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  1. #16
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    Mattmann,

    Like you, we don't leave our kids with anyone either. My family is 800 miles away, anyhow. And the explaining can be tough too. But like you said, it takes multiple visits usually to see whether there is a good feeling about someone or not. Where we live, we're way out in the country. We have to drive at least 20 miles to get to town, and 50 miles to get to a city. Traffic here being what it is, and prices jacked sky-high to welcome tourists (LOL) we just usually don't enjoy trying to meet anyone. When we do, we try our best to ask pertinent questions and look for signs of acceptance or rejection. We really are starting to dislike this trial and error stuff....

    Like I said earlier, when we finally DO get to play with anyone, it really wasn't worth all the effort.

    And maybe the kid issue IS why there are so many 50 and 60 year-old swingers! LOL

    Ron, Husband of Stratecpl
    "Well behaved women rarely make history"

  2. #17
    Here to Stay
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    Hey Stratecpl! I bet some of the considerate men we've spoken to online aren't so awesome in person but since we've only met one man online (a few single girls and girl-girl couples surprise surprise is who we've usually met!) in person and he was really everything we were looking for I've got good vibes at the moment.

    Whats *really* cool about this guy is after we chatted via email, Matt and I wanted to meet him cuz he sounds just like what we wanted (friendly, Matt and him enjoy same interests, same sexual intrests, intellegent, wants friendship, ect, ect), we find out that he's already been playing with some of our other intimate friends, and it was like having a super trusted reference who really knew this guy well already! The first time (so far only time) we played with him sexually our other friends were here so we all played together and it helped out so much with the "first time" jitters.

    So since we've been having good luck so far with meeting people in person we're pretty happy with that aspect...

    I *think* the bozo single comments we get have a lot to do with my age (23). So many of the negitive type of men trying to be involved in swinging get the "dirty old man" syndrome... "Ooooh young flesh...young flesh..." <insert appropriate zombie
    glazed-eye drooling here>. Not that I have ANYTHING against older gentlemen (or ladies), about 90% of our special friends are 10-15 years older than us and are so awesome it just seems like the I have the weirdos coming after me more because of my age...

    And I've heard the topics of possible problems with "young swingers" and it really actually comforts me when a couple (or single) double checks to make sure we're not irresponsible and really know what we're getting into (and trust me, we do, its *all* about communication and respecting your partner). It just shows they aren't just focused on the sex part but all the aspects that make positive swinging possible.

    It's a *lot* of work to swing... Our friends have this mental image of us having carefree sex with lots of people, never having those deep down 'are you okay with this and don't tell me yes just to make me happy cuz your comfort is more important that my temporary enjoyment' conversations (it can be hard to make sure everyone is completely okay with a situation when your husband doesn't like talking about his emotions... but I certainly make him and assure myself that he is 110% happy with our choices , after all if our relationship isn't good then swinging isn't going to make it better), all the men involved having rock hard genitals for hours, ect, ect...

    When in reality while we've been actively interested in finding full swing partners for 2+ years we've both only full swung with one other opposite gender partner and have only had a total of 7 people involved in our sex lives and that includes very limited contact with a few friends who were "interested" but didn't want to give as well as get (and it also includes the full swing partners *and* a triad we play with regularly), and as posted in another thread Matt has "hard" issues which makes him feel sad , and I make sure *every* time we play to sit down afterwards and make sure we're both happy with what's going on and that nothing was wrong as well as what we might want to add to the next time, ect, ect.

    Don't get me wrong, its worth every minute of work to do this, but it is a lot of work.. and some people don't *get* that (mostly the before mentioned "weirdos" who just want a quick lay).

    Anyways, sorry for running a bit off thread here... I didn't mean to babble on so long either! Continue the conversations I'm having a lot of fun with this one!
    She will lay with you in the rose-beds
    Who cares about the thorns?

    Will the flowers be jealous
    Of the attention she receives?"

  3. #18
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    MattLisa,

    We have no problems with young swingers either. After all, we're all adults! I hope you have great success with the new guy, too. Where you live, maybe there are less game players than there are here. We all have our own preferences and ideas, but no one likes to make a date, spend lots of time, money, and preparations, then get stood up.

    Ron, Husband of Stratecpl
    "Well behaved women rarely make history"

  4. #19
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    Ron and Connie --

    This subject has been broached here before, and I can't reiterate enough how frustated and fed up J and I are with these online losers who deliberately mislead others. And they're not restricted to single men either, not by a long shot. Right off the top of my head I can think of four or five couples we've actually met in person who've subsequently agreed to sleep with us, only to disappear like smoke in the wind. We've invested considerable time and money in meeting these people, often travelling more than 200 miles one way to do so. Just last fall, we met three couples in quick succession. One of them cancelled two meetings in our home on back to back weekends, another inexperienced couple were sounding like a pair of horny teenagers just dying to get into our pants, only to back down when it looked as though it might actually happen, and the third couple were a pair of genuine headcases.

    And all three couples we initially met on the web. We still feel a club, on premises or off, is the best way to meet real swingers.

    Dan

  5. #20
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    Dan,

    I remember that. I recall the frustration you voiced at such things, too. It's just a conquest of sorts for these types, I guess. Once they have gotten your vote of approval, they move on to the next conquest. They have absolutely no interest in actually getting together for playing, they just want to make you feel like they do.... then POOF!!! They're gone. They will play out that same scenario, countless other times to so many other unsuspecting couples. They really could care less about putting you out, monetarily and time-wise, not to mention the spent emotions....

    It's people like them who give us all the bad taste in our mouths for it all. I agree, the club scene at least puts you all face to face, where you meet more couples (SOME of which are serious!) And if you're lucky enough to meet friends at these clubs, they might even point out the headgame players to you, so you can avoid them. That "word of mouth" will eventually take care of some of their shenanigans!

    Is it cold up there in Canuck?? I'll bet it's so cold the politicians are keeping their hands in their own pockets!!

    Ron, Husband of Stratecpl
    "Well behaved women rarely make history"

  6. #21
    Swingers Board Addict MattMann's Avatar
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    Glad to know we're not the only ones with the problem of being hamstrung with child responsibilities in our efforts. Sometimes it seems like everyone is free and unfettered to go pursue any invitation they get. Thanks for the commiseration Ron.

    And I also can sympathize with the jacked up prices in eastern TN (since we live in western NC). We took the family up to Gatlinburg two weeks ago and even in the winter, you get ripped off (but you can get better motel rates and the outlets in Pigeon Forge have good buys).

  7. #22
    Swingers Board Addict danc694u's Avatar
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    Originally posted by MattMann:
    <STRONG>Sometimes it seems like everyone is free and unfettered to go pursue any invitation they get. </STRONG>
    It seems some more so than others.

    We got this type of reply from a couple about a week ago. They have no kids, we do. The female half worked on weekends, we work part of the weekend.

    When the conversation turned to actually meeting, they wanted us to make the 4 hour drive during the week. Then politely called us "fakes" when we declined.
    Phonies and Fakes Need not apply. We're as real as it gets, and don't have time to be wasting on dumbasses.

  8. #23
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    don't you just love those types! The ones that call you fakes just becuase you can't do things THEIR way! grrrrr.... We have that happen a lot too...we get couples our age that have adult children and they seem to forget what it was like having small children I guess...That is why the couples we have become close friends with are several years younger than us..they have kids in the same age range as ours and UNDESTAND...LOL

    Connie
    "Well behaved women rarely make history"

  9. #24
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    Mattmann,

    You have e-mail!

    Ron
    "Well behaved women rarely make history"

  10. #25
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    Originally posted by Stratecpl:
    <STRONG>

    Is it cold up there in Canuck?? I'll bet it's so cold the politicians are keeping their hands in their own pockets!!

    Ron, Husband of Stratecpl</STRONG>
    Cold? How's -27 windchill sound? 'cuz that's what the WC was early this morning. Couple that with about two feet of snow on the ground, and I'd say it's winter up here.

    Ahh, for the days of tube tops, thongs, and perky nipples straining through cotton. Screw winter!!!

    Dan

  11. #26
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    Dan,

    Why on Earth would you live in such a cold, forbidding place!! LOL My blood gets chills just reading about -27 degrees and 2 feet of snow!! But I tell you what, you'd come closer to those tube tops and perky nipples here than up there!! You sure you and Janette don't have igloos there?? LOL

    Let's see.... you're 2000, maybe 3000 miles from here, almost due Northeast??? Man, that's SERIOUS north. No wonder there are so few swingers!!

    Ron, Husband of Stratecpl
    "Well behaved women rarely make history"

  12. #27
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    oh boy oh boy oh boy....

    being a couple who has done their research and been very cautious and with no clubs near enough that are in an area we would desire to travel with we have gone the online route..met some very nice couples, who didnt want to continue the relatioship after seeing us and geez its not like I lied about being a plus size woman...just guess soem think the face beats the body til they see it in person..hey fat people can be gorgeous you know!!! ok now that that rant is over...

    we have only playd with 2 couples and that was not afull swap in either one.I am Bi and it was more a gal thing with one couple who dropped us immendaitely after and the other we have lost touch with as they are always busy and so are we...we would love to meet others but get tired of the BS of fakes..we once again have backed off and are just waiting, biding our time, hoping that our move will bring us closer to a desirable club or more down to earth earnest swingers...

    Course then again it will be prob more of the same thing..yes Im pretty but Im also OVERWEIGHT! I think I need to scream it so they get the point!!

    An

    PS sorry about the vent..I just get so tired of it...

  13. #28
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    Hey, AN,

    There are people out there that are definitely compatible. Maybe it takes time and patience but they are there! We certainly understand the venting, though, and this is the place to do it. I think I've raised the roofs for several days myself, so join the club!

    You say y'all are moving? Maybe the new locale will have a different bunch of folks, and more fun will happen without the aforementioned BS. Wouldn't it be nice! We really were outdone with the entire scene, but then found some good compatible couples and a couple of single men that were trustworthy. Nowadays, we have fun on occaision (weather permitting, of course!) We thought seriously of moving back to Louisiana, but now we are having too much fun and will stay put!!

    Thanks for your input, An!!

    Ron, Husband of Stratecpl
    "Well behaved women rarely make history"

  14. #29
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    Originally posted by Stratecpl:
    <STRONG>

    Let's see.... you're 2000, maybe 3000 miles from here, almost due Northeast??? Man, that's SERIOUS north. No wonder there are so few swingers!!

    Ron, Husband of Stratecpl</STRONG>
    Yeah, and for the real swingers we have, rubbing groins isn't just for sexual purposes either. Any kind of heat generated is a matter of pure survival.

    Dan

  15. #30
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    Originally posted by anandjeff2:
    <STRONG>
    Course then again it will be prob more of the same thing..yes Im pretty but Im also OVERWEIGHT! I think I need to scream it so they get the point!!

    An

    </STRONG>

    An, a couple of years ago we met a couple where the young woman must have weighed at least 250. But what a beauty! Bright blonde long hair, and a face as pretty as an angel's . She approached my wife to talk, but for some Godforsaken reason we just didn't follow up on them, probably because we'd met another couple earlier that evening with whom we ended up having a long term relationship with. I remember the first time I saw her that evening, and was almost awestruck. I don't even have a particular weight fetish, but this woman just exuded sensuality. Poundage has nothing to do with a woman's sexuality, IMO.

    I recently asked our club owner if they've been in touch with them lately, but sadly they haven't. Even today, I'm kicking myself for letting that one get away.

    Dan

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