then, I doubt most men would ever know the difference. At any rate, just be honest with your male partners and ask them to be gentle with you. A gentleman should never be rough with a lady anyway, unless she requests it.

Good luck!

[tryit2?]

One thing no one has addressed here is the scar. My wife had a gall bladder surgery, and is VERY self concious about the long scar. I tell here not to worry, (at least not for me) but she still does. I mechanic, and scars are a way of life. (laughs) SO......., is this an issue for anyone? We have not started to swing, and I do believe this is a small part of her reluctance. (See married but single for other info) She still discusses swinging, and will probably be reading some of these posts for info.
BTW, thanks to all for the great info, and advice! We are still learning.

[Elusive BiFem]

There have been several discussions on scars in the past. If you will use the search feature at the top of the screen and type in the word scars, you will find several threads with mention of the topic.

Scars are a fact of life for most of us and nothing to greatly concern yourself with, IMO. Frankly, anyone that has passed the age of 35-40 without some sort of scar is fortunate. Scars from C-sections and appendectomies are common. I understand how someone can be self-conscious about a scar, but I think your wife will soon discover that she's not alone with her scar from her gallbladder surgery. Ask her this: would she be unwilling to play with someone because of THEIR scar? I doubt it. Funny how we hold ourselves to some sort of standard we don't hold others to, isn't it?

- EBF (and BTW, we're all still learning right along with you!)

[Chemistry_0518]

Originally posted by tryit2?
One thing no one has addressed here is the scar. My wife had a gall bladder surgery, and is VERY self concious about the long scar. I tell here not to worry, (at least not for me) but she still does. I mechanic, and scars are a way of life. (laughs) SO......., is this an issue for anyone? We have not started to swing, and I do believe this is a small part of her reluctance. (See married but single for other info) She still discusses swinging, and will probably be reading some of these posts for info.
BTW, thanks to all for the great info, and advice! We are still learning.

I am in agreement with EBF's post that she needs to come to grips with the fact that scars are a way of life. I work as a mechanic as well and have my full compliment of scars but I understand that the most difficult scars to deal with are the mental ones. Those who would find her unappealing are the ones who have the real problems. They are shallow and I think that I would be correct in saying that they are the type of people that you would not enjoy being around, never mind playing with. There are many of us who would jump at the chance to meet a sweet, sexy individual, scar or no scar.

[mrs good times]

I have a 6" scar that starts 2" above my belly button and heads south. I have never had anyone even ask why I have it. Most people aren't interested in hearing the gruesome details of such things. They are interested in playing and not learning your medical history.

[Greg & Sheryl]

Sheryl also suffers from some vaginal dryness even though she has not had a hysterectomy. There’s no need to explain this in advance. Simply keep some lubricant nearby, and then when you feel yourself getting dry, simply let your playmate know you need some extra lube. Chances are he will be aware of your dryness and appreciate the extra lube.

There’s no need to worry about the length of your vagina, either, unless it hurts when your playmate’s penis goes in too deeply. If that ever happens, just tell your playmate, “Please not so deep.” That should take care of the problem.