Does anyone else have a no kissing rule?

[stucazzu]

When a person attempts to break "norms", they need to be sensitive to the background of the norm itself. Generally for most couples, inserting their penis was reserved for their special partner. They might kiss others but intercourse would be special. When "we" in the lifestyle choose to break that norm and enjoy fucking others for the pure pleasure of it with one's partner's participation/agreement, there is still generally some "need" to demonstrate to oneself as well as to one's partner that one's partner is special in a way that is not shared with others. That "specialness" is very important and do not minimize it. I would urge to have that special element exist in the quality of the relationship itself and in the accompanying profound knowledge of each other. No one on the face of the earth knows my partner like I do and noone ever will. When my wife and I go to a club to play, we go for the MUTUAL pleasure and enjoyment of the experience.

[ 02-12-2002: Message edited by: stucazzu ]

[M&B]

Good question!

My wife and I have a few limits, rules that we live by. Its a matter of comfort. We decided that swinging is for our own selfish interests and no one else's. It is for our own pleasure. Pushing some limits may cause discomfort, or worse. But, that is entirely up to us to decide.

Being in the lifestyle is the same as being in water. You can have just your toe in it, be up to you knees or all the way up to your eyes. At least you are in the water! No matter what, you and your lover decide how wet you will get.

Keep to your rules. Keep to your commitment to each other. If, as time passes, you both decide to expand certain limits, you do it together, never unilaterally.

[ 02-19-2002: Message edited by: M&B ]

[pumperswife]

I'm glad to find out that my husband and I aren't the only ones with the no kissing rule. A guy at our club has tried to tongue me several different times and I've mostly been successfull in turning my head aside. I finally had to tell him that my huband and I don't go there. He looked at me kinda strange then said he thought we should change our rules. We don't totally not kiss, a quick peck on the cheek or mouth as a hello or goodbye is all we do though. The intimate tongue kissing is one of our don't do rules. I know it sound kinda strange, after all what's more intimate than going down on someone & having sex with them. But for us right now this rule is right for us. And who knows, in the future that rule may change like other rules we've set for ourselves. But we always discuss these changes before they're made in order to assure that we're both on the same page at the same time. Some rules we've cahnged and deecided I didn't like it so we don't go there anymore. Just keep in mind that everyone in this lifestyle has different wants and needs be respectful of them and yourselves.

[FromFlorida]

Originally posted by Sweetdevil:
[QB]how can kissing be more inimate and emotional THAN penetration?

Exactly.....
Thats what I feel about it. Either one can be intimate or just be form of a way of having sex with another person, swinging. To me, that is one of the buttons that make me go,I am still at the starting line..in neutral without it.
Without it, to me it is like being used for their own selfish gain , get what they want and not what you need.
I have had a few men that didn't kiss and personally to me, there wasn't much enjoyment in it, hop on, hop off.....
I won't be calling them back.
To us, kissing is part of the enjoyment of swinging otherwise.... is it like we are dogs or animals with no feelings at all ?

Cobra,
Wife of From Florida

[ 02-21-2002: Message edited by: FromFlorida ]

[babycakes3216900]

I just wanted to make an short reply about my view on kissing. I am only speaking for myself the female partner. We have touched this topic but never really came to an agreement. We are soft-swingers. Whole new lifestyle for me and him. Kissing to me is intimate and special to me. Not open to kiss others. Its weird cause yea, alot swap more than lips touching but, to me kissing is alot more sacret. All I can say at this time its weird but its special to me (kissing)

[Alura]

We cannot imagine having sex without kissing. When we play with other couples, we hug, we kiss with lots of tongue, we have both oral and vaginal sex. We do the same thing when we make love together. What's the difference?

We reserve making love for each other, simply because we could not make love with anyone else. We don't love anyone else.

We don't think anyone else should live by our rules, unless they choose to play with us. In turn, we will respect their limits. If, however, those limits would eliminate kissing or any of the other acts described above, those folks would be happier swinging with another couple.

Alura

[Stratecpl]

well put Alura........

Connie

[Alura]

Thanks, Connie! Here's a long-distance kiss for you. :p You can guess where I'm kissing you.

Husband of Alura

[hotclubcpl4u]

Originally posted by skeghed:
I have seen posts by people who laugh at the thought of a couple having a rule against kissing anyone else

My husband and I have a very strict no kissing rule...it is something that we both agree on 100%. We feel that their is nothing more special or intimate than the kisses we share since they hold so much emotion for us. I remember telling this to someone (a man) at a club and he laughed at us and said "you'll change your mind". I thought that he was insulting and hurtful and showed complete lack of respect for our feelings and didn't appreciate it at all. Everyone has their own rules and it is not for us to judge... Hold true to your feelings and your values....they are important...

[anly]

We have a no-kissing rule also. We feel there can be more of an emotional element.Kissing on greeting is fine.Kissing has happened in the heat of the moment and that's fine we don't beat ourselves up for it..it just happens sometimes.
As to kissing in fourplay leading up to sex
we don't have an interest maybe odd ,but never occurs to us it's not an important part of swinging to us.To us kissing is a more intimate form from our point of view.Yes sex is intimate also,but for us sex is more lustfully driven,where kissing
to us is more intimate and we prefer to share that with ourselves.
The reason we feel it is more intimate is when kissing your eyes are usually closed ..if not it would be well yuck.LOL,and for that brief time your whole focus is on that one person,and that is something we are not interested in and we prefer to keep the kissing to ourselves, as it has more meaning then sex does.
We haven't had much problem or been slammed for it..to each his/her own some enjoy it and that's great it's just our policy not to.It is been our experience that quite a few couples we met have the same rule,those that differ felt it was odd,but respected the rule,and those who turned down because we didn't that's fine to ,all boils
down to incompatibility,everyone tastes and views of fun are different.
That's just our opinion.

[Sweetdevil]

I reply without forcing someone to believe different from me, but through discussion can some understanding occur.

Couples who do not believe in kissing while swinging or only kissing at certain times, should look deeper into their reasons for their decision. I think and from other discussions, know, generally speaking, the limits of kissing are usually based on the need to retain something special between the couple and not shared with anyone else. That reasoning I do not have a problem with.

My problem or lack of understanding, is kissing can be the least reason for retaining something special; we all must as couple retain something(s) which are special.

I would be more upset if my wife allowed another man or woman to engage in sexual activity which she will not or does not share with me. Such as, being dominated, allowing another to disrespect her or myself, seeking to see another without telling me, to fall in love or anything else which I do not enjoy with her.

Now having saying that, there are times where someone will do or show her something which she like which we haven't done. I can only say it will depend on what she was shown and if she told me about it. But to limit kissing or certain types of kissing is something we do not understand. If she and her partner are laying, caressing and kissing in afterplay for five or ten mintues and it leads to more sex then I do not have a problem with their actions, But if they are cuddling and kissing like lovers, there is a problem and we will talk as to why and what was she thinking at the time.

I end this post with what applies to one applies to both.

[Skyspirits]

Hi, My partner and I went through the kissing issue. We, too, felt it to be very intimate and part of our private play time. After a few years though, we were at a gathering where the issue came up. I like to give New Year's Eve kisses. We talked about it and though we do not make a point of kissing on the mouth, we do allow it in our play time now. After all ,there are so many other wonderful places we can choose to trail our lips....Now, as long as we are in the same room and comfortable, anything goes.

[Sex4Us2]

I just wanted to say that I respect couples who set their boundaries and follow through with them. I think that is very important to their relationship. As for kissing, I love it! Before we started in the lifestyle, even though I love my husband, I kinda felt sad with the thought that I would never experience that "first kiss" with anyone new again. The anticipation of meeting and waiting for the first time you press your lips together and your tongues touch...mmmmm. I know, its not always romatic but I still find it exciting nevertheless! I also have a difficult time getting turned on without the kissing. But I can understand the feeling of wanting to share that with your partner only. Guess its just all very personal!
Laurie

[Brian and Jo]

OUr view on kissing while swinging is that everyone should do what makes them comfortable. For us kissing is an integal part of sexual foreplay no matter whether we are on our own or with other partners. For example when either of us is attracted to a potential new partner at a party an exploratory kiss while we are dancing can help to determine if the attraction is mutual. Also it seems to us that if you are going to have oral sex or penetration it is strange to draw the line at kissing. But if we meet a couple for whom kissing is a problem we respect their wishes of course and stick to oral sex and fucking.

[sccple29073]

Okay question about the kissing rule...For those of us that are bi-sexual..When you are with the partner of the same sex does the rule still apply?
Personally I am all for kissing with either sex. To me kissing is a natural part of sex and although i respect anyone that does not want to include it, i can't say i agree with it, but i would never try to push something onto someone. (Pushing only goes one way ... and thats away)

i have found many couples that are against kissing, if it is with the opposite sex, but not when it is the same sex.