Extramarital sexual relationships

[Numex]

Hello to everyone here and thanks for the forum. I came across this site and found it interesting that what you guys do is so well thought out and organized. I don't know it this is exactly the right place and there's no question in here, but i wanted to tell my story of being something of an unknowing and accidnetal swinger, if you can call it that.

Three major relationships in my life, and all involved what I would now call "one way swinging" although i didn't know what to call it at the time. The first was a girl from high school that became my fiance toward the end of college. We were in different cities in college but always considered ourselves a couple. In that environment though, there are a lot of opportunities to meet others and we both did. I had several relationships, they got sexual but nothing serious. I figured she was probably doing the same. Normal for most people in collge so I wouldn't consider it swinging, but maybe what followed is. I loved her and my senior year when she came to visit me I asked her to marry me. It was at that point she feeled compelled to tell me she was in a serious relationship with a guy that she was seeing. Even though i expected that she maybe had dated and screwed around like i had (this was the only guy she screwed), this hit me a little hard after getting engaged and having a nice weekend together and I was jealous and wanted to call the guy to tell him hands off, that she agreed to marry me and was mine now. She begged me not to do that, to let her talk to him and let her break it off by herself. Something about that discussion made me snapp right there and think about how it was for her and how i actually felt. I told her actually look, take the ring it's your decision, I don't own you. You can decide if and when to begin wearing it, see him as much as you want, i don't care if you see him or sleep with him, just make up your own mind honestly to yourself. Well she did accept my proposal and wore my ring, but kept seeing him as well, even going on one last fling with him to Florida. For a traditional guy, I was OK with it, more than OK, I thought it was hot. After I graduated I got a job in her city and we moved in together. We did things with her old boyfriend and his girlfriend (yeah, he had one the whole time), even me covering for him while they screwed at our place (and my first MFM), until they just sort of faded out. He ended up marrying his girlfriend and is as it turns out is now someone you see in the news sometimes, a tech person. Two years later my fiance and I began to drift apart, she took another job in a different city, gave me the ring back, and we split.

The second was with the woman that became my wife. I'll try to keep this short. She is a really hot looking chick, but stayed a virgin all through college. Actually, she did the four year queer thing. She dated guys in high school, but never went beyond the feel up, then went to an all womens college. She told me that during college she dated a few guys, but the real action was with other girls. Once she graduated, however, she went pretty wild with guys in the two years before we met. Only one of her boyfriends were serious, but she had like 7 or 8 guys in those two years before we started seriously dating. She told me all of this in that big confession of past sexual history all couples seems to make when talking about getting married. The total number of guys was nothing surprising, but the way she went from one to the other and back again was, as was the fact that with these guys she would go to parties where there was nudity and sex. She didn't want to go into details, but let me know there was open sex, and she went with a different one of her guys at different times. She was ashamed, but i thought it was interesting and hot. She asked if i still wanted to marry her? I said yeah, but you have to take me to those parties and hook up with an old boyfriend or two, at least once before and twice after we're married. I definitely wanted to be there, but wasn't looking for another woman for myself. She said OK, but was really reluctant-at first. Ended up though we went twice before and four times after we were married. First time I watched her have sex with a guy, then we left. The secod time i watched her give a bj to one guy, then have sex with two guys while one of the girls she knew give me a bj. After we were married (it was hot wathcing her while she wore her engagement ring, but really hot with a wedding ring) she did multiple guys each time, once a dp without me and once with. The last couple of times we finished right there together before leaving. It was also great watching the others in their activities at these parties. It pretty much quieted down for a couple of years after that, just us, good sex, but nothing out of the ordinary, until we were with her firends, a married couple, back in her hometown on a boat they had. They all knew each other in high school and my wife told me that she dated him, but they never went beyond the feel up. One day when we were out far enough his wife took off her top. I urged my wife to do the same because she has wonderfully firm large breasts, but she said no. Later, to my surprise, when I went to take off her bottom because that way between the two of them we would have one complete naked woman, she didn't object. She has always thought of her tits as the most sexual part of her. The other husband was interested in looking at my wife before and really became interesed now. After anchoring later we were all below, the girls still half undressed. His wife went up on deck and i took the opportunity to go up as well and say to her real quick that my wife told me she and her husband had petted in high school, but never screwed. She said her husband had told her the same thing. It took some courage, but i said i thought we should give them the chance. She agreed and we immediately went back down and told them that we thought that they should fuck and make up for any missed opportunity and made it clear that his wife and i weren't expecting the same. I thought my wife would freak, but she didn't. I still can see her sitting on the bed, leaning back on her elbows and beginning to spread her legs. He dropped his swim trunks but couldn't get it up. My wife took him into her mouth, quickly got him hard, and he entered her. Nothing ever looked better. I went over and took off her top, kissed her quick then went on deck to leave them alone. I told Linda to stay down below so they wouldn't wory that we were up to anything. They fucked quite a lot that long weekend. My wife and I would see them about once a year after that and my wife and her husband would fuck. His wife and I never touched. The final part of the story with my first wife has more to do with baby making. We had one child quickly, but then had difficulty conceiving a second. We were tested and all functions seemed normal, except I have a low sperm count. There was like four years of trying, and we talked about it and the alternatives, so i finally said that we know what the problem is, rather than talking about sperm concentration or ivf, why don't you just find someone else to increase the chances. Pick someone good and give it a try, trust me I will love any child of yours, we don't even have to know the origins. To make a long story short, she had two lovers for about a year and a half in addition to me, but no success. We ended up relocating and then about six months later she became preganant. She insists it's mine, and i believe her, but it also doesn't matter, he's still my son. Unfortunately, after she quit her job and stayed home all day she became a crazy, hoard all our money, far out talk radio, strange religious stuff person and we split.

So finally my current wife. As we were driving to the store one day, out of the blue she said to me , "Honey, I want to make it clear I dont care if you have sex with another woman. It's natural for men and I actually find it exciting." She's fucked around quite a bit in her life, often with married men, and says she's now a one man woman. So far I have had two really great, honest extramarital sexual relationships.

[bbarnsworth]

Interesting stories, and thinks for the introduction!

I would chime in with one piece of advice; it's great that your wife is ok with you having sex with other women. Have the two of you talked about what she does and does not want to know? Her expectations might be that you communicate with her when things like that happen. Even with her being agreeable to it, if she 'discovers' an affair that you haven't told her about, you might find yourself in hot water.

[MN Tom]

I'd second bbarnsworth, especially after reading your story.

[sweet_tna]

How lucky you are to have found such accommodating ladies in your life. I do hope you're as open with your current wife as you were with your last. Best of luck to ya'll . . .

[Numex]

Thanks to you guys all for your comments and for making this its own page. At first I put it as a reply to the post by the guy who had his first 3some in college with the Finnish woman and his girlfriend. I thought about what happened with me and my girlfriend in college and I got inspired and carried away and just wrote everything at once.

I don't know how to quote more than one person responding, so I'll just answer you comments. One thing about my wife I like is that she is totally honest and says right away what she thinks. When we first started fucking I was just separated from my ex-wife but we still screwed sometimes, and my now wife was seeing two guys. We got to really liking each other and without me asking she gave up the other guys even though I was still seeing my ex. Current wife knew and told me to continue with it. At first my now wife would talk about old boyfriends and guys she screwed like it was some place she visited. Lots of good stories. but she doesn't talk about that much anymore and likes to talk about good looking young girls and me screwing them, wierd. I tell her everything before it happens. But while we fuck She will accuse me of having screwed some woman and when i deny it she says that she doesn't want to hear about it not being true because it will ruin the fantasy. Getting married changed her. As i said she used to screw around a lot with married guys, so maybe she now playing the other side in her mind. She knows that if she had the desire to step out she could. As a matter of fact, she talks sometimes with an ex in another city that was a professor she had. One time when she was talking with him a lot because he got a big appointment I siad she ought to go see him, i'll arrange and pay for the plane ticket, rental car, hotel, but she said no. and once after she gave up the other guys but before we were married she did fuck another (married) guy she was hot for a couple of times and told me about it later. I had no problem with it, but wish i knew while it was happened because it got me excited her telling me about it.

The thing i learned here was that you should't just act and catch up later, even if it's ok, but as everyone says "communicate" up front. and just because its no big deal for us, no more married guys unless their wife is ok with it first.

[couplers]

Originally Posted by Numex

I'll try to keep this short.

At least you tried.

Originally Posted by Numex

I had several relationships, they got sexual... I figured she was probably doing the same... she was in a serious relationship with a guy that she was seeing. Even though i expected that she maybe had dated and screwed around like i had... We did things with her old boyfriend and his girlfriend (yeah, he had one the whole time), even me covering for him while they screwed at our place.... why don't you just find someone else to increase the chances {of getting pregnant}. Pick someone good and give it a try, trust me I will love any child of yours, we don't even have to know the origins. To make a long story short, she had two lovers for about a year and a half in addition to me, but no success... She's fucked around quite a bit in her life, often with married men... before we were married she did fuck another (married) guy...

Good God, man, where to start? Although you were and are generous with your women and had some honest wild times, there is a troubling amount of cheating and dishonesty with what you two do. Somebody could get shot. There may be some gray area in screwing someone's boyfriend or girlfriend without everyone knowing, but a married person needs to give informed consent. You seem to be honest with each other to the extent you seem to care, but run over others.

Originally Posted by Numex

... Something about that discussion made me snapp right there and think about how it was for her and how i actually felt. I told her actually look... I don't own you. You can see him as much as you want, i don't care if you see him or sleep with him, just make up your own mind honestly to yourself..

I had a similar ephiphany. Please elaborate on what made you feel this way.

Originally Posted by Numex

I still can see her sitting on the bed, leaning back on her elbows and beginning to spread her legs and he entered her. Nothing ever looked better.

I love that image, something I fondly recall hubby and a particular girl doing, her tensing her abs and looking down. And the way you and the other wife agreed to let them do it is the way it should be.

[Numex]

Originally Posted by couplers

Good God, man, where to start? Although you were and are generous with your women and had some honest wild times, there is a troubling amount of cheating and dishonesty with what you two do. Somebody could get shot. There may be some gray area in screwing someone's boyfriend or girlfriend without everyone knowing, but a married person needs to give informed consent. You seem to be honest with each other to the extent you seem to care, but run over others.

I think i need to defend myself here! or at least explain. We havent "run over" people. Read my story carefully, it's not well written, but it is accurate. I never did have sex with a married woman other than the one i was married to. Though I either permitted or even liked it that my college girlfriend and my first wife had sex with other men, of those two women the only married men, one was with the high school boyfriend with the approval of the wife that started on the boat, and the other was when she was trying to get pregnant, so it was really just about the baby gravy. As for the other screwing with someone elses boyfriend or girlfriend, unless your married or at least engaged, I think it's fair game.

My now wife hasn't had sex with anyone else since we been married, although i am totally open to it and she doesn't even need my prior permission. While she agrees that fucking married men had some dangers, she says it was about thrill seeking and avoiding relationships. She thinks that if someone is married and decides to have sex with someone else it is that person's responsibility to handle it with their spouse. Otherwise what are you supposed to do, go over to get a permission slip signed? It may be they are like us and its ok, or the sex is gone with them and don't care but don't want to hear about it. I can confirm from my own knowledge of both men and women like that. My wife now is a woman that grew up poor, worked really hard and has done very well for herself. She put her life into her career, but needed some kind of relationship and she got it from being with married men - simple fun times, sex, and noncommital with no expectations. And it certianly wasn't about money, she makes at least as much as they do and always pays her own way. She says she took what was available when she could. Repeat though, I don't agree and shes's promised she is done with at least that kind of screwing around.

[Numex]

A special response is needed to what my ex-wife and i were trying to do with what we called getting baby gravey from other guys when she was trying to get pregnant. it may be thought of as dishonest for a woman to have sex with a guy to get pregnant when he is not expecting it. We discussed it before going ahead with this route, and decided that since she was not trying to "baby trap" a guy or get child support from him, or even confront him with it afterwards, there is nothing wrong with it. If a guy is pumping jizz into a woman it is hers to do with as she wants, so long as she isn't trying to use it to get something more from him. If people here on the Swingers' Board can separate love from sex then it was our feeling that you can separate reproduction functions as well.

[Coupleerotic22]

Having been on the other end of someone in the lifestyle trying to use me to get pregnant, I can say it does matter and there is something wrong with it. At the very least it is dishonest, and I for one put a lot of value in honesty with my sexual partners.