Please help i am in SEX hell!!!!!!!

[alexmarysw]

First and fore most tank you to all that read this post and to all of the wonderful people here at this board!

Ok to start, my wife and i have been together for 8 years and (were) swingers
for the better part of 5 years, it all started slow, info, calls,club all the usual
and let me tell you (we) or at least on my part we had a blast, i was so grate that a weekend whit out going to the club was unheard off.
But like some people say all grate thing come to an end, so it appeard.
we got pregnant and took a brake from swinging, and has soon as hour first soon was born we got pregnant again so again some time past by before we got back to normal, after a few months whit both kids there was no time and she was tired all the time even for me, and here is were it hurts because i am a very, extremely sexual person, whit all my previews partners i have had sex 7 times a week, and even whit my wife before kids we were having sex some days twice a day, i am very attracted to my wife.So now a days i am getting sex, if i get lucky once a week, no to mention we went to a few gatherings and she would not participate, she would let me please other woman, but she would not interact 100% maybe some oral sex and tuching other man, and the only time she would have sex whit some one else the guy would could not perform, wile i was having his wife. I got so turn on to see my wife was going to get some and then nothing.
So after that fiasco she decided to drop swinging.

So i am in hell i don't have sex at home and i cant have sex some were else.

Also i must point out i do not believe in having affairs i do not want to cheat on my wife but i haven't masturbate like know not even as an adolescent, I have had sex since i was 16 and NEVER had beg or pay for sex, all my partners have been more than willing to have sex all the time.

To me sex has always been a stress reducer.

Any advice or comments to my problems are greatly appreciated.
:surr end

[Additude]

Oi Amigo,

Welcome to this establishment.

Your description is a tough situation.

The first couple of things I think you need to do is #1. Tell your wife what your feelings are. Convey what you said here for her ears to hear. She has to know what is going on so she can also understand and make the right choices. Whatever that choice may be.

#2. Then you guys need to decide what your going to do about it. The options are pretty much range from No Swinging, No Sex to Swinging and Sex. If you need sex more often than your getting it you need to convey that message to your spouse.

Then you guys decide if it's Swinging or not, if it's sex more frequently or not or if maybe you play solo at your wife’s approval, or even with your wife’s knowledge.

It may work out for you if all the cards are out on the table. It's up front, everyone knows, there are no sucker punches and you can actually work the situation out that way or at least come to an amicable decision.

[sexcupid]

I am going to try to take a culturally sensitive approach to this..but may fail miserably...so my apologies in advance.

Many Hispanics here still hold very rigid sex roles...men are the breadwinners, the wife stays home and takes care of the kids/husband. Are those the types of roles you ascribe to? Your wife has had 2 children in roughly 2 years...of course she's exhausted. Lend a hand with the kids, be romantic with her (with out always expecting sex).

Life changes after you have children...most studies out there show a decline in marital satisfaction (and with it a decline in the frequency of sex) after the birth of the first child that generally continues until the children are at least high school/college age (read: out of the house and you have your life back ).

If after being up and down all night with babies, not getting enough sleep, and either working outside the home or caring for the children all day...it's no wonder she doesn't have time/desire to have sex. Factor in that many women are not happy with their post-baby bodies and you have a recipe for no desire.

Regardless of how often you have had sex before, you are acting a bit like an adolescent whose girlfriend won't put out...you are a grown man with a wife and family. Adjust to your current life situation and then worry about swinging and having sex with others. How would it affect your wife if you had an affair? Or even a one night stand here and there? Stop thinking with the wrong head and get the home life in order before stepping back out.

[exploringRM]

Similar to what sexcupid posted...

(male half here)

You need to provide your wife a way to get away from the kids and the house etc. Is there a way for you two to go away for the weekend, or have the kids away and you have a nice weekend at home ALONE. Between taking care of the kids and the house and whatever, many women put sex in the backseat. Just no time and/or no energy. And you need to help out where you can. Being a mother is a 24/7 job..it never ends.

What you are experiencing is the normal course of marriage..it's not all sex and romance forever more. There are ups and downs. I can say from our experience when the kids got a bit older, it really got in the way..they were up as late as us (or later), we never had time alone. So we tried to get away when we could..with NO kids.

[lizandtom]

Like Exploring, Cupid and Attitude all said, EVERYTHING changes when you have kids. I really have nothing more to recommend that hasn't already been said. We have gone through it and have 2 boys. My wife will worry about them forever more. That isn't to say that she doesn't miss how things were when it was just the two of us though.

As recommended, 1st tell her that you miss how you two were before kids (she probably does too) ; 2. work on finding out how you two can be alone for nights out, weekends away, or whatever will be fun for you two.

Amigo, this is mucho travaho and denaro on your part. To have lifestyle fun you need to work at it, from lining up babysitting (family or others), lining up where you will go and do, and pay for it all.

Not sure what you do for the lifestyle there, but the utmost in lifestyle suck, is to go through hell lining up a sitter (after trying like 5 and finally someone is available), making plans with a specific couple you haven't met before, talk on the phone , and they cancel a few hours before you're supposed to meet. That sucks and we learned right away to ALWAYS have a back up plan, or at least a club to go to nearby not to spoil the whole night. Good luck.

[LFM2]

I don't have a lot to add and with everything else that's been said.

One thing I want to add, and I'm not sure if someone else mentioned it and I read over it, but she's probably scared of getting pregnant again. I think Dave and I lived this life early on in our marriage. Dave had no problem helping out, changing diapers, feeding and or cooking, but I had a serious fear of getting pregnant again, especially with our kids already being so young.

Helping out around the house is an immense help. You have no idea how nice it is to have a husband help out, clean, give the kids a bath, get them ready for bed and help with dinner dishes. He didn't ever really expect the sex when we went to bed, but it was so much nicer to have sex when weren't dead tired.

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board, alexmarysw

We try to look at the bright sides right ?

I'm guessing your in your mid twenties. If I'm seeing it right, thats several years of some damn good sex. From the sounds of it, your wife didn't shut you off cold turkey, she tapered you off slowly. You should thank her for that !

Take some time now, teach your kids to tie their shoes. Teach them to fish, teach them to work.

Take my advice and Ill bet you get more than you'll think.....

The begging part.....

I'm just the messenger here OK ?

There will be times now that you will beg occasionally. It's OK......

So you have never had to pay ? OK, I thought that said PRAY for sex. But I'm glad you have never paid, I never have either. But I have prayed a time or two for sex, the good lord works in mysterious ways...

Bartering for sex is something you might consider, its above begging.

Welcome to fatherhood

So to end on the bright side.....

It gets a whole lot better somewhere in your 30's If you play your cards right, now...

[PB&J]

Your issue reminds me of this thread: Anger: Repressing my sexual needs to accomodate my wife

Some of the advice there might be of use to you.

[alexmarysw]

Tank you all so much i am more at ease whit all the comments, and i will be sincere, the swingers are more open then any other regular folks, that is what made me fall in love whit the lifestyle the openness the sincerity its what make us different from every one else we dont need to hide.

So before i finish tanking all of you i feel the need to clear some things up.

We are in hour 30s, i am 35 she is 30, i love to work at home helping my wife whit everything even that i work 60 hrs a week i do help cooking, taking care of my kids, she only works on sunday so i stay at whit my boys, and i love beeing a father, even that i have a son that just turn 13 from my fist marriage that did not lasted very long so i ended in an ugly divorce and she use my son as a weapon so i did not got to spend time whit him until this last 2 years that he came to live whit us.

And for LFM2 : we cant have any more kids she got surgery when the second baby was born out of a C section so to be solider i got a vasectomy , thinking hey this mite work to get some more for sure sex whit the wife.

But i will take all your advice and as for the poll tank you that help to further strong my conviction, i just wish she come arround i miss all fun to be whit people that think this way. If SEX was good, my Good after being of a club or a party sex would be unbelievable , and all of you know what i am talking about, sex after swinging is WAY better that makeup sex.

A kiss to all the lady's and a hug for all the guys out there.

Thank you all

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by alexmarysw

We are in hour 30s, i am 35 she is 30, i love to work at home helping my wife whit everything even that i work 60 hrs a week i do help cooking, taking care of my kids, she only works on sunday so i stay at whit my boys, and i love beeing a father, even that i have a son that just turn 13 from my fist marriage that did not lasted very long so i ended in an ugly divorce and she use my son as a weapon so i did not got to spend time whit him until this last 2 years that he came to live whit us.

I apologize for guessing on your age

With what I had to go on I assumed about your age, and that was wrong.

But, I think you see my point.....

We hope you might have time (In what I believe is a very busy life) to chime in and offer your experiance in the lifestyle to others. Even if your on a break from swinging.