Age and its effect on erections

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by good times

I'll have to admit that once I passed about the age of 40 or so, if a woman requires me to use a condom she had better be, talented, enthusiastic, take direction well, and be patient if she expects me to get it up. This is especially true amongst experienced swingers. The fact is, one of the down sides to being an active swinger is that you actually get used to seeing naked women regularly. The result of which is that a lot of times just seeing a woman naked isn't enough to result in an erection.

Ok, I just read the above in another thread and it got me thinking, so I'll ask you guys. Looking back do you see this trend? As a woman, I have seen this trend. Pet and I were originally together when we were 19/20 and back then I could litterally walk in the room and he'd get hard. It doesn't happen anymore... ok well not very often.

Do guys as they get older become more like us women and actually require a little more effort? Why do we as women look at men and expect that they should just get hard at the sight of us? I've seen this attitude of women mentioned many times in other threads - the women who think that the guy should be hard just because she's there. Why do we expect more effort out of them than we are willing to give ?

[BiloxiCouple]

Yep. You know it. Our bodies change, just have to know how to change with it and work with it when it let's us.

Nature tends that men are more easily aroused at a younger age (teens/20's) than at more advanced ages.

I think women want to see a hardon as an acceptance/approval of them. So if I can't immediately get it hard in their presence then I don't want them or approve or whatever reason you want to give. And at times that may be true.

[Day&Night]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Ok, I just read the above in another thread and it got me thinking, so I'll ask you guys. Looking back do you see this trend? As a woman, I have seen this trend. Pet and I were originally together when we were 19/20 and back then I could litterally walk in the room and he'd get hard. It doesn't happen anymore... ok well not very often.

Do guys as they get older become more like us women and actually require a little more effort? Why do we as women look at men and expect that they should just get hard at the sight of us? I've seen this attitude of women mentioned many times in other threads - the women who think that the guy should be hard just because she's there. Why do we expect more effort out of them than we are willing to give ?

I think this is mostly true that as guys get older it does take a little more effort. I also think that as a swinger you do get used to seeing naked bodies and it takes a little more than that to get you going. BUt a naked couple engaged in sex does it every time, more so than just seeing nudity.

BUT, I also notice that as a swinger its actually easier, for me anyway to get hard and stay that way when there are multiple women present or actually seeing others engaged in sex tends to get me hard and stay that way for a longer period of time.

In a swinging / playing situation the excitement and eroticism present actually makes me feel like I did when in my twenties ! The sites and sounds of sex going on right next to me keeps me excited and ready for more action.

I think what hurts or hinders a lot of guys is worry about whether they will perform satisfactorily. If you don't worry about it and just go with the flow I think nature takes over and most guys will be fine as long as there is not so under lying medical condition.

[The Fuse]

Mr. Fuse is now 41, and so far his erections are as reliable as ever, with me and with his playmates. He gets hard easily and stays that way. There have been only maybe two times in a play situation (at least, when I was there) when he's had any unwanted softening. A little oral fixed him right up. We'll see what happens as we get older. He is also generally healthy and fit, so that helps, but I'm sure at some point we will see a difference. C'est la vie. I am appreciating it for as long as it lasts (pun intended).

If I like a guy, and I think he likes me but he has nerves, I'll enjoy play plenty without an erection. I've had good results on a second, or even third play session. As far as I know, those playmates weren't put off, or at least not too much, because we were with them again. I hope part of why they weren't put off was because I was obviously enjoying myself regardless. Certainly if I were to have gotten frustrated or aggravated, that would not have helped.

The ones it's happened with have all been over 40, sometimes over 50, except for one younger guy at a party in a room full of naked squirming bodies. He just seemed a little uncomfortable with the situation.

A little rambling reflection here... In my opinion, a lot of us women expect instant wood from the guys, and it's a bit unfair. I think part of it is because popular culture tells us that men are always horny, always ready, and wanting more sex than they are getting. We think men are simple, and they simply want pussy and respond like teenage boys. But the reality is often more complex, especially as we get older, and those guys who don't walk around like divining rods are sometimes made to feel badly about it. Men have their own pressures to deal with, like to act or be a certain way.

[IvoryTowers]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Why do we as women look at men and expect that they should just get hard at the sight of us? I've seen this attitude of women mentioned many times in other threads - the women who think that the guy should be hard just because she's there. Why do we expect more effort out of them than we are willing to give ?

While I don't really expect a guy to get hard just because I'm in the room (and I'm not only happy but eager to help in the getting ready department), I will say that I was surprised when we started swinging and every single man we encountered had at least a little bit of a problem getting or staying hard.

My surprise was partly because Mr. Ivory is blessed with a very quick erection and partly because I assumed that the erotic nature of sex with new people would make men more aroused and therefore more likely to be hard as soon as things started.

What we both realized is that balancing the eroticism is nerves, distractions, condoms and maybe even emotions like jealousy. I've come to expect that there will be some *ahem* rising and falling action, and to see that as part of the fun (as I get to show off my oral skills in a way Mr. Ivory appreciates but does not usually need). As long as the guy is comfortable and having fun, I don't care if he never gets an erection.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Why do we as women look at men and expect that they should just get hard at the sight of us?

Over the years I've noticed that Ted definitely doesn't get hard as quickly as he used to....there was a time, like you when just walking into a room he'd get hard...of course he was a teenager back then. Now, I can actually get a hug without being poked in the stomach with a hard-on....not for long mind you, but a two minute hug is definitely longer than the two second hugs it use to take.

To answer your question...I really don't know. I've never expected a man to get hard by just looking at me and to this day, I'm still surprised when it happens. In fact, there are times I wish they wouldn't get hard so quick...I do so enjoy sucking on a soft dick. It's something I rarely get to do or for the length of time I want to do it.

Ted and I will play a game of me sucking him while he's soft and once he starts getting hard I quit and I refuse to start again until he's soft again...the game never lasts very long . I've found that a man trying to go soft is just as difficult, if not more so sometimes, than trying to get hard. Oh well, it is fun while it lasts.

Teresa

[Chicup]

In my late 30's and I get hard pretty much randomly when the wind blows right. I know this sort of thing will sound like bragging but I could have been an old school porn star when it comes to being able to maintain an erection, at least under pressure. I have a hard time (ok that was NOT meant to be a pun) relating to all the posts about male issues and we haven't really run into those problems.

I'd say the only lessening is that as a swinger, my arousal threshold is higher then prior.

[good times]

Actually, I have to be honest here and say that I haven't been an instant hard-on kind of guy since my mid 20's.

Now that I got that out of the way, I have to say that I have been somewhat surprised how often, in swinging, the woman takes it personally when I don't get an instant erection.

One time we met a couple at the club, and within 15-20 minutes we were in a room getting ready to play. We all stripped down to our birthday suits and the woman immediately looked down and said, "don't you find me attractive". Sad part is it put the pressure on enough that it took me twice as long as usual. Another time, we started some foreplay and less than five minutes into it the woman jumped up and ran in the bathroom crying. Seems she assumed I didn't find her attractive because I hadn't rose to the occasion fast enough. Of course, her expectations were no surprise to me as her husband had not only got an erection in that length of time but had finished already. Obviously she was used to it going a lot faster.

This has been a problem often enough that we now always discuss it before playing with a new couple. I will tell new playmates that it might take anywhere from 2 to 15 minutes for me to get going. I have never had a problem filling that time with enjoyable things to do though.

So yea, I think as a guy gets older, and also gets more experienced as a swinger, it may take a little more effort. But then again, slowing down a bit can also allow one to better enjoy the experience.

[it'sso]

I've been around a long time. I have no problem in getting it up.
My only problem is finding a lady who wants it.

[Trace Ekies]

It's taken months for the grin to subside after some of our soirees...if I became erect with a thought like I used to, I'd be hard all of the time...and I imagine some people would find that a bit disconcerting.

My biggest problem with erections comes late at night (well after midnight) and with heavy drinking. Give me one or two drinks too many and I may not function properly at 2:30 am. I've had 3 problems total...all with the same circumstances except for the woman.

I think most of my performance related issues are age. I'm 44 and like my urologist said, "Viagra was invented by 40 year olds for 40 year olds".

Trace

[Swamprat]

Being in my sixties, I'm not as good as I once was but I am as good once as I ever was. As a wise old man once said, "I may be too old to cut the mustard, But I'm never too old to lick the jar."

Nekked kisses

[ncmd_couple]

I think there are conflicting expectations that can cause a man to not rising immediately. And those expectations vary depending on a person’s experiences. “L” and I are home nudist, as I see her nude all of the time, that isn’t going to cause instant wood on my part. Even seeing a nude woman at a club isn’t going to cause instant wood. Also, if the man has a nudist background, an erection is something that he doesn’t want to happen just in a general setting as it is frowned upon in the nudist community.

As for age being a factor, yes it is. When I was 20, it was easy to get an erection. 30 years later, it takes a little more mental and physical stimulation to get it up. Also, I had a medication side effect problem several years ago that caused me lots of problems in that department. So now I keep Viagra in the medicine cabinet to give me a boost if necessary. I will generally pop one about 30 minutes before any expected play time and the positive effects last for about 36 hours for me. My father is 79 and I know that he is still active, which is nice to know that I have another 20-30 years or more on the odometer!

It is a complex situation. Men, just like women, can have as many things that will dampen their desires that have nothing to do with the person in front of them. But that is one of the things that I like about the club scene. All those sexy ladies have a tendency to make me forget about the job, the latest bone headed move by a kid, or that asshole that cut me off on the drive to the club. I think that the only thing that would cause me to lose an erection during play time is if the woman was non-responsive and just laid there like my ex-wife did.

S

[IvoryTowers]

Originally Posted by good times

Now that I got that out of the way, I have to say that I have been somewhat surprised how often, in swinging, the woman takes it personally when I don't get an instant erection.

One time we met a couple at the club, and within 15-20 minutes we were in a room getting ready to play. We all stripped down to our birthday suits and the woman immediately looked down and said, "don't you find me attractive". Sad part is it put the pressure on enough that it took me twice as long as usual. Another time, we started some foreplay and less than five minutes into it the woman jumped up and ran in the bathroom crying.

Seriously?! If a play partner ever ran to the bathroom crying that would be the end of the night for all concerned! How ridiculous that there are women out there who expect men to be at the ready as soon as the clothes come off; I assume neither of those women would have been happy if you'd stuck your fingers in them first thing and said "You're not wet? Don't you find me attractive?"

[Day&Night]

Originally Posted by IvoryTowers

Seriously?! If a play partner ever ran to the bathroom crying that would be the end of the night for all concerned! How ridiculous that there are women out there who expect men to be at the ready as soon as the clothes come off; I assume neither of those women would have been happy if you'd stuck your fingers in them first thing and said "You're not wet? Don't you find me attractive?"

I agree 1oo%. I once had a play partner pull down my pants and I was semi-hard. She looked up at me from her knees and said " Whats the matter" All I could do was laugh, then she of course wondered what I was laughing at. Not a good way to start but it ended up ok.

[TravlParty]

From the female perspective(44); I love giving oral and sensual touch all over, so that's never been an issue. I'll spend as much time as it takes. It's when there are medications involved that seem to get in the way of full erections, at least in my experience. Age - no, I haven't seen that being a problem. My best playmates were in their 50's.

From the male perspective (49); the libido is nowhere near tired and old.
If a woman is actively participating and into me, it works just fine. I'm on no medications, and my blood pressure is that of a 20 year old (per my doc last week). I still get erections from just a kiss. Yes, even when she walks into the room, in thigh high boots, stockings, a garter belt and nothing else.