Performance Issues...

[kamasutracpl]

Okay... here goes. my name is Mike, and I have performance issues.

There, now that I got that off my chest, let me know if it is common, or just me.

I am a 30 year old male, in pretty decent condition (6'-5", 186 pounds). I don't work out often other than regular walks, but I am in good shape all in all. No heart conditions, no other medical conditions or anything, don't smoke, not on any drugs etc...

My problem... I cannot get an erection in any group setting. My honey and I have been in a FMF situation four times (with two different women). Every time I was unable to perform anything beyond oral pleasing. I do not have any trouble with performance at any other times (most times we get it on shortly after our third party has left). I am very sure it is a mental block of some sort, just wondering if anyone has any ways around it?

I have talked to a few guy friends online, and the only advice they can give is "Dude, they make a drug that takes care of that problem...".

Yup, I tried it. Yup, it worked like a charm (could'a gone (cumm??) 3 times in 3 hours). I have 2 problems with using "V"... number one I hate to rely on drugs for an issue I shouldn't be having. I wouldn't mind so much keeping it available for extra special nights, but that leads to problem number two... my doc doesn't seems real up on the idea of prescribing it to someone my age. I talked to him about the erectile problem (not the group thing, I left that out), and he suggested therapy, and counseling etc... I never came right out and ASKED, but didn't tink I would have to. I guess if all else fails I may have to revert to just asking. I know I can't afford to be buying it without a prescription!!!

Anyway... sorry, I got kind of off my original topic. Any other guys have performance problems in a swinging situation? What do you do about it? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.
Mike (& Beve)

It has happened to most if not all of us Mike.

My first advice is to get a new doctor.

My second peice of advice is I agree with you that it is some kind of mental block. The harder you try to get "Him" to work the more he refuses. It can be VERY frustrating head bang

I also understand your reluctance to take drugs such as Viagra. But....theres always a but......I would suggest to take the Viagra when in group settings untill you get more comfortable with the situation. You might not feel uncomfortable but deep down in the chambers of your brain you are, hence the mental block.

I believe as you become more comfortable you can ween your self off of the "V".

Just my opinions, nothing more nothing less.

[taomaster]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

It has happened to most if not all of us Mike.

Dito And the harder you 'try' the worse it gets

We found that once we got to know people it sorted itself out - it was in 'first-time' situations that it occurred. So I too bit the bullet and gave 'V' a try.

It works. It also seems to have some sort of cumulative or learning effect and I need less and less - I'll probably try to go without next time to see.

P.S. I actually bought generic 'V' from India - it's called Kamagra and is a fraction of the price

[stoutgatte]

I also use Viagra (specifically in first time situations). I'm 30, have no problems with the wife where there is no pressure, and (obviously) it works like a charm. I'm starting to get to the point where I'm leaning to not using it, I've had situations where we started playing without it (ie, unplanned or just that sex was no option) and my erections are becoming more reliable .

Since switching back to your partner is not an option (3somes), the problem will not easily go away. Using V really gave me back the confidence in these situations, and now I'm not even worried about erection issues, which makes the world of difference to actually getting one.

On the doctor's issue, get another that isn't difficult. There is no risk to using V as long as you have a healthy heart and no blood pressure issues. Just remember to lay off the alchohol, since it has a negative effect on your erection, and may compound with V to lower your blood pressure below critical levels, but at your age it shouldn't be a problem.

Lastly, here and here is a couple of similar threads...

[PAyoungCPL]

see if the group your with will live out one of your fantasies that you have longed for. Maybe by seeing the action you have allways seen in your mind acted out will stiffen up the lil guy.

[good times]

You are definitely not alone. My problem is that I am extremely self concious about being naked in front of strangers. In fact, I would call myself a reluctant nudist. I get naked because everyone else does not because I especially enjoy doing it. This has led to several embarassing experiances when the old equipment refused to work. I have actually had a beautiful women look up at me and say "Don't you find me attractive?'. My answer of course is "Hell yes!". Its funny that the more attractive the woman I'm with is, the more self concious I seem to get. Viagra is definitely a plus for me with first time encounters. After the first time with someone it generally isn't a problem, And the more experiance we have had swinging with new couples the less problem I seem to have. If this does happen the best thing to do is explain the problem and move on to something that takes your mind off of it. Because as others have said no amount of dwelling on it will get it up. If the woman you are with has any experiance at all, I can guarantee she has seen this happen before. I had this happen not to long ago and when we ran into the couple the next day she said "I bet when you got home you were thinking, man, I can't believe it,I could have had her, and then had no problem getting it up for your wife." I said "yep, thats pretty much right on". We imediatley proceded to make up for my poor performance of the night before with no problem.

[biblonde]

Well, I have to say a yes this happens to lots of men. Nothing wrong with you. Every man we have played with has had this problem. It is nerves. And the more they think about wether or not it will work ...well the less it works. I hear viagra is good so maybe using it the first couple times will help you get more comfy with it and later you wont need to use it.
Best of luck to you !!!

[Pepper & Drew]

Yep, it's happened with a couple we played with too. The male of the couple had a bit much to drink, so no dice that night. A few days later, we tried again and I think it was the fact that he was thinking about the other night that rendered him soft. I was starting to get a complex about myself! Third time we were together he thought about it soo much that...you guessed it...a third bomb. Now, I'm REALLY thinking that it's me. So, we got out the "party drugs" (Cialis) and....success. I think that eventually he'll be fine without it, but this just got him over the hump, so to speak. It happens. And, he assured me, it definitely wasn't me.

Pepper

[kamasutracpl]

Thanks for all the input everyone... a mental block is kind of what I was putting it as. I guess I will have to work on it. Going to see if I can get a hold of some viagra or cialis in the mean time. The one time I tried it, it worked great, my only side effect was a minor but tenacious headache the next day (although that may not have been the drug at all). Either I will have to hit my doctor up a little harder next time, or maybe talk to my grandpa and see if he'll score me some .

Anyway, thanks again for all the reassurance... you've been wonderful!

Mike

[mrs good times]

One more thought on the subject. We go to clubs so this makes my idea a little easier but what I would suggest is being in a group situation with just your wife so that you can become more comfortable performing in front of others. We are going to try this as often as possible. lol

[WesternSwing]

It really is pretty common, Mike. We've run into this problem with other men also. All starts out well, but when it gets down to intercourse then it all goes south (pun intended ).

I also think it is a mental block. I've never had a problem, then about a year ago for about a week it just wouldn't work for nothing. And that wasn't in a group situation. And it turned out to be a mental block for me. When I relaxed (other outside issues had me preoccupied) it all came back.

I think you are so worried about performing that you are sabotaging yourself. Try to relax and just enjoy what is going on. I bet it will get better for you.

Mr. WS

[Mephisto]

I've had the problem -- and for the most part it really is Performance Anxiety.

Its not that I couldn't get an erection, but rather that I would lose it. Get excited too fast and then have to work to get her excited ...

Take your time, don't think about it, when the time is right, it'll happen.

Use other parts of you anatomy .. fingers tongue -- you get the idea.

[mixedcouple3426]

I feel you,Mike.
I have'nt experienced group sex or swinging yet but I can relate because I can't pee in a urinal when it's too crowded in a public restroom.
Driving all the way home or travelling out of my way to find an empty bathroom is'nt much fun.
I'm just praying that wont be an issue when my girl and I have our first swinging experience.

[lcjtsd]

Originally Posted by mixedcouple3426

I feel you,Mike.
I have'nt experienced group sex or swinging yet but I can relate because I can't pee in a urinal when it's too crowded in a public restroom.

And I thought I was the only one LOL.

I too have a challenge with performance anxiety. We have tried just doing stuff together in front of others but in my head all I see is everyone looking and down it goes. I told her (wife) I should try the V until I get more comfortable. She seemed surprised. Since women don't have that problem, I guess she just doesn't understand.

Mr. LCJTSD