Helping her reveal her fantasies

[OklaCouple]

need some help making my wife reveal some of her fantasies, I have revealed some of mine, MFM, FMF and she seems turned on but when I ask about hers she she claims she really dosent have any and she gets turned on hearing me tell mine. I find it hard to believe she dosent have any and I suspect she is self conscious in revealing them not knowing what I would think. Heck it even took me awhile to say mine not knowing what she would think.

Our sex life is getting better and more adventurous but I crave to know what dirty thoughts she has. She is open minded sexually and likes to have fun and I would love to hear her thoughts.

Any help or suggestions?? I told mine and told her nothing she could say would shock me or make me think any less of her.

[PB&J]

You know what? I love sex. Really really love it. I don't have fantasies. I enjoy it in the moment, and enjoy remembering what happened, BUT I do not independently fantasize about sexual positions, or combinations, or experiences that I might like to try. Maybe your wife doesn't either. If she likes hearing your fantasies, hey, go with it and enjoy that.

[LikeMinds321]

OklaCouple

It's entirely possible that your wife may not have fantasies or "dirty thoughts." However, I think you can help people learn how to do so.

Since she gets turned on hearing about your fantasies, I'd suggest continuing to share yours with her and do it in a storybook fashion and slowly begin asking her to participate with you in building this story. This way, she may begin feeling more comfortable speaking up. Sometimes you have to teach a person how to be creative, how to use that creative part of their mind.

Have you done any swinging?

Do you hope to? If so, is your wife aware of your interest in swinging and is she interested in trying it?

If your wife has fantasies but isn't sharing them, it may be because she's worried that if she starts talking about them you'll expect her to live out those fantasies.

LM

[prometheius]

I have to agree 100% with everything PB&J has to say, this is exactly how my Mrs. is. I also agree with LikeMinds, though if your wife has aprehensions about sharing any fantasies that she "might" have, it will be up to you to assure her that you have no qualms with anything she might be able to dream up.

We have found that one of the best parts of swinging is that we must communicate openly and honestly with each other in order to enjoy all that swinging has to offer. It takes quite a load off of one's shoulders to know that they can express themselves as they really are without fear of retribution from the most important person in their lives.

[truckerbuddy]

Originally Posted by PB&J

You know what? I love sex. Really really love it. I don't have fantasies. I enjoy it in the moment, and enjoy remembering what happened, BUT I do not independently fantasize about sexual positions, or combinations, or experiences that I might like to try. Maybe your wife doesn't either. If she likes hearing your fantasies, hey, go with it and enjoy that.

welcome to the board..


Are you having fantasies or some thing you would just like to try/do??? think about it, do you fantasize/daydream about this or things you know about and want to try??

[bbarnsworth]

I think it's important to understand that men are considerably more visually oriented than women. This isn't to say that women do not fantasize as much as men. Far from it. But, it can be very different.

Also, your wife may truly not fantasize about various situations. Asking her to talk about her fantasies could be like asking her how that double black diamond ski run was, when she's not even made it down bunny's paw yet. Extracting thoughts and feelings and putting them to words is not necessarily the easiest thing, especially if you haven't done it before.

Involve her in your fantasy descriptions. Ask her if she'd like x,y, z. Ask her if she'd change it, how it would be better for her, etc.

[OklaCouple]

Thanks for the input, this is the kind of advice im looking for. I thought about it some and maybe the term fantasies isnt the best. I know I have things I would like to try but no elaborate scenarios. It seems to be a more fluid in the heat of the moment make it up as we go along ideas.

I guess the more correct statement is how to make her feel more comfortable expressing and trying ideas that are out of our normal routine. Generally when we have tried new things it has been my idea and Ive been the leader so to speak. I dont want to make it sound like I force anything which is far from it.

She is generally open to new ideas and takes to most of them. Maybe my role is the leader, to gently take her into new ideas lovingly and at her pace. Sound corny??

I want to keep progressing in our sex life and for me I dont want to say that anything is off limits forever( there are a few things i have zero interest in)

I have tried to find some adult movies or scenes that depict MFM and FMF encounters that arent your typical porn scenes but more intimate and involved.

maybe im way off base, Im still figuring out what the next step is

[TwIzZtEd]

Everyone has fanatasies! Everyone. Women may be less open with thiers, with us, because of our problem solving nature. Follow me hear guys and gals. We as a open minded men, get the shot to listen to the better half's dirty thoughts. Bingo is the first thought! Lets do this. We set out, unintentionally maybe, to solve the issue at hand. That issue being whatever naughty tidbit she has divulged to us and the fact it hasn't happened. We will put forth our efforts to make this happen. Problem solved for everybody, right? Wife's fantasies come true and we get our delisciously twisted rocks off. The ladies know this at some level and keep to themselves. Nothing worse than confesing your dream of something only to have it pushed on you outside your time. Now this is not applicable to some of the women out there (bless them one and all) but, if you guys have yet to delve to deep into the lifestyle, that may be an issue at hand. Then again....maybe not. Just a thought.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by OklaCouple

Thanks for the input, this is the kind of advice im looking for. I thought about it some and maybe the term fantasies isnt the best. I know I have things I would like to try but no elaborate scenarios. It seems to be a more fluid in the heat of the moment make it up as we go along ideas.

I guess the more correct statement is how to make her feel more comfortable expressing and trying ideas that are out of our normal routine. Generally when we have tried new things it has been my idea and Ive been the leader so to speak. I dont want to make it sound like I force anything which is far from it.

She is generally open to new ideas and takes to most of them. Maybe my role is the leader, to gently take her into new ideas lovingly and at her pace. Sound corny??

I want to keep progressing in our sex life and for me I dont want to say that anything is off limits forever( there are a few things i have zero interest in)

I have tried to find some adult movies or scenes that depict MFM and FMF encounters that arent your typical porn scenes but more intimate and involved.

maybe im way off base, Im still figuring out what the next step is

I think the next step is honing your skills at listening. Here is why I say that.... Your wife knows you and your reactions far better than we ever possibly could. I think so many men bring this sexual exploration about fantasies with the theme being US or We. I know I did....

The truth was, I wasn't in my wifes fantasies. You might think that sucked finding that out and it did in some ways, but it was the truth.

Think about that for a minute, do you really want to know the truth ?

It was my understanding, that brought me "into" her fantasy world.

[OklaCouple]

Well it wouldnt be horrible to find out im not in my wifes fantasies, shes not in alot of mine. I just feel ready to explore different areas, we have gotten rid of alot of the petty jealousy stuff and feel very comfortable.

Its just these thoughts of different ideas and experiences are always on my mind lately. It seems I have planted the seed, she knows I think these things.

Just afraid im becoming preoccupied with these thoughts. I would never do anything behind her back or against her will