Most embarrassing sex moments

[Rvrtas]

Not sure ours measures up to some of the other stories but here goes ...

We were in the group play room of our favorite swing club - twenty other couples within 20 feet of us. K was incredibly excited while getting it from behind, rocking and moving her butt up and down, back and forth.

And at the very moment there was a slight lull in the noise around us, she produced the longest, loudest and most enthusiastically generated pussy fart, likely in the history of womankind! Howls of laughter came from every nook and cranny of the place. And since we were in the highest point of the room, all eyes looked up to check us out. What else could we do but grin and cheekily confess?

Oh, by the way, she insisted we just keep on going! Gotta love that attitude.

F

[Beaverbumper]

Originally Posted by lovefest04

As teenagers we were caught so many times I can't count. The worst was when we were parked behind a bunch of buildings, we were quite preoccupied, in fact, so much so that we didn't notice the car (police) drive right up to us. We think he had turned his lights off. We finanlly realized he was there when he banged on the window with his flashlight and shined the light in.

He made us get out and wouldn't let us get dressed, immediately. I know that he got himself off after we left.

Then recently we were alone for a hour or so during the weekend afternoon, we got a little frisky and moved to the bedroom, which is on the first floor front of the house, shades closed. We were talking dirty, specifically, about our cute next door neighbors when there's a knock on the front door. It's her, asking us to come over for a drink. After, we got ourselves together, I go to open the bedroom window...yeh it was wide open the hole time.

We have to wonder how much she heard and we wonder if she interested ....

I was visiting my inlaws to be house with my future wife and was in the middle of the sex act when her parents drove up in the drive. In a hurry to get dressed and zipped up the zipper cought the head of my cock and got totally stuck..My wife to be had to just yank the zipper down...Damn that hurt but not half as bad as it would have been to be seen by her parents..

[SouthBond]

Getting caught having sex by the Dallas Police Department. When my wife and I started dating I owned a sports car that basically had no rear seat. So we would push the passenger seat back as far as it would go and lean it back slightly. I would sit in the passenger seat and my girlfriend/wife would straddle me. We had driven to a wooded area in South Oak Cliff that looked like it would be real private. We were at the point when things were really getting right when someone shined a flashlight through the window. It's really difficult to stop an orgasm but I think that I did. The person then tapped on the window and said, this is the police, step out of the car. I rolled down the window and tried to explain what we were doing but he persisted. So we opened the door and practically fell out of the car. My girlfriend/wife was naked. I had on a T-shirt and my pants were down around my ankles. We stood there while the officer looked the car over and then told us that this was a really bad place to go parking. He instructed us to get our cloths on and leave. This was our first ebarrassing moment but we have had many more.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Since Laurie and I are completely shameless and nearly impossible to embarrass we don't really have an embarrassing moment of our own. We do however have someone else's embarrassing moment.
One of my longtime friends since childhood had his first child. The young'un had colic and a host of other problems for a while. The kid was 4 months old and had needed so much care that mom and dad hadn't had much time to play with each other. When they did try it the baby would need them right as things were getting interesting.
Laurie and I stopped in to see them one evening. With red faces they asked us to take care of the baby while they went to their room for a little while. Well, about 15 minutes later my buddies extremely prudish, overly religious parents showed up. Keep in mind that my buddy and I were both 18 and VERY recently on our own. The conversation went like this.
Me: Hi Mr and Mrs W.
Them: Where is the boy? (they still call him "the boy" 20 years later!)
Me: Ummm.....He's busy right now.
Them: Busy? Busy doing what?
Me: Ummm.....They asked us to watch the baby for a while.
Them: They asked YOU to watch the baby? Why? What's going on? (They didn't like us much.)
Me: Ummmm.... They went to their bedroom for a while.....to be alone.
Them yelling: BOY, WHERE ARE YOU?
A few seconds later the couple showed up, very disheveled and STILL frustrated. It all just went downhill from there.
Laurie and I bailed out and left at that moment as the lecture on how irresponsible they were got going.

[Edison Carter]

Edison the chemist here--If you EVER have an issue with hot sauce, on a genital area, lips, anywhere, rub salt onto it. The sodium breaks done the analgesic that causes the burning. Next time your lips are burning from buffalo wings, try it, it works.

[TerryforSex]

for me it was my period starting while swinging.

the typical thing, it was a little dark in the room and when i stepped out i saw the spotting down my leg. i quickly went back into the room and didnt say anything.

[intuition897]

Like nice_cpl_n_bama, Mr. intuition and I are not very easy to embarrass when it comes to sex. Yeah, we have sex, we enjoy it, and we won't apologize for it. So this isn't an embarrassing moment for us...

Some years ago we had an "accident" while engaged in some vigorous sex, involving a pubic bone and an erect penis. The result was damaged penile cartilage, pain and blood in his ejaculate. Needless to say, he was concerned about permanent damage so we went to a specialist about it. He was a very young doctor, fresh out of school I think. Seemed quite knowledgeable, and told Mr. intuition that it was a difficult injury to heal, but come back in 6-9 months if the problem still hadn't corrected itself. We were disappointed, but glad at least that it wasn't permanent.

Just as we were getting ready to leave, the doctor says, "Just out of curiosity...how do you know there's blood in the ejaculate? How do you know it's not your wife who is bleeding?" Mr. intuition and I just look at one another and ask, "What do you mean?" "I mean," he says, "isn't it kind of difficult to see ejaculate when it's deposited into a woman's vagina? How do you see it?" Wow. I was just blown away by this doctor's almost charming naiivete. He turned 50 shades of red when we explained the joys of pulling out and "making a mess" all over a woman's back or stomach.

[nyloveandsex]

1. Mom caught me masturbating. Also (different time) Mom caught me looking at porn on the computer. Mom caught 19-year old me and girlfriend in bed together (a big no-no for my family) by walking in WITHOUT knocking (also a big no-no).

2. This one's disgusting. You're warned. At a party, I was feeling frisky and stick my hand down same girlfriend's pants to grab her ass and I feel liquid. My hand was covered in you-know-what (NOT urine). I ran upstairs to use the bathroom and SOMEONE'S IN IT! I had to wait for 5 minutes, holding my soaked smelly hand (at least 3 fingers drenched) waiting for the lousy bathroom. Couldn't have scrubbed enough. At least she apologized later when she sobered up.

3. Falling off the bed too many times to remember. Broke a futon once.

4. Having sex with the GF bent over in the shower of a motel six and grabbed for the shower rod and it and the drapes came down hard on the girlfriend.

[nyloveandsex]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Edison the chemist here--If you EVER have an issue with hot sauce, on a genital area, lips, anywhere, rub salt onto it. The sodium breaks done the analgesic that causes the burning. Next time your lips are burning from buffalo wings, try it, it works.

I learned in school that the active ingredient is capsaicin which is hydrophobic (fatty) and it can be diluted with fatty foods such as chocolate. Probably not appropriate for genitals in this circumstance, but maybe something like crisco on the outside might work. What do you think?

[cubnamy1995]

OK, our turn. We don't have too many embarrassing episodes, since we don't embarrass easily. There is one however that stands out. We laugh about it now, but we were mortified at the time.

My brother lived with us for about 9 months, during our very early swing days. He had been recently divorced and fell on hard times. My family had washed their hands of him due to some substance abuse problems he had. Out of love, we invited him to stay with us for a while. He took a job in the same restaurant where my wife worked. He didn't know anything about us being swingers.

My brother and my wife worked with the guy who joined us for our first MFM. The MFM was great, and we all had good fun, but we were naive to the idea that it is bad to mix sex and coworkers. It wasn't bad enough that the guy went back and told EVERYONE who worked in the restaurant about the episode, but he told my brother first, who then proceeded to tell my very devout Southern Baptist parents. Better still, he made it sound like I wasn't there, and my wife was cheating on me. I did my best at damage control, and my mom bought it. My dad, however, who was quite the sexual overachiever in his day, never seemed to buy it.

To this day, he has never brought it up. But he has been a lot more flirtatious around my wife (ewww!)

[tjomc]

I know this is an old post but had to share.

1st Naked twister and message oil don't mix and i have the denture work to prove it.

2nd when mrs tjomc and i were first together we had a powerful night of sex to which i stayed inside till i was completely soft, Later that night i could find the condom and thought she threw it away, next day we are in my room with me trying to remove it from her vagina with my fingers, this was truly not the way i wanted to get my fingers in her again.....

[sweet_tna]

I don't embarrass too easily these days, either, but I've got a heckuva' story about the very first time I had sex.

"John" and I were both freshmen in college and had been dating several months. We were both virgins, and had talked about 'going all the way', but hadn't made it further than 3rd base. He got me tickets to see Les Miserables in the nearest big city, and I suggested (how bold of me) that we get a hotel room, since it was 1.5 hours away, and it would be really late when the show was over.

I took great care in picking a dress to wear, putting on my sexiest undies, with the assumption we were on the same page. We get back to the room after the show (which was wonderful, btw) and he so obviously was NOT on the same page. He sat there and turned on the tv. I was crushed. But i was also determined, and made a point of asking him to unzip my dress for me. He did, but didn't really pay attention. So I stand there in my lingerie and stockings and ask him what HE had in mind this evening? He looked up and said, "Oh, i didn't know you wanted to do anything." (I wanted sooooo badly to club him over the head.) But I said, yes, and pulled out the candle I'd packed in my bag. Then I asked if he brought protection. He actually did happen to have a condom in his wallet.

He finally tries to get things started, but when it came down to the nitty gritty . . . He slid in, but slid right back out. And it wouldn't have been a big deal--if he'd noticed!!!!! Oh no, he just kept pumping away with his "manhood" sliding under my bum. (shakes her head).

Afterward, he rolls off me, and I start thinking to myself, "this can ONLY happen to ME." Twisted person that I am, I find this funny--hysterical, even. But I had the presence of mind to realize he wouldn't take well to me laughing. So I'm literally shaking with pent up laughter, and tears begin to stream out of my eyes. He looks over at me and asks, "Are you okay? Did i hurt you?"

I LOST it then--and laughed so hard I fell off the bed. He was, needless to say, confused as hell. I managed to stop laughing long enough to try and explain myself.

Me: John, you know the situation we were trying to correct?
John: What situation?
Me: Uhm, our virginity?
John: Yes . . .
Me: Well, we're still not "cured."
John: What . . .?!?! Of course we did. (He's actually scratching his head at this point)

I had to (and delicacy is not my strong suit) explain in detail what happened. He was embarrassed, but blamed it on the condom. I suggested once he got used to them, maybe it wouldn't matter so much (did i mention he was a pencil-dick?). He asked what we should do now, since he didn't have any other "supplies". I opened my purse, and boy was he shocked. I told him I was serious about wanting this to happen and if he wouldn't mind, maybe we could try again.

Alas, it wasn't a whole lot better when we did (did I mention he had a pencil dick?). Luckily, the next guy to come along was Mr. Sweet.

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[JakenReenie]

Several years ago, Reenie and I went to Key West for Fantasy Fest. Had a great time all week. We were still feeling pretty horny after a week of debauchery so she decided to give me a nice little blow job while I was driving us back to Ft. Lauderdale. We had rented a huge Lincoln Town Car so it was pretty easy for her to stretch across the seat and really do me right. I had my shorts off and she was naked. This was working very well, it was just past dark and we were on the Inerstate so we felt pretty secure..... so much so that I didn't realize until way too late that we were at a toll booth.

My wallet was in my shorts on the floor so I had to scramble around to get it. (Believe it or not, I still had my seatbelt on.) Reenie had thrown her clothes into the back seat.

The attendant got quite an eyeful but she never let on. We never finished the job, not so much out of embarrassment, we were just laughing too hard.

[HerpesMWC]

I Win! I Win!

Throughout my school years I (male half) was a severe stutterer. Not so much anymore. But it does rear it's head from time to time. Hence the funny story that follows.

We had a couple of MFMs with a guy who my wife had known for quite sometime. During one of our escapades, I was trying to tell him something during the course of changing positions when my brain decided not to cooperate. You ready?



The friend thought I was puckering up to kiss him. At which time he stated, "No dude, I'm not into that!".

I got such a case of the giggles that the evening was quickly brought to an end. It was embarassing, but the funniest damn thing I'd ever seen at the same time. I reassured him that he (or any guy) was not, is not and will never be at the other end of a kiss from me!


Now, What's my prize?

[LFM2]

Why in the world did I miss this thread? I've LOVED reading the posts so far! Great stories to tell the grandkids here! **OK... Just kidding!**

To those who've read my threads, you know that we're pretty open about sex with our kids. We've discussed everything having to do with sex since they were little. Well, years before we started swinging, we were definitely into toys. We have a LOT of toys. Various sizes, colors, types... There's a different toy for everything. Step back about 10 years or so... Dave and I must have had a wild night because there were quite a few toys lying on the floor on his side of the bed, which is nearest the wall. Whatever is on the floor on his side of the bed is hidden quite well from the door. The kids have told us for years though that they're scared to go over there for fear of what they might find.

Well, Dave was out cowboying one day and brings home this little pup. Cutest little thing you've ever seen. Going through that chewing everything and gnawing everything in sight, stage.

Well, our son is out in the livingroom with one of his friends playing nintendo and I was in my bedroom folding clothes on the bed. The pup comes in our room and unknown to me, goes under the bed, and I seen him run out the door but really didn't pay it much attention. A couple of minutes later, I could hear our son coming down the hall toward our room. He has a shovel in his hand with one of our green dildos sitting right in the middle, which the dog had stolen from Dave's side of the bed. I suppose I wouldn't have touched it either had it been my parents. I probably would have either dressed in full HAZMAT attire or scooped it up in a shovel, too! "MOM!! You and dad have got to put these things away!!" He chucks that thing on the bed and goes back out to the livingroom. I have no idea what his friend said or if he even knew something was up. I was too busy, bent over, from laughing so hard.

Poor Kid to have such kinky parents.