Male Losing Sex Drive

[PipeDreamer]

I'm 52 and have found that over the past 3 years, I have loss much of my desire for sex. The Mrs. is frustrated and I too, am disappointed in my lackluster attitude for having sex. It seems like work. Sometimes I can't reach orgasm and lose my erection. I have had a physical and yes, I have picked up some weight. Otherwise there is no reason for the desire loss. Any guys reading this who can identify? Any suggestions?

[ShellyM]

Make an appt. with your doctor. Number one, you are not alone. They will probably test your testosterone levels. Like women, men tend to produce less hormones as they get older and sex drives will be affected. See your doctor and they will help you take it from there. Be patient with yourself, this is not something that is uncommon for your age group.

[Vjklander]

There are lots of physical and psychological reasons that could account for diminished sex drive. It is work. Sometime sit happens. But, there are plenty of ways to satisfy most women other than a plain old boinking. Some are even less work. If all else fails, get a Sybian. That is a whole lot less work.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by PipeDreamer

I have had a physical and yes, I have picked up some weight. Otherwise there is no reason for the desire loss.

I agree 100% with going back to the doctor and being very open with him/her about your concerns. There is a lot of help for you.

You know you've added weight and seem to be aware of how much that can affect your sexuality. Adding regular exercise to your life will not only help you lose the weight, it will increase your testosterone and also will increase your stamina - so that sex won't be "work". Fitness makes a huge difference.

Being proactive now can save your sex life for decades to come. Take action now - and good luck!

[Lovethenights]

Seeing the doctor with the diminished libido as the main issue is important, as it will focus his assessment. It has to be the right choice of MD as well, since not all MD's keep up with the sexual sciences. Since an unexplainedly disappearing libido can mean a pituitary tumor, he will have many things to think about and check for you. If you are fortunate and he finds none of the "bad things," then all of the advice mentioned by others could be what it takes to get you back to the 50th percentile of 52 yr old male libidos. Reducing to ideal body weight, regular aerobic exercise, a healthy diet, a sensible sleep regimen, and a healthy marital relationship are all components of a good sex life. Having a wife who wants sex from you is very very lucky, so join with her in getting back to a state of fulfilling marital sexual bliss and you'll both live longer.

[Nudesailing]

Go to a Dr. and get blood work done, particularly testosterone, then you will be able to go from there. It is not unusual for test levels to decline as we get into our 50s, but there are things that can be done.

[PipeDreamer]

Thanks for everyone's input!

[graygo98]

You should also have your estrogen levels checked. As a male gains weight his body produces more estrogen. (Man boobs aren't just a result of overall weight gain.)

On the other hand, testosterone is responsible for maintaining/building muscle and bone mass. If you are sedentary, your body will slow T production: it just doesn't need it. Your libido will be "collateral damage."

Starting the right fitness routine will trigger your body to produce more T to repair and rebuild muscle tissue broken down through excercise. In addition to fat melting off and lean muscle development, morning wood is a pleasant side effect. You will also have much more energy, another side effect of normal testosterone levels.

(Warning: shameless oversimplificaiton and generalization. But, there is lots of good material out there and programs that will help you. Or, join a club and spring for a bunch of sessions with a good trainer.)

[willyoats]

From painful personal experience I can attest to the fact that there are unfortunate side effects to testosterone treatments. Like a lot of other older guys, I had some naturally occurring prostate enlargement (the BPH you hear about in the TV ads). To counteract that, the doctor prescribe first Proscar and then Avadart. Both of those killed my sex drive (down from 3 or 4 times a week to once every ten days, and even then it was "work", not fun). To counteract that, the idiot prescribed a testosterone cream which worked wonderfully well for the sex drive. BUT, a stated side effect of this cream is prostate enlargement!! That is a common side effect of testosterone supplements because testosterone is the main cause of prostate enlargement in the first place. I ended up with the TUR surgery.

Cautionary note: if you tend toward enlarged prostate, be very careful of which drugs you agree to use to fight either it or the loss of sex drive. Be sure you get to a doctor who knows what the hell he is doing and that he is not just prescribing a drug that the pharma rep tells him is terrific.

[Nudesailing]

You said it when you said find a Dr that knows what he/she is doing in regards to hrt. There are more aging clinics in every major city. Not every doc understands on knows hrt.
It is not always as simple as getting on an exercise program, even though that will help with everything, if your free testosterone is low it probably will not raise it enough. Free and bond testosterone are different and both need to be tested.

[Spoomonkey]

I've read this thread and I don't really think I can contribute anything. I agree with everyone above - see your doctor.

BUT - before I started anything, I'd attack the obvious first. I know when it comes to this, I sound like a broken record, but honestly - lose the weight, eat right, get in shape, get your penis back in shape (you can keep it healthy with simple diet tricks and exercises).

My nightmare story about medication was when I was given depression meds a few years ago. One of the symptoms of depression was a loss of sex drive. It was really bad. I wanted to have sex maybe once a week. I started medication and my sex drive returned as my mood improved.

Problem was - the medication kept me from reaching orgasm. I could "head down that road" with an erection that would stay nice and strong for hours - but I couldn't "get where I was going". After a few weeks of orgasm-free marathon sex, I went back to my doctor.

His answer? Viagra...

Needless to say, I changed doctors. I wasn't having the slightest problem getting an erection - I pretty much had one all the time at that point.

I became serious about getting in shape and eating healthy. It hasn't been the easiest thing to do, but the results have been a complete turn around in the sexual department - just ask Mrs Spoo

And I'm completely off depression meds...

But - I am 38, young and dumb. I'd see your doctor, but the first thing I'd do is have him evaluate you to see if you are healthy enough to exercise. You may need more help - and my advice may not be for you. But it is the first place a man should look.

Spoomonkey

[avid]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

BUT - before I started anything, I'd attack the obvious first. I know when it comes to this, I sound like a broken record, but honestly - lose the weight, eat right, get in shape, get your penis back in shape (you can keep it healthy with simple diet tricks and exercises).

I agree with the simple stuff first. I'm really fond of the expression "when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras".

When I started getting fit, my self-esteem had a huge boost, and so did my sex drive. The last year has seen a lot of changes in my life, and some of the weight came back on. My sex drive has dropped correspondingly.

I started seeing a holistic nutritionist, and a personal trainer. Within two weeks, I was feeling SO much better. The trick is to make the changes permanent, so I'm working on that.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I became serious about getting in shape and eating healthy. It hasn't been the easiest thing to do, but the results have been a complete turn around in the sexual department - just ask Mrs Spoo

And I'm completely off depression meds...

Originally Posted by avid

When I started getting fit, my self-esteem had a huge boost, and so did my sex drive. The last year has seen a lot of changes in my life, and some of the weight came back on. My sex drive has dropped correspondingly.

I started seeing a holistic nutritionist, and a personal trainer. Within two weeks, I was feeling SO much better. The trick is to make the changes permanent, so I'm working on that.

Very inspiring, Spoo and Avid. Nutrition and regular exercise can make a big, almost miraculous, difference. It has worked exactly this way for my husband, and for me, too (works the same way for the ladies).

We're both well over 40, and nature isn't on our side anymore. I feel that at our age, we have only two choices: (1) We morph into squishy, tired middle-agers if we don't eat right/exercise frequently (when we stop, we go right in that direction). Or (2), we take control with eating right and exercise, keep fit, and don't look or feel our age. #2 is work and requires some focus to stay on track, but I'll take that any day over the alternative! The difference in how we feel, sexually and otherwise, is like day and night.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

We're both well over 40, and nature isn't on our side anymore. I feel that at our age, we have only two choices: (1) We morph into squishy, tired middle-agers if we don't eat right/exercise frequently (when we stop, we go right in that direction). Or (2), we take control with eating right and exercise, keep fit, and don't look or feel our age. #2 is work and requires some focus to stay on track, but I'll take that any day over the alternative! The difference in how we feel, sexually and otherwise, is like day and night.

I LOVE this attitude, Tybee! You and Mrs Spoo would get along well. She is 51 and with the program we are currently doing, she is in better shape today than when we married. Her body is hard all over and her abs... Well, yummy...

You're right - it is not easy. 4:30 comes very early everyday and there are days you just want to order a pizza, but when people actually call you a liar when you tell them your wife's age, you realize the work is worth the trouble.

Spoomonkey

PS - Of course, we have no physical or "real life" limitations that keep us from exercising. I want to make sure that I add that there are plenty of people who simply can not follow a strict, demanding routine. And - we have friends who don't work as hard as us, but look a hundred times better than we ever could... So - as always - be you

[Tybee Swing]

Thanks, Spoo! I really believe it's just that black and white, especially at my age. There are only two paths, and it's a deliberate choice which path we're on. Oh God, I can't believe that I'm actually 48. Some days I have a hard time with this. I feel like I've barely gotten started, I have so much more to do, but my body is....48. It wants to be 48 in every way, so I have to fight back. Almost the minute I eat what "everybody else" eats and slack off like "everybody else", I feel tired, lethargic, old, and move in the direction of looking it, too.

I have to keep my mind on the right course every day, in order to make my body follow the right course and get out and do what it needs to be doing. I have to talk my 48-year-old back and knees into it (they feel better and stronger when I make them do it). I have to plan each day what I'm going to eat. If I stop, I turn into an exhausted, mentally and physically tired, middle-aged slug. If I do it, I stay energetic, mentally focused, and full of life (and sexuality).

I'm sitting here on a Saturday morning in my baggy sweats, while Mr. Tybee sleeps in. Time to rouse his butt and get out on the trail this morning!