At what point is a vibrator okay for a teen girl?

It sounds like some of you are not happy that

• A 14 year old is masturbating,
• She is getting good sex education via Scarleteen | Sex Education For The Real World,
• She's economically wise enough to use rechargeable batteries.

Some additional facts:

• My daughter lives 600 miles away,
• She spends just one week a year with me, and her step-mother is always around,
• Her mother won't acknowledge the existence of sex and refuses to talk about it,
• Her school avoids controversy by teaching a minimum "abstinence only" sex education.

I feel some of you seem to have convicted me of on-going child molestation when all I wanted was a creative way to

• Tell her that masturbation and sex are a natural part of life,
• See that she gets good information about sex and relationships (check out scarleteen.com),
• Provide supplies that her welfare mother can't or doesn't,
• Maintain a communications channel she will use when difficulties arise.

Please note that

• I chose a tiny, lower power, pocket rocket -- not a magic wand or insertable,
• I did not personally deliver it -- the mail person did,
• I didn't personally or directly discuss sex with her -- I wrote a note in the gift card referring her to good information,
• She approached me when she needed a replacement power supply

Now to give you more ammunition about how poor a father I am ...

I reveal to you all that I bought her not one, but two bottles of blue hair coloring last time she visited me.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have a problem with this and I hope the reason is obvious.

I'm sorry, but it's not obvious to me why you have a problem with this.

[Alura]

I had a discussion with my younger son, Seventeen, about this question. His response was that it was probably better to have her masturbating at home with her own vibrator than in the back seat of a car using the real thing.

He hesitated to say that her parents should pay for the toy, but did say she should be given the opportunity to earn the money to buy a vibrator.

I pointed out that a fourteen year old girl would not be able to walk into an adult toy store and buy one. We then agreed that discretion might dictate that a parent buy it for her but her own money should be used.

The discussion then turned to birth control and how many young women in his class make no secret of their using the pill. Apparently, there are a lot.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Originally Posted by rdy46227

[*]Her school avoids controversy by teaching a minimum "abstinence only" sex education.

This is a harmful policy that every parent needs to stand up and scream about!

Our high school had to teach "abstinence only" in the past. I don't know if it has changed since other changes have taken place, but here's what happened a couple of years ago in my older son's class.

The school, in accordance with the program, had recruited Seniors to visit classrooms and "answer the underclassmen's questions." One student asked, "If the girl is on on the pill, and the boy uses a condom, wouldn't it be pretty safe to assume she won't get pregnant?"

"No! came the answer. "The two cancel each other out. She is more likely to get pregnant." The teacher chose not to interfere!

Sigh....
Mr. Alura

[Miss Sunshine]

Isn't it funny how there is so much moral advice given at this site when we are all sucking, fucking , licking , fingering, orgying, gangbanging, group sexing , lusting for other peoples spouses, girl on girling, guy on guying, mfming, ffming our way through life???

[fun4Ds]

I'm with the people who have raised children. It's tough, and getting tougher each day. I can only imagine what our adult children will be faced with raising their children....

I'll have to side with Aluras and rdy46227 in some ways.

I think the biggest and most respected thing is... In MrsTadahiko's post she asked for advice from those of us who have raised our kids. I'm sorry, but when I read :

she recently asked me

I think thats a pretty cool thing.

If your kids cant talk to you about sex, someone else will. Most morals in this day of ages might need reconsidered

I can tell you of just one experience. There are many more, its called LIFE.

My son came to me one day at the age of 14-15 and said "dad, I need to show you something in private" He had been bailing hay, so I thought a rash or injury as we headed into the bathroom. He dropped his pants and showed me his dick. It looked like it had been ran through a blender that caught fire.

We went to the hospital and found he had been using shampoo in the shower as a lubricant (prell). We and the doctors, decided it was an appropriate time to talk to our kids about masturbation. Sure do wish it would have happened sooner. It took a while to heal..... Can ya imagine the embarasment... That, was a bigger issue my son faced.

No one can convince me while talking to our kids about the subject of masturbation we needed to close the curtains as deviate parents.

This is a new millennium if you think 13,14 year olds aren't exposed to sex. Think again.....

All I'm trying to say is give your kids the confidence that they can talk to you about anything, as parents.

There doesn't need to be shame, punishment or exposer. You would be surprised what they will talk about.

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by rdy46227

It sounds like some of you are not happy that

• A 14 year old is masturbating,
• She is getting good sex education via Scarleteen | Sex Education For The Real World,
• She's economically wise enough to use rechargeable batteries.

Some additional facts:

• My daughter lives 600 miles away,
• She spends just one week a year with me, and her step-mother is always around,
• Her mother won't acknowledge the existence of sex and refuses to talk about it,
• Her school avoids controversy by teaching a minimum "abstinence only" sex education.

I feel some of you seem to have convicted me of on-going child molestation when all I wanted was a creative way to

• Tell her that masturbation and sex are a natural part of life,
• See that she gets good information about sex and relationships (check out scarleteen.com),
• Provide supplies that her welfare mother can't or doesn't,
• Maintain a communications channel she will use when difficulties arise.

Please note that

• I chose a tiny, lower power, pocket rocket -- not a magic wand or insertable,
• I did not personally deliver it -- the mail person did,
• I didn't personally or directly discuss sex with her -- I wrote a note in the gift card referring her to good information,
• She approached me when she needed a replacement power supply

Now to give you more ammunition about how poor a father I am ...

I reveal to you all that I bought her not one, but two bottles of blue hair coloring last time she visited me.



I'm sorry, but it's not obvious to me why you have a problem with this.

rdy46227, This is why I got a bit upset when even the mention of abuse came into the topic. Without all the facts all you can have is an opinon and sometimes it will be wrong. I admit freely from your first post in this thread I questioned the appropriateness of your actions. Fathers do not normaly get involved with daughters this way. While I may be a little more comfortable than most men on the subject I still let my wife handle any sex talk with her daughter just to avoid any misconceptions. Based on the new info you give here though, now I have to say you just did the best you could in a tough situation stepping in and doing what your ex should have been taking care of.

Dont be too hard on the other members though. Moms have a defensive reaction for kids whether their own or not, and that is something I would never want to see changed. Plus sex education and kids has always been a hot topic. I must agree with miss Sunshine in my suprise at how hot it is in a forum where gangbangs and double penetration come up as regular topics.

Now as for the BLUE hair dye. I will be the first to say you should be publicly shot for your actions.

[TheLorax]

Originally Posted by Sunswept

or even 21. In many states oral sex is considered sodomy, and a crime between adults. .

2003 Supreme Court struck down anti-sodomy laws between consenting adults. The case was a Texas case. I celebrated even though my state was one of the first to abolish them.

[lovinher]

[quote] I have never hidden my vibrators at home. (I have a LOT of them). my 15 year old daughter has known what they are for and how they get used for a long time.[/quote]

So a 14 year old has known about what they are for and how they are used for a long time. How long is a "long time" for a 14 year old? 2-3-4 years? That would put her as young as 10 years old. Way too early on my book-and the law. The OP has never hidden her toys around the house. You pride yourself in the fact that you did this. So what else was left laying around-just the vibrators? My instinct tells me otherwise. It gives the impression that there were other aspects of ADULT toys/sexuality that no 10-11-12 year old should ever be exposed to until they are old enough to actually understand it. Talking about sex in general at a young age (IMO-around 13-14) is one thing, leaving sex toys laying around and who knows what else is another. So when her friends (girls and boys) came over did they see these toys and who know what else? I don't give a shit how liberal we as swingers are supposed to be open minded, and I am very open minded. But 10-11-12 years old exposed to sex toys-and again , who knows what else, IMO is asking for trouble down the road. It smacks of an adult pushing THIER views on sex their children.

Now , as a father it would never entered my mind to give my 14 year old a vibrator. If she had asked her MOTHER, that would be one thing. But her mother would never have left the shit and whatever else laying around. Do you really think this girl kept this to herself? Having had teenage girls I can guarantee you she didn't.
If my daughter had come home and told me her best friend told her father gave her a vibrator, and instructed how to use it, I'd would have been knocking on his door and questioning his motives and them some.
Of course kids will explore their sexuality at a very early age-so let them do on their own terms until they start to ask questions. Encouragement from adults is whole other ball game. Giving sex toys and porn to a preteen can get you in prison, get your ass beat or marked as a sexual predator for life.

That's just my opinion. Some of you can think your doing the right thing but fucking shit like this just gives swingers, and this board a bad name. No wonder the general population thinks of us as perverted. This discussion has no place here. It has nothing to do with adult swingers.

I wonder how many newbies to the site have read this and thought WTF? This is what swingers do and think is OK?

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by Miss Sunshine

Isn't it funny how there is so much moral advice given at this site when we are all sucking, fucking , licking , fingering, orgying, gangbanging, group sexing , lusting for other peoples spouses, girl on girling, guy on guying, mfming, ffming our way through life???

Not funny at all-just fun. The big difference is we are adults.

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

Dont be too hard on the other members though. Moms have a defensive reaction for kids whether their own or not, and that is something I would never want to see changed. Plus sex education and kids has always been a hot topic.

Sex education is vital! I guess I'm spoiled here in Ontario because in our public schools we know students get sex education of a fairly liberated type in mandatory health class, and even in small rural schools there's a nurse handing out condoms and non-judgmental advice at least one day a week. And rdy46227, while I do sympathize with your situation, and understand your reasons, I still don't consider a vibrator an essential part of sex education for a 14 yr old girl. The blue hair dye? Ah well, as a friend of mine whose daughter shaved herself bald said, "Hair is neither permanent or fatal." I was buying my older son green dye when he was 12.

And yes, Miss Sunshine, I do think that we need to draw a distinction between what is appropriate for children and what is appropriate for adults.

Obviously this issue struck a nerve on both sides of the fence. We all love our children, and we all want what's best for them, even if we can't agree on what is best for them.

[TheLorax]

[QUOTE=lovinher;388947]
That's just my opinion. Some of you can think your doing the right thing but fucking shit like this just gives swingers, and this board a bad name. No wonder the general population thinks of us as perverted.

[QUOTE]

I don't have a problem with people expressing their views, but this type of language and forcefullness of expression starts moving away from civil discussion and while I'm just a lowly new poster here, the fact that discussions could be civil was what attracted me in the first place.

[lovinher]

[QUOTE=TheLorax;388952][QUOTE=lovinher;388947]
That's just my opinion. Some of you can think your doing the right thing but fucking shit like this just gives swingers, and this board a bad name. No wonder the general population thinks of us as perverted.

I don't have a problem with people expressing their views, but this type of language and forcefullness of expression starts moving away from civil discussion and while I'm just a lowly new poster here, the fact that discussions could be civil was what attracted me in the first place.

And you have expressed yours. I'm sorry it wasn't said in such a way as not to offend your sensibilities. But I expressed MY opinion and I'm not always going to be all warm and fuzzy. Too many people are afraid to express their opinions or jump on the band wagon around here in the fear that they will offend somebody, disagree with some of the regulars or scare away a newbie. I really could care less. When it comes to underage children I have my reasons and make no apologies and in fact it makes my blood boil. Get used to it.
I think the SB is a great, great source for swingers (newbies or not) to learn things, vent, share their experiences and express their opinions. Since when did it become a forum to discus how to teach kids about sex toys?

So a 14 year old who knew about sex toys for a long time and how they used? Sometimes one word changes the whole meaning and intent of a post. Do you really believe it's OK for a 12-13 year old to be told by Mom or Dad what sex toys are used for?

So call me conservative, uptight swinger with a bad attitude-many would agree. But I'm still a swinger and that's why I come here and post my opinions. This thread has nothing to do with abstinence or keeping an open line of communication regarding sex with our kids. Somehow it got twisted into that.

I wonder what the OP would say to the parents of freinds of her daughters who found out her daughter got this information from a freinds parents. You think girls don't talk?

[TheLorax]

Originally Posted by lovinher

And you have expressed yours. I'm sorry it wasn't said in such a way as not to offend your sensibilities.

I see. Don't worry, my sensibilities weren't offended.

[Alura]

Well, I think this IS an appropriate topic for this Board. Most of us are parents and vitally interested in learning more about how to raise kids. If the OP didn't share that concern, she wouldn't have felt compelled to ask the question.

Since I first came to this board, I've learned that the folks who post here are (generally speaking ... in my opinion) much wiser than the general population. I'd rather ask them parenting questions than anyone else I know.

I do question the appropriateness of the forum. I would rather have seen it posted in "Situational Help." But that's a minor issue. If one of our members is struggling with a question, I'm glad to help if I can.

I also see no "abuse" in this situation. If a teenage girl came to either of her parents and said she was having sex and would like to get on the pill, it would be abuse not to help her, in my opinion. Why is a vibrator different? Should the mother have shouted, "NO! Quit masturbating!" ???

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

I don't have a problem with people expressing their views, but this type of language and forcefullness of expression starts moving away from civil discussion and while I'm just a lowly new poster here, the fact that discussions could be civil was what attracted me in the first place.

We do try to keep the discussions civil, TheLorax, but we must understand that some folks get emotional about certain subjects and must accept it. If you think this is bad, you should have seen what was being posted when I first came to this board. One of the first posts I read was, "Screenname, you are an asshole!"

Many of us have worked long and hard to stop this sort of thing and have been largely successful. Hang in there.

Mr. Alura