lack of stamina?

[akabing]

me and mrs been married for 16 .i have been trying to jump start love life by going to swingers clubs.my question is my wife takes every ounce of my strengh to get her to orgasm?we kiss lick suck oral foreplay everything? what am i doing wrong?is it me or the mrs?we spend at least 30 min oral and nipples and foreplay.i mean am i premature ejaculation or is 30 min play and 15 min fucking not enough?what should i do and if it is me what can be done for this type of situation.would her being with another person hurt my feelings?because im sure once she gets a new penis in her just the thought of it is going to make her orgasm right away.especialy if hes younger and bigger and more stamina?whats my best move? we have even aded vibrators in to the mix for her pleasure and still no luck?so if u can shed some info on my situation i would apreciate it.and if there is a medication that you guys know about weither its for me or her please explain.thank you.ps my member is thick and average 6 uncut if that helps.

[DigginIt]

I am far from the right person to be answering this but I thought I would share a few thoughts anyway.

Two things pop up while reading this post. The issues with the orgasm and the issue with your sex life.

I'll start with the sex life. You said that you are trying to jump start the love life by attending swingers clubs. That's a big red flag. Swingers should have fantastic sex lives before they start swinging. Yes, swinging can provide great emotional stimulus but it should NOT be a replacement for anything missing. I'd suggest holding off and working on the orgasm issue first and once your sex life is rocking again then consider swinging with others.

About the sex life ... Has this been the case for the entire 16 years of your relationship or could other factors be coming into play such as hormone imbalances. I'd recommend going to see an expert on the matter as there are many tests they can do today that could possibly help.

As far as the direct question of stamina ... my wife will never orgasm through penetration. She will only reach it through oral sex, vibes, manual stimulation, etc. It doesn't matter how long you go.

I will say it all starts with good and open communication with you and your wife though. She can tell you more about her body than anyone and if you two can't have that conversation then you definitely don't have the communication required to be swingers. Your on a slippery slope.

[TNT]

I'm not exactly sure what you're asking.

Are you saying that after 30 minutes of foreplay and 15 minutes of penetration your wife still is not reaching orgasm?

Or, are you asking if 30 minutes of foreplay and 15 minutes of penetration is too short in general for you and you'd like to last longer during penetration?

There really is no amount of time that's right or wrong for foreplay and penetration...it's all up to the individuals involved and their excitement level at the time. We've had times where sex only lasted five minutes and times where we've gone hours...so again, I'm not sure what it is you're asking about.

But, this thread may be of interest to you.

Okay guys, lets talk Stamina!



Teresa

[akabing]

thanks guys for reading my post. to answer some questions,the only thing done to my wife was tieng of her tubes about 5 years ago with the birth of our last child.i did not notice a big change but gradually its just loosing that spark of being horny.thats as far as wife is concerned. me onthe other hand im always horny. we have sex 3 or more times a week 1 out of 3 r sucsesful.u would think after all these years of sex with wife i should be lasting very long.?i know practice makes perfect but tried that and i dont know what else to do?

[akabing]

do u think its a bad idea to try new cpls? i thought it might spark something in the relationship and bring our stamina and orgasm back in check.maybe with some strange cpl to fantasize about thats what it will take???good idea or bad idea? and as far as talking about it with each other we always talk rt after i am done i will ask her what happend ,she says she was almost there ?i tell her why we dident change positions ?she says she only gets off by being on top when she gets off.not often. she says by slowing down or stoping to change positions will lessen the hot horny feeling away and she looses the rythem and it takes her more time to get to that point of orgasm again???

[TNT]

Originally Posted by akabing

do u think its a bad idea to try new cpls? i thought it might spark something in the relationship and bring our stamina and orgasm back in check.maybe with some strange cpl to fantasize about thats what it will take???good idea or bad idea?

BAD, BAD, BAD IDEA. If you two aren't having the best sex of your lives with each other, bringing in another couple won't be good for either of you or the other couple.

and as far as talking about it with each other we always talk rt after i am done i will ask her what happend ,she says she was almost there ?i tell her why we dident change positions ?she says she only gets off by being on top when she gets off.not often. she says by slowing down or stoping to change positions will lessen the hot horny feeling away and she looses the rythem and it takes her more time to get to that point of orgasm again???

It seems you are talking about two separate issues here...1) Your wife is having a hard time reaching orgasm, and 2) You don't think you're lasting long enough.

Am I understanding this correctly?

As to your wife having difficultly reaching orgasm, it could be any number of things...hormones, lack of relaxation, not really being in the mood...numerous reasons.

If it's a lack of relaxation and needing more stimuli, I'd suggest a bit of pampering, a glass of wine, some porn, a change of location as in a night out of the house away from kids, more clitoral stimulation during intercourse...there's nothing wrong with having intercourse and using a vibrator at the same time...anything (other than another couple) to help spice up life in the bedroom.

As to you not feeling like you're lasting long enough...try wearing a condom, it will desensitize the penis and might help. Also masturbation an hour or two before you and your wife settle down for some fun might help as well.

One of the main things you both need to remember is that sex is suppose to be fun...learn to relax, try new things and just have fun with each other. Sex can and is fun even without always reaching orgasm and it doesn't always have to end with orgasm.


Teresa

[DigginIt]

TNT summed everything up beautifully.

[socolais]

Originally Posted by TNT

If you two aren't having the best sex of your lives with each other, bringing in another couple won't be good for either of you or the other couple.

Teresa

That should be framed and hung on the wall or something.


I suggest you ask your wife if she's enjoying the sex and the relationship. If she's satisfied, then you can relax, you're a good and caring lover. Or, she can show you what she would like better. Mix it up and have fun with it, don't be too predictable. Both of you can remember the fun you had when you were first learning to satisfy each other. Go to that happy place again
and explore new opportunities thrill each other. You guys will know together if or when it's right to bring someone else into the bedroom - but that time is not now.

[funcoupledayton]

Speaking from personal experience, being with someone new is highly unlikely to make her orgasm faster. My husband knows me the best and has been the only one who can make me come. I still love to play with other couples and get super turned on, but I don't orgasm with our playmates (yet! lol) I don't mind at all, just love the whole experience. Maybe it doesn't bother your wife, you should talk to her about it.

Her not orgasming quick enough for you is definitely not a good reason to start swinging.

Best of luck to you!

[akabing]

i want to thank everyone for there input.everyone has some good points.she has made an apointment to go see her obgyn to see if getting her tubes tied has anything to do with it.as far as bringing another cpl in the pic ?we r going to hold off.we will still go to clubs and watch everyone haveing sex and maybe learn something new.lol. if we do wind up going do u think the situation might come up and we get lured into the situation, or is it mostly by choice? are female on female ok? she has had that experience before and she enjoyed it very much,and so did i?or finnaly does anyone think calientee in tampa might be a good change of atmosphere ,and spark up the situation in our bed room?if anyone has been there please let me know if its a good move for me.

[Fundamental Law]

From a physician...

There are a couple of issues in your comments.

If she's 5'5' and 115, she's unusually slender and perhaps a bit underweight. There may well be some hormone imbalances and her GYN will help advise. She may be low in testosterone (women need this for libido), or have other hormone-related issues. Another possibility is a medication side effect. For example, what you describe is a common side effect of several blood pressure medications. She needs to be absolutely straight with her physician about her symptoms and also about any medications, diet supplements, herbs and drugs that she might or might not be using. Also for example, several antidepressants of the SSRI class delay or suppress orgasm. SO be sure to list everything she takes, prescribed or over the counter.

(In fact, Paxil is prescribed to men as a treatment for premature ejaculation. 30 min of foreplay and 15 min of intercourse is NOT premature ejaculation.)

What is going on is almost certainly unrelated to her tubes being tied 5 years ago.

[akabing]

thanks fundamental for the info.no she is not takeing any medication and yes she has even lost more weight since then?i hope to get it straitened out when she goes to her obgyn next week.so you tell me paxil is discribed for men?