Sex Accidents - What's Your Worst Case Scenario?

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by jdavisauto

I told the guys in my unit that I hurt my back while helping a friend move.

Well, at least that's not entirely a lie

[sweet_tna]

Nothing spectacular, but . . .

Mr. Sweet was going down on me, and I jumped a bit as I orgasmed. I hit my head on the corner of the nightstand. No permanent damage, but OW! (And yes, we kept going)

We have broken TWO beds during sex, though . . .

=)

[lotsoffun201]

Well I do have a friend who broke her SO's penis. Not funny but it did happen.

[good times]

I think I have told this one here before, but it is the best story I have involving myself.

We were playing with a couple and the male half of the couple finished up with Mrs. GT quicker than I did with his girlfriend. So I am going down on her and he interrupts and asks if it would be ok if she sucked his dick while I was down there. I said, "sure, no problem". We were on a big bed and she was lying on her back. As he was swinging his leg over her to straddle her chest he smacked me a good solid whack in the face with his knee. Like a good trooper, after the stars and little birdies stopped swirling around my head, I continued on with what I was doing, and a good time was had by all.

The next morning as we were getting out of bed, Mrs. GT asked me, "what have you got on your eye". I go look in the mirror, and low and behold, I had a major shiner going on. Fact is, it is the first black eye I have ever had in my life. We laughed about it and commented on how that was going to make a good story. But the funniest part of the story happened later.

We had a weekend long function to attend with a bunch of vanilla friends that have no idea we are swingers. Mrs. Gt asked me how I was going to explain the black eye. I told her if anyone said anything I would think of something. Turns out first thing someone asked me was how I got the black eye. I decide that since I am a lousy liar, I would try the truth. So, with the straightest face I could muster, I told them, "I was eating this girls pussy and her boyfriend kneed me in the eye". They all laughed at that and said, "sure GT, I am sure that happened. If you don't want to tell us what happened, why didn't you just say so?". Mrs, GT and I still crack up about that one.

[Chris&Amelia]

Okay... gather 'round while I tell you a story 'bout a man named Chris.

We had a playdate scheduled for a Saturday, and we were both pretty hyped up about it. The outline was pretty much:

1) Meet couple at their house.
2) Go out to dinner.
3) Go see movie.
4) Go back to hotel.
5a) Hot swinger sex.
5b) Repeat #5a
6) ????
7) Profit!

Okay, maybe not #6 and #7, but you get the idea.

So I wake early in the morning because one of my dogs wanted to go drink some water. I open the bedroom door and she runs out to the water dish, and I sleepily return back to bed. Amelia was not home because she was still at work. Eventually, the dog returns and wants to go back onto the bed. We have a pair of little steps that they usually scamper up, but she was being lazy and/or clingy, and she wanted me to pick her up.

So, instead of doing the sensible thing, which would be to get out of bed, pick the dog up, put the dog on the bed, and then get back in myself, I just lean over the side, grab her, and with a twist of my back, haul her over the side. As I do this, I feel a slight "poink" in my back. "Oooh, I'm gonna feel that later," I think to myself.

I wake up shortly after that, hop out of bed, and promptly collapse in a heap. My back is KILLING me. I can barely walk. I can't stand up straight. I'm hobbling around like I'm 100 years old. The pain is amazing.

Do I cancel our playdate? Hell no.

As long as I'm sitting or lying down, I'm fine. So we drive to their house, and I hobble in. Our playmates, being the evil snarky bastards that they are (and we adore 'em for it) think this is amazingly hilarious.

So I'm hopped up on painkillers as we drive to the restaurant for dinner. Our playmates and Amelia snicker as I hobble, Bilbo Baggins-style, into the restaurant. We had fun at dinner, with some good food, a pitcher of sangria, and a cute (and quick-witted) waitress who we briefly considered inviting back to the hotel with us.

After dinner, we all agreed that we didn't want to catch a movie after all. So we head to the hotel, check in, settle into the room, and get down to business.

Of course, I can barely walk, which made things... interesting. If I was sitting or lying on my back, I'm just peachy. Other positions were a little more problematic.

She starts off with a back-rub, and things heat up from there. Considering my handicap, things are moving along quite well, considering the frequent breaks I have to take to reposition (and the resulting laughing 'cause they're evil snarky bastards).

I eventually end up on top and I'm thrusting away. She's positioning herself on the bed and pushing herself up a bit so that she's more on the pillows. As she slides up the bed, I follow her up (obviously... don't really have much a choice).

As we move up.... I find my head banging up against the headboard as I thrust. (thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG). I try to reposition a bit, and a surge of pain shoots through my back. She's obviously enjoying the moment and not realizing the dilemma I'm in. (thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG). Well, being the gentleman I am, I'm not going to be the one to ruin the fun, so I end up turning my head to the side so instead of the top of my head banging up against the hard solid wood headboard, my ear is slapping up against it again and again.

We finally all finish, and we're all enjoying the afterglow. Of course, now I have a throbbing back, and growing headache, and a sore neck. It's a shame they don't give out Purple Hearts for swinger-related injuries.

Did that prevent us from Round 2? Or Round 3? Hell no.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Chris&Amelia

Okay... gather 'round while I tell you a story 'bout a man named Chris.

We had a playdate scheduled for a Saturday, and we were both pretty hyped up about it. The outline was pretty much:

1) Meet couple at their house.
2) Go out to dinner.
3) Go see movie.
4) Go back to hotel.
5a) Hot swinger sex.
5b) Repeat #5a
6) ????
7) Profit!

Okay, maybe not #6 and #7, but you get the idea.

So I wake early in the morning because one of my dogs wanted to go drink some water. I open the bedroom door and she runs out to the water dish, and I sleepily return back to bed. Amelia was not home because she was still at work. Eventually, the dog returns and wants to go back onto the bed. We have a pair of little steps that they usually scamper up, but she was being lazy and/or clingy, and she wanted me to pick her up.

So, instead of doing the sensible thing, which would be to get out of bed, pick the dog up, put the dog on the bed, and then get back in myself, I just lean over the side, grab her, and with a twist of my back, haul her over the side. As I do this, I feel a slight "poink" in my back. "Oooh, I'm gonna feel that later," I think to myself.

I wake up shortly after that, hop out of bed, and promptly collapse in a heap. My back is KILLING me. I can barely walk. I can't stand up straight. I'm hobbling around like I'm 100 years old. The pain is amazing.

Do I cancel our playdate? Hell no.

As long as I'm sitting or lying down, I'm fine. So we drive to their house, and I hobble in. Our playmates, being the evil snarky bastards that they are (and we adore 'em for it) think this is amazingly hilarious.

So I'm hopped up on painkillers as we drive to the restaurant for dinner. Our playmates and Amelia snicker as I hobble, Bilbo Baggins-style, into the restaurant. We had fun at dinner, with some good food, a pitcher of sangria, and a cute (and quick-witted) waitress who we briefly considered inviting back to the hotel with us.

After dinner, we all agreed that we didn't want to catch a movie after all. So we head to the hotel, check in, settle into the room, and get down to business.

Of course, I can barely walk, which made things... interesting. If I was sitting or lying on my back, I'm just peachy. Other positions were a little more problematic.

She starts off with a back-rub, and things heat up from there. Considering my handicap, things are moving along quite well, considering the frequent breaks I have to take to reposition (and the resulting laughing 'cause they're evil snarky bastards).

I eventually end up on top and I'm thrusting away. She's positioning herself on the bed and pushing herself up a bit so that she's more on the pillows. As she slides up the bed, I follow her up (obviously... don't really have much a choice).

As we move up.... I find my head banging up against the headboard as I thrust. (thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG). I try to reposition a bit, and a surge of pain shoots through my back. She's obviously enjoying the moment and not realizing the dilemma I'm in. (thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG). Well, being the gentleman I am, I'm not going to be the one to ruin the fun, so I end up turning my head to the side so instead of the top of my head banging up against the hard solid wood headboard, my ear is slapping up against it again and again.

We finally all finish, and we're all enjoying the afterglow. Of course, now I have a throbbing back, and growing headache, and a sore neck. It's a shame they don't give out Purple Hearts for swinger-related injuries.

Did that prevent us from Round 2? Or Round 3? Hell no.

http://bestsmileys.com/lol/18.gif http://bestsmileys.com/lol/1.gif

You know, that story's even funnier the second time around!

Ya' gotta' play through the pain, Darlin' . . .

And I bet you learned not to roll over and pick up your dog like that any more, huh?

=)

P.S. Don't forget that COMMUNICATION is an essential element to successful swinging! (ahem)

[Markspurangel]

friend of mine once was busy with his gal & the chandeler fell & he required stitches in his azz from the broken glass.

When he told the story, he said he was awful lucky it didn't happen a few minutes earlier. It would have killed him, he said.







seems a few minutes earlier, the broken chandeler would have hit him in the back of the head.......................

[JustAskJulie]

[sweet_tna]

I don't know about a worst case scenario, but I've endured my share of charlie horses at inconvenient times, broken two beds, and bonked heads several more times than I care to count. That's enough for me, thanks.

=)

[LOL_OMG]

Many moons ago, doing a woman from behind while a bit toasted. Penis slipped out and hit her full stroke in the butt cheek. Ouch, then a bit of dull pain, then back to work. A few days later after an uncomfortable feeling in the groin area I went to the doctor. One hernia operation later things got a bit better. I know there's a moral somewhere in this true story, I'll try and think what it is heh.

Mr. OMG

[TravlParty]

Dancing around nude in a bedroom, 6 inch stilettos, nothing else. Four couples totally nude. Ready to get some action.

Tripped, fell, broke leg, dislocated elbow, torn rotator cuff.

Had a PE after surgery - ICU 7 days.

Spoiled the mood.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by TravlParty

Dancing around nude in a bedroom, 6 inch stilettos, nothing else. Four couples totally nude. Ready to get some action.

Tripped, fell, broke leg, dislocated elbow, torn rotator cuff.

Had a PE after surgery - ICU 7 days.

Spoiled the mood.

You win!

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by TravlParty

Dancing around nude in a bedroom, 6 inch stilettos, nothing else. Four couples totally nude. Ready to get some action.

Tripped, fell, broke leg, dislocated elbow, torn rotator cuff.

Had a PE after surgery - ICU 7 days.

Spoiled the mood.

This has to be one of the worst sex-accident stories I've heard. Not good if you end up needing surgery. And ICU on top of it?

I think I'll just be thankful that any odd sex issues are nothing more than the occasional head butt, leg cramps, bruised knees, and having fished a couple condoms out.

[athenagirl]

Originally Posted by beaverz

When Sex Goes Bad (Not to be confused with bad sex or no sex life)!

We watched the movie “Chasing Amy” over the weekend and could relate to the scene where they were discussing injuries they obtain while having sex. I thought it would make for a good thread.

Here’s one of our (When Sex Goes Bad) stories.

This occurred when my wife and I first started dating. We were in her bedroom in the dark. I was on top and raised up and pounding away. The bed was rockin and the headboard was slamming the wall (no one else was there, so no problem). Anyway my wife (girlfriend at the time) began to buck wildly, hell I thought she was really getting into it. She also started making strange noises (like gargling). I didn't relize anything was wrong, I guess half my brain was shut down due to the lack of blood flow, I just thought she was having a violent orgasm and plus I was doing all I could to stay on. She was like bucking horse, I was really enjoying myself.

(Hang in there it's nothing disgusting)

I began feeling a liquid substance on my arms and hands and noticed she was spitting and gagging. That’s when she finally managed to tell me to “GET THE HELL OFF” (she didn’t mean sexually). I stopped, got off and she got up and went straight to the bathroom. I stumbled around in the dark, trying to find something to wipe my hands and arms off. I figured she had gotten sick. Of course I thought to myself maybe “I fucked her too hard”. I knew I was good, but damn.

She came back in the room holding her head. I asked if she was alright. She said, no, I have an extremely bad headache. I asked her was it something she ate, she replied with “what are you taking about”. I said, didn’t you just get sick. She said NO, I didn’t get sick. She went on to tell me what happened. Apparently there was a 16 ounce glass of water sitting on her headboard. It tipped over dumping water into her open mouth and then fell on her, hitting her right between the eyes.

I obviously I wasn’t paying much attention and didn’t notice. Like I said it was dark and I was in enjoying myself. She was trying to get me to stop, but was unable to speak due to gagging on the water. She said she thought she was going to pass out from the glass hitting her in the face or drown from the water dumped in her mouth. She had a nice big bruise right between her eyes. Being the caring guy that I was back then, I had to ask “I guess a blowjob is out of the question? That obviously ended the night’s activities. We had to make up some story to tell her mom about the bruise, which was funny in its self.

Lesson learned; clear the headboard and leave some type of a light on.

Anyone else experiences a sexual encounter that went wrong maybe causing an injury.

I’m surprised the Fox Network hasn’t done a special “When Sex Goes Bad” right after “When Animals Attack”.

This brings a new definition to the term "waterboarding."

[Cpl2share]

How the hell do you follow that one?
Anyway: Lights off. Mrs. Cpl and I are in bed foreplaying (is that a real word or not?) and I ask her Why don't you get that little thing up on my mouth? She says, nope, why don't you get down there. I said because you want me to lick it, you can bring it to me. She says fine, but you batter make it worth my while. She throws back the blanket, spins around swing leg over to straddle my face, but not quite high enough knee hits nose, nose breaks! Even with a swollen nose she tasted great and was less filling.