When is love enough?

[BigNikki]

Big Nikki here -- back from a grueling (and humiliating) work assignment. It was no fun, but the pay was good and it was patriotic, so I did it.

And I was away from all sex but my right hand.

Now I am home and in my husband's arms and sex with him is enough. Fully enough.

So when is love enough?

I'm sure that in a few days I'll feel my old voracious lust and also that damned itch that makes me repeatedly masturbate during the day, but for now . . .

Love is enough.

When is love enough for you? When do you not need to, not want to play?

When is love enough?

-- Big Nikki

[JustAskJulie]

For me, love is enough most of the time. Honestly, I can't say that I've felt like I "needed" to play but maybe twice in the last 4 years that we've been together. I know one of those was one of my "I need a woman" moments that crop up occasionally.

We enjoy playing occasionally, but it's just not something we feel like we "need". So, I guess for us Love is Always Enough.

[LFM2]

Just like Julie, we've never felt a "need" to play. Love has always been enough. We like playing because it's naughty and fun, but in reality, there's no need. Now, when the itch comes though, we "want" to scratch it.

[BigNikki]

Big Nikki here.

Oh, Julie, your post made me feel so good.

I'm repeating it below, to encourage folks to read it again.

-- Big Nikki

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

For me, love is enough most of the time. Honestly, I can't say that I've felt like I "needed" to play but maybe twice in the last 4 years that we've been together. I know one of those was one of my "I need a woman" moments that crop up occasionally.

We enjoy playing occasionally, but it's just not something we feel like we "need". So, I guess for us Love is Always Enough.

[MN Tom]

Our love as spouses is enough. We consider swinging play to be just that, play. It's not needed. It's a fun fantasy and we find that it enhances our time as a married couple, but it's not needed.

Need though is a word with many degrees. One could say that they dont need almost anything beyond shelter, water and food. And if that is how you want to live, so be it. Most of us feel we need more than that though, and at one of those points, swinging comes into play. It's pretty far down the list for most, but it's probably not the bottom of the list either.

[TNT]

Always.

It's been well over a year since we played. We've missed playing, we've wanted to play, but there's never been a need to play. If there had been a "need" we would have made it happen one way or another. Even in the very beginning there was never a need...it was always a want.


Teresa

[Big Rock]

The difference between a need and a want is semantics, if love isn't enough then you're not truly in love, IMHO. Since we got married, both my wives and I have commented about our lack of interest in other people, but then again, that's us.

[Lascivious L&L]

Yes, it's all semantics. What does need mean?

I could argue that if you actually do it, then you need it. If you don't need it then you won't actually take the time and energy to do it. So if you've been a year without sexual play, then you could legitimately argue that you don't need it.

If you play once a week or once a month, then the point could be made that need is a word that applies.

[BigNikki]

Big Nikki here, the original poster of this thread.

I won't object to this thread drifting off-topic (I do that plenty myself) but I'd like to bring it back to center.

I didn't intend to be making any distinction between wanting or needing to swing. I was pointing out (based on my experience of being away from husband John for all of three days) that sometimes your love for your partner is so BIG for you, that sex with others loses its appeal.

And for John and I, you know it was love love love, because, while we routinely have a lot of sex together, we're both primarily queers.

If a brief separation from my John made me lust for him so much that the appeal of girls and other boys just faded away, then you know something was going on.

And what was going on was Love Was Enough.

(True confession here: it lasted just a coupla days before I was back with my face planted in a pussy. But that neither surprised nor disappointed me. Being away from fucking everything that moves was the unusual thing.)

So again I want to ask the board: When Is Love Enough?

When does your love and your passion for your partner make all other sexual desire fade into the background?

It only took a three day separation to do it to me. But I can't figure out other people by looking at my twisted self; I'm too abnormal. I want to know what makes normal swingers at one time another feel that love is enough; nothing more is needed.

Tell me, tell us all, When Is Love Enough for you?

-- Big Nikki

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by Big Rock

The difference between a need and a want is semantics, if love isn't enough then you're not truly in love, IMHO. Since we got married, both my wives and I have commented about our lack of interest in other people, but then again, that's us.

Yes, that's you. So maybe you shouldn't be telling other people that they aren't really in love with their partner, since you don't know them and don't know what their feelings are. You are just an observer. There are plenty of people in the world who would say that in THEIR humble opinion you couldn't possibly be fully and sincerely in love with two women at the same time, but you have not been told that on this site, and won't be, because this is an open and accepting community. Yet you pass judgement on those of us who have successfully separated love and sex.

[LFM2]

Ok... I'll try this one again...

I always lust for Dave. We are separated for days at a time as his work takes him away from home on occasion, and I always lust for him and not think of others -- But, like I said, I ALWAYS lust for him. Not just when we're separated.

Since we started swinging years ago, I've fucked a few men (and had sex with a few women) and a lot of that playing has lost it's flavor. Maybe because there's been nobody new. We live in a small community, where the swingers never change. I love the feeling of finding someone new and really getting it on. It comes back occasionally -- maybe when we're out at a house party or a M&G somewhere and I end up kissing or making out with another guy... I might lust and have an urge to fuck others. Alas, we haven't played for months. My work schedule is so messed up that we miss out on all the parties. Even though Dave knows he can go out and party all he wants, he doesn't. Then, the more I'm away from others who share our hobby, the less my desire for play becomes. I don't know if I'm the only one that feels like this, but I do.

When I was single... that was another matter. I always had sexual desires with others. But then, there was never any love.

Did this answer the question you were asking?

[Lascivious L&L]

I have a skeptical reaction to the question "When is love enough?" because in our and many other cultures love is SUPPOSED to be enough. It is supposed to be the end all and be all of marriage and never another thought of sex with others.

The proof is in the doing. No love is not enough to make all other sexual desires irrelevant. We here act on that truth. Virtually all feel it at one time or another, usually many times, whether acted on or not. Many convince themselves that desires for others is bad, bad, bad, and go a whole life without exploring. But very few have had only one sex partner their whole lives.

For me the main point is that love can be part of desires for others. Every threesome or foursome or moresome we have includes love for my wife as an integral and very important part of sexual play. Playing without her there would be much, much less fun and erotic. Playing is about us and our love. Exploring with others widdens the possibilities and pleasures possible, expands the geography of our sexual love into areas not possible as a couple only.

Virtually all of our playing is together, not separating and swapping. Love for each other is what powers the pleasure of play.

I would have to say love is always enough for me. Being in the LS as part of a couple in past years, playing was never a NEED, it was a desire. I would have been completely satisfied with only being with my husband at the time and no one else. We actually went a couple years or so without playing and I missed it at times. It was not that I was looking for love in the LS but I missed the excitement it brought to our sex life, it was naughty and fun, it was wild and crazy and it was HOT!!!

But if I ever get involved in another relationship where we both are seeking the LS to enhance our relationship, Love will always be enough for me.

SexyRed76

[sweet_tna]

I think I know what you're getting at here, Big Nikki. And yeah, there are plenty of times when love is enough. When Mr. Sweet was away for five nights a week over a period of five months, we didn't play with anyone else. In fact, though each of us gave the other a "hall pass", because I knew he wouldn't use his, I opted not to use mine. It was enough to be with him when we could.

At the end of his five-month stint, we went to Temptations in Cancun. The atmosphere was ripe for playtime, but we did not pursue it. Again, love was enough. Once he'd been home awhile and things 'settled down', we got the itch to play with others again, and scratched it when we could.

=)

[BigNikki]

Big Nikki here.

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

yeah, there are plenty of times when love is enough. When Mr. Sweet was away for five nights a week over a period of five months, we didn't play with anyone else. . . . It was enough to be with him when we could.

At the end of his five-month stint, we went to Temptations in Cancun. The atmosphere was ripe for playtime, but we did not pursue it. Again, love was enough. Once he'd been home awhile and things 'settled down', we got the itch to play with others again, and scratched it when we could.

Thanks, that's just what I was talking about. All people could and should play, though most don't. But there are times not to play. When libido is down; when you're overworked and tired; when you're pregnant (sob) or have a new-borne; when you're fighting and having marriage trouble; or when you're just too darned in love to lust for anyone else.

If you don't mind my breaking off here to ramble on my troubles, my John and I have been working at getting pregnant for a while -- two squirts a day for months. And I've not caught.

Makes us worry that we're not fertile. Then an unintentional fuck with a guy at a party and I worry maybe John's not fertile, and this other guy has knocked me up.

Wishing doesn't make things so, but wishing is part of our human makeup.

Do I wish I'm not pregnant so that John can knock me up later? Do I wish that I am pregnant so that we can have a child that at least half ours?

The reality is it's own complex flow of mystery and knowledge. The desire takes on too many shapes to begin to be described.

When things are extra good between you, Love is Enough. When life is back to normal there's room for all kinds of lust and play.

If the vanillas were sane and wise enough they would see sex the way we do: special sex is love is probably exclusive. But otherwise, sex should be like taking a friend to lunch or a round of golf and tennis. You do it with friends, but you're not bonding with these people.

-- Big Nikki, confused as ever