Sex Accidents - What's Your Worst Case Scenario?

***JustAskJulie*** · 08-28-2002, 03:06 PM

Just found this article and it's too funny.....

http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0235/taormino.php

So now after reading it, what is YOUR worst case scenario, either real or imagined (and please do specify if it really happened.

I can honestly say I have had to go fishing for condoms at least twice that I can recall and I have broken one bed. Luckily, I've never (yet) had anyone puke on me.

Mich149 · 08-28-2002, 08:43 PM

When me and the wife were in high school & dating, her neighbor (a cop) pulled up to my car in the park put the spot light in the car (she topless). And wanted to know what were we doing. She thought she was so busted!

Quin · 08-28-2002, 11:15 PM

This has just happened within the past 18 months (a year ago this past May, in fact). I was at a get together with some swinging friends at one of the couple's house. Well, of course, everyone was naked, all very involved. I was in the computer chair (one very similiar to mine with arms, swivels, rolls, leans back, you know the kind) getting fucked, my butt scooted up to the edge of the chair, my shoulders leaning back against the back of the chair (it wasn't a high backed chair) and I was jerking off another guy with my right hand...well in the heat of the moment the chair tilted past it's point and the chair began falling backwards. That's all I remember as I hit my head against the corner of the computer table and was literally knocked out. Apparently when the chair started falling, I locked down a death grip on the guy I was jerking off, I suppose in an effort to keep myself from going down with the chair and I was told the guy fucking me tried grabbing me to keep me from going down, the other guy was basically useless from not only being squeezed by my death grip but almost pulled down on top of me because I didn't let go til I hit my head. I was told they tried everything to bring me back to consiousness...vinegar, lemon, bleach...nothing work so everyone had to scramble around getting dressed while the ambulance was on the way. They did cover me with a sheet as they didn't have time to even get me semi-dressed.

The first to arrive on the scene was a policeman and he asked a bunch of questions as to why I wasn't dressed and my friend told me that he had to know from everyone's frumpy thrown together look and me naked that something was going on, especially with one guy practically dancing around because he had been squeezed and pulled beyond his limit. Anyhow, the paramedics brought me to in the ambulance and I had to spend two nights in the hospital with a severe brain contusion and concussion. Not to mention I had a headache that lasted for an eternity it seemed.

I'm kind of tenderheaded and have spent a few nights over the years in the hospital because of a contusion or concussion and I thank God for that, as I think it made it much easier for my mother to believe that I slipped and hit my head getting out of the swimming pool. To this day she says I'm lucky I didn't fall back into the pool and drown. [ROFL]

Quin

[ 08-28-2002, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: Quin ]

Mich149 · 08-30-2002, 12:31 PM

Dam Quin talk about rough sex. lol

**Alura** · 08-30-2002, 01:29 PM

Okay... (Chuckle,chuckle...) Here goes...

This happened before I met Mrs. Alura. I had a friend who travelled widely and would, when possible, fix her itinerary so we could spend a weekend in bed.

I picked her up at the airport and we stopped in the local Sex Shop for a toy before going to my apartment. Our choice was a cock ring with a rubber, clitoris stimulating, pad at the top.

I had to put the damn thing on while soft and had no trouble at first. About the time things heated up sufficiently that I was inside her, I became aware of an increasing pain. My penis began to swell. The pain got progressively worse.

"I have to stop," I told her.

"No! Don't stop!" she almost screamed.

"I have to!" I said, physically wrenching myself from the grip of her arms and legs and peering with horror at my disfigured member which was not only throbbing with pain but felt like it was on the verge of bursting!

Free of her and definitely no longer aroused, I found I could not take the cock ring off! It was stuck firmly, the erection failed to go away and the pain continued to worsen.

"I have to cut it off!" I said in desperation!

"Your penis?" she asked with horror.

"No, dammit! The cock ring!" (I've always wondered: Would she have considered the penis a viable choice?)

"No!" she said, "can't you leave it on for awhile?"

"Definitely not! Do you not understand what is happening? I hurts more than you can imagine!" I moaned while frantically searching for a pair of scissors, a butcher knife, anything! I would have considered a chain saw if I'd had one. I finally settled on my trusty Swiss Army knife.

"Do you want me to do it for you? she asked.

"I'll handle it." I assured her. At that moment I would have trusted no one in the world with the job.

It was not easy. The knife was very sharp but I couldn't get it under the ring so I had to carefully cut through it from the outside while avoiding at all costs the purple flesh beneath. As the gash deepened, the thiner rubber stretched a little allowing me to complete the job.

Needless to say, I was a worthless sex partner a while. Still, the weekend was young and after a late dinner I found my tongue still worked and so did my penis. Nevertheless it was some time before I could laugh at the incident although my friend was able to laugh at it right away. Too soon, I thought.

Mr. Alura

Quin · 08-30-2002, 09:34 PM

Have you tried a cock ring since that time? Did you ever figure out what it was that was so painful (maybe too small a ring?). Inquiring minds, ya know!

Oh yeah, sure, you would hand your trusty Swiss Army knife over to a woman...was she crazy or what? [ROFL]

Women, knives and penises are three things that should never meet at the same time.

Quin
This space for rent til my graemlin is found. Cheap weekly rates! [sad]

**Alura** · 08-30-2002, 11:44 PM

Do cock rings come in different sizes? Well, I suppose they must... I don't know what size that one was, but it was definitely too small. I figured that out right away. No, Quin, I've never owned a cock ring before nor since. I feel quite certain that is the only one I will ever own.

I agree with your theory about women, penises and knives, but the rest of the weekend went quite well. My friend, between spontaneous giggles, used the natural healing qualities of a woman's kiss and the whole sordid experience was put behind us. (Jan, if you are out there somewhere reading this, are you still laughing?)

Mr. Alura

[ August 30, 2002, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Alura ]

Quin · 08-31-2002, 07:28 AM

I can most certainly understand why you haven't owned a cock ring since! Probbly just hearing the words cock ring sends a little cringe throughout your body.

I am glad to hear that all was not lost due to your unfortunate problem with the cock ring. And, Mr. Alura, I would just about bet that everytime she thinks of the situation, she has a good hearty laugh and it's probably a very fond memory for her.

Quin
Still no graemlin. [sad]

***JustAskJulie*** · 08-31-2002, 12:03 PM

Ok, while my story doesn't even come close to you guys' I'll share it anyway.

When I was in HS I was dating this guy and we were dry humping naked (for those who need an explanation I was sitting on top of him riding his cock but his cock was not in me). At any rate, he came and shot himself right in the eye.

Evidently cum doesn't go so well in eyes.

I guess in reality this is HIS Worst Case Scenario.....

BradAndJanet · 08-31-2002, 01:03 PM

The best we can do is the time my brother walked in on us. It was back in the days when we were first dating and had the daily hots for each other [fun]

My brother and I shared an apartment in college. He had just left to go home for the weekend. Five minutes later he returned, having forgotten something, to find us already naked and 'involved' on the couch. Fortunately, there was a blanket nearby, saving us all from further embarrasment. He's never said a word in all these years.

-Brad

Perseus · 09-07-2002, 01:28 PM

I have two.... One on me and one on my ex wife (and on me I guess... hehehe)

When I was a freshman, I went to military school for a year. Now, I was already a sexual person before I went having done quite a bit of experimenting with kids in my neighborhood. Of course being a bunch of young men of all different ages, there were a few dirty mags floating around the barracks. Well, I got a hold of one and on a calm weekend afternoon, while I thought my roommate was out doing what ever people in school do on the weekends, I proceeded to "satisfy myself" with the lovely ladies of Penthouse. Needless to say I got busted, on my knees, mag on the footlocker, wacking myself like I had no cares in the world but that centerfold. I don't think I ever quite lived that down...

My second story is about my first blowjob to orgasm. My ex wife, trying to save our marriage I think as she never really had before, went down on me while I was sitting on the couch. She blew me till I had a phenomenal orgasm the made my face buzz. As soon as she swallowed though, it came right back up and in my lap. She turned bright red and ran out of the room embarrassed and I tried not to laugh and went to comfort her that is was ok. Funny how she never believed me when I said things didn't bother me...

Jim

P.S. There were other things wrong with our marriage other then sex, it was just a symptom, not a cause...

***JustAskJulie*** · 03-12-2003, 05:59 PM

As if it's not bad enough that you can get an STD or get pregnant there are so many more hazards of having sex... like what you might ask?

Well let's see... you could.....

get rug burn

get cum in your eye (I did that to a guy once)

swallow a dental dam

have a car accident

have to sleep on the wet spot

and many more.

Read the List Here

Mich149 · 03-12-2003, 08:12 PM

Rug burn is bad, but tile burn is the worst

LadyandLordAro · 03-12-2003, 09:09 PM

So we get raw now and then from to much fuckin..thats a bad thing?

BradAndJanet · 03-12-2003, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LadyandLordAro
So we get raw now and then from to much fuckin..thats a bad thing?

That's happened to us before, especially on one of our long weekend getaways. Reminds me of a bad, old joke:

"Do you smoke after sex?"

"Well, try using a lubricant!"

-B

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08-28-2002, 03:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,271 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	Sex Accidents - What's Your Worst Case Scenario? Just found this article and it's too funny..... http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0235/taormino.php So now after reading it, what is YOUR worst case scenario, either real or imagined (and please do specify if it really happened. I can honestly say I have had to go fishing for condoms at least twice that I can recall and I have broken one bed. Luckily, I've never (yet) had anyone puke on me. __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

08-28-2002, 11:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	This has just happened within the past 18 months (a year ago this past May, in fact). I was at a get together with some swinging friends at one of the couple's house. Well, of course, everyone was naked, all very involved. I was in the computer chair (one very similiar to mine with arms, swivels, rolls, leans back, you know the kind) getting fucked, my butt scooted up to the edge of the chair, my shoulders leaning back against the back of the chair (it wasn't a high backed chair) and I was jerking off another guy with my right hand...well in the heat of the moment the chair tilted past it's point and the chair began falling backwards. That's all I remember as I hit my head against the corner of the computer table and was literally knocked out. Apparently when the chair started falling, I locked down a death grip on the guy I was jerking off, I suppose in an effort to keep myself from going down with the chair and I was told the guy fucking me tried grabbing me to keep me from going down, the other guy was basically useless from not only being squeezed by my death grip but almost pulled down on top of me because I didn't let go til I hit my head. I was told they tried everything to bring me back to consiousness...vinegar, lemon, bleach...nothing work so everyone had to scramble around getting dressed while the ambulance was on the way. They did cover me with a sheet as they didn't have time to even get me semi-dressed. The first to arrive on the scene was a policeman and he asked a bunch of questions as to why I wasn't dressed and my friend told me that he had to know from everyone's frumpy thrown together look and me naked that something was going on, especially with one guy practically dancing around because he had been squeezed and pulled beyond his limit. Anyhow, the paramedics brought me to in the ambulance and I had to spend two nights in the hospital with a severe brain contusion and concussion. Not to mention I had a headache that lasted for an eternity it seemed. I'm kind of tenderheaded and have spent a few nights over the years in the hospital because of a contusion or concussion and I thank God for that, as I think it made it much easier for my mother to believe that I slipped and hit my head getting out of the swimming pool. To this day she says I'm lucky I didn't fall back into the pool and drown. Quin [ 08-28-2002, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: Quin ] __________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

08-30-2002, 01:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,122 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	Okay... (Chuckle,chuckle...) Here goes... This happened before I met Mrs. Alura. I had a friend who travelled widely and would, when possible, fix her itinerary so we could spend a weekend in bed. I picked her up at the airport and we stopped in the local Sex Shop for a toy before going to my apartment. Our choice was a cock ring with a rubber, clitoris stimulating, pad at the top. I had to put the damn thing on while soft and had no trouble at first. About the time things heated up sufficiently that I was inside her, I became aware of an increasing pain. My penis began to swell. The pain got progressively worse. "I have to stop," I told her. "No! Don't stop!" she almost screamed. "I have to!" I said, physically wrenching myself from the grip of her arms and legs and peering with horror at my disfigured member which was not only throbbing with pain but felt like it was on the verge of bursting! Free of her and definitely no longer aroused, I found I could not take the cock ring off! It was stuck firmly, the erection failed to go away and the pain continued to worsen. "I have to cut it off!" I said in desperation! "Your penis?" she asked with horror. "No, dammit! The cock ring!" (I've always wondered: Would she have considered the penis a viable choice?) "No!" she said, "can't you leave it on for awhile?" "Definitely not! Do you not understand what is happening? I hurts more than you can imagine!" I moaned while frantically searching for a pair of scissors, a butcher knife, anything! I would have considered a chain saw if I'd had one. I finally settled on my trusty Swiss Army knife. "Do you want me to do it for you? she asked. "I'll handle it." I assured her. At that moment I would have trusted no one in the world with the job. It was not easy. The knife was very sharp but I couldn't get it under the ring so I had to carefully cut through it from the outside while avoiding at all costs the purple flesh beneath. As the gash deepened, the thiner rubber stretched a little allowing me to complete the job. Needless to say, I was a worthless sex partner a while. Still, the weekend was young and after a late dinner I found my tongue still worked and so did my penis. Nevertheless it was some time before I could laugh at the incident although my friend was able to laugh at it right away. Too soon, I thought. Mr. Alura __________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

08-30-2002, 09:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	Have you tried a cock ring since that time? Did you ever figure out what it was that was so painful (maybe too small a ring?). Inquiring minds, ya know! Oh yeah, sure, you would hand your trusty Swiss Army knife over to a woman...was she crazy or what? Women, knives and penises are three things that should never meet at the same time. Quin This space for rent til my graemlin is found. Cheap weekly rates! __________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

08-28-2002, 08:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mich149 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 323 Location: Detroit, MI Status: On the Prowl - lol SLS Name:mich149	When me and the wife were in high school & dating, her neighbor (a cop) pulled up to my car in the park put the spot light in the car (she topless). And wanted to know what were we doing. She thought she was so busted!

08-30-2002, 12:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mich149 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 323 Location: Detroit, MI Status: On the Prowl - lol SLS Name:mich149	Dam Quin talk about rough sex. lol

08-30-2002, 11:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
Alura T-Town Playmates Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 6,122 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Married to Mrs. Alura	Do cock rings come in different sizes? Well, I suppose they must... I don't know what size that one was, but it was definitely too small. I figured that out right away. No, Quin, I've never owned a cock ring before nor since. I feel quite certain that is the only one I will ever own. I agree with your theory about women, penises and knives, but the rest of the weekend went quite well. My friend, between spontaneous giggles, used the natural healing qualities of a woman's kiss and the whole sordid experience was put behind us. (Jan, if you are out there somewhere reading this, are you still laughing?) Mr. Alura [ August 30, 2002, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Alura ] __________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

08-31-2002, 07:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	I can most certainly understand why you haven't owned a cock ring since! Probbly just hearing the words cock ring sends a little cringe throughout your body. I am glad to hear that all was not lost due to your unfortunate problem with the cock ring. And, Mr. Alura, I would just about bet that everytime she thinks of the situation, she has a good hearty laugh and it's probably a very fond memory for her. Quin Still no graemlin. __________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

08-31-2002, 12:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,271 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	Ok, while my story doesn't even come close to you guys' I'll share it anyway. When I was in HS I was dating this guy and we were dry humping naked (for those who need an explanation I was sitting on top of him riding his cock but his cock was not in me). At any rate, he came and shot himself right in the eye. Evidently cum doesn't go so well in eyes. I guess in reality this is HIS Worst Case Scenario..... __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

08-31-2002, 01:03 PM	#10 (permalink)
BradAndJanet Only slightly cracked... Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 7,071 Location: Seattle Status: Married Couple	The best we can do is the time my brother walked in on us. It was back in the days when we were first dating and had the daily hots for each other My brother and I shared an apartment in college. He had just left to go home for the weekend. Five minutes later he returned, having forgotten something, to find us already naked and 'involved' on the couch. Fortunately, there was a blanket nearby, saving us all from further embarrasment. He's never said a word in all these years. -Brad __________________ "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain All about us...

09-07-2002, 01:28 PM	#11 (permalink)
Perseus Long Timer Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 161 Location: Winter Park, Fl Status: S. Male seeking Couples and S. Females for good times and possible LTR SLS Name:Perseus	I have two.... One on me and one on my ex wife (and on me I guess... hehehe) When I was a freshman, I went to military school for a year. Now, I was already a sexual person before I went having done quite a bit of experimenting with kids in my neighborhood. Of course being a bunch of young men of all different ages, there were a few dirty mags floating around the barracks. Well, I got a hold of one and on a calm weekend afternoon, while I thought my roommate was out doing what ever people in school do on the weekends, I proceeded to "satisfy myself" with the lovely ladies of Penthouse. Needless to say I got busted, on my knees, mag on the footlocker, wacking myself like I had no cares in the world but that centerfold. I don't think I ever quite lived that down... My second story is about my first blowjob to orgasm. My ex wife, trying to save our marriage I think as she never really had before, went down on me while I was sitting on the couch. She blew me till I had a phenomenal orgasm the made my face buzz. As soon as she swallowed though, it came right back up and in my lap. She turned bright red and ran out of the room embarrassed and I tried not to laugh and went to comfort her that is was ok. Funny how she never believed me when I said things didn't bother me... Jim P.S. There were other things wrong with our marriage other then sex, it was just a symptom, not a cause...

03-12-2003, 05:59 PM	#12 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,271 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	The Hazards of Sex As if it's not bad enough that you can get an STD or get pregnant there are so many more hazards of having sex... like what you might ask? Well let's see... you could..... get rug burn get cum in your eye (I did that to a guy once) swallow a dental dam have a car accident have to sleep on the wet spot and many more. Read the List Here __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

03-12-2003, 08:12 PM	#13 (permalink)
Mich149 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 323 Location: Detroit, MI Status: On the Prowl - lol SLS Name:mich149	Rug burn is bad, but tile burn is the worst

03-12-2003, 09:09 PM	#14 (permalink)
LadyandLordAro Here to Stay Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 87 Location: Niles MIchigan 49120 Status: couple	:) So we get raw now and then from to much fuckin..thats a bad thing? __________________ can I touch it?

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