how can I change my wifes mind

[slim]

My wife is a holy rower she has changed in12years of mairrage she would watch porn with me but want nothing to do with it.And gets made when I look at it she says it cheating and bad she donesnt wnat me looking at nude woman Ifeel she is jeluse what can Ido.I would like to get her to lousen up I love sex she acts as if she could care lase I have never cheaded on her but am heading in that way I go sometimes a week with out sex or one time aweek I try to help her get thing done so she can come to bed but no she stays in the kids room reading to them what can I do . Surrender

[LICouple4u]

Ouch.... I'm not sure exactly what you are looking for, but I think MAYBE I can offer some suggestions...

What are you doing on a DAILY basis? It appears you are helping once a week so you can get you some - that would piss me off, like the only reason you are helping is so you can get laid. Just like you wouldn't appreciate a 'pity fuck', the wives don't appreciate the helping once in awhile so you can get some.

The best advice is to make sure to connect with each other away from the kids. Have a date night again. Doesn't have to be weekly, but at least twice a month. Trade off babysitting with another kids' parents. The date doesn't have to be an expensive dinner, just something where you two can have fun and chat.

Why not actually ask her? See what's going on with HER and why she's lost interest. An honest, frank discussion may be what's needed here.

[fun4Ds]

DONT CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE!!!! take 6 days of helping her and ask for 1 day for just you and her to talk about how you feel. kids are a full time job. we never put our kids second to swinging they were always first. the more you do for her the more she will do for you.it takes time. your are not going to convince her of anything she is not comfortable with, that is part of the talking. and let her read to those kids.

[xxhale]

you have to communicate your feelings to her and listen to her if she really is a holy roller then something else is going because her bible teachings suggest sumission to your husband and not wanting you to watch porn is unreasonable ,unless you do it all the time . but talk to and listen to each other and things will change.

[LOL_OMG]

I think sometimes it's common for a couple to get into a rut, especially with children. Without having your wife's point of view on here, it does sound like she's doing more around the house than you are. That in itself can cause resentment on her part....why would she wanna work her ass off all day and evening and then come get sexy for a guy who doesn't help, and sits around watching porn? Sorry, that's kind of the picture I got from what your posts said.

Even if that's not the case, we never got to have alot of sex until the kids went to college lol. We scheduled our sex for when they had choir practice or were playing in the band during football games (they always wondered why we never wanted to go to the games )

If you care about your marriage and your family you will talk to your wife and see what her needs are. I have a feeling if you can take care of her needs she'll be willing to take care of yours as well.

[Suncouple]

All marriages have ups and downs. This stage if marriage with young kids can be hard for anyone focused on their own needs.

If you cheat on your wife you may wind up with an new wife, new young kids (or step kids), and a child support check to pay every month. Then you can post a new thread just like the one you have now. How does that sound?

Try imagining your family twenty years from now. Your kids have come over for the holidays. Your wife of 32 years is cooking the holiday meal. Your grandkids are competing for grandpa's attention. Your kids love you, respect you, and are probably going through the same things you are going through right now ... but they are more likely to continue providing a stable family for your grandchildren because that is what your family does. Right?

As a practical matter, try masturbating as needed to take the edge off and be the best husband and father that you can be. You will never regret it.

You get an A+ for asking for advice. Most people really don't even do that.

It looks like you are getting some good advice.

Let us know how you are doing!

[pinquita]

Originally Posted by slim

My wife is a holy rower she has changed in12years of mairrage she would watch porn with me but want nothing to do with it.And gets made when I look at it she says it cheating and bad she doesnt want me looking at nude woman Ifeel she is jeluse what can Ido.I would like to get her to lousen up I love sex she acts as if she could care lase I have never cheaded on her but am heading in that way I go sometimes a week with out sex or one time aweek I try to help her get thing done so she can come to bed but no she stays in the kids room reading to them what can I do . Surrender

We Human Beings are individuals, and we have different outlooks and different tastes. I assume you and your wife loved and love each other today.
Not everybody likes porn, and , you have to respect that. When you met her, I am sure you did not meet her at a adult movie theater , so, why do yu think that she must comply with your fondness for porn movies??
You can try, it is not a bad thing to like porn, but it is an individual choice. Being mindfull of the personal outlook about sex, yes , from her point of view, porn is cheating, and, unfortunaltely, you have to realize she does not like it. You have to adjust to it, and, if you like it, watch it at your office, or quit watching it.While you complain that your wife does not like to watch porn movies, other men complain their wives cheat.
When you give the coward excuse that you are heading in the direction of cheating.....do not fool yourself.... ( at least you are not fooling me )....you want to cheat...and you are fashioning in what you think it is a clever move, ( really inmature from my vantage point ) and , as a reader of your post ,I can tell you that, if you do not respect your wife, then, I do not understand what is your question. Are you looking for people to tell you, yes, cheat!!!!...or are you looking for people to tell you, yes, she is wrong....feed those porn movies down her throat....and is she does not like M, she is weird, and you have the right to cheat...because SHE is pushing you, poor guy, into cheating.
In a couple, it is respect and love what will keep it going. It is what keeps couples, through swinging, together. Grow up, and, be a man.
What if your wife liked to see movies about giant cocks, and, men doing masturbation on themselves,on their giant cocks, and men dancing a la Cheapendales....and she was trying to force you to watch M.....unless you were bi or gay....I do not think you would find it funny . Respect your wife, or....if you push her, it might backfire....you may show her a world she might not want to get to know and then she will be able to say...."HE" pushed me....
Perhaps the problem is you getting obsesed w porn stuff, perhaps you are pushing yourself off the cliff....if you care for her, think as a couple.

[blondie77]

I have to wonder what kind of porn you are watching and wanting her to watch. What appeals to guys doesn't always appeal to women. There are videos out there that are designed with women in mind. Perhaps she's turned off by hardcore sex. Perhaps you could get a soft porn video, something with an actual plot line and not hard core. Perhaps, after talking and reasurring your wife that the porn is for BOTH of you and not just you, you could get her to pick one out. I don't really think this is about porn, though. I just thought I'd mention that. As a wife myself, I do know that sometimes its hard to have sex with my hubby when I'm angry, tired or feeling resentful. My suggestion would be to talk to her and try to get her to explain to you why she's lost interest. Don't begin by attacking her or making her feel like she has to defend herself. You could start by saying that you miss feeling intimate with her, that you miss the closeness of sex with her. You could ask her what you can do to make her feel better. I would also suggest wooing your wife all over again. Tell her something nice everyday (she looks beautiful, you're glad she's your wife, etc). Help her out around the house more without her having to ask. The suggestion to take her out on a date is a great one. Or perhaps you could suprise her once the kids have gone to bed with a bubble bath...wash her hair, back, etc, then move into the bedroom for a sensual full body massage with oils and candles lit. I don't know if this will help your situation any, but it certainly can't hurt. It may take some time for her to loosen up, but if you keep at it, hopefully she'll open and respond to you once she feels safe and loved again. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[slim]

Thank you all for the good post I seem to lean something with all the post . and I am not the dead beat everyone makes me out to be I help around the house and have been told I am a good dad.I am happly to hear the porn is not bad I look at it and I dont make her look at it I get a high from it. I wouldnt call it cheating to see acouple having sex that are of age I like to watch people having sex.

[angeleyes44]

Damn I feel bad for you....................... I hate to say it but it sounds like you have a bad match there and 4 choices

#1 repress how you feel about sex so you can keep your wife happy and your marriage alive and well (which will not make you happy I'm sure)

#2 Hide everything you do and possibly cheat on her which would be a mistake for you because cheating is never the answer (You should always have respect enough to end the relationship then do whatever you want )

#3 Keep trying to involve her in different ways starting off slow and building up to porno

#4 The worst and last choice would be divorce I think so you can find somebody you share more interests with sexually (Keep in mind i say the worst and last choice here)

[Amanda69]

Or how about another option. Communicate with her. Tell her how you are feeling and ask her why she is doing the things she is doing.

There could be many reasons including a discomfort of doing certain things while the children are in the house.

She could be overwhelmed with caring for the children and simply feeling non sexual.

Many things can effect a woman's drive, both emotional and physical better to find out what first before taking any action you may regret.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by slim

My wife is a holy rower she has changed in 12 years of mairrage she would watch porn with me but want nothing to do with it.And gets made when I look at it she says it cheating and bad she donesnt wnat me looking at nude woman Ifeel she is jeluse what can Ido.

how can I change my wifes mind?

I would say that 240 volts, applied to the temporal lobes in a series of short bursts, ought to do it quite well...