Males-Gay or Not Gay?

[Additude]

So I pose this question to the masses: Both Male and Female responces welcome.

I am having a debate with someone I know over the general definition of a "Gay" male. This individual believes that if there is any Male-Male sexual contact, it is considered "Gay". I on the other hand am more definitave, thinking a truly "Gay" male would consider marriage or a lifetime relationship to another male and that the sex act doesn't necessarily encompass the true definition of a "Gay" male. I guess it would be the same for women.

To you, what defines if a male person is "Gay" or "Not Gay"? Can a male have bi-sex or even sex with another male, but yet not be considered "Gay" if that male is only interested in the sexual act itself, but not in a long term relationship that is outside of friendship? Or is just the act of male sexual interaction enough to define that term "Gay".

I know it all depends on the person, their lifes history, outlook, etc. but what do you think, as a progressive sexual liberal? err a swinger or potential swinger?

I hope this question doesn't sound like a biology question for a college essay.

[easleyfuncpl]

I agree with you. I hate labeling myself as BI and just prefer to label myself as open. I mean, if it were just sexual preference, imagine all the labels I would have to add! And beyond that, I am very BI, but would never consider engaging in a serious relationship with a female that could lead to a marriage. There's also this whole gay culture, which brings with it a whole gay outlook on the world with unique experiences that I am not privy to and wouldn't assume I'd know just because I like to have sex with women.

But really, it's just arguing semantics. That's an argument no one can win.

[TomF_22033]

I hate labels too. But to me Gay, Lesbian and Homosexual is exclusive to having sex and/or relationships with members of ones own gender. Bisexual is one who likes/does have sex with either, and straight or hetrosexual is only having sex with those of the opposite sex.

Now with all of that said as I don't care what someones sexual preference is. If they're not interested in me, I respect that. Likewise, I don't have a problem with them unless they make unwanted advances after being told I'm not interested.

[JustAskJulie]

To me, just having sex or even being attracted to the same sex does not make one gay. It does make you bi (IMO), unless you are one of those (typically females) who are only doing the act to please someone else, then it makes you stupid (again, just my opinion).

Somewhere around here is a thread (I think BiloxiCouple started it) regarding the Kinsey scale of sexuality. It's a 10 point scale that ranges from completely straight to completely gay with (obviously) many layers in between. I find that there is much truth to that, as there are many layers. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, being somewhat attracted to both sexes, but some fall on one extreme or the other completely. Those who fall completely on the extreme of only being attracted to the same sex and only wanting to be sexually involved with the same sex (IMO) would be labeled as GAY.

[JustAskJulie]

Found the thread I mentioned earlier: Men, where do you fall on the Kinsey scale of homosexual tendancies?

[Alura]

Originally Posted by Additude

This individual believes that if there is any Male-Male sexual contact, it is considered "Gay".

Considering the number of teens, both male and female, whose first experimentation is with members of their own sex, there wouldn't be many "straight" individuals, would there?

Mr. Alura

[IvoryTowers]

What a silly argument! Turn it around--if a gay man has sex with a woman or a lesbian sleeps with a man, does that make the gay person straight? Of course not!

Being gay or straight is about your sexual and romantic focus, not the acts you do. In fact, in earlier times (and prison) men would define themselves as straight no matter who they had sex with, as long as they took the active role. It was being penetrated that evoked the stigma, not the gender of the partner!

So...I assume your friend lives in constant terror that he might bump into a penis and be turned gay!

[Additude]

Thanks for the responces so far.

My friend is straight (so far as I know and is not into swinging), so I believe his view of the subject is synthetic. I mean I think his view is infulenced by stigma, TV, what his daddy told him when he was a kid, stuff like that. He is convienced that...well, I will speak what I think he would say, and that is I believe he is convienced that even going to a "Gay" bar would mean your "Gay" or have "Gay" tendancies.

Thanks Julie for looking up that Kinsley scale.

[GoNatural]

It is my experience that it is common for many straight people that are not sexually progressive to consider a man gay if he enjoys sexual contact with another male. I do believe that this is unfortunate and narrow minded.

I am bi, and I do not openly tell my friends for this reason. Now, I do tell a select few people that I meet that I am bi. Some of them were straight people that I were perceived were open minded. I did not tell them in order to open a door to a sexual oportunity, but to enjoy the freedom of being honest with myself, and those around me. It was liberating.

That being said, the swinger community is more open-minded and progressive the the general population, in my opinion. I know that only a minority of swingers welcome bi males, but I think that many swingers have a healthy understanding of sexuality.

Oh, and I think that people choose to select a title for various reasons. I am friends with a couple that has a poly triad relationship with a woman that identifies herself as a lesbian, yet she really enjoys the sex with the husband in the triad even in one on one romps. She also tells him that she loves him, once in a while. She does have some hangups though, and she will not admit to her gay friends that she enjoys sex with him. She is slightly on the butch side, being a soft butch, and the gay community provides a lifestyle for her that she likes. In the end, I guess it is each person's own choice as to how they label themselves.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Alura

Considering the number of teens, both male and female, whose first experimentation is with members of their own sex, there wouldn't be many "straight" individuals, would there?

I feel like bringing up another thread with a [Citation Needed].

Am I the only guy who made it through highschool and a fraternity who didn't have a sexual experience with another male?

It never even occurred to me as an option.

As for the OP question, its an old stereotype and stigma that is often joked about.

Women can 'experiment' but if you suck ONE dick you are gay for life.

(being made up as I go along)

A couple is visiting Ireland and meets an old man standing on the bridge. They introduce themselves and ask him for his name.

He looks and them a moment and says "This bridge you are standing on, I made it, but do they call me Harold the Bridge builder?" .. no. He then points to the church in the distance and says 'I built that church with my own two hands, took me two years, but do they call me Harold the Church builder?' ..no. But you suck ONE cock ....

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by Alura

Considering the number of teens, both male and female, whose first experimentation is with members of their own sex, there wouldn't be many "straight" individuals, would there?

Mr. Alura

Boy, do I feel like an oddball.

[docskotia]

Originally Posted by Additude

So I pose this question to the masses: Both Male and Female responces welcome.

I am having a debate with someone I know over the general definition of a "Gay" male. This individual believes that if there is any Male-Male sexual contact, it is considered "Gay". I on the other hand am more definitave, thinking a truly "Gay" male would consider marriage or a lifetime relationship to another male and that the sex act doesn't necessarily encompass the true definition of a "Gay" male. I guess it would be the same for women.

To you, what defines if a male person is "Gay" or "Not Gay"? Can a male have bi-sex or even sex with another male, but yet not be considered "Gay" if that male is only interested in the sexual act itself, but not in a long term relationship that is outside of friendship? Or is just the act of male sexual interaction enough to define that term "Gay".

I know it all depends on the person, their lifes history, outlook, etc. but what do you think, as a progressive sexual liberal? err a swinger or potential swinger?

I hope this question doesn't sound like a biology question for a college essay.

For me, the answer has to do with what attracts you. For example, in my case, I'm hardly ever actually attracted to another male. Yet, in a 3some or party situation, I'm quite comfortable with same sex contact, oral or anal, giving or receiving. However, I have no interest in meeting another man or men for sexual play without a woman's involvement.

Doc

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

To me, just having sex or even being attracted to the same sex does not make one gay. It does make you bi .

I have to agree with this. I am attracted to and have sex with other women, but I'm not gay. I couldn't or wouldn't want to have an exclusive relationship with another woman.

I would also give this definition to any man who enjoys or is attracted to another man. He might might be bi, but not gay unless he was wanting an exclusive relationship with another man.

[magnum]

Originally Posted by Additude

So I pose this question to the masses: Both Male and Female responces welcome.

I am having a debate with someone I know over the general definition of a "Gay" male. This individual believes that if there is any Male-Male sexual contact, it is considered "Gay". I on the other hand am more definitave, thinking a truly "Gay" male would consider marriage or a lifetime relationship to another male and that the sex act doesn't necessarily encompass the true definition of a "Gay" male. I guess it would be the same for women.

To you, what defines if a male person is "Gay" or "Not Gay"? Can a male have bi-sex or even sex with another male, but yet not be considered "Gay" if that male is only interested in the sexual act itself, but not in a long term relationship that is outside of friendship? Or is just the act of male sexual interaction enough to define that term "Gay".

I know it all depends on the person, their lifes history, outlook, etc. but what do you think, as a progressive sexual liberal? err a swinger or potential swinger?

I hope this question doesn't sound like a biology question for a college essay.

My definition is that if you are having sex with another male, either because you are Bi or not...I wold say you are gay or Bi "same difference"...Not that is a problem but I would say that person is gay...

[rickmccool]

Originally Posted by magnum

My definition is that if you are having sex with another male, either because you are Bi or not...I wold say you are gay or Bi "same difference"...Not that is a problem but I would say that person is gay...

Using that logic if he then has sex with a female he would become straight again.