is Kissing Required

New2theSwingSet · 08-30-2005, 04:01 PM

When my wife and i first started discussing some boundaries about what we wanted to do with other people, or what we thought might not be good for us... we talked about kissing the other people we were with. Specifically kissing on the lips, to us it seemed unneccesary, moreover it was something that we felt was more intimate between us and didnt really have much role to play with other partners in the bedroom. The people we play with can enjoy us and we can enjoy them but we dont need to kiss each other to get the pleasure we desired.

The few people we played with understood this and were quite happy to just have sex and not the kissing. But we've been to places where alot of swingers were and it seemed even when they were just being introduced they would lean in and kiss on the lips, sometimes a lot deeper then i would have expected. Like it was just a greeting formality. I mentioned it to my wife and she had noticed it as well, and suggested we consider taking the no-kissing rule off the list. Now i'm comfortable when meeting someone, or we're already friends, to share a kiss on the cheek, since its got no intimacy to it. but i guess i want to find out how much of a role kissing plays during the whole swinging experience. Our no-kissing policy isnt set in stone, but since we're new, we previously didnt think it made much difference.

***
If kissing is the new way of shaking hands, then it's no wonder i didn't make it through that last job interview very well.

**LikeMinds321** · 08-30-2005, 04:24 PM

For us, kissing has to be a part of swinging. And I'm talking about kissing on the lips.

From what I've read, most often couples leave kissing out because they feel it is a sign of intimacy (I think they mean love) that they don't want to express to anyone but their spouse.

For us, we know that kissing each other is what makes the kissing special and loving. We could kiss hundreds of other people - even using the same "techniques" of kissing - and it would never feel, or mean, the same with those swing partners.

Think of it this way, is it the meaning behind your actions, or your actions that mean the most?

I always have to begin with kissing.

LM

RMRx2 · 08-30-2005, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

For us, kissing has to be a part of swinging. And I'm talking about kissing on the lips.
Dito
For us, we know that kissing each other is what makes the kissing special and loving. We could kiss hundreds of other people - even using the same "techniques" of kissing - and it would never feel, or mean, the same with those swing partners.

Think of it this way, is it the meaning behind your actions, or your actions that mean the most?

I always have to begin with kissing.

LM

Dito

I/We agree. Mr RMRx2 here. It was I that couldn't see kissing, figured it unnecessary. I felt that would be harder for me to handle, GO FIGURE?!

What did I know! Many things get adjusted as you proceed. For us that was the first! We started with a mfm, and within the first 15mins I was encouraging VERY passionate kissing between mrs rmrx2 and our guest. I personally can't see getting worked up without some passionate kissing. And when we have a gentleman join us for mfm, well I want the mrs to be treated well and shown she is desired. When with a cpl or female, it is the same. So for us, that was one rule that changed very quickly and we agree "it is the meaning behind your actions" that make the difference. We have had many encounters in the lifestyle and still, when we talk of such things, agree it still feels like we have only made love to each other,,,,,because that is the way it truely is. We can have and enjoy passionate sex with friends, but it is not making love with them. rmrx2

starlinn · 08-30-2005, 05:37 PM

We used to be one of those couples who didnt allow kissing. Because we were relatively new at a MFF, I didnt know how I would react to it. My hubby, on the other hand, needed it, so we came to a compromise. If at anytime, I feel unconfortable with him kissing another, I would give him a signal. The first time we were with another female, he went for it, and not only didnt I mind, it excited me! We still have the boundry of confort for me, but now I cant even remember what the signal is. If another person has that boundry we do respect it though, it would not be a reason to not play with them.

**good times** · 08-30-2005, 05:46 PM

For us, kissing is an important enough part of sexual play that if someone has a no kissing rule we won't play with them. I guess kissing for me is an essential part of getting aroused and sexually excited, without it I just don't get that turned on no matter how hot the woman is.

**two4youinswva** · 08-30-2005, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RMRx2

I personally can't see getting worked up without some passionate kissing.

Dito

If you wanna get Mrs two4you hot, show her how good a kisser you are! I have posted this before, but will say it again; good kissing goes a long ways to deciding whether or not our potentials get to go a long way.

Dynamar · 08-30-2005, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

If you wanna get Mrs two4you hot, show her how good a kisser you are! I have posted this before, but will say it again; good kissing goes a long ways to deciding whether or not our potentials get to go a long way.

Dito Kissing is definitely the "gateway drug" for me. No kissing = no play. Ya gotta get the engine started before you can get anywhere!

jennandjamesinm · 08-30-2005, 07:48 PM

Dito - We are with everyone else here....to us kissing is just a part of foreplay, and we won't swing with someone who has this rule. Kissing is the turn on for us.

Jenn and James

DBL D · 08-30-2005, 08:35 PM

We have been with one couple that had the no kissing rule. It was weird

Now we make sure we are all on the same page with the kissing.
We like to strat our foreplay with kissing a "gateway drug" for sure.

Fem D

intuition897 · 08-31-2005, 07:44 AM

Sorry New2, I'm inclined to agree with everyone else! There's something about deep passionate kissing - experiencing it OR watching it - that just makes me weak at the knees. We used to have the no-kissing rule, too. But I think we were looking for boundaries to set up...just so we'd have them! As someone had suggested in another thread, I think we just watched Pretty Woman one too many times.

But after we'd been in it a while with a few experiences under out belt, we realized that it wasn't the act that defined betrayal, but the intent behind it. After that, we loosened up a bit and the rules went out the window. As long as we could both go into an encounter 'on the same page', knowing fully what was in each other's hearts, we found that being given carte blanche as far as sex play went was much more exciting than feeling like we had given one another a script to follow, or a rule book to lug along with us. We just kinda pared down the 'rule book' to a simple "I'm not going to do anything that I think would hurt you." As long as we both promised this and believed one another's promise, and of course ensured that we didn't break our promises, everything was just fine.

playmatesinpgh · 08-31-2005, 08:28 AM

Kissing is where it all starts.

No Kissing=No Play

AlanCatherine · 08-31-2005, 08:30 AM

A question has been raised once about what you actually keep for your partner. The no-kissing rule means that there is at least something intimate that is reserved for your partner to make them special.

If there is nothing that you do with your partner that you don't do with someone else, what makes your partner special? We also knocked out the no-kissing rule not long ago but we still feel a little bit betrayed if kissing takes place.

What does your partner get that no-one else gets?

Dynamar · 08-31-2005, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlanCatherine

What does your partner get that no-one else gets?

Ummm... love?

bear_and_babe · 08-31-2005, 08:52 AM

We had the no kissing rule for about 10 minutes. Then we rethought that rule. We to feel that kissing is the first step to playing with someone. I guess we have been lucky, we have only met 1 couple with the no kissing rule, and we were only interested in friendship with them anyway. I can not even figure out how you would play with someone without kissing. It is just a natural part of playing for me.

Vespertine · 08-31-2005, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlanCatherine

What does your partner get that no-one else gets?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dynamar

Ummm... love?

Exactly.

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08-30-2005, 04:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
New2theSwingSet Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 10 Location: Ontario Status: Married Male SLS Name:New2TheSwingSet	is Kissing Required When my wife and i first started discussing some boundaries about what we wanted to do with other people, or what we thought might not be good for us... we talked about kissing the other people we were with. Specifically kissing on the lips, to us it seemed unneccesary, moreover it was something that we felt was more intimate between us and didnt really have much role to play with other partners in the bedroom. The people we play with can enjoy us and we can enjoy them but we dont need to kiss each other to get the pleasure we desired. The few people we played with understood this and were quite happy to just have sex and not the kissing. But we've been to places where alot of swingers were and it seemed even when they were just being introduced they would lean in and kiss on the lips, sometimes a lot deeper then i would have expected. Like it was just a greeting formality. I mentioned it to my wife and she had noticed it as well, and suggested we consider taking the no-kissing rule off the list. Now i'm comfortable when meeting someone, or we're already friends, to share a kiss on the cheek, since its got no intimacy to it. but i guess i want to find out how much of a role kissing plays during the whole swinging experience. Our no-kissing policy isnt set in stone, but since we're new, we previously didnt think it made much difference. *** If kissing is the new way of shaking hands, then it's no wonder i didn't make it through that last job interview very well.

08-30-2005, 04:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
LikeMinds321 Let's get comfortable... Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 8,546 Location: On the couch Status: Married to Mr LM	Re: Kissing For us, kissing has to be a part of swinging. And I'm talking about kissing on the lips. From what I've read, most often couples leave kissing out because they feel it is a sign of intimacy (I think they mean love) that they don't want to express to anyone but their spouse. For us, we know that kissing each other is what makes the kissing special and loving. We could kiss hundreds of other people - even using the same "techniques" of kissing - and it would never feel, or mean, the same with those swing partners. Think of it this way, is it the meaning behind your actions, or your actions that mean the most? I always have to begin with kissing. LM

08-30-2005, 05:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
starlinn Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 528 Location: Indiana SLS Name:starlinn	Re: Kissing We used to be one of those couples who didnt allow kissing. Because we were relatively new at a MFF, I didnt know how I would react to it. My hubby, on the other hand, needed it, so we came to a compromise. If at anytime, I feel unconfortable with him kissing another, I would give him a signal. The first time we were with another female, he went for it, and not only didnt I mind, it excited me! We still have the boundry of confort for me, but now I cant even remember what the signal is. If another person has that boundry we do respect it though, it would not be a reason to not play with them. __________________ Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. ~Author Unknown

08-30-2005, 05:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,417 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times SLS Name:randp	Re: Kissing For us, kissing is an important enough part of sexual play that if someone has a no kissing rule we won't play with them. I guess kissing for me is an essential part of getting aroused and sexually excited, without it I just don't get that turned on no matter how hot the woman is. __________________ R (He is R, she is P)

08-30-2005, 07:48 PM	#8 (permalink)
jennandjamesinm Care to join us??? Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,454 Location: Northwest Mississippi Status: Couple SLS Name:jennandjamesinms	Re: Kissing Dito - We are with everyone else here....to us kissing is just a part of foreplay, and we won't swing with someone who has this rule. Kissing is the turn on for us. Jenn and James __________________ "Swinging is the women's amusement park, and men are just along for the thrill ride." ~ James

08-30-2005, 08:35 PM	#9 (permalink)
DBL D Oh...Why not?... Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 2,312 Location: Northern Call-ee-forn-ee-ah Status: Married Couple	Re: Kissing We have been with one couple that had the no kissing rule. It was weird Now we make sure we are all on the same page with the kissing. We like to strat our foreplay with kissing a "gateway drug" for sure. Fem D __________________ "Just nod if you can hear me..." David Gilmour

08-31-2005, 07:44 AM	#10 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,602 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple SLS Name:intuition897	Re: Kissing Sorry New2, I'm inclined to agree with everyone else! There's something about deep passionate kissing - experiencing it OR watching it - that just makes me weak at the knees. We used to have the no-kissing rule, too. But I think we were looking for boundaries to set up...just so we'd have them! As someone had suggested in another thread, I think we just watched Pretty Woman one too many times. But after we'd been in it a while with a few experiences under out belt, we realized that it wasn't the act that defined betrayal, but the intent behind it. After that, we loosened up a bit and the rules went out the window. As long as we could both go into an encounter 'on the same page', knowing fully what was in each other's hearts, we found that being given carte blanche as far as sex play went was much more exciting than feeling like we had given one another a script to follow, or a rule book to lug along with us. We just kinda pared down the 'rule book' to a simple "I'm not going to do anything that I think would hurt you." As long as we both promised this and believed one another's promise, and of course ensured that we didn't break our promises, everything was just fine. __________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

08-31-2005, 08:28 AM	#11 (permalink)
playmatesinpgh Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 136 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa Status: Couple SLS Name:LvrofBBWs	Re: Kissing Kissing is where it all starts. No Kissing=No Play

08-31-2005, 08:30 AM	#12 (permalink)
AlanCatherine Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 106 Location: Australia Status: Couple	Re: Kissing A question has been raised once about what you actually keep for your partner. The no-kissing rule means that there is at least something intimate that is reserved for your partner to make them special. If there is nothing that you do with your partner that you don't do with someone else, what makes your partner special? We also knocked out the no-kissing rule not long ago but we still feel a little bit betrayed if kissing takes place. What does your partner get that no-one else gets?

08-31-2005, 08:52 AM	#14 (permalink)
bear_and_babe Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 209 Location: PA Status: Couple SLS Name:bear_and_babe	Re: Kissing We had the no kissing rule for about 10 minutes. Then we rethought that rule. We to feel that kissing is the first step to playing with someone. I guess we have been lucky, we have only met 1 couple with the no kissing rule, and we were only interested in friendship with them anyway. I can not even figure out how you would play with someone without kissing. It is just a natural part of playing for me. __________________ Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death! - Mame

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