Oprah's foreplay

[NCfuncouple98]

I think it's a crock.

My husband and I have been together 13 years, with 3 kids. Sex and a messy house shouldn't even be related!

I can't tell you how many times while doing dishes he reaches around my waste and kisses my neck. You think at that point I care about the housework?

We decided a long time ago, together, that life is short, and having 3 kids means there is always something dirty or out of place in at least one room. And so what? Our house looks lived in? I don't have a problem with that. We keep those problems OUT of the bedroom. The bedroom is for the couple - leave work, kids, chores, and finances out of it and focus on each other.

It's about priorities. Some women literally can't get in the mood when there are chores to be done - but I don't believe that men helping more can change that. Those women need to feel loved, romanced, and sexy. I can run a vacuum cleaner in shorts and a tanktop and feel sexy - just by the way he looks at me. And I do not find him sexier just because he's folding a load of laundry - although I may give him a nice long kiss to say thank you!

[iapr]

Originally Posted by NCfuncouple98

It's about priorities. Some women literally can't get in the mood when there are chores to be done - but I don't believe that men helping more can change that. Those women need to feel loved, romanced, and sexy.

You are correct that some women can't get in the mood if there are chores to be done and you are correct that they need to feel loved romanced and sexy. However for some of those women men doing more of the household chores will improve their sexual responsiveness.

We have been there and done that and my wife is one of those people where it is unthinkable to have sex if there are dishes in the sink. It is about priorities and her priorities are a clean and tidy household but it is also more complex than me helping out with the dishes (BTW I do not "help out" with the dishes. I DO the dishes 99% of the time)

In her mind since it is such a priority of hers, if I walk by dishes in the sink and don't do anything about them she sees that as me not caring about her or caring about our house or appreciating all that she does for our home and family. She feels unappreciated and disconnected from each other at that point.

It's not specifically about housework per se but rather about appreciation and connection between us. If she was feeling overworked and overwhelmed and I can up and started kissing on her, she would get pissed because i was wanting to smooch while she was trying to get work done.

But on the other hand if I saw she was working hard and did what I could to help her and take some of the stress off of her she may appreciate that and feel more connected since we were both working towards a common goal together.

Bottom line is it's all about feeling appreciated and connected. Men give and receive love, connection and appreciation through their sexuality. Women give and recieve love, connection and appreciation through 10,000 other things and sexuality is the manifestation. It took me ten years to figure out but if a man figures out that household chores is a priority and vehicle for his wife to feel connection and appreciation he'd best be doing some seriousl vacuuming and laundry.

[dnmnms]

Well, I probably get slammed for this one but here goes.
Not sure who wrote the book that housework is womens work.
Hubby messes up LR, takes showers in bathroom, messes up laundry same as others living in the house.
Just because he is male doesnt mean he gets to get a pass on cleaning. And yes, I do help with yardwork and the general "man" things around house.

Melody

[Markspurangel]

Oprah's so full of the brown smelly stuff it's runnin out her ears.

Dr Laura is another that can at times have valuable insight, but mostly she just talks to others like they are stupid & can't solve their own problems.

Housework is foreplay? I think not. I've been doing the housework, dishes, laundry, cleaning the garage, hauling out the garbage - plus managing a full time job as a nurse manager. I've also run my own business on a day to day basis while working as a Director of Nursing for a LTC facility. I never got sex in return & never asked for it after I had done the housework. At the same time I was doing all those things, I also remodeled a bathroom, refurbished a garage (replaced rotted out sidewalls) plus rewired/replumbed the house.

I didn't even get a kiss out of the deal either.

So for Oprah trying to suggest the female side of the couple felt "overwhelmed"........... Puhleeeez, she doesn't have a clue unless she's talking about her own life. Maybe that's why her weight fluctuates so much, she gets depressed because she has to wash dishes once in a while because her housekeeper is on vacation. Either that or Gale & Oprah had a tiff.

Some people will try to find connections to their problems anywhere they can. If one side of the couple doesn't want sex, it's no fun for either one of the two. Sex should be pleasurable & not an "obligation" as my ex-wife thought it was. Try having sex 3-4 times a year - because she feels obligated, not because she wants to.

Oprah is over-rated in her opinions. So is Dr Laura.

[K&JIntimates]

Don't know what I can add that hasn't already been said in one form or another. But if you want to say washing dishes is a form of foreplay make sure you add that the man is wearing nothing but an apron, warm wet soapy foam filling the sink, strong hands all warm and wet, his cute buttocks there for your personal viewing enjoyment.....(snaps out of it!)....ohhhhh, that's right, that's my fantasy!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by dnmnms

Well, I probably get slammed for this one but here goes.
Not sure who wrote the book that housework is womens work.
Hubby messes up LR, takes showers in bathroom, messes up laundry same as others living in the house.
Just because he is male doesnt mean he gets to get a pass on cleaning. And yes, I do help with yardwork and the general "man" things around house.

Melody

I work, my wife doesn't, hence the housework is mostly hers.

Its a division of labor thing, I'd expect the same if I was the one staying at home.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by dnmnms

Not sure who wrote the book that housework is womens work.

In our home, it isn't. It's more like Chicup's commentary:

Originally Posted by Chicup

I work, my wife doesn't, hence the housework is mostly hers.

Its a division of labor thing, I'd expect the same if I was the one staying at home.

I used to work 60+ hours a week. My spouse was attending grad school, and "worked" less than 30 hours per week. Hence, he did the cooking and cleaning and yard work, and I did the bills and helped with laundry.

Now my spouse teaches at two different colleges, and I'm corporate, so I'm limited to 38.75 hours a week. So, I've assumed the housework, shopping, most of the errands, most of the yard work, and the cooking four days a week. Even with my new on-the-side job, I still have more time available than he does.

Personally, I hate the housework. I also hate my personality type which doesn't let me do it half-assed. But I don't use the housework in any form as a reward/punishment/foreplay for sex. I like sex, I hate housework, so dammit, if there's a way to go have sex and leave the housework for later, I'm all for it. I do not recall my spouse ever using his housework tally back then as a reason to have sex/not have sex.

Judging by how some of my friends and co-workers talk, it seems like most the women view sex as just another chore to try to get out of, or use as a bribery tool, which is certainly not the prevelant view here. Then again, I dislike the Cult of Oprah, so I'm generally looking for the faults in her show topics on a regular basis.

rpu3
Back to laundry

[amid]

Don't ever watch Oprah in our house.. neither of us can believe how many people do and believe the crap she peddles while becoming richer and richer.. shows you how the average American today thinks.. How happy is Oprah? Is she in a loving trusting relationship where her man does the dishes to get her hot?? I wouldn't go to a priest for marital or sexual advice so why would I think of a talk show host that to my knowledge hasn't been in a successful marriage?

We have a traditional family in that I bring home the bacon and she "works" around the house being a traditional stay at home mom. I take care of yard work, maintenance and things that she just can't do. I carry my plate into the kitchen after dinner and take out the trash.. it's not 50/50 we have our roles and we fill them being considerate of each other. She is happy and I am happy.. Our love life is great. Dishes, chores, work don't come into play in the bedroom.. The best prelude to foreplay we can have is if I give her a nice hug during the day, or tell her she looks nice. That's what counts to her. We save the real foreplay for the bedroom.

[maggoo]

just some waffle to fill in time with her out of date boring whinging show that it has become.
I take it these 2 were talking from experience
if I had to run around all day whilst other half rested my conclusion would be that she didn't want to play any way
Perhaps this is why our celebrities have such a high divorce and break up rate as they are to busy worrying who is putting out the garbage,to the point that they truly believe the rubbish they peddle in the name of entertainment

wow the weight of the baggage they carry would make any young stud battle