having a fwb away from your partner?

[MrkLin]

***WARNING - OPINION AHEAD!!!***

If it involves lies, fraud, deceit, subterfuge, or withholding information from your SO, it's CHEATING! PERIOD!

Swinging, by definition, requires BOTH members of a couple. Now, both members don't have to participate, but both members HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT AND AGREE WITH ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITY.

Did you get that? ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITY!

I can't stress that enough. I've seen marriages break up over a kiss - my daughter's marriage included. You're really playing with fire here.

Now - if your wife knows, understands, and agrees with you having FWBs, that's a whole other story. If she's on board with you in this line of thought, then more power to the both of you. Hell, she might find someone (whether they be male or female) who really makes her tail wag, and make her want to dive in with you head first.

But if you're thinking about finding some cute little hard body to jump every week or so, and hopefully keep it a secret, you're truly a walking divorce waiting to happen. If those blunt terms come as a shock to you, get ready - it's nothing like the shock you'll get when you see what the divorce lawyer wants you to pay, and what she wants out of the divorce.

Straight up - don't even try something like this unless she's 100% on board with it. Yeah, you might get laid - but unless the FWB is some rich widow with no other heirs who's ready to pay all of your bills and marry you the second the ink on your divorce decree dries, that roll in the hay isn't worth it.

I know this post is crass. I want it to be crass. I want it to serve as a slap upside the head to anyone out there contemplating cheating on their spouse for whatever reason, no matter their gender.

Here it is in the unvarnished vernacular - if you have to ask about it, it's probably wrong, and will land you in deep shit.

I'll close by saying that just about everything I've typed above is NULL AND VOID if BOTH of you are on the same page. If BOTH of you are fully aware of 100% of what's going on, then that is something you two have to decide for yourselves. I've seen marriages in which one member plays while the other doesn't work just fine. I've mentioned them in several threads here. The ultimate deciding factor, however, has been, and always will be, the fact that they stay and play together - with the understanding that it will always be that way.

[pants_1]

As I have recently discovered, you should listen to what MrkLin says VERY closely.

I stand by what I said, communication is very important. Don't assume that because you have extensively discussed the situation as a couple, that you actually understand what the other person means. Same with the (potential) third party.

I STRONGLY advise moving very slowly, in stages. Don't rush into anything. Talk about everything you are doing as you go. You all need to be very very honest about your feelings. And stop the second ANYONE has ANY problem at all.

And, finally, LISTEN VERY CLOSELY to the people on this forum. You may not like what they have to say, and most of them come from a particular perspective that you may not share. But they have lots of experience in "alternative lifestyles." They don't say things like what MrkLin said to be jerks. They say it because they have seen terrible terrible situations. Ask them, they'll direct you appropriately.

Good luck!