Oprah's foreplay

iapr · 11-23-2008, 02:08 PM

The other day on Oprah she said that men doing the dishes/laundry/childcare/taking out trash etc etc is foreplay to women and that if men want more sex they should do more around the house.

She had Dr Laura Berman on and the topic was sex therapy and both of them were taking the position that many women feel overwhelmed and that a great majority of the household chores were falling on their shoulders and that for these women sex was just another chore they had to do. Oprah's statement was essentially that if men were to take some of these chores and responsibilities "off the women's plate" that they would have more time and energy for sex and more appreciation for their husbands which would make them more sexually receptive.

So Oprah's position (which was supported by Dr Berman) is that men doing household tasks is essentially foreplay for women and part of the sexual dance and process.

Just wondered what all your thoughts, opinions and experiences on that are. Ladies do you agree? If your man does a lot of things around the house are you more sexually receptive? If he is a slug do you find that affects your libido or your sexual responsiveness to him?

Men, what are your thoughts? Is this just another excuse or in your experience do you also find this to be true?

***JustAskJulie*** · 11-23-2008, 02:41 PM

I wouldn't call it foreplay... but I would say that if I'm less distracted by other things he is more likely to get laid (however I still expect actual foreplay).

**two4youinswva** · 11-23-2008, 02:45 PM

So, since I have a really hard time matching Mrs two4you's very healthy libido, maybe I should do less around the house.

You know, to even things out a little.

slevin · 11-23-2008, 03:10 PM

That sounds like something that disgruntled housewives say/believe to try and get lazy husbands to help around the house

Chances are the reasons that there isn't much sex going on has a lot more to do with a lazy husband who expects to be waited on hand and foot while he drinks beer and watches football. Contrast that with a fit, healthy guy who is busy doing many things and involving his wife in fun activities out of the house. They have mutual hobbies, individual hobbies and spend their free time trying new things together. Both guys might do the same amount of housework, but the active guy who has a love for life is going to be far more attractive to his wife and is likely to have a better sex life.

Whether they should both help more with housework is besides the point

WesternSwing · 11-23-2008, 03:12 PM

I don't think it is foreplay at all. If doing the dishes and laundry and such gets "rewarded" with sex, than I wouldn't want the sex at all. To me that is a woman giving obligatory sex in exchange for things she wants done, not having sex with her partner because she really wants to.

Now that said, using it as a game within an already abundant sex life, is fun. Like a sly little smile from the Mrs. and a "I'll give you a blowjob if you'll do the dishes tonight." That can be fun. But, the key is that it is additional sex, not the only sex you're getting. And it's a game, not a obligation.

Mr. WS

PB&J · 11-23-2008, 03:18 PM

I think that the point is that if a woman is less tired from doing all those tasks, she'll be more in the mood- not that she's rewarding spouse for doing the dishes,whether she wants it or not. Not an issue in our house anyway, since he does most of the chores.

it'sso · 11-23-2008, 03:21 PM

Here's the way I see it. If a guy has to do something in the way of chores in order to get sex, then once he makes a habit out of it, it will then become what his lady considers to be "accepted practice" and no longer worthy of "reward".
If a man has the time to share in the housework, he should do it only because he is responsible for at least half of the issues that are being delt with by doing them.
If his lady is dangling sex as a carrot, then SHE has a problem with her sexuality, or with having sex with him.
MOO

**fun4Ds** · 11-23-2008, 03:28 PM

I feel if I were to do to much, or more, than I do now. We would crash into one another with indifferences. I don't think she wants her house to run like my garage or shop. I do my part, but with caution. We have a difference of decor. Things like that, I don't mess that up. I wouldn't get layed more, so I'll settle.... I still do as I please cleaning and such in the man room.

Hummm....I just asked her If I would get more, if I helped more around the house ? I didn't say nothing about Oprah. She just said " I don't know, why don't you give it a try "

Either I need to communicate better or......

She just blew my theory out the door....

Not good, she just looked in the window at me. I'm supposed to be outside finishing the x-mass lights. Not on the pewter

It wasn't a look of joy....Im so busted....

I have to go now...

**BiloxiCouple** · 11-23-2008, 03:39 PM

And I get a boner when she drives my tractor...

Chicup · 11-23-2008, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iapr

The other day on Oprah she said that men doing the dishes/laundry/childcare/taking out trash etc etc is foreplay to women and that if men want more sex they should do more around the house.

I think its complete bullshit.

Its stems from a typical defense you find in women with lagging libidos as they get older.

Man: We never have sex anymore!
Woman: Well maybe if you helped around the house I would have the energy!

I have semi-tested this at home.

This summer I pretty much took care of cleaning our kitchen and living room. My wife is one who can be easily stressed, we have two kids, and our sex life has diminished a bit so it seemed a good thing to do.

Net result on sex life? Zero, no more no less.

Lets think about this realistically, whats going to get a woman wanting sex more, a man doing the dishes for 30 mins or playing with her nipples for 30 seconds? Is there women porn out there showing men taking out the trash?

Many men need to help out around the house more, and undoubtedly being a lazy slob is not a turn on, but doing the dishes isn't going to make her wet

dnmnms · 11-24-2008, 06:01 PM

Not foreplay per say however speaking as a female here, if I am tired or stressing because things need doing in the house it is definantly more difficult to get into a loving mood.

Melody

Thrax · 11-24-2008, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iapr

The other day on Oprah she said that men doing the dishes/laundry/childcare/taking out trash etc etc is foreplay to women and that if men want more sex they should do more around the house.

Doing the dishes has worked for THIS single male.

The "single" thing is probably important. (Actually...no "probably" about it.)

Thrax
P.S. Maybe just wearing an apron -- if that -- might have helped, too, I think.

funcpl4life · 11-24-2008, 06:33 PM

I totally agree with Chicup. (Somebody mark the calendar.)

If you want to get laid, act like a man. Be confident, be sexy, be caring. Don't make a secret bargain to get laid that she doesn't know about. (This usually winds up in men getting pissed off because they *did* the dishes and umpty-ump other chores and they *still* didn't get sex.) For me, it means flirting with other women. Mrs. then remembers that there *are* other fish in the sea.

Your mileage may vary.

I think that this is a completely harmful idea based on bias and bigotry.

Mr. FC4L

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chicup

I think its complete bullshit.

Its stems from a typical defense you find in women with lagging libidos as they get older.

Man: We never have sex anymore!
Woman: Well maybe if you helped around the house I would have the energy!

I have semi-tested this at home.

This summer I pretty much took care of cleaning our kitchen and living room. My wife is one who can be easily stressed, we have two kids, and our sex life has diminished a bit so it seemed a good thing to do.

Net result on sex life? Zero, no more no less.

Lets think about this realistically, whats going to get a woman wanting sex more, a man doing the dishes for 30 mins or playing with her nipples for 30 seconds? Is there women porn out there showing men taking out the trash?

Many men need to help out around the house more, and undoubtedly being a lazy slob is not a turn on, but doing the dishes isn't going to make her wet

***JustAskJulie*** · 11-24-2008, 07:14 PM

There is also something to be said for LIKING the person you love... and when you feel tired and stressed and like they are doing their part, you don't like them as much... and damn if you don't like them chances are you don't really want to have sex with them.

Chicup · 11-24-2008, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

There is also something to be said for LIKING the person you love... and when you feel tired and stressed and like they are doing their part, you don't like them as much... and damn if you don't like them chances are you don't really want to have sex with them.

I agree but as you said in your first post, I wouldn't call it foreplay, thats being disingenuous and almost seems manipulative.

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11-23-2008, 02:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
iapr Has Left the Building Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 832 Location: State of bliss Status: couple	Oprah's foreplay The other day on Oprah she said that men doing the dishes/laundry/childcare/taking out trash etc etc is foreplay to women and that if men want more sex they should do more around the house. She had Dr Laura Berman on and the topic was sex therapy and both of them were taking the position that many women feel overwhelmed and that a great majority of the household chores were falling on their shoulders and that for these women sex was just another chore they had to do. Oprah's statement was essentially that if men were to take some of these chores and responsibilities "off the women's plate" that they would have more time and energy for sex and more appreciation for their husbands which would make them more sexually receptive. So Oprah's position (which was supported by Dr Berman) is that men doing household tasks is essentially foreplay for women and part of the sexual dance and process. Just wondered what all your thoughts, opinions and experiences on that are. Ladies do you agree? If your man does a lot of things around the house are you more sexually receptive? If he is a slug do you find that affects your libido or your sexual responsiveness to him? Men, what are your thoughts? Is this just another excuse or in your experience do you also find this to be true?

11-23-2008, 02:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 24,502 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 75	Re: Oprah's foreplay I wouldn't call it foreplay... but I would say that if I'm less distracted by other things he is more likely to get laid (however I still expect actual foreplay).

11-23-2008, 02:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
two4youinswva Better than Ice Cream Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 3,025 Location: va Status: Couple. He posts, She reads Blog Entries: 1	Re: Oprah's foreplay So, since I have a really hard time matching Mrs two4you's very healthy libido, maybe I should do less around the house. You know, to even things out a little. __________________ Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo -H.G. Wells

11-23-2008, 03:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
slevin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 487 Location: Toronto Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:sk_forfun	Re: Oprah's foreplay That sounds like something that disgruntled housewives say/believe to try and get lazy husbands to help around the house Chances are the reasons that there isn't much sex going on has a lot more to do with a lazy husband who expects to be waited on hand and foot while he drinks beer and watches football. Contrast that with a fit, healthy guy who is busy doing many things and involving his wife in fun activities out of the house. They have mutual hobbies, individual hobbies and spend their free time trying new things together. Both guys might do the same amount of housework, but the active guy who has a love for life is going to be far more attractive to his wife and is likely to have a better sex life. Whether they should both help more with housework is besides the point

11-23-2008, 03:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
WesternSwing South of disorder Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 2,913 Location: Utah Status: Male half of married couple	Re: Oprah's foreplay I don't think it is foreplay at all. If doing the dishes and laundry and such gets "rewarded" with sex, than I wouldn't want the sex at all. To me that is a woman giving obligatory sex in exchange for things she wants done, not having sex with her partner because she really wants to. Now that said, using it as a game within an already abundant sex life, is fun. Like a sly little smile from the Mrs. and a "I'll give you a blowjob if you'll do the dishes tonight." That can be fun. But, the key is that it is additional sex, not the only sex you're getting. And it's a game, not a obligation. Mr. WS __________________ "God created sex. Priests created marriage." ~ Voltaire

11-23-2008, 03:18 PM	#6 (permalink)
PB&J Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 569 Location: Southwestern Ontario Status: female half of couple Blog Entries: 1	Re: Oprah's foreplay I think that the point is that if a woman is less tired from doing all those tasks, she'll be more in the mood- not that she's rewarding spouse for doing the dishes,whether she wants it or not. Not an issue in our house anyway, since he does most of the chores. __________________ Whatever had she done? And with whom?

11-23-2008, 03:21 PM	#7 (permalink)
it'sso Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 141 Location: Lakewood, Ohio Status: married male	Re: Oprah's foreplay Here's the way I see it. If a guy has to do something in the way of chores in order to get sex, then once he makes a habit out of it, it will then become what his lady considers to be "accepted practice" and no longer worthy of "reward". If a man has the time to share in the housework, he should do it only because he is responsible for at least half of the issues that are being delt with by doing them. If his lady is dangling sex as a carrot, then SHE has a problem with her sexuality, or with having sex with him. MOO

11-23-2008, 03:28 PM	#8 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 4,018 Location: Indiana. Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mrmrsfun Blog Entries: 16	Re: Oprah's foreplay I feel if I were to do to much, or more, than I do now. We would crash into one another with indifferences. I don't think she wants her house to run like my garage or shop. I do my part, but with caution. We have a difference of decor. Things like that, I don't mess that up. I wouldn't get layed more, so I'll settle.... I still do as I please cleaning and such in the man room. Hummm....I just asked her If I would get more, if I helped more around the house ? I didn't say nothing about Oprah. She just said " I don't know, why don't you give it a try " Either I need to communicate better or...... She just blew my theory out the door.... Not good, she just looked in the window at me. I'm supposed to be outside finishing the x-mass lights. Not on the pewter It wasn't a look of joy....Im so busted.... I have to go now... __________________ well... at least we are normal pervs

11-23-2008, 03:39 PM	#9 (permalink)
BiloxiCouple I wish I may Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 3,302 Location: Biloxi, Mississippi Status: Couple with benefits Swing Lifestyle Name:graceful	Re: Oprah's foreplay And I get a boner when she drives my tractor... __________________ A great pleasure in life is doing what others say you can't.

11-24-2008, 06:01 PM	#11 (permalink)
dnmnms Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 160 Location: Mississippi Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:dnmnms	Re: Oprah's foreplay Not foreplay per say however speaking as a female here, if I am tired or stressing because things need doing in the house it is definantly more difficult to get into a loving mood. Melody

11-24-2008, 07:14 PM	#14 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 24,502 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 75	Re: Oprah's foreplay There is also something to be said for LIKING the person you love... and when you feel tired and stressed and like they are doing their part, you don't like them as much... and damn if you don't like them chances are you don't really want to have sex with them.

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