Help, I've never has an orgasm!!!!!!!!

cavalier2004 · 07-30-2003, 01:34 AM

Help, I'm 25 years old and have never had an orgasm with my guy. I can make myself cum by laying on my stomach and rubbing me pubic bone, but I have to be in a very specific position or it just won't happen. This is the ONLY way I can cum. I need advice on positions or anything else I can try. I want my boyfriend to make me cum.

naughty A · 07-30-2003, 02:47 PM

can you cum with him present...?

I've read that one way to start is to alternate between touching yourself and letting him touch you...

so you start out masturbating in front of him
the next time...he touches you and then you finish....
the next time... he touches you for longer and then back to yourself and when you feel about to orgasm you see if he can bring you to completion.

that's where I would start... anyway...

are you able to orgasm while lying on your stomach touching yourself AND having sex....?

are you able to orgasm from oral sex?

other people advise trying a vibrator... I've never had much success there myself... but hey its all fun.

good luck.

ciscosv · 07-30-2003, 03:05 PM

I suggest you find your G-spot and then show him how to hit it. It would be all she wrote from there.

If this is because you were abused as a child, go get some therapy.

saranmark · 07-30-2003, 09:52 PM

Well, if it is difficult for you to reach orgasm, it might be difficult for you to find the elusive "G Spot". Some people never find it.

I think that bringing a vibrator into play with him would probably do the trick. Never encountered a problem yet that a vibrator couldn't fix!!

Good luck,
SARA

Yummi · 07-30-2003, 10:12 PM

Have you had sex with other guys or just your boyfriend?

The g-spot was not exactly easy to find (for me anyways), I think you'd have better luck with clitoral stimulation. The easiest & quickest way for me to cum is good ole missionary position - that way my clit gets rubbed. The vibrator is a good idea, too - maybe either you or he could use a vibrator on your 'love button' during intercourse?

Vjklander · 07-30-2003, 10:23 PM

One of our girlfriends called me and asked me if I wanted to help a girl in her office. 25yo and 3 kids but never orgasmed. I did, she did, got the scars.
Basically, just start out with a lot of sensual massage and work into manual stimulation of the pussy and clit. Then a good half hour or so of good oral. After that, put her on her back, push her feet on your shoulders and enter her. This gets the head a good angle on the g-spot. If it helps, the guy should use his thumb on her clit too. Keep it wet.
J

NightGoddess · 07-31-2003, 04:38 AM

Cavalier2004
If I may suggest; you might want to find a good book on Lovemaking in general. Something like 'Sex for One'..go to www.amazon.com and look up books on 'Sex' or 'Erotica'
***Alex Comfort's book, The Joy of Sex is a classic and on Sale at Amazon.com for $28USD***
A good book about 'how-to' will have nice drawings and suggestions for things you can try.
One item we didn't ask you is if you know your anatomy really, really well...it's fine to talk about clitoral pressure and G-spots, but perhaps a bit of 'where it's all at' --or a 'map'-- if you will, may help quite a bit.
Before you start showing a partner what feels good and 'gets you There'...
-- you have to know how to Get There yourself.
Relax, do some reading, and take your time.
We all started not knowing this info. and learning how to share it with someone else isn't always easy

Good Luck, and pour yourself a nice drink!

PS -- Suggesting a How To book isn't meant to be disrespectful, it's that we don't know your knowledge base. So, please -- this is offered as helpful advice.

kandj · 11-16-2003, 06:42 PM

I'm new to the board and was reading through many of the old posts... this one just got my attention. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years now and I hate to admit it, but I've never had an orgasm with him. Not during sex of any sorts. Now give me a vibrator and some time alone and BAMM! We have tried everything we can think of to achieve this together, but for some reason I can't relax enough with him (or anybody else for that matter). Even though I can't orgasm during sex with someone, I still enjoy it..... ALOT! Maybe it's that "not knowing what your missing" thing.
If anyone has any good info or ideas on helping us change all this please let us know!
J.

BettyAnnMBSC · 11-23-2003, 08:12 PM

you know that feeling you get where you think you're gonna pee all over him and the bed. Then you tighten up and hold it or make him stop so you can go pee in the potty?

Next time you feel that way just go ahead and pee! Close your eyes and let 'er rip. Try it....

===============================

Oh yeah - tell him you're gonna try that as a relaxation technique - tell him BEFORE you do it so he isn't freaked. And don't worry - he'll like it.

Brit_Pair · 11-25-2003, 08:52 AM

It's possible that, having discovered one successful route to orgasm, your body is now 'locked into' that routine, which is why you're having such a frustrating time.

You need to try and take the pressure off yourself (which is why I'd recommend Vjklander's relaxed, leisurely approach). It might take more than one session for you to break out of your routine, but if you can find a way to relax and let things run their natural course, there's no reason why you shouldn't experience climaxes with your boyfriend. By the same token, he needs to be patient and supportive, and to help in whatever way he can.

Elusive BiFem · 11-25-2003, 09:42 AM

I've read this thread a thousand different times, but I've never replied because this is going to sound kind of stupid.

But...one of the answers to achieving orgasm is to.....breathe. Simple as that. Breathe. Now of course, with that, you still have to have stimulation and such. But for those that have a difficult time reaching orgasm with stimulation, breathing is sometimes the key.

We have a tendency to hold our breath as we approach orgasm, but like every other muscle, those used in sexual activity need oxygen, too. Or something like that. Whatever. It works. Try it. Takes a little coordination of mind and body without losing focus. But the results are well worth it.

- EBF

EDIT: I just found this link on female orgasm that mentions breathing exercises. Take a look.

froggyjenn80 · 12-01-2003, 07:26 PM

I too have a hard time orgasming. I have with 2 guys only...and one is my husband and other was before I got into swinging. But the only way I can do it is if I am on top. I used to be able to be on top facing them, but now I have to ride backwards. I hate it.

I went to the OBGYN about it. She went up there and found my G-spot. It was a lot higher than normal womens and it was in my back, not my front.

You can also see a sex therapist, or somebody qualified to find it for the two of you. There are also a lot of videos and book pertaining to finding the G-spot.

Some say vibrator (hurts like hell for me) and some say clitorial stimilation (also hurts like hell for me) but him knowing what you like helps a great deal. Read books, watch videos, experiment with anything and everything....you might be surprised.

Good luck
Jenn

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07-30-2003, 01:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
cavalier2004 Registered Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 5 Location: canada Status: s	Help, I've never has an orgasm!!!!!!!! Help, I'm 25 years old and have never had an orgasm with my guy. I can make myself cum by laying on my stomach and rubbing me pubic bone, but I have to be in a very specific position or it just won't happen. This is the ONLY way I can cum. I need advice on positions or anything else I can try. I want my boyfriend to make me cum.

07-30-2003, 02:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
naughty A Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 997 Location: windsor ontario Status: couple - female half	can you cum with him present...? I've read that one way to start is to alternate between touching yourself and letting him touch you... so you start out masturbating in front of him the next time...he touches you and then you finish.... the next time... he touches you for longer and then back to yourself and when you feel about to orgasm you see if he can bring you to completion. that's where I would start... anyway... are you able to orgasm while lying on your stomach touching yourself AND having sex....? are you able to orgasm from oral sex? other people advise trying a vibrator... I've never had much success there myself... but hey its all fun. good luck. __________________ The proper response to "Good morning" is not "Prove it!"

07-30-2003, 03:05 PM	#3 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 750 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	I suggest you find your G-spot and then show him how to hit it. It would be all she wrote from there. If this is because you were abused as a child, go get some therapy. __________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

07-30-2003, 09:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
saranmark Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 153 Location: Elkhart, IN Status: Married Couple-female half	Well, if it is difficult for you to reach orgasm, it might be difficult for you to find the elusive "G Spot". Some people never find it. I think that bringing a vibrator into play with him would probably do the trick. Never encountered a problem yet that a vibrator couldn't fix!! Good luck, SARA __________________ You know what they say: When in Rome, do... a Roman!!

07-30-2003, 10:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
Yummi Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 113 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: M.Female	Have you had sex with other guys or just your boyfriend? The g-spot was not exactly easy to find (for me anyways), I think you'd have better luck with clitoral stimulation. The easiest & quickest way for me to cum is good ole missionary position - that way my clit gets rubbed. The vibrator is a good idea, too - maybe either you or he could use a vibrator on your 'love button' during intercourse? __________________ YuMMi

07-30-2003, 10:23 PM	#6 (permalink)
Vjklander Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 832 Location: VA Status: Couple, Straight M, BiFem SLS Name:Vjklander	One of our girlfriends called me and asked me if I wanted to help a girl in her office. 25yo and 3 kids but never orgasmed. I did, she did, got the scars. Basically, just start out with a lot of sensual massage and work into manual stimulation of the pussy and clit. Then a good half hour or so of good oral. After that, put her on her back, push her feet on your shoulders and enter her. This gets the head a good angle on the g-spot. If it helps, the guy should use his thumb on her clit too. Keep it wet. J

07-31-2003, 04:38 AM	#7 (permalink)
NightGoddess Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 223 Location: San Diego, California Status: Single Female	...plenty of how-to.... Cavalier2004 If I may suggest; you might want to find a good book on Lovemaking in general. Something like 'Sex for One'..go to www.amazon.com and look up books on 'Sex' or 'Erotica' *Alex Comfort's book, The Joy of Sex is a classic and on Sale at Amazon.com for $28USD* A good book about 'how-to' will have nice drawings and suggestions for things you can try. One item we didn't ask you is if you know your anatomy really, really well...it's fine to talk about clitoral pressure and G-spots, but perhaps a bit of 'where it's all at' --or a 'map'-- if you will, may help quite a bit. Before you start showing a partner what feels good and 'gets you There'... -- you have to know how to Get There yourself. Relax, do some reading, and take your time. We all started not knowing this info. and learning how to share it with someone else isn't always easy Good Luck, and pour yourself a nice drink! PS -- Suggesting a How To book isn't meant to be disrespectful, it's that we don't know your knowledge base. So, please -- this is offered as helpful advice. Last edited by NightGoddess : 07-31-2003 at 04:44 AM.

11-16-2003, 06:42 PM	#8 (permalink)
kandj Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 33 Location: NW. Ohio Status: couple SLS Name:kaydes	I'm new to the board and was reading through many of the old posts... this one just got my attention. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years now and I hate to admit it, but I've never had an orgasm with him. Not during sex of any sorts. Now give me a vibrator and some time alone and BAMM! We have tried everything we can think of to achieve this together, but for some reason I can't relax enough with him (or anybody else for that matter). Even though I can't orgasm during sex with someone, I still enjoy it..... ALOT! Maybe it's that "not knowing what your missing" thing. If anyone has any good info or ideas on helping us change all this please let us know! J.

11-23-2003, 08:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
BettyAnnMBSC Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 261 Location: Myrtle Beach South Carolina Status: F half of bi cpl	you know that feeling you get where you think you're gonna pee all over him and the bed. Then you tighten up and hold it or make him stop so you can go pee in the potty? Next time you feel that way just go ahead and pee! Close your eyes and let 'er rip. Try it.... =============================== Oh yeah - tell him you're gonna try that as a relaxation technique - tell him BEFORE you do it so he isn't freaked. And don't worry - he'll like it. __________________ ~~~~~ N'essayez jamais d'enseigner un porc à chanter. Il perd votre temps et gêne le porc.

11-25-2003, 08:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
Brit_Pair Active Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 3,635 Location: UK Status: Couple	It's possible that, having discovered one successful route to orgasm, your body is now 'locked into' that routine, which is why you're having such a frustrating time. You need to try and take the pressure off yourself (which is why I'd recommend Vjklander's relaxed, leisurely approach). It might take more than one session for you to break out of your routine, but if you can find a way to relax and let things run their natural course, there's no reason why you shouldn't experience climaxes with your boyfriend. By the same token, he needs to be patient and supportive, and to help in whatever way he can. __________________ *It's not going to be an orgy. It's a toga party . . .*

11-25-2003, 09:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
Elusive BiFem Active Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3,400 Location: Texas Status: Single Female	I've read this thread a thousand different times, but I've never replied because this is going to sound kind of stupid. But...one of the answers to achieving orgasm is to.....breathe. Simple as that. Breathe. Now of course, with that, you still have to have stimulation and such. But for those that have a difficult time reaching orgasm with stimulation, breathing is sometimes the key. We have a tendency to hold our breath as we approach orgasm, but like every other muscle, those used in sexual activity need oxygen, too. Or something like that. Whatever. It works. Try it. Takes a little coordination of mind and body without losing focus. But the results are well worth it. - EBF EDIT: I just found this link on female orgasm that mentions breathing exercises. Take a look. Last edited by Elusive BiFem : 11-25-2003 at 09:50 AM.

12-01-2003, 07:26 PM	#12 (permalink)
froggyjenn80 Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 81 Location: California Status: Married Female	I too have a hard time orgasming. I have with 2 guys only...and one is my husband and other was before I got into swinging. But the only way I can do it is if I am on top. I used to be able to be on top facing them, but now I have to ride backwards. I hate it. I went to the OBGYN about it. She went up there and found my G-spot. It was a lot higher than normal womens and it was in my back, not my front. You can also see a sex therapist, or somebody qualified to find it for the two of you. There are also a lot of videos and book pertaining to finding the G-spot. Some say vibrator (hurts like hell for me) and some say clitorial stimilation (also hurts like hell for me) but him knowing what you like helps a great deal. Read books, watch videos, experiment with anything and everything....you might be surprised. Good luck Jenn

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