How Long Does It Take For Men?

[OhioCouple]

The following question was posed by . Does anyone else experience this problem? If so, how does it affect both the male and female halves?

Originally Posted by Dougiemanonamoon

I have a related, but somewhat different situation. I am a 37 yr. old healthy male. In the last 3 or 4 yrs., I have had a serious problem having an orgasm. When I masturbate, it only takes about 3-5 minutes, but when having intercourse with wifey, I can go an hour or more. I never lose the erection, I just can't make it over the " top". This may not sound like much of a problem, but the wife is getting sore as hell, as she wants me to experience an orgasm, and will usually hang in there until I do. I think the problem is purely physical; it seems in my older years ( LOL) my dick just isn't as sensitive as it used to be, and I feel numb after 10 minutes or so, then it's allmost impossible. Any other males having this kind of problem? Just wondering if there is a solution.

[Bambi]

My hubby is a quick shooter. It gets him upset and sometimes it gets me a little frustrated. He said he has always been like this. I wonder why he is like this? Another problem we have is he cannot have sex in the morning. I love sex in the morning but his penis just can't get do it. Any suggestions on why this happens?

[L&K]

welcome to old age Ohio Couple .

Just kidding , There are a few things you can do to help you out , frequency can make a big difference , If you and the wifre are sexual on a daily baisis take a break . Masterbation can effect things , how often ? the body does play hell keeping up with the mind the older you get , at least for some of us guys .

Now the complicated issue , your wife gets sore , been there , then you feel like you are putting her in an ordeal rather then sexual pleasure . See where i am going ?

self full filling prophecy , simple put if you exspect to take a long time your going too . Talk about it , talk about sexy fantasies before you begin , sex is in the mind for the most part , wind up your spring before you do your thing ! As difficult as this sounds , try not to think on the negative side , Dont think about it at all , sex is a natural act so act natural and recall some of your favorite times with the wife , your mind need not be in the present .

M yes i have been there too

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by M & S:
Now the complicated issue , your wife gets sore , been there , then you feel like you are putting her in an ordeal rather then sexual pleasure . See where i am going ?

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Interesting angle. My hubby desires and can be a 10-2-4-7 kinda guy. But why is it when he can't achieve an orgasm in a "normal" (whatever normal is) period of time, the desire to continue overides the mind?

How many slatherings of the Astrolube does it take to convince the male half that it just isn't gonna happen right now? Is this a male thing? I don't mean any of this in a derogatory way, I am curious to try and understand the motivation behind it.

Lori

[dave_susie2001]

quote:

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Originally posted by OhioCouple:
I am curious to try and understand the motivation behind it.

Lori

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Lori...Stand in line behind Freud!

I'm an educated man. (I just can't spell worth a darn!) I understand the theories behind psychological impotence (Stage fright) as well as not being able to achieve orgasm. I also have been there before...in both circumstances that is.

I've told the "shy member" story several times, but not being able to achieve orgasm is something that happens to me sometimes as well. I don't see it as a problem until Susie says something to make me start thinking about it. "I want to feel you cum" usually gets my mind working overtime. I start thinking...OK...time to cum....holy shit...it's not cumming...fuck fuck fuck...cum damnit...why the hell can't I cum????? Damn...I'm getting tired here.... "Aren't you going to cum?" Fuck!!! I'm trying! etc etc etc

See? I understand that it's all in my head...but I let it effect me anyway. Like I said Lori...if you figure it out...write a book and make a million bucks!

[L&K]

As M stated we have had our bouts with this type of problum. One of the ways it has made it better and sure hope this will not affect M. is I do things different for him. make sexual statements that get his mind going, And telling him what a great body he has, how much I like his body. and telling him I want to try different things. Examples like bringing different toys in the bed room. touching him in different ways. Saying things to him at times we are normal quiet with each other. Some things I have tried have helped and other times i just strike out, the best thing is not to get upset over it. And if you get too sore in one area try another.

M. feltl that he needed to please me first, and once that happened he felt he needed to hurry up and get things done for himself. which only caused more problums. It is easy to tell him to just relax and enjoy what he is doing but another thing for this to happen. one of the things that has helped us the most is M likes to watch me touch myself....

Lets be honest , most men try to do what is right for the ladies in the bed room and we respect them for this and is why we enjoy them so. maybe we need to return this for them, Men Like to be Animals.... We just need to find out how far each of them like to go. with out making them feel badly about themselves.

S.

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by dave_susie2001:
"I want to feel you cum" usually gets my mind working overtime.

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Well, I would be guilty of this too. I will try other forms of sexual talk, change positions etc, but there are just times that it flat out isn't gonna happen.

There are times that I know for myself too, that it isn't working and I will just say so. Maybe I am tired, not feeling well or just not into it for whatever reason, but I will say so, which I think he is grateful for. The hubby on the other hand will not which ends up both frustrating and sometimes painful. I think it must be a male thing and a measure of their manliness. The old..."can't get it up, can't get it off" therefore I am not very manly.

I would much prefer to have him say that it just isn't working right now and then cuddle up together and try a little later. Alas.....the mystery behind the male mind.

Lori

[L&K]

Yes Lori , you have hit the preverbial nail on the head , it is a manly thing , This time it is sexual , cant get it up or get it off .

Men are that way in general , we have a hell of a time giving in , sex , work or pet project , we men do not accept defeat very well . Surrender was not in my vocab for several years , the bright side is , this is also the trait that makes it possible for a man to be successful , win the heart of there wife's , and survive in a manly way . Of course it has its down side , nothing is perfect .

Talk with him more on the issue , just let him know it is ok not to make the finsih line , suger will attract more flies then salt ! We do understand the problem and there is no easy answer .

M ,

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by M & S:
...we have a hell of a time giving in , sex , work or pet project , we men do not accept defeat very well . Surrender was not in my vocab for several years , the bright side is , this is also the trait that makes it possible for a man to be successful , win the heart of there wife's , and survive in a manly way . Of course it has its down side , nothing is perfect .

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And men think women are complicated? I suppose that is why we have two sexes. Each to balance the other...

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

I have to wonder on this one if perhaps you haven't gotten "addicted" to masturbation. Similar to the way that we women often get "addicted" to our sex toys. We get so used to that vibration that it makes it very hard to come without it. I know this happened to me shortly after we got married (also about the same time I first started playing with toys). I got to the point where I couldn't orgasm without a toy. Could this be the same problem you are dealing with? You have gotten so used to the feel of your hand that now it is hard to come other ways?

[MrMuse]

[quote]Originally posted by OhioCouple:
[qb]The following question was posed by <Dougiemanonamoon>. Does anyone else experience this problem? If so, how does it affect both the male and female halves?

Hi there, this is the first time posting for me, but I just couldn't let this one go without sharing my experience.

I too share the symptoms that you are described here. I'm a 41 y/o man who, until just recently, was married for 22 years. I have never had a problem maintaining an erection or reaching orgasm. As a matter of fact, it was a chore for me to "hold off" until my wife had reached her peak. Then I read an article describing exerecises to help a man hold off until he was ready to cum. According to the article you would practice while urinating. In mid-stream squeeze your muscles to stop the stream, hold it for 10 seconds and release. I practiced this for a while until it helped me hold my orgasm almost at will. Well I think it backfired on me! When my wife and I started swinging (4 years ago) I figured I had something special. I coule never orgasm with anyone except my wife. I'm sure it was the "stage fright" situation that was talked about here in one of the posts. The only wasy to get me off quickly was to do something outrageous, like public sex, or having two women at the same time. It always worked!!!

Although, I'm no psychologist and can't explain why this happens other than "stage fright" or performance anxiety, i can offer this advice. Kink it up!!!! I'm thinking that is why masturbation works so well. When a guy masturbates, there is usually no distractions and his mind creates all kinds of nasty thoughts and fantasies. Then he cums! So try something a little wilder, a little riskier. Use a video camera, have sex outdoors, role play, make things exciting again, or more exciting than they are! I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results!

[ November 01, 2002, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: MrMuse ]

[anandjeff2]

HI there coming in herea little late I do have a few questioins. First off are you circumcised? This could be a part of the problem.Sometimes a circ'd man loses sensitivity and does have problems orgasming. Many times masturbation isnt a problem as they themselves can "push" the right button. Whereas in a sexaul position it is diffrent, think about which sexual position you prefer for orgasm..many men with sensitivity issues prefer Doggie or something similar where the penis is giving a more direct stimulation by the muscles actually being flexed. You could try a few things to "cure" this lack of sensitivity, SOme men swear by restoration ( a method of streching the skin to stimulate groth of skin cells thereby creating a new artificial foreskin. Second ther are soem products thta have been developed to cover the glans of the penis to some degre acting as a fores\kin and preventing continuous rubing of the glans thereby restroring some sensitivity.

It could also be an environmental change work, home things like that. See if anything has changed in the last few years that could cause a change in libido. I also know some people swear by a natural sexual pilnot viagra byut the natua\ral viagra cant think of it maybe someone else can give up the name. That seems to help people as well. It can be a lot of things..however many times it is the circumcison problem.Keritonization of the penis glans which leads to a sow but steady loss of sensitivity of the organ. Hppens more here in the USA than anywhere else and most Doctors in the USA since they have s o little knowledge of the foreskin just dont make the connection..

Hope this helps

An

[blueskies]

I and several other guys I know had this same issue. There were three common threads that we found interesting. The first was that we were all 7" plus long and 6" plus around. Second, we were all circumsized, third we all masturbated frequently. Finally, we all held back cumming because of concerns that our partners/wives hadnt yet!

I finally went to a urologist (yes it was a she!!!!!) and 'fessed up and asked what she thought. After some basic physical exam issues she came (no pun intended) to me and said that in her experience (both professionally and personally) "larger" men all took longer to climax than smaller men. Second, circumsized men, especially those who masturbate often, become de-sensitized to a certain extent. The masturbation is an issue because men typically grip their cocks harder and provide different stimulation than a vagina. Holding back orgasm conditioned our bodies to just plain not cum. Add those things together and, POOF, you get a late shooter.

What did she do for me? Told me to: 1) stop masturbating when not with my wife, 2) dont have sex when tired or rushed, 3) make sure you are adequately hydrated with water, NOT ALCOHOL (the alcohol acts as a de-stimulant), and 4) LOTS and LOTS of foreplay. Get yourself REALLY hot by having your partner lick, nibble, bite, rub, and then you do the same to her everywhere but your cock.

Did it work? Well, in short yes. The interesting thing is that I now have figured out how to hold back an orgasm for two to three hours.

My suggestion, stop masturbating and get heavy into foreplay (like 30 minutes or more of it without intercourse and then come back the next morning and have killer sex when refreshed). Also, make sure you dont hold back even if she hasnt cum yet. Why? Because (and it took me until I was 40 to learn this....ok ok Im a late learner and a little thick) women fell wonderful when they make a man cum quickly and WILL tolerate having to wait until you are recharged to go at it again. Bottom line...be patient and keep your hands off Little Willie!

David and Shel

Hey,.....I can sometimes go for long periods too,....but sometimes I shoot within a minute.....I think it depends on how the sex plays out.....I have a tendency to pleasure my wife before worrying about myself......and as she can cum 7 or 8 times in an hour it makes it really exciting for me.....I get so hard that my penis becomes less sensitive....Also there are certain positions that make me cum when it feels like it won't happen....

Generally speaking a good way to satisfy "yourself" is to cum early in the romp....then worry about your wife...I am sure that a woman prefers that to feeling raw....
You can also try having the woman jerk you off with lube......some anal stimulation is good too...

The more you think about it, the less it will happen.....and sometimes, it won't ....so what?....

[darling]

Have to put my 2 cents in. My husband has always been a quick shooter and I always liked that since we have sex on a daily basis. Seems like when I'm with someone that drags it out, it makes me sore and I lose the jolt of excitement.

But since he got about 38 or so, it takes longer. I have noticed that sometimes when he gets frustrated and says it just isn't going to happen, it helps to stop actual intercourse and just touch and play with no pressure. He then relaxes and before you know it, he is close and the intercourse only takes a couple of minutes. I think it has to do with relaxing and the pressure men put on themselves.