Questions on Anal

[TheCouple]

I saw another poll on the site that said that a majority of swingers hold anal as a personal experience kept between a couple and it raised a question I had and thought I would get some advice from the more experienced swingers. My wife has always enjoyed anal play when it is just us. She has extreme orgasms whether its a finger, tongue, beads, etc. Half the time, she orgasms on anal alone. On a couple of occasions, her and her female partners have done a little "playing" but has never gone "there" with a male partner. She recently expressed the desire to involve more anal play when we party with other couples and asked me if I would be ok with other men penetrating her. We have always enjoyed watching each other being satisfied, but is anal sex going a bit too far? Should I be concerned that shes crossing a line? If I said no, I wasnt comfortable, she would respect it but I almost feel that by her even asking me, means shes been thinking about it, and for the first time in our swinging careers, I feel disrespected. Is there anyway to meet her half way? I dont want to be a party "pooper", but I also dont think I would feel right about watching my wife and another man having anal sex. Its just going to far. I wouldnt dream of asking her if I could do that with another female. It just seems to personal. Am I over reacting? Any advice would help. Thanks

[sexyshelby]

These are questions that only you can answer. For some people, anal is a private thing, while others do it with other couples. It's up to you and your wife to discuss it and make a decision.

However, since you feel that it is something too personal, then it is probably best to keep it between the two of you.

~SS

[DBL D]

I certainly understand your feeling on having something special between each other, but it seems you are restricting her activity because YOU think it's too personal for YOU to go there with a woman. I think your wife is interested in experiencing everything and she is asking for your support. Alot of swingers feel that the bond they share with each other is special enough and they don't like to place restrictions on each others pleasure. I certainly don't with Fem D. You gotta have guidelines, and/or rules but this is something that smacks of something else.

Male D

[LOL_OMG]

I agree with SexyShelby on this one. If it's important to just one of you it should be a no-go. If you agree to something you don't want to it will just cause problems later. Although we don't really have restrictions like this I can totally understand it, and I think it's just fine.

I would just be honest with her about how you feel. She should respect that.

I'm also curious as to how a woman would come with anal play alone. I didnt think it was possible, since there's no clit or G-spot there?

Mrs.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

...I'm also curious as to how a woman would come with anal play alone. I didnt think it was possible, since there's no clit or G-spot there? Mrs.

It IS possible..believe us! facelick

M.D.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by DBL D

It IS possible..believe us! facelick

Dito

[intuition897]

This isn't much of an issue for us, as I just don't like anal. The only time you'll find me in the mood for anal is after LIBERAL amounts o alcohol.

But if either of us wanted to engage in it with play partners, we are both fine with it. Sex is sex is sex. Why is one hole more intimate than another? Our reservations lie in the emotional. We are not entirely opposed to other emotional relationships, but we have agreed not to get into them right now, and certainly not without a very deep discussion of all the potential repercussions. We're just keeping our options open when there's no need to close them.

[LOL_OMG]

Originally Posted by DBL D

It IS possible..believe us! facelick

Hrmmmm....this requires further research. I'll get back to ya :p

[TheCouple]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

I'm also curious as to how a woman would come with anal play alone. I didnt think it was possible, since there's no clit or G-spot there?

Mrs.

Holy god, my wife cums in wave after exhausting wave. I had a girlfriend in college who came during anal sex but nothing like my wife. She barely even needs to be penetrated and shes through the roof. Afterwards she just lays there like shes paralyzed. Its amazing.

[Happypair]

Like DBL D, I think this smacks of something else.. trust issues, jealousy, whatever.. but it's more than just what goes in which body opening. I am curious, and a bit disturbed, that you feel 'disrespected' that she would bring the topic up. Good Lord, swinging is all about having fantasies, and, if both halves of a couple agree, acting upon them. Now, this is not to say you should (or rather, she should) go ahead. Far from it. Always proceed at the pace of the slowest partner, which in this case is you. But you must talk, communicate, find common ground somewhere, or this (and any similar issue) could become divisive.
While this question is about anal, the same principles should apply to any couple on the topic of expanding boundaries. We, and I think most couples, have changed (relaxed) our rules quite a bit since we started. But the restrictions came off only after no-pressure discussion, and only when both of us agreed 100% that a particular rule had no valid function and was in fact interfering with our enjoyment of the lifestyle.
It happens that the anal rule was one we dropped fairly early on. Like most couples of this era, Happymama and I had previous lovers before getting together, but we were each other's first anal partners. So we talked about keeping it as a special thing between us. But sometimes, when you're really clicking with a swinging partner, you want to do it all, to enjoy the full repertoire. Thus we decided, we can share this with others; nothing will take away the fact that we were the first for each other. And yes, those back door orgasms certainly are possible.
So that's our story, and how we rationalized and solved an issue. You need to look at what your roadblocks are.. what is the real reason behind your rule.. and go from there. She does have a right to her fantasy, but not to act upon it until both of you are ready.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by TheCouple

She recently expressed the desire to involve more anal play when we party with other couples and asked me if I would be ok with other men penetrating her. We have always enjoyed watching each other being satisfied, but is anal sex going a bit too far? Should I be concerned that shes crossing a line?

She's a woman that thoroughly enjoys anal. If both of you are fine with it, there is no reason to think that anal, or any other consentual act, is going too far. It doesn't matter what the majority of pollsters prefer, it's what you two prefer. She would not be crossing a line by engaging in anal, if you were in sync on it.

Originally Posted by TheCouple

If I said no, I wasnt comfortable, she would respect it but I almost feel that by her even asking me, means shes been thinking about it, and for the first time in our swinging careers, I feel disrespected.

Wow. Why feel disrespected to have been asked how you feel about it? That is respect. She's being open with you, bringing things up for discussion between the two of you. This is the way it is in swinging...you talk, talk, talk. What if you have a fantasy you'd like to suggest? Would you be disrespecting her, to just want to talk about it with her? Naaah.

Originally Posted by TheCouple

I dont want to be a party "pooper", but I also dont think I would feel right about watching my wife and another man having anal sex. Its just going to far. I wouldnt dream of asking her if I could do that with another female. It just seems to personal. Am I over reacting? Any advice would help. Thanks

If the thought of her having anal with another man makes you very uncomfortable and too much for you, you should really share this with her. Tell her exactly how you feel, and why. Don't be angry with her for asking - you two need to have this conversation. I am in the camp that if something doesn't feel 100% comfortable and right for both spouses, either agree to not do it or leave it on the back burner for the time being (maybe to be revisited in the future). But, I don't think you should have to be obliged to just agree to your partner's fantasies and feel uncomfortable, while they pursue whatever they want. I believe this is a team decision. It's the right thing to take progressions as gradually as needed.

I don't think you're overreacting by feeling the way you do about her having anal with others. How you feel is your prerogative. But, a bit overreactive about her having asked you about it. If she gets the feeling that she's not allowed to simply ask about a possibility without offending you, she'll only learn to clam up. You don't want that, right? Keep all doors and conversations open. All that matters in the end is that you're in sync when you make the final decision together.

[jama42guns]

TheCouple, I understand that everyone has thier 'boundries', but in my own opinion how could this be disrespectful. You enjoy watching others apply thier fluids into your wife's other body parts, why is this different to YOU. That might be the question you have to ask yourself in deciding what to do. The whole point of swinging for us is to have another man please my wife. And whatever she would enjoy them doing is what I want for her. Anal stimulation is a very erotic thing for some, but I don't know as I would place the intimacy of it above say... oral sex.

[TheCouple]

OK, so I have read everyones thoughts. In hindsight, I maybe should have elaborated. When we met, she was NOT into anal sex. Had had it once and hated it. Thought it was wrong, disgusting, etc. One night though she just le tit happen, and she climbed the walls. After that she was way into it but we never spoke about it as she felt dirty and guilty. It was just a big taboo for her. We started swinging which is as equally if not more taboo but she still held anal as off limits. During female encounters, they rub, finger a bit, but it was never talked about afterwards. So it was sort of a hang up for her and she would always say, in her own words "I would never let anyone else do that ..." so when she started talking about letting other guys do that, I was sort of taken back. Maybe disrespected isnt the right word, but I was shocked. You know? Whats next? HOWEVER some posts have swayed me the other way. I enjoy watching my wife with other men/women cause it gets us both off and seeing how anal makes her crazy, I might just want to try it. I'm never alone when I'm watching her and who knows, maybe the other female will let me in?? Its about fun right? Should she call the guy to have lunch the next day, then I know I got a problem. So bottoms up.

[DBL D]

I feel a little better about things now. Surrender

Why didn't you tell us that in the first place? Us boardies respond to the information as given...usually. Sometimes we have to make guess's. Your post clears a lot of things up. I still think you should leave it to her (and you) to decide what you want when it comes around.

Male D

[TheCouple]

THANK YOU THANK YOU!! MY husband has been typing like mad all day and wouldnt let me read until now. I have viewed the posts and he is such a sweetie. I understand his reserve and wanted you all to know he is not a jealous type(obviously). I just really enjoy anal, and we both enjoy swapping and if the situation ever came up, I wanted to know I had the green light. I had an encounter where the other male "accidently" popped it in and I was so tense I excused myself for a drink. Even though it turned me on, I still felt like crap, I stopped. I'll always go home with my husband, ALWAYS. No one drives me madder. Some of your e-mails reassured him of that. And maybe after reading his posts, I'll just save my rear end for him. Thank you guys so much.