Why do women lie about their past?

[good times]

Hi Butch,

I don't think all women lie, if my wife lied I would think she would have picked a smaller number. For my part I don't understand why a women would lie about it but I'll have to admit that it wouldn't make any difference to me how many partners she has had in the first place. I've tried pretty hard and I'm pretty convinced that you can't wear it out. I have heard this before though and I have also heard that men tend to exagerate how many partners they have had, if I had done that I can assure you I would have picked a bigger number. It might be that these women think that it would upset the guy they are lying to and so figure a little white lie would cause less stress to the guy. I'm not defending them because, to me, honesty is way more important than how many people someone has did the horizontal boggie with but lets face it, everybody lies sometime to avoid hurting someones feelings.

Say hi to DD for us.

[good times]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

P.S. I'm kinda' uncomfortable with this troll using my avatar...

So are you trying to say your not him.......you must be twins or something because you look the same to me. Just kidding, sometimes my evil side pops up and I just can't help myself.

[JnCC]

Okay, I guess I owe everybody a serious answer, if only so some folks can "unpucker" before they go for their morning sit-down.

If you want the downlow, clinical explanation of "why women lie to men about their sexual history" pick up a copy of "Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray" by Helen Fisher, Ph.D. It's 10 bucks on Amazon, and answers your question in far more detail than I can.

If you can't wait that long, I'll summerize it for you; Basically, it has to do with the traditional roles attributed to men and women. "Men are the providers and protectors, women are the nurturers and the sustainers." When a women "lies" about her sexual history, it's because she wants her man to believe that not only is HE is the father to their children, but that no other man possibly could be. It's an evolutionary thing. The whole idea here is that our bodies (our DNA, actually) are trying to replicate copies of ourselves, and it's in our own best evolutionary interest to protect those offspring. When a woman becomes pregnant, she knows it will be her DNA that she's passing along to the world. But the man has only her word and reputation to go by when deducing who's fathered the child. If it's commonly known that she's had sex with a number of males, the odds that a given child is his diminish precipitiously.

That, (according to Fisher) also explains why women are more tolerant of male infidelity than males are of female infidelity. A women always KNOWS whose baby she's having...HERS. As long as she is being provided for, what does it matter if it's by the natural father, or somebody who thinks he's the natural father? Fisher also explains why monogamy is not in a woman's reproductive interest, while the appearance of monogamy is essential to it.

(By the way, none of what Fisher writes implies that we can't be loving and caring step-parents, only that we men tend to be a lot more dilligent about supporting and protecting our kids when we know they're OURS. Or more specifically, when we have no reason to believe they're could be somebody else's)

Remember, this is all caveman shit. It describes behavior that has evolved in men and women over the last 100,000 years or so. Only in the past 30 or 40 years..."mere seconds ago," in evolutionary terms...have we developed effective means of birth control, in-vitro fertilization, and DNA testing. The effect those are having in social mores are already evident...women are becoming much more openly sexual, while men (and society in general) are becoming much more tolerant of that behavior. Could you imagine Erica Jong becoming a best-selling author, "Sex and the City" being a #1 TV show, or a popular television hunk marrying a porn star, prior to 1960?

It's really not as nerdy of a book as it sounds. It'll keep you entertained longer than "Seed of Chucky" for about the same price.

[duwannaball]

Thanks for the insight, sorry for the generality, it should have read why do "some" women lie? with the interest in the women's response to see how common this really is and the reasons why. I guess it's just one of those things, like asking about their weight or their age, don't need to go there. It doesn't really matter to me now anyway how many strange dicks she had before we met, but for some reason I think it did 17 years ago.

I think what bugs me most about this is not so much that she lied, but that I'm a bit jealous of her experiences. I feel like I missed out. The ironic part is, in a way, I respect her for it. I've had to deal with this curiosity and the desire to fulfill it, where as she seems perfectly satisfied with just me.

She is willing to let me explore a little now and looking forward to progressing with her in the lifestyle. She is interested in swinging but her desire and curiosity to be with another man is slowing us down a bit. That's ok because when she is ready than I should be ready by then. ya think?

Hey Mr and Mrs GT, DD says hello!

Butch-

[Alura]

FunCalifCple wrote:

It would be appropriate to add 'and lie like a European' ...........

HeeHeeHee.

I don't think George said that, though.

Mr. Alura

[WesternSwing]

Okay, JnCC. That was an interesting post. Keep it to that rather than that trolling crap and I'm more than happy to have you around here.

What you are saying I heard several years ago with the theory, and subsequent studies that prove it, that babies look more like the father up to a certain age. This helps prove to Grog the Caveman that the child is his, insuring it will be protected and fed. As I recall, in studies people could match a baby to it's father over 80% of the time, but to the mother less than 30% of the time.

Also, in evolutionary terms, sometimes Grog may have the better genes for survival of the youngster, the clan, and the species in general, but Unk might make the better provider and father to the child. So fidelity for the woman was not in the best interest of survival of her offspring. And for men fidelity was not in the best interest of survival of the species in general. The more seed they could spread, the more children born, the higher the odds of many reaching breeding age, and so on.

Mr. WS

[Bu&Sandra]

I had been with a lot of men as I came of age in the late 70's early 80's . I figured I better tell my husband before one of my big mouthrd friends did. That's what made bu feel so free to discuss swinging with me. He had as many people in his lifetime as I had on a weekend in 1982, so now he get's to catch up. By the way I grew up in the NYC metro area and he grew up in India and the UAE..no sexual freedom there.

[JustAskJulie]

I remember hearing that it was a rule of 3. Women typically cut their number down by a third, while men tend to triple their number. I think most women are ashamed to admit the number of people they've had sex with.

Me personally, I don't even answer anymore, because I can't give an honest answer other than "I don't know". I stopped counting when I started swinging, and at this point I'd have a hard time sitting down and figuring out just how many there were before that.

[xxoticangel]

While it is possible that my wife lied about her expierences I don't think so. There is only 1 that I am sure she lied about for years until she recently told me about him after I found a letter about him in an old box of papers. She said she lied about him because we were coworkers and they had developed an emotional bond before their single sexual encounter. The rest she told me about early in our relationship. One night about four months into our relationship we were sitting in the dark drinking wine. She started telling me about all the things she had done between 14-25 years old. She said she was actually trying to scare me away when she told me about her "coming of age" in a swinging environment. Sharing partners with others in her clique including 3-sums and 4-sums. What she didn't realize in the dark was that I was very excited hearing about the things she had done and saw the potential of opening the door to the swinging world.

[Southern Lady]

I was told by an older woman before I got married to never revel how many sex encounter you had to your husband. When I asked why, she said they seem to always want more information, and sometimes your sex life was better. I try to be very truthful, but my sex life before I married was very wild, and my husbands was not. It makes his ego feel better.

[duwannaball]

Ok, I here what your saying, but whats wrong with giving up the nasty details?

Ego aside, I like hearing about it, it makes me hard. So I say tell me more so I can enjoy them. I would tell more, but shes already heard them, didn't take long.

It's interesting what we can and can't remember about our past. The mind does funy things with good and bad memories especially with alcohol thrown in, although I think the really good ones seem to stick.


Butch-

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by duwannaball

like being sold a used car where the odometer had been rolled a few times more than I was led to believe

See above for a good example of why some women feel compelled to lie about the subject.

No offense meant here, but ... some women can be very intuitive. Your wife may have picked up on the fact that you see a correlation between women with sexual experience and "used cars." And she decided to keep her past to herself, at least for a long time, because of that.

Originally Posted by duwannaball

It doesn't really matter to me now anyway how many strange dicks she had before we met, but for some reason I think it did 17 years ago.

Exactly. She probably sensed it mattered to you back then, and reacted accordingly.

No need to be jealous. We all have our own pace, and it can be fun playing catch up ... if that turns you both on. facelick

[duwannaball]

Good point, no offense taken. I hear what you are saying and you are correct. That is a big reason why she lied.

When we met, I made it obvious how I felt about it, and it only makes sense tell someone what they want to hear when you really like them. As opposed to something that could come back in a negative way. It has to do with the level of trust. (Funny how these things trickle out AFTER you're married.)

No offense intended, just a goofy analogy from a car guy that loves the beauty and character of old cars regardless how many times the odometer's been around.

Butch-

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by duwannaball

it only makes sense tell someone what they want to hear when you really like them. As opposed to something that could come back in a negative way. It has to do with the level of trust. (Funny how these things trickle out AFTER you're married.)

Yes, when you look at it that way ... it makes sense. And it's a bit of a compliment. She liked you so much, she withheld what she thought might "scare you off" ... until you could get to know all of her. And even better, clearly her trust for you has grown during marriage to where she knows now she can lay out the facts without fear of judgment. That's the beautiful part.

Originally Posted by duwannaball

just a goofy analogy from a car guy that loves the beauty and character of old cars regardless how many times the odometer's been around.

Aww, now that made me smile.

[midnight hour]

A real lady never ever kisses and tells.