Majority of Americans Experience Only 20% of Sexuality

[zztx1]

As we visit and talk with many of our work and neighbor acquaintances, it becomes clear that few of them have ever made love for over an hour, few experience the joy of experimenting with different positions, and few have pursued their fantasies. The majority of the population engages in missionary and woman on top sex for about 20 minutes. And, this happens a couple of times a month. It is hard to know if it is due to inhibitions, religious barriers, lack of libido or some cultural causes. Most of us here have little in common with the average American. They are missing out on so much.

[WildFire]

That is so sad! We had always been a very sexually active couple even before getting into swinging. I know some people just don't have the same level of drive, or it's not a big priority to them and that's ok too. Life is busy, and it easily gets in the way. I think socially, the majority of people still stuck in the missionary position, stems from their upbringing and possibly from religious, or other influences. I'm glad that we aren't missing out!

[mikeandjenn2001]

While not being a marathon man, we still manage about 30-45 minutes, and that's only the first round. The second round usually lasts longer depending on how much energy we have left.

[DigginIt]

We are a 45 minutes (25 Her/20 Him) on average type of couple. Mrs. Diggs has never liked marathon type of sex and to date only reaches an orgasm through oral sex. Let me restate that, she used to squirt and reach a pseudo orgasm and about 6 months after we started dating her orgasms shifted to the dry, legs shaking uncontrollably, followed by several explicit cries of relief followed by actual intercourse or a blowjob, or whatever sparks our fancy. Rarely do we do missionary style at all. My favorite position happens to be spooning while hers is reverse cowboy. We are at least two or three times a week and that is after 12 years of being together so I think we are still better than average when compared to vanilla couples.

Having said that, we go for sometimes 2+ hours when swinging and it only seems like 45 minutes. That old, time flies statement sure is true!

[SecretAsianMan]

I wonder ... when you say "make love" for more than an hour - are y'all only talking about intercourse or does that include all other forms of sexual stimulation/interaction with one's partner prior to / after intercourse??

[DigginIt]

Originally Posted by SecretAsianMan

I wonder ... when you say "make love" for more than an hour - are y'all only talking about intercourse or does that include all other forms of sexual stimulation/interaction with one's partner prior to / after intercourse??

Good question, I took it to mean the whole experience from starting with kissing and fondling to the point when both partners sitting back saying, wow, that was fun. Straight intercourse for an hour seems like work.

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by DigginIt

Good question, I took it to mean the whole experience from starting with kissing and fondling to the point when both partners sitting back saying, wow, that was fun. Straight intercourse for an hour seems like work.

Yeah... an hour or more. Whew! Does that include the time it takes for me to drive over to her place???

[VegasLee]

Have to ask.

Are youstating this as fact because of a few of your co-workers and neighbors have that type of sex life?

That would be a very small sampling since there are over 300 Million people in this country.

While I agree we have different attitudes then most Americans most of us still have a great deal in common with most people in this country. Maybe just not in the sex category.

Many/most are pretty happy with the way their lives are. Just because mine is different does not make my life any better, just different.

Many would say I am missing out on a great life because I don't play golf.

[good times]

My thoughts seem to be along the same lines as VegasLee. In fact, my first thought upon reading the OP was, maybe that is the way they like it.

Just because one person likes marathon sex sessions doesn't mean everybody does. And let's face it, don't we all have a favorite position. While I have experimented with most all the positions I know of, I still prefer the good old Missionary position above all others. I also have no problem with whatever the length of time one of our sex sessions lasts, which may be as long as an hour or as short as 10 minutes, but typically would be 20-30 minutes. Works for us, and we both like it that way.

While it would be great to have a nice long session of sex several times a day, the fact is, we have very busy lives. If we did that it would be at the sacrifice of other things in life that really need to be done. Actually, except for indulging in the occasional recreational sex with others, I would say our sex life is fairly typical of the other non-swinger people we know.

[zztx1]

By stating a time, I mean the entire lovemaking session including foreplay. No one person's experience could be representative of what 300 million people are doing. I just have observed in our circle that sex has a different meaning for most than it does for us. It is a different experience. Nothing more than that was intended. I avoided trying to list practices, fetishes, and more generally said, for alot of people sex is a one dimensional experience.

[fun4Ds]

I'm a little confused, as usual...Well, as of lately

Who is saying the majority of Americans only experience 20% ?

Was this a research study you read somewhere, or a personal observation ?

Is this a comparison as "being swingers" equaling 100% ?

[DigginIt]

Originally Posted by zztx1

I just have observed in our circle that sex has a different meaning for most than it does for us. It is a different experience. Nothing more than that was intended. I avoided trying to list practices, fetishes, and more generally said, for alot of people sex is a one dimensional experience.

We have a lot of close vanilla friends, the subject of sex comes around every once in a while and sometimes when you are not even wanting it. We were at a friends house, this is a friend of 20+ years, and we were all sitting around drinking and having fun and the hubby asks his wife, "Hey honey, I'm tired, you staying up or coming to bed?" (we were staying the weekend with them) The wife was like "If that is your secret talk for are you getting sex tonight, sorry, not in the mood."

We have often talked, even before we started swinging, that we had an unusually active sex life compared to our friends who have been married roughly around the same time (10 - 15 years).

My wife often tells me that I'm the "keeper of the flame" in our house because it's really easy to get overwhelmed when you have 4 kids, two jobs, a dog, bills, pta, scouts, soccer and all the other things that take over your personal life that keeps you apart and mentally exhausted.

In 8 more years, when our last one is kicked out of the house there will be an empty nest and the two of us. If couples, all couples, don't find the time to continually reconnect, I believe that they will find themselves as strangers without a lot in common anymore. This is all just ramblings of a happily married guys observations so take it from that perspective. No data behind it.

It's my goal in life to always ensure that we have intimate time, not sex, but personal time where we talk, dream about the future and connect emotionally. Sexuality is more than physical and investing in it requires more than just during the times you are having sex.

Just my thoughts.

[Alura]

Psst... Somebody's gettin' my 20%.


Alura

[sweet_tna]

I don't know where that 20% comes from, but just 'cause they only do missionary or don't have hour-long sack sessions doesn't necessarily mean they're unhappy.

Mr. Sweet and I do tend to have rather long sex sessions, since we try to make the most of our time together. We've tried different positions, but generally end up in either his (me on top) or my favorite (doggy). Why? 'Cause we like it and it works for us. And that's how it's been for us since before we started swinging.

=)