Concerns about performance issues

[**Macbeth**]

I guess it's my week to fill the forum . . .

I've been digging through the archives and haven't found this specifically.

My wife has what I like to refer to as a hair-trigger. She orgasms easily and often. Bringing her to climax is never a concern.

Unfortunately, I perceive myself as having a hair trigger as well. With my wife's ease of orgasm I've never seen a problem, and I don't tend to keep track of time, and don't have a good perception of time during sex anyway. I may be mistaken, and she specifically said that it didn't seem too fast.

I tend to be very attentive in foreplay, but the actual penetrative act may only be about 5 minutes, maybe 10. This will also depend on how much 'attention' I have received, and if my motor has gotten a good start it can definitely speed things up.

I've never had the problem of getting it up or keeping it up, although I have occasionally had the issue (usually if I really tired, or if I'm chafed) of not actually being able to climax, and finally giving up due to soreness or exhaustion.

So, my concern is that if I were to get into it, either at a club or private, that the excitement level would basically destroy my stamina. Apart from the obvious embarrassment and bruising of the tender male ego, I would feel bad if I was not able to give satisfaction to a playmate.

Has anyone else dealt with this issue, and if so are there any good strategies for mitigating as much of the risk as possible. Is having a quick one off the wrist a few hours before hand a good enough solution?

[sexcupid]

From a female that has had some not so great partners (in and out of the lifestyle)...you know you have fingers and a tongue. Use them.

Many guys have performance issues in the LS that they never before experienced before getting into it. If you come too quickly or can't get it up at all...make sure to do other things to make sure your partner is satisfied. You may find in doing that, you have recovered enough to have sex again or that the ED issue has corrected itself b/c you've relaxed and engaged in an activity that turns you on.

Too many times, if a guy's dick isn't working then the whole night is a wash because they get so caught up in their "misery" rather than carrying on to other activities.

Taking care of yourself before going out to party may backfire on you as well (as in not being able to perform/get a hard-on).

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by **Macbeth**

I guess it's my week to fill the forum . . .

I've been digging through the archives and haven't found this specifically.

My wife has what I like to refer to as a hair-trigger. She orgasms easily and often. Bringing her to climax is never a concern.

Unfortunately, I perceive myself as having a hair trigger as well. With my wife's ease of orgasm I've never seen a problem, and I don't tend to keep track of time, and don't have a good perception of time during sex anyway. I may be mistaken, and she specifically said that it didn't seem too fast.

I tend to be very attentive in foreplay, but the actual penetrative act may only be about 5 minutes, maybe 10. This will also depend on how much 'attention' I have received, and if my motor has gotten a good start it can definitely speed things up.

I've never had the problem of getting it up or keeping it up, although I have occasionally had the issue (usually if I really tired, or if I'm chafed) of not actually being able to climax, and finally giving up due to soreness or exhaustion.

So, my concern is that if I were to get into it, either at a club or private, that the excitement level would basically destroy my stamina. Apart from the obvious embarrassment and bruising of the tender male ego, I would feel bad if I was not able to give satisfaction to a playmate.

Has anyone else dealt with this issue, and if so are there any good strategies for mitigating as much of the risk as possible. Is having a quick one off the wrist a few hours before hand a good enough solution?

Glad to see some new topics being put out there!

I can only speak for myself, but I would welcome the 5-10 minute time duration for a change. I feel that I am probably in the minority here. After a fair amount of time spent on foreplay I am ready for the big climax. I am not one for long drawn out sex or marathon sex, some are but its not for me. I am only gonna have so many orgasms and things start to get desensitized, why does it have to drag out over a few hours?

Anyway I dont really have any advice to give you, but I am sure others will chime in. Too bad your on the west coast..

[**Macbeth**]

LOL. Thank N8ture Girl. I know my wife is the same way, too. Perhaps one of the elements of her being so easy to orgasm is just an overall heightened sensitivity, which means that too much of anything gets uncomfortable.

I know that when I go down on her, she can't take more than 5-10 minutes on her best days before she has to make me stop.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by **Macbeth**

LOL. Thank N8ture Girl. I know my wife is the same way, too. Perhaps one of the elements of her being so easy to orgasm is just an overall heightened sensitivity, which means that too much of anything gets uncomfortable.

I know that when I go down on her, she can't take more than 5-10 minutes on her best days before she has to make me stop.

The thing you need to keep in mind with your performance with another person is that they may not have that level of sensitivity that your wife does and you may have to take more than 5-10 minutes of having sex or definitely foreplay.

Seems common sense...but men that have partners that tend to climax quickly get frustrated with those females that don't. It's not necessarily that you are doing something wrong, just keep doing it and take your cues from your partner. We all go into an encounter with a "tool box" of techniques. It's just that the techniques get tweaked for each new partner.

N8ture Girl made some good points in that after a while for any woman things become desensitised after a while and it ceases to feel good or can become painful.

[pxjcp]

Nerves the first time will all but kill the man's performance ... WE have found that talking and doing things to please the women usally opens up all kinds of fun things.. Like one poster noted you have to get to learn and understand your partners body, her likes dislikes. Through communication and practice things usally work themselves out in "MAN LAND" and life is good.

[Rackir]

You may even wind up being pleasantly surprised by the effects of being in a whole new environment for sex. While you may have a "hair trigger" (btw, I don't think 10 minutes of serious bumping is really considered a hair trigger) at home alone with your wife, in a swinging situation you may find that the newness of everything actually keeps you from coming for a while. I've definitely found that I last longer in new situation than I do when it's just my wife and I at home (which of course I attribute to her all consuming sexiness ).
And of course as others have said, make your partner come before you start fucking, and odds are it's all good.

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by **Macbeth**

I tend to be very attentive in foreplay, but the actual penetrative act may only be about 5 minutes, maybe 10. This will also depend on how much 'attention' I have received, and if my motor has gotten a good start it can definitely speed things up.

I've never had the problem of getting it up or keeping it up, although I have occasionally had the issue (usually if I really tired, or if I'm chafed) of not actually being able to climax, and finally giving up due to soreness or exhaustion.

So, my concern is that if I were to get into it, either at a club or private, that the excitement level would basically destroy my stamina. Apart from the obvious embarrassment and bruising of the tender male ego, I would feel bad if I was not able to give satisfaction to a playmate.

Has anyone else dealt with this issue, and if so are there any good strategies for mitigating as much of the risk as possible. Is having a quick one off the wrist a few hours before hand a good enough solution?

Swinging is about play and having fun, and there is a lot more to it than duration of penetration! A lot of it is about seduction, teasing and anticipation, and discovering and using erotic tools you never knew you possessed... the list is endless.

Have fun doing what you can do, and let the rest take care of itself. As a beginner, there is no way to know how your cock will behave, take the attitude that what ever it is doing is just fine, and let your fingers and mouth get their yummy fun too! If the person you are playing with is having fun, and you are having fun, everything is good! A sense of humor is a big help!

In the beginning for some people the pure distraction of having extra partners or being in such an erotically charged environment can cause a lot of unpredictibility and personal surprises, but learn to just go with and be happy with the flow! Learning what gets you going is half the fun in the swinging context, it's different than what you are use to, your refractory period can be different, lots of things may be different. Just stay in your body and senses, stay checked in with how your playpartner is responding.

As you gain experience, you will probably gain some control of how and when you will orgasm, some people learn to use an 'edging" technique where they bring themselves up to...but not into orgasm. The Tantra people call this "Riding the Tiger" and they have some good control exercises if you are interested. Also, these techniques and methods can be practiced apart from any swinging, either alone, or with your partner.

I agree with sexcupid, firing a blank before hand may not be wise. At first it may be better to just tune in to how you naturally react and just work with that.