How much do you tell your kids about sex.

[steversk]

I was looking through the discussions on the Swingtown website and came across one that was blaming shows like this for making young people too promiscuous, and blaming shows like this for things like teen pregnancy and STD's. What causes teen pregnancy and the spread of STD's is ignorance because we don't give our young people enough information about sex so they can make wise and informed decisions. I just read that Florida is rethinking their policy of teaching only abstinance as the only method of birth control because it is not working. Anyway, what I was wondering, as swingers, how much do you tell your kids, and at what age? Personally, I feel they should be told all about sex at puberty or before so they know what's involved, both physically and emotionally, and what the consequenses are. How about the rest of you?

[fun4Ds]

We were informative parents. We knew what we were doing at that age.

We caught some major shit from our daughters friends, parents, for letting our daughter go on the pill at 16. Their daughter was pregnant the same year at 16.

And by the way, there was no swingers shows on t.v. back then.

[funcpl4life]

We definitely give our kids plenty of correct information. Our oldest was almost suspended from school for saying "penis" in first grade. We were told that it would have been OK if he'd said "wiener" or "peepee" or something. We refused to apologize. (He was telling some kid to put it up.)
"Sorry, we believe in using the correct terms."
"We're worried that parents will complain."
We're not worried about stupid people, goodbye."

We no longer live in that district.
Information good, ignorance bad.
Mr. FC4L

[LFM2]

We also were very informative regarding sex. If they asked a question, they got a straight, correct answer and that was that. This usually happens around the family table at dinner or whatever. We talk about sex all the damn time!

Teaching kids about abstinence is OK, but unrealistic IMHO. Kids are kids (I lost my virginity at 15) and if they come to me for birth control, fine by me. We've always been honest and upfront every step of the way. Well, none of our kids has ever gotten pregnant, or gotten someone else pregnant and none have ever asked for birth control, either. *Shrug* The youngest is 18, and still lives at home.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by funcpl4life

Our oldest was almost suspended from school for saying "penis" in first grade. We were told that it would have been OK if he'd said "wiener" or "peepee" or something.

Aaaaaaaaaah... I see good old fashioned sex education is alive and well in your old school district.

Idiots

[willyoats]

My wife was very open about sex with the kids. She established a relationship where the kids (two girls) felt free to tell/ask anything. We always were upbeat about sex, implying that it is really fun when you are married or at least older.

The oldest was seduced (by an 18 year old) at 13 and went on the pill shortly after as a precaution. She eventually screwed her brains out for all of the wrong reasons (acceptance, looking for love, etc.)

The younger went on the pill at 16, bought a copy of Joy of Sex, and shortly was screwing her brains out for all of the right reasons (it's fun, no drama)

For a long time we didn't tell them we were swingers because I was not sure how they would react, so I erred on the side of caution. We found out later that they had guessed. Finally, we did tell them when they were in their late 20's. They are OK with it. In fact one is an occasional swinger.

My wife now wishes that we had not made sex sound like so much fun because that may have created unnecessary curiosity and promoted early experimentation. Given the times, I doubt that there was much that we could have done to make our kids' early sex lives turn out much differently.

Both girls turned out OK, so all's well.....

[des1re06]

I was always able to talk to my mother about anything, so I've been very open with my children. They do talk to us about sex.

This part of our life is not appropriate for discussion at their age, but if they asked me about it after they're 18, then I would have an honest discussion with them. I'd rather them know the facts than the lies the rest of the world says about us.

[cocpl2007]

Ours evolved into a pretty complex mess. As young adolescents I shared the facts about human sexuality with our Son and our Daughter. That has been decades ago, they are both in their 30’s now.

Mrs. Co did not have children. She inherited two when we wed.

[LFM2]

I can't believe how much changed since I wrote my original post in here about two months ago. LOL

Our second daughter did start birth control because she's told me she's going to have sex with her boyfriend. Cool. She's almost 23. About time.

Our 18 year old son came and asked about what we (his parents) thought about him having a threesome with his friend and their boss. Their boss was the one that brought up the idea. While we obviously don't have a problem with threesomes, we did have reservations about him having sex with someone he works with and with someone of a supervisor nature. We told him we thought it was just a bad idea, but were honest with him and told him it wasn't about the threesomes but because it was someone who could make his life hell if she (his boss) wanted. He was smart and passed.

Now, there is NO FREAKING WAY I would have discussed that with my mother at 18. My dad, maybe. I think we did a good thing talking about sex openly and honestly with our kids since they were little. Opens up a lot of conversations that otherwise would have maybe left them wondering what to do.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by funcpl4life

We definitely give our kids plenty of correct information. Our oldest was almost suspended from school for saying "penis" in first grade. We were told that it would have been OK if he'd said "wiener" or "peepee" or something. We refused to apologize. (He was telling some kid to put it up.)
"Sorry, we believe in using the correct terms."
"We're worried that parents will complain."
We're not worried about stupid people, goodbye."

We no longer live in that district.
Information good, ignorance bad.
Mr. FC4L

I'm half surprised we haven't gotten a similar phone call. Both our kids have known the proper names for their genitals since they were old enough to speak. My son even made up a song and a story about his penis (as a preschooler)!

Our kids are 6 and 8, so we haven't had the full "talk" with them yet, but it's coming up fast for the eldest. We do answer their questions honestly and with age appropriate language, though.

I hope that by us being fairly open about things they will feel comfortable coming to at least one of us with any questions they have. *shrug*

=)

[jdavisauto]

We talk openly about sex in our home. We both feel that it is the parents responsibility to teach the kids about sex and sexual realationships. Our youngest girl is 16 (will be turning 17 in 3 weeks) and she been on birth control for about 6 months now. We can't stop her from having sex but we can give her information where she can make some good choices. She also knows that she can (and have) come to us with questions concerning sexual feelings and desires. The school and some of her friend's parents gave us some shit about her being on birth control. With the 4 pregnant girls in school that was not on birth control, the school left us along.

[WeMayTryIt]

We're curious how some of you have handled "the talk" (and subsequent conversation). Not from a clinical, fact-based standpoint, but from an emotional, responsibility based standpoint. As most, we were taught, "When you love someone very much and are married...". Since becoming swingers, we've definitely changed our position on that viewpoint, but we don't want them to think that, as long as they're responsible and protected, it's a free-for-all. While we don't want to burden them with all the limitations society places on sex, we don't want them to think that all sex is just for fun. How do you give them the freedom that you enjoy, but instill in them that sex within a marriage is different than wanton humping--which we obviously don't have a problem with , but it doesn't have the emotional implications of sex within a committed relationship.

[SexyBitch&Him]

My husband and I have 4 children. We have chosen to be very open about sex and their sexuality with them. Our oldest is 14 and she has recently come to me to talk about the whole sex thing. She is still thank god a virgin but expressed to me that most of her friends with the exception of one other girl is not a virgin anymore. I feel that becasue we were open and honest with her that she felt comfortable to come and talk to me about it. She also expressed that she wanted to go on birth control that there was alot of pressure to have sex. I in no way condone sex at this age but you can bet your sweet butts that I am not going to say just don't have sex!!!! She is now on BC and I told her that I know she will do the right thing because she is educated I don't want her to have sex but I also realize that it will happen whether I want it to or not!!! Don't be niave about this parents kids are having sex at a way younger age than we ever thought about it. As for our younger kids who are 7,6,and 5 we have done the same with them. The only problem I have found is that they find it no big deal to talk about sex and sexual things if the topic arises and I have been in the situation where another parent is flabergasted that they know anything about it, so I had to have the talk with them that just because we see nothing wrong with it that some parents DON'T think its appropriate to talk about it so they can only discuss these things with myself or daddy.My parents were pretty open with me about some things but then others I had no clue about . I ended up having my first child at 18, everything turned out for the best but this is not the norm in this situation theses days. The number one way is education if they know about it then they will be more likey to make the right decissions.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by WeMayTryIt

We're curious how some of you have handled "the talk" (and subsequent conversation). Not from a clinical, fact-based standpoint, but from an emotional, responsibility based standpoint. As most, we were taught, "When you love someone very much and are married...". Since becoming swingers, we've definitely changed our position on that viewpoint, but we don't want them to think that, as long as they're responsible and protected, it's a free-for-all. While we don't want to burden them with all the limitations society places on sex, we don't want them to think that all sex is just for fun. How do you give them the freedom that you enjoy, but instill in them that sex within a marriage is different than wanton humping--which we obviously don't have a problem with , but it doesn't have the emotional implications of sex within a committed relationship.

How old are your kids ? I think it makes a very big difference. Like most have said, its about giving them trust that they can come to you about many situations they face in life. Those things lead to many discussions, they feel, that your oppinion matters. Like sex....

[CallMeLoki]

Another great thread...I need to point Sif to this one. Our daughter is 6 years old. She already masturbates occasionally and has since she was about 4 or so. (This part is hysterical...she seems to usually enjoy that activity when watching cartoons...my wife and I joke about "Sponge Bob Kid Porn"! ) Anyway, we tell her it's fine to "tickle her booty", but that she should go off in private rather than doing it in front of people. We *think* that's the right choice. We want her to grow up comfortable with her own body and not feeling like there's anything "wrong" with pleasuring herself.

Her mom and I are pretty open about attractiveness of people to her. We encourage her to be outgoing and talk to other kids or adults (but then, we also try to teach her to put limits on it...there's danger in being friendly with strangers, and that's a tough balance point, ya know?). We want her to grow up knowing how to flirt, not being shy (like her mom and I both were when young), not afraid to say what she wants (but do it in a polite way rather than demanding), and knowing how to enjoy herself without unnecessary inhibitions and insecurities. We want her grow up able to thoroughly enjoy sex, but to be very selective in who she chooses as a partner for that. We'd prefer she abstain until she's an emotionally mature woman, but we also know that she probably won't and needs to be equipped with the necessary knowledge to make the right choices. It's very important to both of us that she feel able to talk to us and ask us any questions that pop into her mind.

The question is how to get there, of course. We haven't really talked to her about sex yet, but I think we know we'll probably have to start talking to her about it within the next few years.

And I agree...the sex education in schools seems to be mostly focused on abstinence. Yet, the teenage pregnancy rates are higher than they've been in several decades, and teenage STD rates are higher than they've been in decades as I understand it. We're human beings...abstinence doesn't seem to work in reality. It didn't work for me nor her mom, and we have to realistically assume that it won't work for her either.

Loki