male sex drive question - male menapause

[pacpl4funn]

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the correct area. If not, please forgive me.

ok I have this question, hubby is in his late 40's and is suffering from intermittent "lack of drive" in the bedroom, Which has left me hurt, confused and rejected.

Do any of the men on this board have this or have suffered from this type of problem????

I've been reading about this on the internet and they call it a form of male menopause, lack of drive, tires easy, achy painy on & off.... etc.... Not sure if he has this, we've talked alot and he has been really embassed to tell me, however though talking, I understand that it's not me, but him, and he doesn't want me to feel rejected anymore, Hubby says when he does want sex with me, but says sometimes the "feeling" isn't there, like in his brain, he wants it, but "jr" doesn't always get the message...

He wants to try some "natural" enhansers, as he doesn't want to see a Dr. cause it's not an "all the time" issue for us. Has anyone had any success with the "natural" enhancers.

We have sex "maybe" 3 or sometimes 4 times a week (when Jr wants to work) , is this considered the normal ???

Ohhhh and one more question, when you have a date planned to play with others, do you have alot of sex leading up to & after the date??? Or is it pretty much the normal amount???

Thanks And Appreciate All Replies.

[lcjtsd]

I posted this in a thread called "Erection Problems" and I think it will help answer your question.

Low testosterone levels in men causes a decrease in libido as well as weaker erections. I am 45 and am making an appointment to have this checked out. What caused me to even think about this is that we were at a swinger club here in Vegas. A man I would say was close to 60 was walking around naked and you could have used him for a towel rack!

I started thinking about it and realized that, at 45, I couldn't do that! After some research online, I found a mens site that explained the symptoms of low testosterone levels as well as a questionnaire. Testerone levels start going down gradually at about age 30.

Here is the questionnaire. It stated that if you answer YES to questions 1 & 7 or any three of the others, you should get your testerone levels checked.

1. Do you have a decrease in libido (sex drive)?
2. Do you have a lack of energy?
3. Do you have a decrease in strength and/or endurance?
4. Have you lost height?
5. Have you noticed a decreased "enjoyment of life"?
6. Are you sad and/or grumpy?
7. Are your erections less strong?
8. Have you noticed a recent deterioration in your ability to play sports?
9. Are you falling asleep after dinner?
10. Has there been a recent deterioration in your work performance?

With men, these symptoms sneak up on us gradually and we hardly notice anything has changed at all. The recent emphasis is on mens and mens health but all thay talk about is the prostate. There needs to also be emphasis on low testosterone levels.

Funny how it took a naked 60 year old man for me to realize that I need to go and get a complete check-up!

I found these questions at http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/tim...stosterone.htm

I did a Google search for "low testosterone symptoms"

BTW, I answered YES to 8 out of the 10 questions.

<<UPDATE>>
I went to the doctor yesterday and need to go and get the complete bloodwork done. It was an eye opener. There are quite a few reasons a man may have low testosterone and I'll be getting tested on just about everything. One good point I want to share. I'm one of those guys who never goes to a doctor for anything. At age 45 I know that having the prostate checked is very important but, heck, it won't happen to me right? One of the tests being done is the prostate test. At least this got me in to see a doctor. I'll keep everyone informed on what I found.

Guys, GO IN AND GET CHECKED!!!!

Mr. LCJTSD

[WesternSwing]

I just went to my doctor yesterday for similar problems. I had a injury in the end of August that put damper on sex a little (lots of Lortab), then I had sinus surgery the first week of September (more Lortab and weeks of having to take it easy) and then work has been total hell for the last two months, so my sex drive has gone way down hill. And I definitely have not been my normal self (described by a single guy friend of ours as "the Energizer Bunny"). I can get an erection but can't keep it as long as I could just a few months ago, my recovery time has increased dramatically (which was virtually 0 before), and I don't care if I have sex or not, etc.

The doc says it is pretty normal with the stress my mind and body have been through recently, and I understand that many men feel allot of stress and pressure about all sorts of issues in their 40's (I am exactly 40) that can diminish the sex drive, or even the ability even though the desire is there. And most of it is mental. And in my case, a number of bad performances (at least I felt they were, nobody else complained Mrs. WS points out) has made me feel bad all the way around about sex.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, you lose your self confidenence and worry about your performance, so you don't perform. As my doctor put it, it's like telling youself not to think of pink elephants, but then that's all you can think about about.

So, the doc gave me a low dose of an anti-depressant to help me relax through this temporary stressful period and some samples of Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis to see which one I like and to help me get my confidence back. He also ran some blood tests to check all the normal stuff and my testosterone rule-out any physiological causes. Tried out the "helpers" last night... Holy porn star Batman! I feel really good about my performance with Mrs. WS (which was my main concern) last night and feel like a king again today! I was definitely back to "me".

Now as far as three or four times a week? Damn, I wish Mrs. WS and I had that kind of sex life, but life keeps getting in the way (i.e. work, kids, etc.). Three or four times a week would put you above average in frequency in most established couples.

So as lcjtsd said, go get checked, it's really, really worth it. My wife coaxed me into it because she was worried about my mental state regarding my feelings of inadequate performance, and I'm glad I did. I know this is a temporary problem, but the solution the doctor gave me is working already. As my doctor said, part of getting over it is getting my confidence in myself back.

As far as natural helpers? L-Arginine can work. It works in much the same manner as Viagra on increasing blood flow, but not on an on-demand basis. It's a supplement that taken over time helps restore elasticity to the arteries, promoting better blood flow throughout the body. You can read more about it at http://www.consumerlab.com/results/sexen.asp.

Mr. WS

[CollarsNcuffs]

I don't know if this will help but I'm the kind of person who likes to help (for example I volunteer in a hospital Emergency Room) so here goes: Have you explored...exploring? I wonder if its possible that some new visual will spark something in him. You strap a ball gag in your mouth then handcuff your wrists behind you and make a meek attempt at struggling, will he begin to pitch a tent? Fetishwear - tall boots? I suggest these kinks only because I enjoy gentle, caring sensual bondage myself. Even at age 51 such spicy images spark my little buddy to full attention. Maybe I'm just kinky...OK, no maybe there. But who knows, maybe he can benefit from some kinky exploration. The other side of my coin - my wife who used to dress up in spicy fetishwear for me discovered vanilla friends and has totally lost all sexual interest. Now I search. I wish you two luck.

Doc

[tribbles]

The Testosterone Syndrome
Eugene Shippen MD and William Fryer

ISBN 0-87131-858-x
Is a good book with good info, ideas and resources.

Yep, getting hormone tests for both of us soon.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by pacpl4funn

We have sex "maybe" 3 or sometimes 4 times a week (when Jr wants to work) , is this considered the normal ???

You sound normal to us! We have sex 4-5 times a week on average if you figure in her period.

[oncewere]

As one ages, lack of testosterone reduces the capture of calcium in bones. It can lead to osteoporosis much as women become prone to osteoporosis after menopause. Consequently, bones get brittle and break down. The loss of height mentioned above is caused by the spine losing bone mass. It can be a very dangerous condition. I found this out after back pain led to X rays showing spine deterioration. Hormone tests was good advice. People may still not be able to use you as a coat rack but lots of aspects of your life may improve.

[Fred&Wilma]

Been there, done that, read the book.
Everything you describe about lower testosterone level's would be my history for the last ten years. Kind of sneaks up on you and not a whole lot of fun. Started addressing it about year ago, as stress is another factor which also led to my adrenal glands crashing in addition to low testosterone level. Imagine not just your sex drive being affected, but your whole metabolism, all you want to do is sleep, no energy, poor conigtive thought etc. Have been taking some natural medicines for adrenal gland thing and imagine Viagra as a jump start in that it re-awakens certain components which start to work on their own. Also had testosterone cream which was applied to the skin. Except now my doctor retired and have to go through all the testing stuff again.

Everyone's metabolism is different, what works for you might be different, but do not wait till it is a serious concern as it will make it all the harder to get back.

Fred

[HotMoCpl]

I'd hav to say that he sound about normal. I'm age 52 now. At age 49 my doctor prescribed Viagra for the days when I felt the urge and "JR" didn't. A year and a half ago my shrink put my on 300 mg a day of Welbutrin and that really gave me a big boost. Just a year ago, we were making whoopie on average, twice a day and sometimes three. We're very fortunate that we're retired.

Now, on the other hand, I've recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and it takes a lot to get me interested in sex and have gone back to using Viagra periodically. On the other hand, the wife "WANTS" it more often then ever before.

It would probably help it you would ask him to see his doctor....oh yea, and you go with him. flamethrow

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Now as far as three or four times a week? Damn, I wish Mrs. WS and I had that kind of sex life, but life keeps getting in the way (i.e. work, kids, etc.). Three or four times a week would put you above average in frequency in most established couples.

Dito

We snuggle and intimately touch eachother everyday, but actual sex for us is less than three or four times a week.

Work, kids, etc keep us busy too.

Ahhh.... but when we do do it. It's mind-blowing.

[HornyHippiesNH]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

Dito

We snuggle and intimately touch eachother everyday, but actual sex for us is less than three or four times a week.

Work, kids, etc keep us busy too.

Ahhh.... but when we do do it. It's mind-blowing.

Good - glad I'm not the only one!

We talk SO much... and are very loving and tender every day.

But sex is only a couple times a week at most.

[savannah_bi_fem]

Hi HornyHippies,

It sounds like you have a great relationship - "we talk so much...and are very loving and tender every day." Having sex a couple of times a week for a couple who's been together for a long time, is slightly above the national average. Kids have a HUGE impact on sexual frequency, jobs, chores, bills, and just everything, really. Mental, emotional and physical health plays a big part, too.

We are "that age" now, too. A very important factor (in addition to the great tips you already got in this thread), is fitness and overall health. Maintaining a healthy weight is VERY important for a man's sexual health. Too much body fat is a deterrant to hormone production in men. Staying lean and maintaining muscle mass supports testosterone production. Does your husband work out? Does he do any sort of strength training? Not only is this excellent for overall health, but also very important for maintaining sexual health and libido. Eating healthy is a big part of it, too. Men (and women, too) should avoid artery-clogging saturated fat and trans-fats. Go for the "good" fats like olive and canola oil. Erections are all about blood flow....supporting good health and clean arteries is a huge part of sexual function. This means lean meats and skinless poultry, etc. Plenty of quality, lean protien supports muscle development, and muscle development supports androgens (male hormones). Nuts are excellent. Lots of veggies and fruits, wholegrains high in fiber, lowfat dairy. For more help on diet if interested, look for the new USDA Food Guidelines and the "new" food pyramid for details. I promise....healthy diet, maintain healthy weight, work out several times a week including both cardio (blood flow!) and strength training, and a man can add years, even decades, onto his sexual life. Both quality and quantity! It's the all-natural way, too.

Edited to Add:
pacpl4funn, the original posters, this was mainly intended for you, especially as you'd mentioned wanting to go the natural route. Sorry about that.

[twoplayful2]

Ditto what Vespertine said...damn that life of ours getting in the way!

[couplewanting50]

Something for men to try that enhances desire, and that is not having orgasms, or only rarely.

Give your all to your woman; give her your cock, your attention, your affection, your mouth and fingers, but you don't come. The effect of that is that you don't stop wanting her. And she can tease you. Let her control your orgasms.

The agony is exquisite....

[HotMoCpl]

We've been together for over 15 years and for the most part my sex drive was pretty normal...2-4 times a week. In 2004 my psych put me on Welburtin, and suddenly we're like a couple of teen in the back seat of a 57 Chevy. In 05 I was diagnosed with prostate cancer...age 52. Talk about a kick in the gonads. Had the nerve sparing surgery last spirng. I've had the libido, but it seemed like anything the doc prescribed just wasn't doing much at all. Blood work showed my testosterone is on the low side of normal for my age, so I've been using a couple of different products from GNC. Last night we had a well planned evening for sex. I didn't feel like the Viagra was going to work at all....until my better half sucked me into her mouth. It took my breath away when that little bugger started to stand up.

I guess I'll keep using Mega Man from GNC with the Viagra. Then again, everybodys motabolism is different.