what keeps you from living out your fantasies

[jactncpl]

We are new to the board and would like to say hey. In talking about fantasies I wonder what would keep someone from living out a fantasy other than the sick stuff like child porn etc.

In other words if it turns you on so much and cant stop thinking about it then why wouldn't you do it? Just curious as to what your thoughts are.

Also what are some of your fantasies that you think about but for whatever reason wouldn't do them.

Todd

[SoCalCouple66]

Hi Todd,

We too are new to the board. In fact this is our first post.

We both think a lot of people are reluctant to live out some of their fantasies due to the fact that They may enjoy it a little to much. Fear that it may become more of an obsession. Or they might be found out.

Another reason...they realize the fantasy is disgusting and better left as a fantasy.

LOL...Plus, lots of fantasies are hard to line up. Obsessing over something that is so hard to make happen is a downer, like banging your head into the wall. head bang

R&K

[Brit_Pair]

Why would someone whose fantasy constantly aroused them baulk at making (or attempting to make) it a reality?

Some people will always be hesitant about enacting something they’ve previously only dreamed about. How many people out there have wanted to jump or dive from the top board into a swimming pool, only to stand at the edge and look down before heading back to the ladder? How many would-be parachutists and scuba-divers and bungee jumpers are there amongst us, people who will never “do it”, simply because they can’t overcome that last piece of resistance? It’s fear of the unknown that holds them back. In a fantasy, the person controls everything: nothing happens that they don’t want to. But when a person attempts to bring their fantasy into the real world, they have to surrender that total control. Variables - both known and unknown - will add uncertainty to the equation. There is risk – risk of exposure to friends and family, risk of a partner’s scorn, perhaps even risk of injury – and while some people thrive on the adrenal rush that accompanies risk, others do not.

There are those who might fear that if they enact their fantasy, the reality will not live up to their dreams. They choose not to risk that disappointment. Also, they might be concerned that if the fantasy is enacted, it will lose some of its potency. With good reason. Most humans crave experience, but once we’ve experienced something for the first time, its impact upon us is lessened on each subsequent occasion, until we seek something else to replenish that ‘cherry high’. Why else are we driven as a species to climb higher, dive deeper, go faster?

Which brings us to the point R & K made in that some people may be concerned about opening themselves to the possibility of becoming possessed by an obsession. They recognise those dangers, either on a conscious or unconscious level. After all, once that genie is out of the bottle . . .

R & K also make a good point concerning the logistics of a fantasy. You and your partner may well wish to fuck yourselves silly on top of a mountain, or on the observation deck of the Empire State Building or the Eiffel Tower, but if one of you is afraid of heights . . . The fantasy might simply not be a viable proposition in the real world.

And then there's the legality of the fantasy to consider, a point you raised yourself. Some people understand that what they want is ruled out by society, for good reason. There are some lines that we should never cross. Those that do risk incarceration, or worse.

In fantasy anything is possible: in life, for good or bad, the same cannot be said.

[Buck]

Originally posted by jactncpl


In other words if it turns you on so much and cant stop thinking about it then why wouldn't you do it? Just curious as to what your thoughts are.

Todd

Something may be a fantasy to you but not your partner, or at least your partner would be hesitant to go through with your fantasy for whatever reason. So, if your fantsay involves someone else such as your spouse or SO then as they say "it takes two to tango."

[Alura]

Living out fantasies is a lot of fun but we've found one bad effect. The idea becomes mundane, not nearly as arousing. Mind you, it's still fun, but no longer has that urgency attached to it.

At least that's what happened to us with the fantasy of swinging. We still love it, but it's not as important as it was before we experienced it.

Alura

[Lorrie]

For me, fantasies are goals like anything else in life. Once I accomplish a certain fantasy (goal), I think of another fantasy to eventually experience. Experiencing many fantasies helps prevent boredom.

Touching on some things Brit Pair said:

I never fantasize about putting myself in physical danger; that kind of fantasy would turn me off.

I have no risk/fear factor (except regarding illegal ones). So far, the jobs I've had couldn't care less what kind of person I am, and since my move, I've made it a point only to be close friends with people of alternative lifestyles; I can freely discuss my sex life to them without judgment.

I think everything I've ever pursued in life--including sexually--I've never been disappointed. I seem to just KNOW I will love it, and I do.

"Most humans crave experience, but once we’ve experienced something for the first time, its impact upon us is lessened on each subsequent occasion, until we seek something else to replenish that ‘cherry high’. Why else are we driven as a species to climb higher, dive deeper, go faster?"

Well, I think many people have experienced the same things in life for years and still have a deep passion for it. We are driven to go farther simply to challenge ourselves. Always staying in one's comfort zone may not be a good thing. It's healthy to explore new and different things, plus putting a different spin on the same thing one has been doing is good. There's always new things to discover and experience in sex.

The only fantasies of mine I would be hesistant to do are the illegal ones....But I have far more legal fantasies to keep me busy.

[JustAskJulie]

I can't think of any fantasies I have that I either haven't done or wouldn't do. The one that I still have that I haven't done is that I'd love to perform in an amateur night at a strip club. What's keeping me from it? About 20 lbs.