Sex drive (?) possibly declining?

[La Ti Da]

Hello,

My g/f and I had an interesting conversation last night that came to a resolution that I'm kind of uncomfortable with and I'm looking for some feedback on a variety of issues.

We have been dating for about 9 months or so and are quite serious. In fact I am planning on proposing soon. She is truly the one for me!

We started out only seeing each other on the weekends since she has 2 kids and they are with her during the weekdays. We had amazing sex all the time on the weekends and couldn't keep our hands off of each other.

As we got mor serious I started spending more time during the week with her and now I spend 7 nights a week with her. She has an unparalelled sex drive and that is great!

But we have been having less sex lately and it is starting to bug her as she is always in the mood. We still probably have sex 5-7 times a week but we used have the same amount of sex over the course of 2 days, and sometimes more.

I masterbate about as often (once a day on average) and everything else is about the same... she turns me on like crazy but I'm often tired at night and just want to go to bed. I am rarely to never interested or able to have sex more than once and if I try its the low effort sympathy sex that everyone hates.

She told me its disappointing to her because she always wants to have sex and she feels bad asking me about it. She asked me if it had anything to do withher gaining weight!

Oh god I don't want her to think that, I can't imagine being with someone that turns me on more.

Could it be due to fatigue... the 'newness' factor wearing off, getting older (age 26), diet (don't eat particularly well).

I know that I'm someone that is turned on by new things, talk of swinging, a new toy, look or dress, ect.

I guess whatever it is it is not concious because I have no explanation and I certianly wish that I was up for it more often, I'm just not.

My g/f said that she is going to not have sex with me during the week / only oral ect. and wait for the weekends to see if that is the problem. I'm not happy with this at all, not because I NEED sex during the week but because it is not a solution and it makes me feel guilty when I don't think I should have to feel guilty.

Our relationship is awesome and it is great to be able to talk about these things and not just wonder to ourselves about them. But I am going to talk to her about this proposed idea of hers in more detail tonight... I didn't pick it apart so muchlast night as I hadn't had time to think about it and I was too tired again

I am going to book a physical, I'm long over-due anyway, and mention it to my doctor.

Any suggestions on past experiences on declining sexual drive, communication, remedies, ect would be appreciated.

[BiloxiCouple]

Yes to everything you said.

Ya'll are individuals, not machines.

I don't walk real fast and my wife walks fast. There has to be a compromise somewhere as with all things. You both need to communicate about this and figure out the best course of action. Maybe she needs to masturbate or find other alternatives. And blow jobs/oral is still sex, especially with a male orgasm.

[havefuninsun]

Why masturbate when she wants more sex? You say you do an average of once a day ... well, don't. Seems to me you'll be hornier and she'll be happier.

And take some vitamins (I have no idea if that advice is helpful. It just sounded like healthy advice. In retrospect, you can ignore that advice...)

[StacyCat]

Stop masturbating :-)

Also, see if she will expand her definition of sex. Maybe you are too tired at night for sex, but would be willing to hold her or help out while she masturbates.

And, having sex once a day may be average for you when you are living together/spending the majority of time together. If you only saw each other on the weekends, you would have more sex then.

Yes, I would be in heaven if I had sex 3 times per day, but I know that it may not be possible. However, if I want sex more, and my partner is choosing to masturbate rather than have sex with me, I would be having issues.

[La Ti Da]

Ok, I'll definately stop... good advice there... and obvious to boot. Just usually horny in the morning and no time for sex. I'll save it up though even if it makes me antsy through the day

Still have to get her to realize her current approach is not going to work for me.

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by La Ti Da

Still have to get her to realize her current approach is not going to work for me.

Which approach, holding off until the weekend?

If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone in your situation. Before Mr. Fun and I moved in together, we too could cram a weeks worth of sex into one weekend ... sometimes we still do -- but we've finally gotten to the point that we don't worry about anything if a day goes by without.

I remember after we moved in together and we went a day without thinking "OH GOD!" (well, maybe not that dramatic), but it's just how relationships evolve.

How about some morning nookie? That would help you (since you enjoy masturbating in the morning) and it may just put a smile on her face too. I love it when my day starts out with a bang ... (thank you, I'll be here all week ...)

[Tenatious]

Won't the buildup of waiting for the weekend be exciting. Especially with all the other petting. When you finally get to dive in it will be that much more exciting Oh and stop masturbating not fair to her when she knows your pulling it all day long and then just roll over and go to sleep.

[daisy girl]

Lots of things can influence your sex drive. I strongly suggest that you get a physical to see if there are any physical problems. Also, exhaustion, depression, stress, etc. can influence as well and sometimes a physical doesn't identify these things (unless you have a very perceptive dr.). Be careful of the "holding out" method. It only works when you both agree. It sounds like she made the plan without input from you. There is the potential for resentment to set in.

Talk to her...let her know how you are feeling. Show her this post- it may help to open the lines of communication. Good luck.

[Zoe&Wash]

Originally Posted by La Ti Da

We still probably have sex 5-7 times a week but we used have the same amount of sex over the course of 2 days, and sometimes more.

I remember being 26 . . .

W

[La Ti Da]

Originally Posted by Tenatious

Won't the buildup of waiting for the weekend be exciting. Especially with all the other petting. When you finally get to dive in it will be that much more exciting

We talked last night and this was essentially what her idea was. I guess I didn't interpret her intention quite the way she intended.

Originally Posted by daisy girl

Be careful of the "holding out" method. It only works when you both agree.

Yeah thats basically what happened. All should be well now.

I'll book a physical soon and that might uncover some additional gains.

[cassies]

Pick two days to have sex twice. See if you can make the time for it. It is hard to perform when you are tired and need to sleep. Try getting up earlier, if that is when you like to masturbate, if she is up for it.

Good luck