MisMatched Kissing boundaries

SnsualPrsuasion · 11-01-2005, 11:51 AM

We have a fun night coming up soon & my deal is this: We have no kissing boundaries, for both of us it is part of the turn on of the whole swinging thing. We feel like it is more erotic, and actually feel kind of funny if there's no kissing involved w/the other couple. (Doesn't mean we're knocking it, it's just not our preference) Our cpl interest is something we haven't run into before, he likes to kiss, she doesn't (FF is okay, but she doesn't kiss the other male) I realize ppl have boundaries, however, considering we don't have any on that issue, should I not kiss him just because she'd prefer not kissing my hubby? (I plan on talking to DH about it, just would like general feedback from y'all...) I don't NEED the kissing to feel the pleasure, but it's a definite PLUS to the whole experience. Or should I just keep that out of it so hubby doesn't feel left out? (He did say, teasingly, that if he doesn't get to kiss, then neither do I, hence we're going to be talking about it for sure before it happens....but have any of you run into this?)

***JustAskJulie*** · 11-01-2005, 03:35 PM

Ok, let me see if I got this straight....

You guys are both ok with kissing and prefer it.
The couple you are meeting with, the male is ok with kissing but the female is not (unless it's another woman)?

Is that right?

I would wonder why their boundaries are this way? Is it a choice on her part? Or does seeing her kiss another man make him jealous?

I am with you, I'd have a really difficult time playing with a couple who wasn't totally ok with kissing, as you say it's just part of it, so having to avoid it would put a damper on things and knowing me, I'd probably screw up and not even thinking about it attempt to kiss someone (I'd never make a good hooker).

I'd definately want to know the answers to the above (their reasons why) before I did anything with them. If it's a jealousy issue on his part, I'd probably avoid playing with them altogether for fear of other issues popping up. If it's just her thing (that she doesn't like kissing other guys) then I'd sit down and have a discussion with them and establish what the group rules will be to everyone's satisfaction before proceeding.

SnsualPrsuasion · 11-01-2005, 04:46 PM

You had it right. We prefer kissing, the male half of this couple does as well, but she only kisses the female. It's not a jealousy issue, it's her personal preference. I have a feeling it's due to the fact that they've had a lot of FMF play, but limited full swap...but still...her choice. I guess my real question is does it come up often, & how do people deal with it, and also is it wrong for me to kiss him when hubby won't be getting the same treatment or should we just keep kissing out altogether. We'll def. be talking to them before getting together & it will be discussed....just wanted the feedback. Thanks!
~Mrs. Snsual~

twoplayful2 · 11-01-2005, 05:15 PM

We've been there, very recently in fact. Both of us are very into kissing, the other guy was as well, the other girl was not. Dunno if it's a general preference or she's just not into kissing me. For us it's not so important that we ask about it in advance, but it is important enough that we won't repeat with anyone with such a rule. And if it starts to happen too much then it just might become important enough for a pre-play rule. With this particular couple it didn't really matter, kissing was just one of several things we weren't really clicking on so we weren't going to be getting back together with them anyway. But if you're both into kissing as part of the action, why settle for a couple that isn't (both) into it? And speaking from the guys perspective, I don't really like my wife and him kissing not because I don't want her to get what I'm not getting but I don't want him to get what I'm not getting. Sure it sounds a little childish, sour grapes, whatever, but we like to play where we both feel good about things after. If the situation were reversed (though the few times it's happened it's always the girl with the kissing issue...no, my breath isn't bad!

) I would feel exactly the same way, as would she.

Jamie&Kieth · 11-01-2005, 05:42 PM

Well, here is my 4 cents ... must admit I really enjoy kissing both women and men. Never really been in a situation where kissing is not allowed or only kissing the woman or man. But to me part of sex is kissing, kind of like ketchup (and/or mustard) with a hot dog.

For the two of you it seems whether or not you can accept the situation, if it's ok with you guys then go for it. All lot of it could also be the comfort level,. One couple who we swing with just could not accept the thought of "eating out" a girl after he came in her, she at the same time thought that was disgusting (she would not swallow but enjoyed watching others).

After watching others in our group swallow & eating each other out after cumming ... they finally did it. Now they are comfortable and have no inhibitions except for anal licking which naturally takes some acceptance.

Well here is my opinion ... go for it, if your'e not comfortable with them, hey it's their loss. see ya Jamie

northindycpl · 11-01-2005, 05:45 PM

Well, I find this interesting!

We are a NON-kissing couple. It has always been our rule and it has never been a problem, from our standpoint. (Reading your post tho, makes me wonder if I am just oblivious)

Our rule was made as a personal preferance, and it has nothing to do with jealousy. I will also tell you that it has something to do with both of us being smokers and most of our playmates are not. That, too, makes me feel less then confidant in kissing others.

We do not want to passionately kiss others. Playful kissing is ok. We explain this rule first and if there is any hesitation with the other couple, then it is a no go.

Chances are the couple is going to be aware of the rule more than you. We have couples forget a lot and it is no big deal to us- as it is our rule not theirs. It is a matter of a playful reminder to them. After awhile, they remember and it is fine.

Now kissing on the lips is the only thing that is out.... kissing other places is just fine

**good times** · 11-02-2005, 02:46 PM

We have run into a few couples with the no kissing rule and for us it is a no go. The reason for this is that I don't think I could relax and get into it when somebody has a rule like this. I would spend the whole time concentrating on not breaking their rule instead of just doing what comes naturally and having fun.

northindycpl · 11-02-2005, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by good times

We have run into a few couples with the no kissing rule and for us it is a no go. The reason for this is that I don't think I could relax and get into it when somebody has a rule like this. I would spend the whole time concentrating on not breaking their rule instead of just doing what comes naturally and having fun.

Hey GT,

Can I ask, if you don't mind, How this rule is any different then lets say, not swollowing, or no anal sex? Can you still relax while recieving (giving) a blow job if the no swollowing rule applies?

I am just really curious.

Chicup · 11-02-2005, 03:07 PM

We have played with a non-kissing couple before, quite a bit really.

Its not 'as good' but its still good

twoplayful2 · 11-02-2005, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by northindycpl

How this rule is any different then lets say, not swollowing, or no anal sex? Can you still relax while recieving (giving) a blow job if the no swollowing rule applies?

If I may, it seems like kissing is such a natural and common thing to do while having sex that it takes a little more of a conscious decision not to do it. If you're in a common guy on top or girl on top position it actually feels a bit awkward to me to be avoiding kissing.

Carol_Danny · 11-02-2005, 04:09 PM

Carol is really into passionate kissing during sex, be it with a man or woman. Her best orgasms come while kissing. I'm not overly keen on it myself, and prefer lighter, much less passionate kissing, when I do it.

But, it doesn't affect anything we do as she does what she does, and I do what I do.

-- Danny

jennandjamesinm · 11-02-2005, 04:32 PM

We have played with a couple that has a no-kissing rule and at first it was strange for us as we both like kissing to get things heated up, but in the end it was all good

Now - I don't think that we would say no to a couple that has a no kissing rule.

Jenn

northindycpl · 11-02-2005, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

If I may, it seems like kissing is such a natural and common thing to do while having sex that it takes a little more of a conscious decision not to do it. If you're in a common guy on top or girl on top position it actually feels a bit awkward to me to be avoiding kissing.

Maybe you just haven't met the right non-kissing girl yet?

jennandjamesinm · 11-02-2005, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by northindycpl

Maybe you just haven't met the right non-kissing girl yet?

I think you'd probably be that girl

Jenn

northindycpl · 11-02-2005, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennandjamesinm

I think you'd probably be that girl

Jenn

LOL I have been told, maybe by a few, that they didn't even notice the lack of kissing!

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11-01-2005, 11:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
SnsualPrsuasion Active Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 31 Location: Ohio Status: Couple	MisMatched Kissing boundaries We have a fun night coming up soon & my deal is this: We have no kissing boundaries, for both of us it is part of the turn on of the whole swinging thing. We feel like it is more erotic, and actually feel kind of funny if there's no kissing involved w/the other couple. (Doesn't mean we're knocking it, it's just not our preference) Our cpl interest is something we haven't run into before, he likes to kiss, she doesn't (FF is okay, but she doesn't kiss the other male) I realize ppl have boundaries, however, considering we don't have any on that issue, should I not kiss him just because she'd prefer not kissing my hubby? (I plan on talking to DH about it, just would like general feedback from y'all...) I don't NEED the kissing to feel the pleasure, but it's a definite PLUS to the whole experience. Or should I just keep that out of it so hubby doesn't feel left out? (He did say, teasingly, that if he doesn't get to kiss, then neither do I, hence we're going to be talking about it for sure before it happens....but have any of you run into this?)

11-01-2005, 03:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 21,325 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 53	Re: Kissing boundaries Ok, let me see if I got this straight.... You guys are both ok with kissing and prefer it. The couple you are meeting with, the male is ok with kissing but the female is not (unless it's another woman)? Is that right? I would wonder why their boundaries are this way? Is it a choice on her part? Or does seeing her kiss another man make him jealous? I am with you, I'd have a really difficult time playing with a couple who wasn't totally ok with kissing, as you say it's just part of it, so having to avoid it would put a damper on things and knowing me, I'd probably screw up and not even thinking about it attempt to kiss someone (I'd never make a good hooker). I'd definately want to know the answers to the above (their reasons why) before I did anything with them. If it's a jealousy issue on his part, I'd probably avoid playing with them altogether for fear of other issues popping up. If it's just her thing (that she doesn't like kissing other guys) then I'd sit down and have a discussion with them and establish what the group rules will be to everyone's satisfaction before proceeding.

11-01-2005, 04:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
SnsualPrsuasion Active Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 31 Location: Ohio Status: Couple	Re: Kissing boundaries You had it right. We prefer kissing, the male half of this couple does as well, but she only kisses the female. It's not a jealousy issue, it's her personal preference. I have a feeling it's due to the fact that they've had a lot of FMF play, but limited full swap...but still...her choice. I guess my real question is does it come up often, & how do people deal with it, and also is it wrong for me to kiss him when hubby won't be getting the same treatment or should we just keep kissing out altogether. We'll def. be talking to them before getting together & it will be discussed....just wanted the feedback. Thanks! ~Mrs. Snsual~

11-01-2005, 05:15 PM	#4 (permalink)
twoplayful2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 218 Location: Riverside, CA Status: couple SLS Name:twoplayful2	Re: Kissing boundaries We've been there, very recently in fact. Both of us are very into kissing, the other guy was as well, the other girl was not. Dunno if it's a general preference or she's just not into kissing me. For us it's not so important that we ask about it in advance, but it is important enough that we won't repeat with anyone with such a rule. And if it starts to happen too much then it just might become important enough for a pre-play rule. With this particular couple it didn't really matter, kissing was just one of several things we weren't really clicking on so we weren't going to be getting back together with them anyway. But if you're both into kissing as part of the action, why settle for a couple that isn't (both) into it? And speaking from the guys perspective, I don't really like my wife and him kissing not because I don't want her to get what I'm not getting but I don't want him to get what I'm not getting. Sure it sounds a little childish, sour grapes, whatever, but we like to play where we both feel good about things after. If the situation were reversed (though the few times it's happened it's always the girl with the kissing issue...no, my breath isn't bad! ) I would feel exactly the same way, as would she.

11-01-2005, 05:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
Jamie&Kieth Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 193 Location: Massachusetts Status: M.Female	Re: Kissing boundaries Well, here is my 4 cents ... must admit I really enjoy kissing both women and men. Never really been in a situation where kissing is not allowed or only kissing the woman or man. But to me part of sex is kissing, kind of like ketchup (and/or mustard) with a hot dog. For the two of you it seems whether or not you can accept the situation, if it's ok with you guys then go for it. All lot of it could also be the comfort level,. One couple who we swing with just could not accept the thought of "eating out" a girl after he came in her, she at the same time thought that was disgusting (she would not swallow but enjoyed watching others). After watching others in our group swallow & eating each other out after cumming ... they finally did it. Now they are comfortable and have no inhibitions except for anal licking which naturally takes some acceptance. Well here is my opinion ... go for it, if your'e not comfortable with them, hey it's their loss. see ya Jamie

11-01-2005, 05:45 PM	#6 (permalink)
northindycpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,424 Location: Indiana Status: Blissfull SITCOM SLS Name:northindycpl	Re: Kissing boundaries Well, I find this interesting! We are a NON-kissing couple. It has always been our rule and it has never been a problem, from our standpoint. (Reading your post tho, makes me wonder if I am just oblivious) Our rule was made as a personal preferance, and it has nothing to do with jealousy. I will also tell you that it has something to do with both of us being smokers and most of our playmates are not. That, too, makes me feel less then confidant in kissing others. We do not want to passionately kiss others. Playful kissing is ok. We explain this rule first and if there is any hesitation with the other couple, then it is a no go. Chances are the couple is going to be aware of the rule more than you. We have couples forget a lot and it is no big deal to us- as it is our rule not theirs. It is a matter of a playful reminder to them. After awhile, they remember and it is fine. Now kissing on the lips is the only thing that is out.... kissing other places is just fine __________________ Mrs. Indy

11-02-2005, 02:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,297 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times SLS Name:randp	Re: Kissing boundaries We have run into a few couples with the no kissing rule and for us it is a no go. The reason for this is that I don't think I could relax and get into it when somebody has a rule like this. I would spend the whole time concentrating on not breaking their rule instead of just doing what comes naturally and having fun. __________________ R (He is R, she is P)

11-02-2005, 03:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
Chicup Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 2,185 Location: Under the bed Status: Tired	Re: Kissing boundaries We have played with a non-kissing couple before, quite a bit really. Its not 'as good' but its still good

11-02-2005, 04:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
Carol_Danny Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 221 Location: Montreal, QC, CA Status: Couple	Re: Kissing boundaries Carol is really into passionate kissing during sex, be it with a man or woman. Her best orgasms come while kissing. I'm not overly keen on it myself, and prefer lighter, much less passionate kissing, when I do it. But, it doesn't affect anything we do as she does what she does, and I do what I do. -- Danny

11-02-2005, 04:32 PM	#12 (permalink)
jennandjamesinm Care to join us??? Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,450 Location: Northwest Mississippi Status: Couple SLS Name:jennandjamesinms	Re: Kissing boundaries We have played with a couple that has a no-kissing rule and at first it was strange for us as we both like kissing to get things heated up, but in the end it was all good Now - I don't think that we would say no to a couple that has a no kissing rule. Jenn __________________ "Swinging is the women's amusement park, and men are just along for the thrill ride." ~ James

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