Anyone trying to get pregnant?

[SEPACouple99]

Is anyone on here trying to get pregnant while they are participating in the lifestyle? Just curious.

[sexyshelby]

No, but I'm trying very hard NOT to get pregnant.

~SS

[Vespertine]

Don't say the "P" word.

[Islanders]

We've just joined this website, and were thinking about starting to explore swinging. At the same time, we are thinking about having another kid, so we don't know how or if this will work out either. That's a good question.

[just1gurl]

If, with DNA evidence you were able to prove someone was the biological father of a child, you'd be able to enforce parental responsibilities on the person, child support, etc.

Willing eggs - Semen = children

You'd be introducing an element into the lifestyle that is likely not explicitely stated - "we do not want nor intend to become the parent of your child", you would potentially be doing just that.

You have an agenda you'd like to accomplish. I think it is at odds with the goals of most whose it is to play.

If you and your wife split up in the future, you'd possibly be able to get out of paying child support if the child was not yours. And yet, her lawyer would then have to bring up the details of your personal life in court papers, WHICH in the county I just moved away from are now on the internet for anybody to read. While divorce papers have always been public you'd have to go to the trouble of going down to the court house and doing research. Now with a few keystrokes you can delve into peoples pasts very easily. So your "personal lifestyle" would be come a part of the vast rich data available to your future potential employers.

Fast forward a few years, when "your" child is coming to the age of reason, finding his or her place in the world and this child comes into the knowledge that they were possibly conceived in a gang bang. (of course I'm using the wildest scenario) What was it like for you to come to terms with your relationship to your father? What issues did you have to resolve? While most people want to indulge in the idea that their secret life will remain secret, frequently some small thing will blow their cover. Secrets have a way of revealing themselves.

Just a few thoughts on this for you....

Since you asked - I think you should think this through a little more.

Whats wrong with a small wait? Time passes quickly.

[sereneiders]

Just1girl,

The isse was treated in another topic (one the Llama started, of course).

About "DNA evidence", i'd say it's a matter of legislation that varies from place to place, and that the use of "DNA evidence" in scenarios like this one geoparze the entire set of laws regarding to family.

Here it goes the criteria, as far as I understand, for my country:

The grounds are being set regarding to what is what we, humans, calls "family" and "paternity" (no one have any doubt about maternity btw, but may include this too), if this is something based on our biology, or on our behavior and social relationships. The fact is that "father" and "mother" are the ones fitting these roles for a kid when he/she is growing, the kid gives it a shit about DNA proofs (nor have any way to know by him/herself), this usually happens with the bilogical parents, but alse with "non biological" ones, as example, who adopted the kid and then, for the society, for themselves and moreover for the kid, the parental rights and duties have to be the same than the ones bilogical parents have. Thus, it's questionable how valid is DNA proof regarding to this issue: can a DNA proof father claim rights for an already adopted kid who's calling "dad" someone else? If he can, how this would affect adoptions in the future? Parents adopting kids would look for kids whose parent just died, and not kids whose parents may claim for some rights afterwards based on DNA proofs.

Back to your questions, everyone have the right to his/her own identity. An adopted kid should know he/she's adopted, and have to have the right to know about the bioliogical parents whenever possible (this is something agreed internationally, moreover because of unlawfull adoptions). A gang bang doesn't seem to fit to the "wenever possible", moreover if the mother believe she wasn't pregnant from the gang bang, and even if so, because there was no intention from her about becoming pregnant (it was recreational sex).

The kid may have an issue with his father once realizing he isn't his bilogical one? True, and because of that the advice is to let kids know about this as soon as they can understand it. Taking the father role while not being the biological father (knowing he isn't or suspecting it), its a loving attitude which deserve to be valuated (at last, the biological father could have sex with a bottle and contribute to this kid birth and life for as much as an one minute period). The kid is supposed to "come to terms" with his father long before facing this facts.

Regarding the issiuse to resolve, perhaps our entire culture and the patriarchism isn't something more than the way we, males, managed to overcome these issues: before the DNA proffing, just an eye blink in the human kind history, we had to reasure ourselves about being the biological father of our kids. Along the history we did a lot of crazy things to "solve" the issue, from chastity belts, to locking women inside our house, to treat them like properties belonging to an spouse, and some of these crazy things still remains valid even in the most "advanced" societies (for example, using the husband last name insthead of the father's one, to point out the "owners" change).

The entire humanity managed to deal with these problems along history, your hipotetical kid will, too.

[Islanders]

I definately understand everything both of you have just wrote. I'm not planning on having unprotected sex with anyone, but my husband. Also, I'm leaning more towards the bi-curious side right now, so I'm not sure if I'll even have sex with another man.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by Islanders

I definately understand everything both of you have just wrote. I'm not planning on having unprotected sex with anyone, but my husband. Also, I'm leaning more towards the bi-curious side right now, so I'm not sure if I'll even have sex with another man.

Ouch... that hurts!

How did you reach to that point from our words?

[Islanders]

Sorry I didn't mean to offend. We are new to this, and are still discussing what type of sexual encounters we are willing to pursue together. I'm not completing ruling out sex with another man, it's just something my husband and I need to discuss more. I'm not even sure if we are ready for full on swinging yet. What I should have wrote is that if I have sex with another man, I'm planning on using protection to avoid pregnancy.

[Pinmonkey]

Islanders we were in a similar situation as you. Although we didn't end up playing, we were open to it. We would have insisted the male use a condom. Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for.

[Paphian]

Originally Posted by SEPACouple99

Is anyone on here trying to get pregnant while they are participating in the lifestyle? Just curious.

I know (on very trustworthy authority) of at least one couple who have (allegedly) used swinging to get pregnant as a solution to his being infertile. Lots of potential ethical and legal complications there, and I don't know how up-front they are with the gentlemen that end up being "sperm donors". Anyway, it does appear to happen.

Bein' a "sport model" myself, it's not somethin' I'm gonna worry about.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by Islanders

Sorry I didn't mean to offend. We are new to this, and are still discussing what type of sexual encounters we are willing to pursue together. I'm not completing ruling out sex with another man, it's just something my husband and I need to discuss more. I'm not even sure if we are ready for full on swinging yet. What I should have wrote is that if I have sex with another man, I'm planning on using protection to avoid pregnancy.

No offense, just missunderstanding. It seems you both have several issues mixing up here. In one hand, trying to ave fun and enjoy your sexuality with others, in the other, trying to get pregnant. And in the middle of this, the risk of getting pregnant from another guy, something that sounds scary, altough the risk is minimal, moreover if you won't go for a full swap.

I agree, you have to discuss all of this, I don't see anything contradictory here, but every couple is a world, and you're the only ones able to know your world. As long as you talk and discuss things, as you go at the speed of the slowest one of you, and pay attention at each others feelings and fears, I think you'll do it well... whatever it is what you'd do.

[dragonblade]

Well here's my probably unpopular take on the whole thing. From what you posted it seems that you are planning on trying to get pregnantNOT with a swing partner, but with your husband. I will tell you that I too had the same aspirations, I was trying with my husband to get pregnant for about a year, but everytime we were with someone else condoms were involved. I am now 8 weeks pregnant, but around the time of my conception I had not been with anyone other than my hubby, so we know for sure it's his. Anyway, I'd say be super careful, use condoms with spermicide, and have fun. However, I'd also tell your playmates that you are trying to get pregnant and that is a huge reason why spermicidal condoms are a must.

Take care.

~Blade~

[rachan]

When I was 31 I had unprotected intercourse with a man I met at a coctail party and I had been trying to get pregnant without success for two years with my husband. I was late when it was time for my period and I discovered that I was pregnant. I was having intercourse with my husband too so I still wonder if hubby isn't our son's biological father.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by rachan

When I was 31 I had unprotected intercourse with a man I met at a coctail party and I had been trying to get pregnant without success for two years with my husband. I was late when it was time for my period and I discovered that I was pregnant. I was having intercourse with my husband too so I still wonder if hubby isn't our son's biological father.

Does he knows about this? Does he care?

At last... isn't he a good father for your son? Does he loves him? How important would be for both of you to answer this question? Which are the dangers of just asking this question or trying to find out?

I mean, unless every guy were up to make a DNA test, every time a woman get pregnant (and this option is valid just for the last few decades... it didn't even existed for let say, our parents), the paternity is (as it was) a matter of faith. And what worths here is the time a father spend with his son, how much love and care he's up to provide to him, because of the faith, or even knowing he's not the bilogical father. It doesn't matter at last if he was or wasn't the sperm donnor who spent these few minutes to donate it.

What could be something to pay attention is how badly you wonder this, and if this could slip and affect your son perception of his father. At last, you son wasn't there during the "donation", for him your husband IS his father, no matter of what, unless you or your husband (or adults around him) undermine the actual relationship, for example, increasing the value of the biological paternity.