Your wife's previous sex partners

[Numex]

I'm new here, visited this site because my wife and i are open with having sex with other people and done so some in the past. When I was still young i thought i would only marry a woman that had been only with me. Then after i found out that my fiance had screwed another guy i thought it was OK, or even hot. But overall she had fewer partners than me. Later, both my first wife and my now wife have both had more partners than me, my first wife a few more but then she fucked other guys while we were engaged and married, and my current wife a LOT more. so my attitude has changed considerable since I was young and first dating.


My question is-
Before you got married did you have any limits about how many previous sex partners your wife had that would be too many?


Women are welcome to contribute too. Thanks to all of you.

[StevieBlueEyes]

Originally Posted by Numex

I'm new here, visited this site because my wife and i are open with having sex with other people and done so some in the past. When I was still young i thought i would only marry a woman that had been only with me. Then after i found out that my fiance had screwed another guy i thought it was OK, or even hot. But overall she had fewer partners than me. Later, both my first wife and my now wife have both had more partners than me, my first wife a few more but then she fucked other guys while we were engaged and married, and my current wife a LOT more. so my attitude has changed considerable since I was young and first dating.


My question is-
Before you got married did you have any limits about how many previous sex partners your wife had that would be too many?


Women are welcome to contribute too. Thanks to all of you.

I'm trying to figure out what this has to do with swinging/lifestyle. Did your wife or ex-wife fucked other guys with or without your permission? Were you having your own fun while this was happening? It seems that perhaps you are concerned that you are less experienced than your partner. Your post isn't very clear.

To answer your question directly...well...I can't. I've had sex with more women that my wife. And my ex-wife. Combined. But my wife wasn't exactly a prude before meeting me. She had her share of one-night stands, fuck buddies, and sport fucks. It never mattered a bit to me, even before we got into the lifestyle, and I never in my life expected that I would marry a woman who had only been with me.

It's running joke with us, however, that she used to fuck a ginger. I joke with her that it has never bothered me that she used to fuck a very well hung Nigerian, but it's a little disturbing that she spent a summer screwing a ginger. Take that for what it is...lol!

[couplers]

Why is this an issue for men, but women aren't supposed to care?

[Numex]

Originally Posted by StevieBlueEyes

I'm trying to figure out what this has to do with swinging/lifestyle. Did your wife or ex-wife fucked other guys with or without your permission?

Thanks for your response. Maybe I posted my question in the wrong category, but I thought that the "Let's Talk ABout Sex" forum didn't need to necessarily be about swinging.

I may not have been clear, but you answered my question exactly. It's not about getting my permission, everything they did after we were engaged or married with both women was with my permission, it is about how much activity they had before. I was thinking about how my attitude changed from when i first was first dating and thinking about ever getting married until how I feel now. I went from being like most guys wanting to have an inexperienced one man woman, to liking the fact that my wife is very experienced. It's the kind of thing you can't talk about (how many guys your wife has fucked) with your friends, even good friends that you talk about sex with, but you can talk about it here even with pride.

[TheSwingerSet]

I have never cared for inexperianced woman. They tend to be less adventureous, less kinky, and don't know their own bodies well enough to relax and have fun during sex.

Mrs. Swingerset has had as many partners as I have and I know this soon after we met. We started out as fuck buddies.

MR.

[olderyder]

I know that my Mrs. had sexual partners before we married, as did I, but the number or any other details about them is something that has never interested me. Something like that has no bearing on our 20 year marriage. I believe that it takes someone with pretty low self-esteem to be worried about that. If someone is, why did they get married in the first place?

[Tina and Bob]

I had only been with five other men including my x before I met and married Bob. This is the second marriage for us both. I had openly discussed the fact I had not slept around, however, I don't think this had any influence on our falling in love with each other. Being with only five guys didn't mean I was inexperienced, I had had plenty of sex, it just was what it was. After the divorce at age 27 I had no interest in getting into another male relationship and found my sexual satisfaction through girl/girl play and masturbation. It was two years later that I met Bob and began having sex with him. Married for a little over 8 years now and swinging for five, so you could say I was a late bloomer, and boy have I bloomed.

[red96]

As the male half of the couple I never thought or cared about who, or how many partners she had before we got married. I do know that she was not the type to sleep around, and neither was I for that matter. Neither of us ever saw the need to worry about something that was in the past.

[Coupleerotic22]

I had partners before I met my wife, but, she had never been with anyone. At the time it did not bother me either way. In the end it turned out to be a good thing because her curiosity about being with other men is what drove her to ask me about swinging. Had she had experienced other men before me, then she may not have been interested in swinging. That would have been fine too, but we do both enjoy it so much, I am glad it worked out like it did.

[eskimo]

We were both virgins when we married. We are now in our 50's and considering expanding our partners. So to directly answer your question, my wife has never had another partner.

Q (Male half)

[ownerspet]

No I really didn't have an expectation on number of past partners because of a couple of reasons that sort of build on each other.

First: I believe many single people (not just guys, because women do it to), including myself, go thru what politically correct people want to refer to as promiscuous times as we live life where we meet those hot people (guys or girls or both depending on preference) that we are attracted to. So I would be a Hypocrit to judge my wife by putting a number on acceptable partners, for something I've done myself as a single person.

Depending on each individual's set of standards that each of us actually live by, many times individuals will just hop from bed to bed, because they are single and there is no one to which they are committed. It doesn't mean the individuals are necessarily sleeping with just everyone. It doesn't mean they didn't take safety precautions either. It just may be that individual was in sync with more partners in a given period of time than the number of partners some other people may find acceptable, based on the other peoples standards (which by the way last time I checked there are over 6 billion people on the planet, and I'm guessing here but there are probably also 6 billion sets of standards on this issue of "who to sleep with and how many to sleep with").

Second: Society on average as a whole put's an acceptable behavior out on everything, eventhough it's not written down somewhere. Society or people in society as a whole (on average), tend to treat people differently based on those acceptable (or what they conculde as "unacceptable") behaviors, but it's not written down anywhere. What's acceptable is different for everyone. I'm sure there are times when the majority voices that a behavior is unacceptable, and some people that don't necessarily agree with just agree to avoid being set as an outcast or judged by the majority. Then, when the majority is not around, they engage in the behavior anyway. So based on people knowing increased number of sexual partners is many times viewed as unacceptable by society as a whole on average, you won't hear about the majority of people that go through the promiscuous times in their lives. As a result of this situation, when one does actually tell the truth about the number of partners it oftens sounds above average or bad to some that may believe the individual has more sex partners in their life than is acceptable to the other individual's standards.

Now, I can't help but ask myself, when faced with being judged by one that an individual wants to spend the rest of their life with are they going to ask him or herself? "What is society's impression of what is an acceptable number of sexual partners and are they going to adjust it to attain happiness?" and "If they do adjust it (or lie), who's gonna know, after all it's not on record somewhere unless they had a kid with someone or legal proceedings occurred?"

My Conculsion: Some can say having a certain number of sexual partners is irresponsible or immoral (or whatever term you want to use), but I say compared to who's standards or who's morals? Because, I don't think people on average when in the presence of the majority (or if they think the majority may find out) are honest about the number of past sexual partners out of fear of being judged.

So even if a potential partner is honest in saying for example 10, whats to say that I could find somewhat close to accurate information on what others do if the majority is not being being honest. The average could be 5, if it were possisble to get accurate information, then the majority or people that buy into the "accuracy" of the information or the majority of society on average may actually judge me. But the average could be 25 (I know it sounds high, but how do you know), then you may be think well is this experienced enough? Do they do things I like? Are they going to be a prude in comparison to me? Do they not like sex?

To the point: To judge a potential mate on number of sexual partners, may not be something I could do with a clear concience. I don't know what I could compare it to other than my own experiences and what society says is acceptable (which I think what is acceptale in society is not what actually goes on behind closed doors in individuals real lives).

I know this is a long answer to a short question, but simply put, unless they were cheating on their spouse (which swinging is absolutley not), the answer to putting a number of sexual partners limit from the past on your potential spouse/wife for me is "no I can't do that."

[JustAskJulie]

I think this is one of those issues of "Don't ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer".

If you are going to get hung up on what your wife did before you, you probably aren't ready to get married.

[cocpl2007]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think this is one of those issues of "Don't ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer".

If you are going to get hung up on what your wife did before you, you probably aren't ready to get married.

Amen!

[celtic239]

I've been married for 30 years and not once did I ever ask her who or how many men did she have sex with before we got married. I never really felt a "need to know" because I'm not the kind of guy that has to know everything about everyone in my life. I respect the fact that she as well as my own children have a right to live their lives without me having to know everything they did in the past. To answer your question it wouldn't have made a difference in my decision to marry her.

[couplers]

Hi, Petra here. It's not an issue for any of us, although there is not much to discuss.