At what point is a vibrator okay for a teen girl?

[TheLorax]

Alura: I know. On some of the better sites I am on that is the gentle way of letting someone know they might want to tone it down. It lets newer folks know that they may get taken to task for getting so heated that reasonable discussion becomes difficult. As self-policing goes, it can work. Obviously in this case I was told in no uncertain terms to get stuffed, so I move on, no big deal to me. I have lots of topics I don't discuss with certain friends because I know they can't be calm about them, even to have an academic discussion.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by lovingher

I think the SB is a great, great source for swingers (newbies or not) to learn things, vent, share their experiences and express their opinions. Since when did it become a forum to discus how to teach kids about sex toys?

The Board has been open discuss just about ANY topic under the sun, with the exception of politics. It's been that way since I've started reading. Just because you don't use the Board for topics other than swinging doesn't mean that the forums and topics and discussion haven't existed.

Originally Posted by Alura

I do question the appropriateness of the forum. I would rather have seen it posted in "Situational Help." But that's a minor issue. If one of our members is struggling with a question, I'm glad to help if I can.

Situational Help, as I understand it from the description, is for swinging situations.

[lovinher]

So do you really believe that is appropriate for a girl to be exposed to vibrators, and who knows what else "for a long time" before she was 14? What is the appropriate age then? 10-11? Who makes that decision. I can tell you child services would have a real problem with it. If some of you would really take the time to read my posts and from others you may just find what our issue is. I stand behind it regardless of who I offend. I never said I have a problem with parents discussing sex when asked. We are pretty open about ours but it came at a time when we thought it was appropriate. But to leave toys laying around or actually buying one for them could bring legal problems. This child knowing how they were used for a long time BEFORE she turned 14 is in IMO fk'd up. How many people here have not made an attempt to hide their toys from their kids and what age did you let them know what they were for?
Maybe we should start another thread asking that question. How many leave their toys laying around without even trying to hide them? The problem here is some don't seem to want to read every sentence, every word and ignore the details of what was actually said. If the consensus here is that it is OK for Mommy and Daddy to give preadolescents or preteens sex toys then there is something wrong and maybe some swingers get the reputation they deserve.

[lovinher]

So the SB is open to discussing that is OK for a parent to teach their kids about sex toys? The op said "a long time" before she was 14. So what is along time 11-12-13? Do you really think that is OK? What BTW- I have discussed many non-swinger topics here. I just don't bring my kids into it.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by Lovinher

So the SB is open to discussing that is OK for a parent to teach their kids about sex toys? The op said "a long time" before she was 14. So what is along time 11-12-13? Do you really think that is OK? What BTW- I have discussed many non-swinger topics here. I just don't bring my kids into it.

I'm saying that we've had far more egregious topics around here (re: incest, etc.) that have been allowed to run its course. The Board rarely shuts threads down.

The administrator can address the remainder of your query as she sees fit.

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by lovinher

So do you really believe that is appropriate for a girl to be exposed to vibrators, and who knows what else "for a long time" before she was 14?

What is intrinsically wrong with that -just that -specifically?

What is the appropriate age then? 10-11?

I am certain there are far more significant factors than the number of times the planet has circumnavigated it's orbit around the sun since any specific person in question was born. Things like physical sexual maturity, emotional maturity, maturity of judgment, intelligence, the ability to understand and deal with personal boundaries, the ability to make good personal choices...etc.

Who makes that decision.

The parent. You are looking for or trying to assert a "one size fits all" answer. It don't work that way.

I can tell you child services would have a real problem with it. If some of you would really take the time to read my posts and from others you may just find what our issue is.

I have read every word, and so far arguments tying in abuse seem based on legalistic, moralistic or "tradition/custom" based arguments. Just because something may be taboo does not mean that is a good thing.

This child knowing how they were used for a long time BEFORE she turned 14 is in IMO fk'd up.

What is fk'd up about it-exactly? How is it fk'd up -exactly? You are asserting this, but I am not seeing a convincing argument that there is anything intrinsically wrong with that in a family where everyone sincerely respects everyone else.

[Sunswept]

Ya know, there is one objection to giving a teen a vibrator I have not seen mentioned. Could it cause nerve damage in someone still developing like a teen??

Everyone seems to be getting so rapped up in the law and morals that practical things like this may be getting missed.

I have see reports of adults having desensitization caused by vibrators... but I am not a doctor and the reports (newspapers) are lacking in enough information to determine if they are just fluke reports or show a real phenom.

[Miss Sunshine]

you mean, we are NOT perverts??? oh, darn!

[lovinher]

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovinher
So do you really believe that is appropriate for a girl to be exposed to vibrators, and who knows what else "for a long time" before she was 14?

What is intrinsically wrong with that -just that -specifically?

Let's assume the op by stating "a long time' meant 12-13 yrs old. Do you actually believe it's OK for a parent to introduce a vibrator to a 12 year old? Are you serious?
Not to mention they were laying around for a long time, she has never hidden them and proudly states that this young daughter knew what they were for and how they were used. You tell me, IYO, at what age it is OK?

Ya know, there is one objection to giving a teen a vibrator I have not seen mentioned. Could it cause nerve damage in someone still developing like a teen??

Everyone seems to be getting so rapped up in the law and morals that practical things like this may be getting missed.

I have see reports of adults having desensitization caused by vibrators... but I am not a doctor and the reports (newspapers) are lacking in enough information to determine if they are just fluke reports or show a real phenom.

Good point. We hear of woman saying the same thing. Who's to say she will not be looking for more once the novelty of the toys wears off?

This child knowing how they were used for a long time BEFORE she turned 14 is in IMO fk'd up.

What is fk'd up about it-exactly? How is it fk'd up -exactly? You are asserting this, but I am not seeing a convincing argument that there is anything intrinsically wrong with that in a family where everyone sincerely respects everyone else.

So it's OK for a 11-12 year old being taught the use of a vibrator is OK? You have got to be kidding me.

I am certain there are far more significant factors than the number of times the planet has circumnavigated it's orbit around the sun since any specific person in question was born. Things like physical sexual maturity, emotional maturity, maturity of judgment, intelligence, the ability to understand and deal with personal boundaries, the ability to make good personal choices...etc.

????

I also see no "abuse" in this situation. If a teenage girl came to either of her parents and said she was having sex and would like to get on the pill, it would be abuse not to help her, in my opinion. Why is a vibrator different? Should the mother have shouted, "NO! Quit masturbating!" ???
Mr. Alura

Like comparing apples to watermelons. You are forgetting the OP left her many toys laying around for a long time and her daughter knew what they were and how they were used "for a long time". We put our duaghters on BC at 16. Big diffrence between 16 and 13,14,15.

How about somebody chiming in here and tell us at what age they would leave out their many sex toys, instruct how to use them and give a vibrator to their own daughter?
Not one poster has said what age besides the two in question has said when they would do that.

[Alura]

Originally Posted by lovinher

Quote:

Not one poster has said what age besides the two in question has said when they would do that.

I don't fully understand your question, Lovinher, but if you're asking "At what age would you deal with the situation if your teenage daughter asked for a vibrator of her own?" ...

... My answer would be: "At whatever age the question was asked." While I would not instigate any such discussion, (and would never "Instruct Her" in any sexual ecucation) I would certainly deal with it at whatever age the first question was asked... and every time afterward when another question was posed. I would not put her off (We'll talk about that when you're older...") for a single second. I'd deal with it immediately.

You make a good point about keeping your toys put away when not being used. (Mrs. Alura even hid her "play clothing" which I recently found in her crafts closet. They brought back some pleasant memories.)

If, however, one of my kids had found a toy and asked what it was for, I'd have answered as best I could... in accordance with the child's ability to understand, of course, but never would I base my decision to talk to my child on any arbitrary age.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Originally Posted by rpu3

Situational Help, as I understand it from the description, is for swinging situations.

Right you are, RPU3. Their is no perfect forum for this type of question. I once proposed we start a "Parenting for Swingers" advice forum on this board but was shot down by the membership. It would have been for questions just like this one.

Still, one could argue that this would be a "swinging situation" simply because the parents are swingers. Their status as swingers means that their answer to their daughter will probably be different than most folks in our society.

Mr. Alura

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by lovinher

So the SB is open to discussing that is OK for a parent to teach their kids about sex toys? The op said "a long time" before she was 14. So what is along time 11-12-13? Do you really think that is OK? What BTW- I have discussed many non-swinger topics here. I just don't bring my kids into it.

lovinher, this forum provides a good source for all of us to learn things about sex that we may not know about and how to deal with the issues involved. Talking about sexual issues is a touchy subject for most and they need a comfortable place to do that. This board is great at meeting those needs, and I have found that I trust the advise given here. I am sure many feel the same way as me.

I posted in this thread earlier how many here were raised in a time were sex ed was pretty much nonexistant and sex was a very taboo subject. Now we are the ones at the forefront of the ongoing sexual revolution. Many of us here are parents and find ourselves wondering how to talk to our kids about sex. Since this is a place we are comfortable talking about sex it is logical the topic would come up. I know it seems questionable talking about kids on a swinger site, but the point is we are not talking of having sex with them, just how to best educate them. Contrary to popular belief we arent all depraved sex addicts. So I see this as a good topic.

As for the age issue, I simply have to state that age is relative. There are twelve year olds who are ready and or need sex ed just as there are those not ready till they hit 16. We all mature differently. I stated in my origional reply to the OP that the teen was ready when she felt comfortable asking. I stand by this. In reality ready or not, if they are asking a parent they want answers. If they dont get good answers from their parents they will rely on their friends and TV. I seem to remember hearing on the news that teens were passing around the info that drinking Mountain Dew would keep them from getting pregnant, is that what we want kids learning? And they are hearing about this kind of stuff in grade school nowdays!!! I would much rather a parent err in giving THEIR child more education than is needed then to have a teen rely only on their peers.

[ArousedInterest]

At what point it is OK to do what the question asked, my answer is if they are old enough to ask about...
As a parent I have not had the "fun" of dealing with this question, but since our two are 11 girl and 12 boy i can say that you got to talk early to them. My boy has a 14 yr girl friend and since we can't fight it we instead educate as far as appropriate, which these days is pretty far.
We have already busted him making out with two girls at the same time when he was 11, I was shocked I didn't know whether to high five him or kick his ass. Parenting kids these days is a day by day event when it comes to sex.

[LFM2]

This thread makes me very glad my kids are grown!

[socolais]

Originally Posted by LFM2

This thread makes me very glad my kids are grown!

I'll second that