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Thread: Why would you, as a couple, decide to give up?

  1. #1

    Default Why would you, as a couple, decide to give up?

    Pretty quiet on the board today...so I thought I'd ask this question and maybe garner some replies from those who have tried and stopped swinging but still are here on the board somewhere. Those of you who have come close to quitting should feel free to answer too.

    It seems as though a lot of us have gone through some hard times accomplishing this great task. Perhaps it's because the one who is more aggressive towards the lifestyle is accused of being obsessed with it or the slower is accused of not opening their mind so after going through that for a while you give up.

    Or, you find that you just can't overcome the idea of seeing your SO wth someone else.

    Maybe it's because you, in general, mistrust couples and your SO trusts them.

    Maybe because you, as the instigator, found that it just wasn't what you thought it would be.

    I'm basically asking for your reasons...and the above are just a few examples.

    I don't really expect a lot of responses from the regular board members as they seem to have overcome these things, so I'm asking those of you who have "cum 'n' gone" so to speak.

    I would also invite answers from those who have seemingly come up against an "obstacle" where you just seemed at odds on something but overcame it...only to happily continue on in the lifestyle.

    M.D.
    Last edited by DBL D; 05-20-2006 at 07:57 PM.
    "Just nod if you can hear me..."

    David Gilmour

  2. #2

    Default Re: Why would you, as a couple, decide to give up?

    We suspect this thread will ultimately be moved from the sex questions forum to another area of the board. But, to address your point:

    We have just decided to throw in the towel, after only ten months of experience. 'Experience', in our case, is defined as having met and played with a few couples... and a couple of females. Out initial 'success', which lasted only a few months, has been followed by a long (several month) drought in which we can't find anyone with whom we feel personally compatible. We believe we have exhausted all of the immediate possibilities, and we don't have the patience or incentive to stick it out in hopes that our situation might improve.

    During our length-of-stay, we have experienced no jealousy, drama, or any of the other issues which are cause for certain people to exit the 'lifestyle'.

    The exact details of our situation are unimportant - but suffice it to say that we believe that most people who represent themselves as 'swingers' online (which is our personal proving ground) are insincere in major respects. And many are inconsiderate to the point of being intolerable. True swingers (including most board members) are exempt from the aforementioned comments, but they are (it seems) few and far between...based on our experience.

    We're not mad at anyone (it is not in our nature), but we can't take it any more. Surrender

  3. #3

    Default Re: Why would you, as a couple, decide to give up?

    Ack bad night there 2j?

    You are very correct, which is why I mentioned how much time it takes to find couples as a major pita. It took us almost 9 months to find the first couple we really clicked with and we have been friends since.

    When we have looked for new people most were as you described, we have gotten better at sorting them, but only through experiance. Old photos, picture collectors, cheaters, liars, wierdos abound. Hell even tonight on a different site we had a IM come in from someone near us we had never communicated with. As soon as he found out I was the male he closed link without a goodbye (this has happened before).

    Maybe we are lucky being where we live, there are enough 'real' swingers that it hasn't totally put us off. If your only problem is dealing with the idiots out there, but the lifestyle seems good for you you can do what we do and take a break, and check out the new adds that are up a few months later, or go to the clubs. We avoided the clubs for years and only started to check them out last summer, they still are not our 'thing' but we had fun and met some nice people.

    Shame you guys are so far away, plus you could be Yankee's fans and we couldn't handle that

  4. #4

    Default Re: Why would you, as a couple, decide to give up?

    [QUOTE=Chicup]
    Ack bad night there 2j?
    Yes, the worst. Although we could really use a shoulder to cry on - we probably shouldn't take a "Sex Questions" thread which belongs in "General Swingers Stuff" and hijack it to "Situational Help".

    You are very correct, which is why I mentioned how much time it takes to find couples as a major pita. It took us almost 9 months to find the first couple we really clicked with and we have been friends since.
    Yes, finding the right couples is very difficult. Reading the stories from those who have enjoyed success has kept us motivated, up until now.

    When we have looked for new people most were as you described, we have gotten better at sorting them, but only through experiance. Old photos, picture collectors, cheaters, liars, wierdos abound. Hell even tonight on a different site we had a IM come in from someone near us we had never communicated with. As soon as he found out I was the male he closed link without a goodbye (this has happened before).
    The online world is anonymous, and apparently causes people to misbehave to a greater extent that with live interaction. We recently sent a polite personalized note to a couple and got a two word reply - "FUCK OFF". We wrote them back to thank them for their response and to compliment their articulate choice of words and their accurate spelling and grammar.

    Maybe we are lucky being where we live, there are enough 'real' swingers that it hasn't totally put us off. If your only problem is dealing with the idiots out there, but the lifestyle seems good for you you can do what we do and take a break, and check out the new adds that are up a few months later, or go to the clubs. We avoided the clubs for years and only started to check them out last summer, they still are not our 'thing' but we had fun and met some nice people.
    Yes, we've received similar advice in the past - clubs are an alternative possibility - although fraught with logistical challenges for us personally.

    Shame you guys are so far away, plus you could be Yankee's fans and we couldn't handle that [/
    Please come visit us - we promise not to wear our pinstripe underwear - and we'll even wear red socks if necessary...

  5. #5

    Default Re: Why would you, as a couple, decide to give up?

    Quote Originally Posted by 2jersey
    we probably shouldn't take a "Sex Questions" thread which belongs in "General Swingers Stuff" and hijack it to "Situational Help".

    Ummm, it's been moved to the appropriate forum. The Moderators do an excellent job of making sure things are moved to where they need to be. However, this make take anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours or more, depending on when a Moderator is on-line and how long it takes us to read over all the new threads.

    As to the original question...

    The only reasons I can think of that we would give up swinging is if either one of us stopped having fun or just plain got tired of it.

    Even though swinging is a major part of our lives it does NOT control our every waking thought. We just don't take it that seriously that we would ever get upset if things were'nt going exactly like we wanted it to. We have too much fun just being with each other that anything else is just an extra bonus.

    There are times when we would love to play every weekend but this is just not going to happen...it's called life In fact, due to those pesky little things like jobs, yard-work, home repairs, family obligations, etc. , we've only played twice in the last six months An extremely slow time for us.

    In our opinion a lot of people get so up-tight and focus so much on finding the "perfect" playmate/s that they forget to just enjoy the adventure and fun of the whole experience. We've found that those who are relaxed and just go with the flow have a much more positive outlook on swinging in general.


    Teresa
    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

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