Sex with Teens

[eurotrash]

My latest girlfriend told me when she was 16, she was going out with a 30-yr old guy and having sex with him. I had an ex who was going out with a 21-yr old when she was 15, and they were having sex, too.

My first reaction is to be open-minded about what happened, but later and deep down, I think it's just wrong. I don't blame the girls, who say they were in love with the men, but what kind of guys are these?

Maybe I'm just being too conservative? Are these kinds relationships normal but I just wasn't aware of them? Is it a French thing? (Both girls are French with Asian heritage.)

If the topic comes up again, should I speak my mind, like, "The guy you were going out with should be in prison for raping you."???

What do you think? Is it ok to hit on a teen, then have sex with him/her once you've seduced her/him?

[Zoe&Wash]

Yeah, I don't see why not. Most jails and prisons are a lot safer then they're made out to be in popular culture. So there's virtually no downside in engaging in a relationship with an individual who is incapable of granting consent, and who's willingness to engage in these acts will be ruled irrelevant in court. Best of all, the list run by most states tracks people better than Facebook and it's for life.

Was she raped by pervs? Probably not. Were they wrong for engaging in sex with a willing (and possibly clueless) teenager? Yeah, pretty much.

It's simple math. One 36 year old is twice as good as a pair of 18 year olds. And a 45 year old beats a pile of 15 year olds every day of the week.

W

[Alura]

For six-thousand years of recorded history, and probably more than that, teens have been having sex and people have been using drugs and alcohol, while churches and governments have been trying to stop both. They've never been successful and is not likely to stop soon, no matter what laws are passed.

Some time ago ... I'm thinking twenty to thirty years ... a study was done that suggested the age of consent for sex be pegged at twelve years of age. While most folks disagreed with that, the point was made that children, by that age, knew the difference between right and wrong. It was also suggested that a difference be considered between consensual sex and violent rape. I would think most everyone would agree with that.

I don't know what the age of consent should be but I do feel that parents have failed if a child arrives at age twelve and doesn't know enough about sex to ward off the advances of older perverts. As far as older perverts, themselves, they need mental health treatment. Imprisonment doesn't help; in fact, seems to make them worse.

All this is written "in my opinion" only. Personally, I think inexperienced teens would be boring lovers, despite their young bodies and hormone-driven enthusiasm.

Alura

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by Zoe&Wash

It's simple math. One 36 year old is twice as good as a pair of 18 year olds. And a 45 year old beats a pile of 15 year olds every day of the week.

And a five some is a straight (or maybe not so straight...) flush?

Sorry, couldn't resist

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by eurotrash

If the topic comes up again, should I speak my mind, like, "The guy you were going out with should be in prison for raping you."???

If you're trying to create a dialog about this particular issue, I wouldn't phrase it like this. She may become defensive about the subject, and shut down further communication. I would go with a more open ended question, something along the lines of, "Looking back, how do you feel about the age difference between the two of you?"

If you just want to share your opinion about the situation with no ongoing dialog, then speak your mind.

[slevin]

I don't know about France, but here in Canada it is legal for a 16 year old to date anyone they want. So me being 34 dating a 16 year old is perfectly legal. I wouldn't do it, but it's legal. Up until a year or so ago the legal age of consent for sexual activity was 14.

Personally, 18 is my lower limit, but even that would be an exception.

[Zoe&Wash]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

And a five some is a straight (or maybe not so straight...) flush?

Well, let's say you had a twenty year old, an eighteen year old and a pair of 19 year old siamese twins conjoined at the liver - I think that would beat five of any kind.

W

[campgirl2in1]

My wife was very active sexually when a teen, some of her partners (felons according to the law) were in their 20's. I find her tales extremely hot but more because it was her not because of her age. Though it does add a bit of naughtyness to it.

All that being said... I would not go near a chic that is under 30. The reasons are too many to list.

[JustAskJulie]

When I was 16-18 I dated several guys who were much older (ranging from 24 to 40). I was also out of HS and many times the guys had no idea how old I was (other than that I was probably 18). At that age I thought it was cool to be dating a much older guy.

Now that I'm older I look back and wonder about the guys I was dating. Granted I ended up marrying one of them (first husband) when I was 20 (he was 28). When we first dated I was 16 and he was 24 but again he didn't know how old I actually was until we'd been out several times. I think in those cases it's a little different than say if the guy knows the girl is still in HS... in that case I really do wonder about the guy.

[dr_pepper]

Personally, I have never had sex with any woman under 21, and most of the women I have know since, didn't care for older guys. (more than 4 or 5 years older)

Now, I have an email friend who knows personally a couple women who are now in their late 30's, but who grew up in Northern Canada, and they said they started having sex at age 12 and with men of all ages. And that they were not coerced in anyway. They say too that they were not affected by all of this and enjoyed all they did.

I read a few years back that in England, years ago, the age of sexual consent for women was 12, or if she was known to be promiscuous.

Like has been said earlier. "Older" women are a lot more fun!

[Edison Carter]

Ed here-- First, on the twelve year old girls and not being coerced. They were twelve, they do not have the ability to make sexual choices. Age, ignorance and immaturity are why we have some legal limits. Yet, as with a 16 year old and a 40 year man, just because it's legal does not make it right. Another example, in a different area, would be Finance. Twelve year olds cannot sign for a loan, even if they have assets. Again, we accept a certain minimum age for awareness to make sexual and financial choices.

I have a niece and we were house sitting while her parents had to be away for a month and a new guy was picking her up for a date. I opened the door and it was a 25 year old guy. I took one look at this and said to him,"Let's go for a walk first." I asked what was wrong with him that as a grown man that he was trolling for a 16 year old girl. I explained that I viewed him as a predator, he was going home immediately and if he had a shred of decency he would 'man' up and meet women his own age and not children. I also explained that I had the ability to make certain a man like him ended up in prison. He left and never contacted my niece again.

My niece screamed ,"I hate you," for a good hour. I told her, in this case, for these reasons, may it be a long and healthy hate. Well, she's 21 now and two weeks ago she was over and thanked me for looking out for her then. She has a different perspective now, one only time could provide. Oh, that guy ? He's actually in prison for raping a minor, which is why my niece raised the subject five years later.

While what happened to your girlfriend was wrong, you cannot unring a bell. You may be able to say that at 16 her perspective may not have been adult enough to see what was truly going on: relationships with sexual opportunists. Yet, it will be doubtful you can get her to accept the real truth. From her point of view, she was in love and that is a difficult point of view to alter.

[dr_pepper]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Ed here-- First, on the twelve year old girls and not being coerced. They were twelve, they do not have the ability to make sexual choices. Age, ignorance and immaturity are why we have some legal limits. Yet, as with a 16 year old and a 40 year man, just because it's legal does not make it right. Another example, in a different area, would be Finance. Twelve year olds cannot sign for a loan, even if they have assets. Again, we accept a certain minimum age for awareness to make sexual and financial choices.

I sure understand what you are saying. I gather that with the ladies I mentioned they were in a remote area, with little to do, and that this was enjoyed by all concerned. I know that doesn't always make it right, but it seemed to work for them.

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

I have a niece and we were house sitting while her parents had to be away for a month and a new guy was picking her up for a date. I opened the door and it was a 25 year old guy. I took one look at this and said to him,"Let's go for a walk first." I asked what was wrong with him that as a grown man that he was trolling for a 16 year old girl. I explained that I viewed him as a predator, he was going home immediately and if he had a shred of decency he would 'man' up and meet women his own age and not children. I also explained that I had the ability to make certain a man like him ended up in prison. He left and never contacted my niece again.

Fortunalely for your niece you were able to read this guy perfectly. Years ago, I very inadvertently stumbled into something similar. I had just relocated to OKC started working there. The fellow who was training me was a little older than my 37, and he knew I was recently divorced and interested in meeting some women, if the occasion arose.
Well, he knew two eligible ladies who were friends, and said that one was probably to rough for me, but the other I might like. He gave me her phone number and I called and talked with her. We set a date for dinner and a movie, and on the evening of the date I went to her house and was very shocked when I got there. Her mother and I would have gotten along great, but this girl was just 18. When we got in the car, I immediately turned to her and said that I don't molest young ladies, and that we will have a nice dinner and movie and that is ALL. She looked much relived, and we did have a nice evening. A day or so later, I was at the hospital she worked in, and I stopped by her office to say hi and thank her for the nice evening. She appreciated that, and then told me that there was a lady she worked with "who was more my age", and this lady would like for me to call her. This I did, and we talked for an hour and a half, and set up a lunch date. Turned out this was the lady who my friend thought was too "rough" for me. Worked out she wasn't, we were married for a long time. I sure let my friend know about the screw up and he felt really bad. His wife worked with both of these women.

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

My niece screamed ,"I hate you," for a good hour. I told her, in this case, for these reasons, may it be a long and healthy hate. Well, she's 21 now and two weeks ago she was over and thanked me for looking out for her then. She has a different perspective now, one only time could provide. Oh, that guy ? He's actually in prison for raping a minor, which is why my niece raised the subject five years later.

Wow! Great call... I am afraid that this is all too prevalent, where there actually might be a few times it works for the couple.

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

While what happened to your girlfriend was wrong, you cannot unring a bell. You may be able to say that at 16 her perspective may not have been adult enough to see what was truly going on: relationships with sexual opportunists. Yet, it will be doubtful you can get her to accept the real truth. From her point of view, she was in love and that is a difficult point of view to alter.

Very true...

[LFM2]

Like Julie, I thought it was so cool to date an older guy.

My relationship happened quite by accident though. I was friends with his sister and I didn't even know he existed until I went to her house one day after school. He was 21 and I was 15. We started out as friends, and maybe I acted more mature than my age -- I don't know what he thought, I never asked him; but, our friendship grew into more of an sexual and emotional attraction. We dated for over a year and my parents were cautious of him, but never forbade me from dating him. We were sexually active after about 4 months of dating. Yes, he took my virginity, but nothing I regret. I thought he hung the moon. We broke up about the end of my junior year of high school. I still think of him often and hope he's well. His younger sister (She is my age) is one my LS friends.

We didn't expect our friendship to take off in a relationship. It just happened. Was it wrong? Not in my opinion. I learned a lot from it.

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

"Let's go for a walk first." I asked what was wrong with him that as a grown man that he was trolling for a 16 year old girl. I explained that I viewed him as a predator, he was going home immediately and if he had a shred of decency he would 'man' up and meet women his own age and not children. I also explained that I had the ability to make certain a man like him ended up in prison. He left and never contacted my niece again.

I like you! Although I am not sure I could have been as polite and level headed.

[eurotrash]

Thanks, Edison. I really appreciate your thoughts, as well as everyone who posted a serious response to my question(s). I haven't brought up the subject again with my girlfriend.

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Ed here-- First, on the twelve year old girls and not being coerced. They were twelve, they do not have the ability to make sexual choices. Age, ignorance and immaturity are why we have some legal limits. Yet, as with a 16 year old and a 40 year man, just because it's legal does not make it right. Another example, in a different area, would be Finance. Twelve year olds cannot sign for a loan, even if they have assets. Again, we accept a certain minimum age for awareness to make sexual and financial choices.

I have a niece and we were house sitting while her parents had to be away for a month and a new guy was picking her up for a date. I opened the door and it was a 25 year old guy. I took one look at this and said to him,"Let's go for a walk first." I asked what was wrong with him that as a grown man that he was trolling for a 16 year old girl. I explained that I viewed him as a predator, he was going home immediately and if he had a shred of decency he would 'man' up and meet women his own age and not children. I also explained that I had the ability to make certain a man like him ended up in prison. He left and never contacted my niece again.

My niece screamed ,"I hate you," for a good hour. I told her, in this case, for these reasons, may it be a long and healthy hate. Well, she's 21 now and two weeks ago she was over and thanked me for looking out for her then. She has a different perspective now, one only time could provide. Oh, that guy ? He's actually in prison for raping a minor, which is why my niece raised the subject five years later.

While what happened to your girlfriend was wrong, you cannot unring a bell. You may be able to say that at 16 her perspective may not have been adult enough to see what was truly going on: relationships with sexual opportunists. Yet, it will be doubtful you can get her to accept the real truth. From her point of view, she was in love and that is a difficult point of view to alter.