How do I get my wife to initiate and open up more - sexually speaking

[Fox n Hound]

Some things here when asked do not go over well but I will take the risk.
The lady of the house here would appear to the rest of the world to not have a sexual side to her at all, but let me suggest fooling around and touch her in one of three places and she will do me and a college football team. She can be content with 15 minutes or go all night and then sleep like a baby. She loves male contact, but will not, except for about 2 days a month, do anything to initiate things. I would not do anything to screw up how receptive she is when I suggest something, but it would be fun for me, for her to be a little more frisky on her own. I know how lucky I am compared to the stories of all the men around me that have discussed that part of their lives.
I am just curious how this compares for the rest of you.
Ladies please do not trash me for asking but if you must.

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by Fox n Hound:
Some things here when asked do not go over well but I will take the risk.
The lady of the house here would appear to the rest of the world to not have a sexual side to her at all, but let me suggest fooling around and touch her in one of three places and she will do me and a college football team. She can be content with 15 minutes or go all night and then sleep like a baby. She loves male contact, but will not, except for about 2 days a month, do anything to initiate things. I would not do anything to screw up how receptive she is when I suggest something, but it would be fun for me, for her to be a little more frisky on her own. I know how lucky I am compared to the stories of all the men around me that have discussed that part of their lives.
I am just curious how this compares for the rest of you.
Ladies please do not trash me for asking but if you must.

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There is nothing here to trash. It is a very good question. Since I don't know how old you two are or how long you have been married it makes it somewhat difficult, but let me express my female side.

In my first marriage I too appeared to be more like how you describe your lady. We were both young and inexperienced, raising babies etc, and I was too exhausted most of the time to entertain sexual activity. I would tho have my *Peak* moments where I would take the initiative which pleased him greatly.

In my marriage now to Gene, we started out highly sexual with both of us initiating sexual activity and then as life does at times, got in the way and we came to sort of a lull. What picked it back up tho was that about 5 years ago a friend of his, as a joke, gave us a tape which consisted of some bootleg porn flicks. This tape was *SO* bad and had no sound to them at all. But, by having no sound and as we watched thru the scenes it allowed us to talk and we began to fantasize different scenarios. Our love making perked back up and we purchased some of our own tapes which were of definite higher quality...with sound We then made a game of teasing each other in different ways and alternating who was in charge of seducing the other. Eventually we decided to start looking at making some of the fantasies reality and started looking into this lifesyle as we had enjoyed some pretty erotic moments just pretending. For all I know he could have been a swinger for 30 years and I just didn't know it...hmmmm wonder if he set me up with that crappy video...I'll have to ask!

Many women are raised to repress their sexual side. At least I was. It was taught more of as a duty rather than a pleasurable act to participate in. The thing is tho, once you find out you enjoy it, your thinking begins to change but your mind set has a hard time catching up to what your body feels. It took me nearly 20 years to open up and feel good enuf about my body and sexual desires to get *frisky*.

I would suggest complimenting her, assuring her how attractive she is and how much you enjoy her being assertive on the days that she is. And I think I still have that crappy video around here if you want it.

Lori

[ciscosv]

I can not speak on many years of "expertise" but, I do think that your situation is quite normal in alot of aspects. I hope I read this correctly. If not, feel free to correct me. One thing I have learned about the women not initiating sex thing is that they want to feel attractive and want you to initiate it so they know it is known she still beautiful to you. Sometimes I want my babes to initiate the mood so that I know I am attractive still but that can go no where. Couples sex lives can get dull after awhile. Ever hear the term "the honeymoon is over?" That is a part of life. I recall when my wife and I first met, we were at it ALL THE TIME! Hell, I even had a hard time keeping up with her.

OhioCouples advice is right on and I can lack in this department at times. Compliment, compliment, compliment!!!!!! Let her know that she is the hottest damn cat in the alley! (shame on me....)

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by ciscosv:
Sometimes I want my babes to initiate the mood so that I know I am attractive still but that can go no where.

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Ciscosv,

You brought up a *very valid point*. Somtimes we, as women, are so concerned with how others perceive us and crave compliments which make us feel better about ourselves, forget that the male half has similar needs also. Men are generally just not very vocal about it.

Thanks for bringing that to light, I think I owe someone some compliments.

Lori :::Bowing my head in shame:::

[ 08-14-2002, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]

[Fox n Hound]

We are both in our mid 40s and have been married for 27 years. I am not really complaining but just saying a little more initiating on her part would be fun for me. My male friends are annoyed at how often my wife says yes to me, she has never told me no. If I want to, she wants to, and it is not faked, she loves to be, well you know what I mean.
We could have a marriage destucting argument and I could say lets stop argueing for 15 minutes and get it on and then we can go back to tearing each other up. We would stop and do it then go back to argueing. Love her to death.
The Hound Loves chasing the Fox but wishes the Fox would chase the Hound just a little more often.

[OhioCouple]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fox n Hound:
We are both in our mid 40s and have been married for 27 years. I am not really complaining but just saying a little more initiating on her part would be fun for me. My male friends are annoyed at how often my wife says yes to me, she has never told me no. If I want to, she wants to, and it is not faked, she loves to be, well you know what I mean.
We could have a marriage destucting argument and I could say lets stop argueing for 15 minutes and get it on and then we can go back to tearing each other up. We would stop and do it then go back to argueing. Love her to death.
The Hound Loves chasing the Fox but wishes the Fox would chase the Hound just a little more often.

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Only you know her best, but from the female point of view, I still say that during those times that she is being sexual initiative, take the opportunity to tell her how much you enjoy her assertiveness. This worked for my better half as I was quite reserved so to speak when we first met and then after the "honeymoon" effect wore off, I was back to being very reserved. He found little ways to start getting me to become more assertive. It worked, but it did take time for me to become comfortable. Now the problem is that I am so much more assertive than he is, that he turns down sexual advances from me more often than I do from him!

Lori

[L&K]

I agree with the comments before me but would like to add one more line.
. Try a nice Card, Flowers, or I
will get the dishes for you tonight babe.

you will be surprised when she returns the favors.

Sue

you can always get farther with Sugar then with Salt....

[Dude45]

Well, I know exactly how you feel. Problem is, that I have on several occasions tell her how much I'd appreciate her taking the initiative sometimes. Yet, to this day, she still seems to refuse to do so. So, then I try to call her on it and refrain from initiating anything myself, then she gets mad for not full filling her 'female needs'.
My wife turned into a Jehovahs' Witness about two years ago and has become a strange animal indeed....hehehehe...I could go on and on.

[Fox n Hound]

I just reread the letter from so many years ago. WOW !!!!!!!!!

Update, things have slowly improved and we still enjoy ourselves sexually. We are now 33 years into our marriage and use fantasy a lot, we trust each other and are honest about what makes the clock tick. We have accepted if it helps us sleep better, it must be a good thing.

Our kids are not around nearly as much and the Fox is not nearly as inhibited as in the past, she quite honestly would like to have multiple male partners at once, but we do not go to the clubs, for that is not the setting she enjoys. I am not the jealous type and she states that she only wants it, if I am present so that she knows it is okay for her to let her hair down and pull her skirt up. I trust her completely.

Our first swinging was done at least 26 years ago, but it has been very limited with all of lifes obligations and STDs. But we are always willing to meet new friends, but the more honest we are about our age the less we here from interested parties.

Fox does not care about age, but the Hound is a little more reserved as what he is attracted to, but not to the point of it getting in the way of a good evening.

It is good to be back and we hope to hear from others. So please write.

Fox N Hound

[fun4Ds]

Glad to hear from you again.

Stick around and get acquainted with the new Swingers Board .

Do you have a personal add on any of the sites like SLS ? Adult Swingers Personals Service and LifeStyle info. or the new SwingerZoneCentral - Home ??

I know either sites are a good way to meet people in your area.