Do you ask permission before doing specific sex acts?

[beaverz]

There have been a few threads mentioning one partner requesting a certain sex from the other (such as “would you toss my salad” or asking would you like to have anal sex).

The Mrs. and I have been together for over twenty years since our late teens and obviously almost all of our sexual experience has been with each other (neither were virgins). We have never discussed the details of the impending sex session. I don’t tell her what to do and she doesn’t tell me what to do. We are there to inflict as much pleasure on each other as possible.

We have done many new things and I can tell if she is into it or not without discussing it. Actually now that I think about it I don’t think I have done anything new that she hasn’t liked (Scary). I’m sure there's a comfort issue as well as a trust factor involved.

I also know that Mrs. Beaverz would not have agreed to do some of the things if I asked her before hand. The first time I used an inanimate object on her. I was scared to death, I was afraid she might jump up and say what the fuck are you sticking in me you sick freak, but she didn’t. We have moved up in the world since and have continued to experiment. If something at a particle time feels right then it happens without any words spoken.

I would think it would be a mood killer no matter how it would be worded.

Hey baby how would you like to fart cum bubbles tonight?
Come on sugar let me fuck your ass tonight with the dildo, I have done it to myself and I enjoyed it.
I need you to bat cleanup tonight and toss some salad?

I realize the above examples are extreme and could be toned down some.

Are we in the norm or do most couples literally ask their partner for particular sex acts? This includes singles as well.

[curiousagain]

It varies. Sometimes "dirty talk" leads to a new play theme. Sometimes you just go with the flow, sometimes a partner ask for something.

To paraphrase Bruce Lee "Be like water, flow"

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by beaverz

Are we in the norm or do most couples literally ask their partner for particular sex acts?

We ask.

MrLM often gives me a smile and asks, "How about a blowjob this morning?"

Okay, I'll get serious here.

When we want to introduce something new that is very different from what we've ever done before, we discuss it ahead of time. For us, the discussion is part of the build up to the act, the foreplay.

The discussion can come days or weeks before we actually do what we discussed, so that when we finally get to the point of including the activity, we don't formally ask because we already know we're both okay with it.

LM

[beaverz]

Don’t get me wrong we do discuss sex outside the bedroom. I know it’s hard to believe, but I can be very graphic in the discussion.

I’m mainly talking about right before or during sex.

I also frequently request a blowjob normally at the most inopportune time. Like waiting in line at a drive through or while on the way to visit her parents, not sure why she normally won’t consent .

[sexyshelby]

I think asking and discussing is a good thing. At the start of a sexual encounter, he almost always asks me what I want. Sometimes I have something in mind, sometimes I just ask what he's in the mood for. To which he always answers, to get in that tight ass". This only works a few times a year, but I guess he figures he if doesn't ask, it will never happen.

So, we do discuss before and during. I think it's good to know what you're getting in to.

~SS

[JaneAndJohnDoe]

Talking about what we're going to do to each other frequently adds a great deal of spice to our day. For example, in the middle of working (John and I share an office at home), John will lean over to me for a kiss and then meaningfully whisper in my ear "Tonight, I'm using that new glass dildo on you while I eat you till you scream", and then casually go back to his computer.

He leaves me absolutely panting, because he knows I vividly imagine the scene for the rest of the day. It is absolutely one of the sexiest things anyone can do, in my opinion, and it feels like the entire day is spent on foreplay, anticipating what will come later.

[winkytink]

I don't like talking about it before at all. When my husband says something about a blow job, I am SOOOOO turned off! If he would have just let it go and happen naturally it would be ok, but when he asks for it, I feel like he should have done something to deserve it. This is actually an issue we have, but my answer is don't talk about it before, it kills my mood.

[MarriedNY'ers69]

We talk about everything. And I don't ever feel wierd or get turned off. I would get turn off he did something and didn't talk and ask before hand. I think knowing how your partner feels about stuff is a good thing. Weather talking about it before, during, or after I much rather have things be said. I don't understand why it would bother someone or make the feel uncomfortable to talk about what you would like kinky or not. I think it's mature to be able to talk about it openly and freely. Why should you feel wierd or why should it be a buzz kill? I don't understand!

[metroman]

Originally Posted by winkytink

I don't like talking about it before at all. When my husband says something about a blow job, I am SOOOOO turned off! If he would have just let it go and happen naturally it would be ok, but when he asks for it, I feel like he should have done something to deserve it. This is actually an issue we have, but my answer is don't talk about it before, it kills my mood.

Man, talk about being put in the box (no pun intended) - how is hubby suppose to communicate his feelings and needs?? Guys want to accomodate but we have to know what "exactly" is your accpetable mode of communication other than wait & see. I would be feeling no matter what I do, it's not going to be right.....share the ride; trade off getting to be the driver.

[sweet_tna]

Yes and no. It's really a mood thing, I think. If it's something really new/different than what we've done before, we'll probably discuss it. And for things we have done before, yeah, we might tease each other by asking/talking about something in particular we want to do. But just as often, we'll just go with the flow and see what happens.

=)

[SecretAsianMan]

It depends on the signals I'm getting from my partner and how well I think I'm reading them... sometimes certain things can go unsaid, it's understood that we're both open to doing "such-and-such"

But if it's a new partner ... someone I've never been with before - sometimes, it's necessary to ask certain questions (but phrased in the right way to not cause a mood-breaking moment)

For example, saying "I'm going to cum soon..." - gives the implied question of where would you like me to cum. If there's doubt... "I'm going to cum soon, where would you like it?" is pretty cut-n-dry and clear.

If I'm eating her out and finger her ass - and she opens up and wants me to go further with my fingers... I'll ask if she's okay with more anal-play. (One time, while giving a gal-friend a massage... I noticed her ass arched up towards me and I stuck my tongue in it. She moaned while I did that & then asked me if I wanted to fuck her in the ass)

That was pretty darn clear to me.

But not all partners are as communicative or open & sometimes it's necessary to ask.