cant finsh the "job"

[reach]

i have a unusual (so im told) problem....well not a big problem but its troubling me......i can not cum through intercourse. When M and i are having sex we can go hours, switch positions and add toys to the mix and im super excited but nothing.....M can take me oraly or give me a handjob and im cumming in 2 min....what gives? iv been with 15 or so partners in my life and iv had the same "problem" with them too...M and i have been together for 11 years, she knows what i like and how i like it yet nothing....im 36 healthy have the sex drive of a 16 year old yet no matter how hard i try or how relaxed i am i cant cum with sex....any one eles have this "problem"? ....also M and i are going to Desire in Oct ...my concern their is if we play with a couple and i end up cumming during sex with the other woman will that hurt my SO? she says it wont bother her cuz of the thrill of the erotic vacation and a new partner may put me over the edge.. i trust that she says it wont be upseting but this is only talking about what might happen when the deed is done that could bring up a whole new set of emotions...any help or comments are appreciated

[slevin]

Do you always use a condom for intercourse?

[reach]

no we havent used a condom in 10 plus years...

[slevin]

Do you masturbate? A lot? At all?

[reach]

masturbate of course....id say once or twice a week

[slevin]

Then I'm out of ideas; usually it's one of those two. Maybe try cutting out masturbation completely for 3-4 weeks and avoid having your wife give you hand-jobs as well. Even if that means that you get extra horny after a week. Let that happen and see if the sensitivity comes back.

If you're always cumming from your wife giving a handjob, or your masturbating then your body may have gotten used to that rougher stimulation. Give yourself a bit of a break from that and see what happens

[just4couples]

I have the same problem, but I am female...it can be kind of frustrating for my husband, but we have learned to deal. I have been that way my whole life...and I do believe that it is from frequent masturbation. I have a very high sex drive, but getting me "over the top" can be a bit of a chore. One thing that I have found that helps me IMMENSELY is a supplement that my family doctor recommended. No plug here...just honesty. The name of the supplement that I take is Steel Libido for Women by Irwin Naturals. I know for a fact that the company has the same type of formula for men(steel libido for men) I don't take it all of the time, because I am afraid I will develop an immunity, but it DEFINITELY makes a difference when I do...We buy it at Drug Mart or CVS, but they carry it at our local health food store, and I believe GNC carries it as well. If you go to your health food store, they usually keep free samples on hand. That's what I did, and we were very impressed. Like I said, NOT a plug...but a suggestion from someone with extreme empathy for your plight. Take this for what you will, and I wish you the best!

[MsGoneWild]

Originally Posted by slevin

Then I'm out of ideas; usually it's one of those two. Maybe try cutting out masturbation completely for 3-4 weeks and avoid having your wife give you hand-jobs as well. Even if that means that you get extra horny after a week. Let that happen and see if the sensitivity comes back.

If you're always cumming from your wife giving a handjob, or your masturbating then your body may have gotten used to that rougher stimulation. Give yourself a bit of a break from that and see what happens

Excellent advice, and exactly what I was going to say

OP you've conditioned yourself to cum through other methods, trying this can help undo that conditioning.

[reach]

thank you all for your advice....M and i will take a month off of handjobs and masturbation

[reach]

we will also try the supplements....thank you all

[MN Tom]

Well, think of this as a benefit in some regards. You have stamina! Some guys are the opposite, they cant come from hands/mouth but blow the load almost immediately with intercourse.

At least with your issue you can have a lot of fun, and I assume that it feels good to you the whole time too right?

If you do climax through intercourse with someone else, then that would probably lead you to the thought that it's a mental thing. If not, it still could be, but might be harder to correct.

If it's just the type of contact (difference between intercourse and hands), then maybe abstinence from the hands will recondition you to intercourse again.

Supplements might help too, no direct experience myself, but Ive heard plenty of secondhand ideas on them, some people swear by them.

[reach]

mn tom, yes sex still feels great and m don't mind that we can go for hours.....

[OH513couple]

Reach,

I have "suffered" with the same affliction since high school. Part of the issue is mental conditioning, the rest is desensitization. We have found I have better results in certain positions, etc.

One thing to try to "recondition" is to have M start with hands or oral and get you close, then try to finish vaginally. If successful, then gradually lessen the amount of "prep" prior to switching.