Erectile Dysfunction...could this be why it happens?

[LikeMinds321]

While reading an old thread I came upon this statement by Chicup that grabbed me:

Originally Posted by Chicup

I have to wonder if so many men who seem to have 'performance' issues when it comes to swinging is due to not being attracted to the other person, but going ahead with play because they feel they should do it for whatever reason.

I think there is a lot of truth in this. Sometimes the chase, flirtation, and attention from a woman can entice a man who isn't really into her as much as he needs to be.

What do you think?

LM

[good times]

It has happened to me. It isn't that I didn't find her attractive, it was just that she was really good at flirting but was pretty much dead in bed. I tried to soldier on, you know, think sexy thoughts and such, but it just wasn't happening. You never know though, maybe I just didn't turn her on any more once we got to the bedroom. Nah, couldn't be that.

[Spoomonkey]

I've had performance issues before, but only once was it because I really wasn't into my playmate. The other times it has really been something that surprised the hell out of me because the person I was with was someone I really, really wanted to be with - but my body simply wasn't cooperating.

It doesn't happen often - and hasn't happened in quite a long time - but I tend to think of it as one of those things that almost every guy faces from time to time.

Spoomonkey

[VanHlebar]

I have had issues from time to time since we got into the lifestyle and like Spoo only once was it an issue where I just wasn't into the female and that was our very first experience. The other times could have been related to alcohol, lateness of the play session or nerves because I was so excited to be with my partner that it just didn't work.

For me I have just learned to go with it and if it happens it happens.

-Van

[djjwp]

1, yes, she need to be attractive to me
2, the hunt helps, to just have a woman lay down and front of me and say "get to work" does nothing for me, I like a bit of fun and chase first, at least the first couple times.
3. Have to feel comfortable and no rush the first couple of times with a new woman.

[willyoats]

I should have learned sooner to trust my instinct, my gut feeling. The times this has happened were preceded by a "this doesn't quite feel right" sense in my gut. Twice it was just from feeling too rushed by her, and once it was the charity fuck dilemma (where my wife really wanted the guy and was aleady off with him and the other woman, to whom I was not particularly attracted, suggested we go do it too). Maybe she was doing a charity fuck, too, and I could sense it??

It has never happened when my gut was screaming that I really was into the chick.

Bottom line: the psychology of the moment is really, really important. That is hardly a new insight, however valid it may be.

[montrealswinger]

Wow, I think i found the perfect thread for me to express myself :-) Here's my story, feel free to comment if you like.

My wife and I have been together for 12 years now, and although we had briefly thought about swinging in the past, we never really did anything about it. A few months ago, the subject came up, and we decided to join a site and try to meet people. Needless to say, the first time we really got to the club and stayed there, we hooked up almost immediately with this couple on the dance floor and made out the whole night. For reasons I will not mention, they could not make it back to our place that night, so we decided to say our good-bye's and meet another time. That just so happened to be the very next week, as it seems we were all quite excited about getting together.
Let me start off by saying that this was going to be our first swinging experience and they showed up about an hour or so late. When they got here, the night we started off with pleasant conversation, played some games, and part of the games involved removing clothes and teasing a little here and there. When we finally got down to it, it started off ok, but then I just could not get into it. However hard I tried it did not work. Long story short, my soldier, as some would say, failed me.

Now I have analyzed this from every angle I can imagine. I realized that I am not super attracted to her. Although mentally we got along well, her body was just not that appealing to me. Now along with being my first time, being most probably super nervous even though I hid it really well, and having a few glasses of wine before that, I couldn’t imagine what else it would be. I have never had a problem performing even at my most drunken of times. And not once in 12 years have I not been able to get going for my wife. I get rock hard just thinking about her sometimes. All this to say I thought that maybe another woman whom I find attractive may help my situation. Then last night, we got a little cam action going with another couple and wouldn’t you know it, it happened again. And should I mention we had cammed before with another guy and it did not affect me. I just cannot figure out what is going on. This girl was super hot and her body REALLY enticed me.

Anyway, that’s my story; maybe someone with some experience can help out this newbie to shed some light on the situation.
Thanks for listening.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by montrealswinger

Now I have analyzed this from every angle I can imagine. I realized that I am not super attracted to her. Although mentally we got along well, her body was just not that appealing to me.

Hi montrealswinger!

to the Swingers Board.

You'll discover some great reading about ED (Erectile Dysfunction) on the Board. Seems it's a problem that can crop up...and leave you down...for many men who swing.

My angle on the ED issue (what I think Chicup was suggesting) is that we swingers can get all revved up with the idea of having sex in a non-mainstream way (swinging) and sometimes we don't take a moment to ask ourselves, Do I really want to have sex with this person?

I think what may happen for some men who experience ED is that if they were with that woman in a vanilla environment, and she was vanilla, they would never want to have sex with her. But this doesn't surface until the moment you need to perform and then all goes downhill.

The swinger club atmosphere can be like a tornado; you get caught up in it and it takes you away to a place you'd not have gone otherwise.

Thanks for posting such a great first post, montrealswinger.

I hope you continue to share your thoughts throughout the forum.

LM

[socolais]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I think there is a lot of truth in this. Sometimes the chase, flirtation, and attention from a woman can entice a man who isn't really into her as much as he needs to be.

What do you think?

LM

I don't have any answers,,,, but when a woman shows a clear interest in me and initiates a few flirts - THAT's a big part of what attracts me to her (I like a woman with good taste). The physical beauty is a cool bonus - it's just easier for me to find it on some women than others. Every person has their own beauty, it's just a case of matching preferences and attributes. So, I think her chase CAN'T lead me astray unless it appears ingenuine or stops when we get horizontal. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me enough to show it.

Yeah, I've had my share of ED with playmates. Sometimes, I think I know why (mostly, she's too passive). Other times it's a complete mystery to me - she's cute, she's fun, she's active in bed and responsive to my touches. So, I tell little socolais, "Hey buddy, wake up!! this is a foxy chick here and this is a grand playtime. You're the one missing out and the tounge gets plenty of extra fun."

I think the unfamiliar feel of the condom contributes something to the problem. And sometimes I recognise that I'm feeling a little anxiety - that's subsiding as we swing more. Another thing I've noticed is that sometimes the deflation occurs when we take too long switching positions.


And then there are other times when things just click right and we both stagger out of the room with big assed smiles, leaving behind sweat soaked sheets. The coolest thing I've ever heard was, "Where the hell are my shoes?"


And welcome montrealswinger, cool first post!!